Sometimes I'm still weary...(here's my first rant)
This weekend was nice.. I had Sat and Sun off..I spent a nice amount of it with Nate which was sweet..laid back..relaxing...good:) He made me dinner Sat night and breakfest sunday morning... then I took a nice shower and headed down town to meet with the girlies. We had a snack then saw "waiting". it wasnt necessarily a good quaility film but it was pretty damn funny and expressed the views of servers a little too well. hehehe. The we headed to the marina and picked up lauren. We then went out for some sushi at one place and dessert at another and then home...and here I am: some time to myself.
sometimes thats not good..i start thinking and worrying about things...so i'll just say it( know one has the link to this journal anyway). This is pretty bad...pretty whiney...but I felt like devoting a whole entry to it cause it really pisses me off.
Talking to my girls today and just some things I have been thinking about I realize: I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so (stressed enough?) over every guy i meet not being over somone. I have come across it constantly for the last four years since my first relationship. And i know that i am not at all being insensitive because I have been in love (twice) I have loved fully and more then the people of my focus. I have thrown myself into something and given it all I could just so I wouldnt look back and say "what if I had"...and I have had my heart broken bad. I have not gotten over people for a little bit and I have rebounded. But I know when it's time to move on...time to be happy again...time to stop torturing yourself with old memmories that are no longer reality. It's just as bad as "girls liking assholes" - guys hanging on to girls who were reckless with them...instead of just seeing fantastic girls who will care for them for who they are. (just as bad). Time to stop talking to that person who hurt us so bad...give it some space. (And believe me journal It took time and I humiliated myself a lot before I got there) but there is one thing i know...those people from the past: they don't want us anymore (like that) and it is truley their loss...their confusion, their bad timing. because i know I'm worth it. But I also realize that life happens and relationships aren't life. Anyway.. I have just come across so many people that can't get over their past (mayebe i'm being hypocritical) and it's time to be fucking brave and let someone else in and see our exes for the fuckers they are...even if we care for them deeply and always will : they didn't care about us enough to not hurt us bad. I'm so sick of always wondering if somone is ready for me and if I am the only true person on their mind. Feels like that is impossible since the time people started having serious relationships. I guess I need to learn to not care then...I miss feeling. I miss simplicity. i guess I just miss my innocence. I want to let this go now...onward.
sometimes thats not good..i start thinking and worrying about things...so i'll just say it( know one has the link to this journal anyway). This is pretty bad...pretty whiney...but I felt like devoting a whole entry to it cause it really pisses me off.
Talking to my girls today and just some things I have been thinking about I realize: I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so (stressed enough?) over every guy i meet not being over somone. I have come across it constantly for the last four years since my first relationship. And i know that i am not at all being insensitive because I have been in love (twice) I have loved fully and more then the people of my focus. I have thrown myself into something and given it all I could just so I wouldnt look back and say "what if I had"...and I have had my heart broken bad. I have not gotten over people for a little bit and I have rebounded. But I know when it's time to move on...time to be happy again...time to stop torturing yourself with old memmories that are no longer reality. It's just as bad as "girls liking assholes" - guys hanging on to girls who were reckless with them...instead of just seeing fantastic girls who will care for them for who they are. (just as bad). Time to stop talking to that person who hurt us so bad...give it some space. (And believe me journal It took time and I humiliated myself a lot before I got there) but there is one thing i know...those people from the past: they don't want us anymore (like that) and it is truley their loss...their confusion, their bad timing. because i know I'm worth it. But I also realize that life happens and relationships aren't life. Anyway.. I have just come across so many people that can't get over their past (mayebe i'm being hypocritical) and it's time to be fucking brave and let someone else in and see our exes for the fuckers they are...even if we care for them deeply and always will : they didn't care about us enough to not hurt us bad. I'm so sick of always wondering if somone is ready for me and if I am the only true person on their mind. Feels like that is impossible since the time people started having serious relationships. I guess I need to learn to not care then...I miss feeling. I miss simplicity. i guess I just miss my innocence. I want to let this go now...onward.