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I broke up with Amanda last night. We've had a rough relationship here and there for the past year and a half and she has tried to end the relationship three times before. I fought against this because I really, really, really love her. There was a point the last time she tried to break up with me where my feelings about Amanda and who she was totally changed. I saw a person who was entirely different than the Amanda I knew... someone who was amazing and truly cared about me. This is not to say Amanda had not done this before, but a lot of times when I was speaking with her it felt like I was never reaching her being. We made the decision to restart our relationship that night and I realize now that we never really did. After a few weeks we were back to our old routines and habits. We did not give each other enough time to develop emotionally. I want to see, hear, touch, and feel the Amanda I saw almost seven months ago everyday.
Amanda and I showed signs of co-dependency, that is, we could not be happy without each other. This is not a good thing in a relationship and if the only thing that can change it is this, then let it be so. I told Amanda last night if, at my next birthday, I truly felt I loved her and she loved me, that I would never be apart from her again. A year is a very long time, but it is necessary sometimes to get past our problems in life. The probability of me meeting someone who meets my expectations in a relationship are next to nothing, but do not think I broke up with Amanda just for her. I need to be able to live without my emotions being pulled from me everytime I talk to Amanda on the phone or see her in person.
Amanda has locked up against me and what I have to say several times and everytime I let it slide. The only thing I cannot stand is not being heard. I hurt very much when people totally shut me out because it makes me feel like I've done something wrong.When you have the feeling that you're the only one caring in the relationship, something is wrong. Amanda has been there for me a lot of times, but I have always been there for her. I've always showed undying caring and love towards her. She and I are both very young and had a strong relationship for nearly two years. But if I left these issues unchecked they could waver out of control. I have tried talking to Amanda, but like I said she locks up a lot goes into denial about her problems or just accepts them as if they'll never change. I hope everything works out.. I miss her so much.
Amanda and I showed signs of co-dependency, that is, we could not be happy without each other. This is not a good thing in a relationship and if the only thing that can change it is this, then let it be so. I told Amanda last night if, at my next birthday, I truly felt I loved her and she loved me, that I would never be apart from her again. A year is a very long time, but it is necessary sometimes to get past our problems in life. The probability of me meeting someone who meets my expectations in a relationship are next to nothing, but do not think I broke up with Amanda just for her. I need to be able to live without my emotions being pulled from me everytime I talk to Amanda on the phone or see her in person.
Amanda has locked up against me and what I have to say several times and everytime I let it slide. The only thing I cannot stand is not being heard. I hurt very much when people totally shut me out because it makes me feel like I've done something wrong.When you have the feeling that you're the only one caring in the relationship, something is wrong. Amanda has been there for me a lot of times, but I have always been there for her. I've always showed undying caring and love towards her. She and I are both very young and had a strong relationship for nearly two years. But if I left these issues unchecked they could waver out of control. I have tried talking to Amanda, but like I said she locks up a lot goes into denial about her problems or just accepts them as if they'll never change. I hope everything works out.. I miss her so much.