(no subject)
So I'm staying home today. Feeling sick. As usual. Mentally, physically, annoyed sick. So I figured on my day "off" (though I wouldn't consider it a day off seeing as I will be extremely stressed tonight when I talk to friends again and try to study for math) I would write some of my thoughts. Or all of them. I'm going to try to organize these for once...get them all in one place because I don't know what's going on in my head.
1. People at school: People bother me at school. A lot. No one is grateful for anything, everyone litters, the place is a disaster. All anyone cares about is what's "in" or whatever. There's the kids who think they're emo and the kids who think they're scene or whatever the hell it is. People are just so annoying. Like anyone's going to care what you are in the real world. Come on. Seriously. The freshmen REALLY bother me. Like the one's who go and get high and drink and think they are just SOOO cool cuz they drink and smoke. Oh that sounds like a plan! What about losing your virginity as a freshman? You're like 14 what the fuck are you thinking?!
2. Life and relgion: I don't understand it. At all. End of story. Except it's not. Why are people here? Why is there the off chance that this planet sustains life? And what about evolution? And "God"? How is it possible that there's a higher being in the sky? Couldn't it just be a coincidence that people are here? And what about the Christians who don't believe in evolution? Couldn't it be that if there is a god that He meant for us to grow and evolve? How come just because it's not in the bible, it's not true? I also don't get how the three main relgions (Muslim, Judaism, and Christianity) are built on the same grounds (Judaism) but Christians believe Jews and Muslims are wrong and Muslims believe both are wrong? Judaism started those two religions. Right...
3. Love: I think you can fall in love with someone and they don't feel the same abuot you. You can fall in love, get married, and then divorce. I believe in that. I believe you can fall in love more than once, each succeeding one being more and more. I think that even the strongest of love can fall in love. Not many people who marry stay together these days. I don't think that just becuase you were married until death you were always married for the right reasons (as in being in love). You could've just not wanted to die alone, or you wanted the money. A good example is my grandmother. She was married to my grandfather since she was young, but the war in China made her have to stay with him. She thought he was a great adventurer but when they ended up in poverty (well not poverty but she was used to being well brought up with slaves and being really rich), she didn't love him anymore. He loved her a lot. He died a few years ago and she didn't love him as much as when she was younger. Another example is my parents. I know they were in love. They were married like 20 years before I was born. And divorced about 8 years later but my dad was changing and they were just growing apart. It wasn't something they could help.
4. Death: I'm scared of dying. I don't know why, this existance seems pointless. But I love living. Even when I wish I were dead I don't really, because, well, this is such an amazing opportunity. Living. And there are such great things to live for, even if you're sad. I dunno how to explain it besides that I love living. But after death I think you are just dead and can't think or anything. You're just...dead. I don't think there's a heaven, or hell, or afterlife.
7. Me: I disappoint myself too much. It's pathetic. I have low self-esteem and I just am so pessimistic. I don't get how I grew up this way. Besides being an unwanted child because girls aren't as important as boys in Chinese tradition, I wasn't raised unloved. I've made myself believe I'm stupid, bad at everything, ugly. I've told myself this so much it's like I can't change it anymore. But I want to change. I don't want to be like this forever, it drives people away. People I care about. I just don't know how to change.
7. The world: Global warming, rainforests disappearing, smog. It's terrible. How can people treat the world like that? You're lucky to even be in love. Geez. And people littering. Including my friends *cough* =). I find myself picking up trash after people. When I walk home there's a ton of trash all over my hill. Why are people so disgusting? Don't you realize that by killing the world, you're killing yourself. And America feeling the need to consume so much food and other resources. I don't think we need to be so fat when there's starving countries out there. But everyone feels this way-"Someone else will deal with it". No, no one else will becuase you're all thinking that way!
8. Music: So many labels of different types of music. I don't even know what kind I prefer. I hate how you're judged based on the kind of music you listen to. Like there's only one kind of music you can listen to to be cool. How about you all broaden your music selections and listen to other kinds. You might find you actually like it.
9. Volunteering: I went to Save-On yesterday and saw this guy raising money. The Salvation Army thing you know. I told my mom I wanted to do that and she said you actually have to join a church to do this. She also said they're running low on people. Excuse me, but if you want more people, maybe you should make it more available to others. It's not like I want to join a church just so I can raise money for a good cause. Anyways there's other things I want to do that hopefully you don't have to join any religious groups to do. I want to clean up a freeway and work at an animal shelter. I want to do that Goodwill stuff too. I think if more people were willing to give up some time to help others, this world would be a better place.
Okay well that's it. Kinda long. You really don't need to read it all. Just whatever points interst you I guess. Or nothing. Anything goes.
1. People at school: People bother me at school. A lot. No one is grateful for anything, everyone litters, the place is a disaster. All anyone cares about is what's "in" or whatever. There's the kids who think they're emo and the kids who think they're scene or whatever the hell it is. People are just so annoying. Like anyone's going to care what you are in the real world. Come on. Seriously. The freshmen REALLY bother me. Like the one's who go and get high and drink and think they are just SOOO cool cuz they drink and smoke. Oh that sounds like a plan! What about losing your virginity as a freshman? You're like 14 what the fuck are you thinking?!
2. Life and relgion: I don't understand it. At all. End of story. Except it's not. Why are people here? Why is there the off chance that this planet sustains life? And what about evolution? And "God"? How is it possible that there's a higher being in the sky? Couldn't it just be a coincidence that people are here? And what about the Christians who don't believe in evolution? Couldn't it be that if there is a god that He meant for us to grow and evolve? How come just because it's not in the bible, it's not true? I also don't get how the three main relgions (Muslim, Judaism, and Christianity) are built on the same grounds (Judaism) but Christians believe Jews and Muslims are wrong and Muslims believe both are wrong? Judaism started those two religions. Right...
3. Love: I think you can fall in love with someone and they don't feel the same abuot you. You can fall in love, get married, and then divorce. I believe in that. I believe you can fall in love more than once, each succeeding one being more and more. I think that even the strongest of love can fall in love. Not many people who marry stay together these days. I don't think that just becuase you were married until death you were always married for the right reasons (as in being in love). You could've just not wanted to die alone, or you wanted the money. A good example is my grandmother. She was married to my grandfather since she was young, but the war in China made her have to stay with him. She thought he was a great adventurer but when they ended up in poverty (well not poverty but she was used to being well brought up with slaves and being really rich), she didn't love him anymore. He loved her a lot. He died a few years ago and she didn't love him as much as when she was younger. Another example is my parents. I know they were in love. They were married like 20 years before I was born. And divorced about 8 years later but my dad was changing and they were just growing apart. It wasn't something they could help.
4. Death: I'm scared of dying. I don't know why, this existance seems pointless. But I love living. Even when I wish I were dead I don't really, because, well, this is such an amazing opportunity. Living. And there are such great things to live for, even if you're sad. I dunno how to explain it besides that I love living. But after death I think you are just dead and can't think or anything. You're just...dead. I don't think there's a heaven, or hell, or afterlife.
7. Me: I disappoint myself too much. It's pathetic. I have low self-esteem and I just am so pessimistic. I don't get how I grew up this way. Besides being an unwanted child because girls aren't as important as boys in Chinese tradition, I wasn't raised unloved. I've made myself believe I'm stupid, bad at everything, ugly. I've told myself this so much it's like I can't change it anymore. But I want to change. I don't want to be like this forever, it drives people away. People I care about. I just don't know how to change.
7. The world: Global warming, rainforests disappearing, smog. It's terrible. How can people treat the world like that? You're lucky to even be in love. Geez. And people littering. Including my friends *cough* =). I find myself picking up trash after people. When I walk home there's a ton of trash all over my hill. Why are people so disgusting? Don't you realize that by killing the world, you're killing yourself. And America feeling the need to consume so much food and other resources. I don't think we need to be so fat when there's starving countries out there. But everyone feels this way-"Someone else will deal with it". No, no one else will becuase you're all thinking that way!
8. Music: So many labels of different types of music. I don't even know what kind I prefer. I hate how you're judged based on the kind of music you listen to. Like there's only one kind of music you can listen to to be cool. How about you all broaden your music selections and listen to other kinds. You might find you actually like it.
9. Volunteering: I went to Save-On yesterday and saw this guy raising money. The Salvation Army thing you know. I told my mom I wanted to do that and she said you actually have to join a church to do this. She also said they're running low on people. Excuse me, but if you want more people, maybe you should make it more available to others. It's not like I want to join a church just so I can raise money for a good cause. Anyways there's other things I want to do that hopefully you don't have to join any religious groups to do. I want to clean up a freeway and work at an animal shelter. I want to do that Goodwill stuff too. I think if more people were willing to give up some time to help others, this world would be a better place.
Okay well that's it. Kinda long. You really don't need to read it all. Just whatever points interst you I guess. Or nothing. Anything goes.