Year In Review
I realized I didn't do my LJ year in review yet. So here you are, the first posts from each month.
January: (Wow, I started my year out great...)
I was going to try to write my new years resolutions, but I'm too hungover to even think straight.
February: (Yep, my first post in February was on Valentine's Day, or as I call it, VD...like the DISEASE.)
Tonight! My place. Everyone is welcome to join me to hang out, maybe watch some movies, order in some chinese (or go to the good ol buffet). Post on here if you can come and I'll arrange for transportation, or call me, eh whatever works, you know the drill.
March: (Two posts, and both were memorable in their own ways.)
HI I'M MELISSA AND I WANT TO LIVE IN A BUBBLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!
"Ewwww....bugs..."
&
I have never understood when people said they were so happy they cried.
I learned today.
April: (Wow, this is a long one...pretty much still true in some ways.)
I'm sick and tired of your bullshit. Everything you have put me through, everything we have been through, everything you now blame me for. Because somehow I "ripped your head off" and you won't tell me what that means. You assume that I should know what I did, but how can I when you won't talk to me? How am I supposed to understand how it turned from "we made our mistakes, we must accept the consequences," to me being the only one who hurt anyone here? Do you seriously think that I was just out to hurt you? Do you seriously believe that my only intent was to break up your friendships and relationships? Because if that's what you think, then you never really listened to a word I ever had to say. You're right, we can't undo what was done. And I wouldn't want to have missed out on what we had, regardless of how it has turned out - because every second that I was with you I held sacred. Regardless of the fact that my love was obviously not meant for you, I gave it. Regardless of how it was "returned," or promised to be returned, and then not ever returned - I cherished the time you gave me. You hurt me so many times, with your false promises, your lying, and talking shit about me behind my back. You have hurt me, but I guess I deserve it for whatever it is that you believe I did to you. Are you just trying to put the blame somewhere to make you feel better about what happened? I was the horrible person who somehow "forced" you to have second thoughts about your current relationship, who "made" you cheat, who was just out to "steal" you away from her. If that's how you want to feel, then fine, I can't change your mind. But just remember all those times when I sat with you in your vehicle, or walked with you, and listened to the problems you were having. Did I automatically say "oh just dump her and go out with me"? No. I suggested things to try, stuff to say, ways to act, anything I could think of to make you and her happy. Granted, at times when you mentioned how she treated you I would get frustrated, and my emotions got in the way, and I told you as much - and I have said that you could do better. Not necessarily with me - just better - someone who appreciates everything you have to give, and doesn't take it for granted. But in any case, you two decided that you really did love eachother, and needed eachother, and are "engaged/married" on Facebook - that makes it official now. And now you just keep pushing me further away, into just friends, to just classmates, and now to just acquaintances - maybe. I've told you that I'm over you - and I'm not, and I know that, and I know you know it even though I say otherwise. Despite everything, I can't just stop caring. Even if I want to, I can't. But I can restrain myself. I can keep from doing anything with you. So why keep pushing me away? Is it for yourself? Do you not trust yourself? Or are you just using it as a scapegoat for something else? Do you really just hate me that much now and are tying to find a "nice" way to cut me off? For god's sake, I'm moving 2,000 miles away, isn't that good enough for you? I'm putting up with my family going fucking mad over this, and yet I know it has to be done if there's ever any chance that we can, at the least, be acquaintances again, and for you to mend things with her. Secretly I hope she will find someone else while she's away - so you can feel what I'm going through - being the third wheel, feeling left behind, and used. Used, and then tossed aside like you have no feelings. Yet I know that I want you to be happy...and since it's obviously not with me, and you are so adamant on being with her, then I hope you're happy with her. I just really wish I didn't have to put up with all the bullshit along the way for it to end like this.
May: (This one is more light, I swear)
Today is my official last full day in Winona. I'm not quite as excited as I should be...I met a guy last week and so now I'm a bit torn on leaving because he is such a sweetie. I'm hoping they send me back for training soon so I can spend more time with him, and more time with my friends and siblings.
OH for those who have yet to be informed: I took a job through fastenal at a new branch in costa mesa. AKA, I will not be working for the gaming company. Yes, that's sad...but at the same time, I'll be making twice as much money as an assistant general manager, so I really can't complain. I will be able to live comfortably and not have to worry too much about money issues, I'll have plenty left over after rent and bills to be able to actually start saving some above and beyond spending money whenever I want. First thing will be a car though. DAMN I need a new one so bad. So that's first on my list of stuff to by myself.
A bonus for the job is that I get to fly back here for training, as I mentioned above, and it's all paid for too. Guess it works out well that Fastenal is based out of Winona, so I have basically a free ticket home every couple of months. That'll make my family happy.
Other than that, I have a lot to do today, so once my clothes are dry I'm off! My phone number will be the same in case you were wondering.
And for those who don't know what direction they want to go, or are sick of winona...all I have to say is...MOVE TO CALI! Hee hee.
June: (My life seems to be on the upside...)
Ah, i love looking in my checking and seeing that over 1k has been deposited. And after rent I'll still have around 500 dollars for starting to get that damn credit card paid off, as well as buying food besides ramen! Then the next check will go mostly towards the car accident I had a few weeks back. I like having an old car cause then I don't have to bother paying to get mine fixed - I just have to cover the other guy's retarded cracked bumper on his brand new 2006 ugly ass vehicle. Damn you cali's and your expensive cars...
Other than that, work isn't too bad, going out to eat tonight with my manager to celebrate our first month (our sales were awesome for a branch just starting out...it's all thanks to him but I'll take a free meal either way...that stocking was hard work). I've been cycle counting now and it's annoying because the hub sent us rediculous amounts of stupid crap like washers - way more than we need - and not enough of easy stuff like gloves. Bah.
Everyone nag Jason to buy me tickets back home sometime in June. Otherwise I'll be back probably July 10-21st for training. And I'll also probably be back in August for goodview days...either that or come back labor day weekend. Haven't decided for sure yet what I want to do.
Ah, the powers of the internet at work. What a relaxing break from running around the store all day. Okay, off to set up some displays.
July: (Still on the incline...)
Found a place to live and put in my application - and found out my credit score really is as bad as I thought it was. So I talked with them, they're gonna discuss letting me pay a higher deposit, and hopefully I'll be moving in there tomorrow. Everyone cross your fingers for me!
Convinced my boss to up my starting pay at the new position an extra $100 dollars because my rent is a bit more spendy at the place I found - but it's well worth it! The place is really nice, the community it's in is nice, it's 4 minutes from work, and I even get a garage for my car! Not like this car needs it - but when I get my xterra in november - it'll be great to have that vehicle secure at night.
I'm also starting to meet more people, getting in with a nerdy D&D group, and enjoying myself much more down here. But I'm still anxious to come back home!
August: (Well, I think things about leveled out at this point in time...)
I finally have internet at work and at home again. Life is good. Granted, I don't mind a few days without internet - but it was just really bad timing. I had bills to pay, people trying to contact me via email, etc...
But one good thing came out of the deal - Ian's brother Chris was really happy that I got stuff fixed, and it prompted him to ask if I want to run his character through battlegrounds after work a few days a week. I told him I had like - NO experience with BG, and he said he'd show me everything. So yay! That will be fun.
Other than that, not much else is new. Just the briefs:
Ian and I had our 1 month thingy yesterday.
I started exercising again.
We're getting another cat.
I get my CA license today.
I'm setting up my room today - finally.
D&D tonight - My sorceress rocks.
Work is still blah.
I decided to go back to school as a music major.
September: (Mmm, subtley the downfall begins...)
I have sucessfully exercised and ate decent 2 days in a row. Only 20 days of this rigorous diet/exercise routine to go and then I'll cut back to exercising 3 times a week and 1 shake/2 meals a day. Unless I see massive results these next 3 weeks, then maybe I'll try hard to stick to it longer. Yay motivation...evil motivation but nonetheless...it's working.
October: (Yep, definitely not a great day.)
men suck.
and i think i'm out of a place to live now.
fuck it all.
November: (Back at the bottom again.)
I emailed him today - told him that he's just been bringing me down lately.
Don't know if I'll get a response, email or phone.
Kinda hurts...but it's for the better. Either we talk and work things out, or we don't talk and I can start to move on/take a break from him the best I can.
And yes this is completely out of the blue.
December: (And I may be trying to be optimistic but I'm still at the bottom.)
For now, I am almost positive that I have the job at Blizzard. Won't start until the 12th though so I'm going to a temp agency this afternoon. But it's the job I originally moved out here for, so I hope I get it. Maybe I'll be happier with my life. Maybe not. Who knows. Either way I'll have to get a second job to come close to making what I was making at fastenal. But that's okay. This is lifes way of saying "REALITY CHECK!" in an abrupt and unexpected twist. I just have to deal with it. I'll get through this. I have to.
January: (Wow, I started my year out great...)
I was going to try to write my new years resolutions, but I'm too hungover to even think straight.
February: (Yep, my first post in February was on Valentine's Day, or as I call it, VD...like the DISEASE.)
Tonight! My place. Everyone is welcome to join me to hang out, maybe watch some movies, order in some chinese (or go to the good ol buffet). Post on here if you can come and I'll arrange for transportation, or call me, eh whatever works, you know the drill.
March: (Two posts, and both were memorable in their own ways.)
HI I'M MELISSA AND I WANT TO LIVE IN A BUBBLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!
"Ewwww....bugs..."
&
I have never understood when people said they were so happy they cried.
I learned today.
April: (Wow, this is a long one...pretty much still true in some ways.)
I'm sick and tired of your bullshit. Everything you have put me through, everything we have been through, everything you now blame me for. Because somehow I "ripped your head off" and you won't tell me what that means. You assume that I should know what I did, but how can I when you won't talk to me? How am I supposed to understand how it turned from "we made our mistakes, we must accept the consequences," to me being the only one who hurt anyone here? Do you seriously think that I was just out to hurt you? Do you seriously believe that my only intent was to break up your friendships and relationships? Because if that's what you think, then you never really listened to a word I ever had to say. You're right, we can't undo what was done. And I wouldn't want to have missed out on what we had, regardless of how it has turned out - because every second that I was with you I held sacred. Regardless of the fact that my love was obviously not meant for you, I gave it. Regardless of how it was "returned," or promised to be returned, and then not ever returned - I cherished the time you gave me. You hurt me so many times, with your false promises, your lying, and talking shit about me behind my back. You have hurt me, but I guess I deserve it for whatever it is that you believe I did to you. Are you just trying to put the blame somewhere to make you feel better about what happened? I was the horrible person who somehow "forced" you to have second thoughts about your current relationship, who "made" you cheat, who was just out to "steal" you away from her. If that's how you want to feel, then fine, I can't change your mind. But just remember all those times when I sat with you in your vehicle, or walked with you, and listened to the problems you were having. Did I automatically say "oh just dump her and go out with me"? No. I suggested things to try, stuff to say, ways to act, anything I could think of to make you and her happy. Granted, at times when you mentioned how she treated you I would get frustrated, and my emotions got in the way, and I told you as much - and I have said that you could do better. Not necessarily with me - just better - someone who appreciates everything you have to give, and doesn't take it for granted. But in any case, you two decided that you really did love eachother, and needed eachother, and are "engaged/married" on Facebook - that makes it official now. And now you just keep pushing me further away, into just friends, to just classmates, and now to just acquaintances - maybe. I've told you that I'm over you - and I'm not, and I know that, and I know you know it even though I say otherwise. Despite everything, I can't just stop caring. Even if I want to, I can't. But I can restrain myself. I can keep from doing anything with you. So why keep pushing me away? Is it for yourself? Do you not trust yourself? Or are you just using it as a scapegoat for something else? Do you really just hate me that much now and are tying to find a "nice" way to cut me off? For god's sake, I'm moving 2,000 miles away, isn't that good enough for you? I'm putting up with my family going fucking mad over this, and yet I know it has to be done if there's ever any chance that we can, at the least, be acquaintances again, and for you to mend things with her. Secretly I hope she will find someone else while she's away - so you can feel what I'm going through - being the third wheel, feeling left behind, and used. Used, and then tossed aside like you have no feelings. Yet I know that I want you to be happy...and since it's obviously not with me, and you are so adamant on being with her, then I hope you're happy with her. I just really wish I didn't have to put up with all the bullshit along the way for it to end like this.
May: (This one is more light, I swear)
Today is my official last full day in Winona. I'm not quite as excited as I should be...I met a guy last week and so now I'm a bit torn on leaving because he is such a sweetie. I'm hoping they send me back for training soon so I can spend more time with him, and more time with my friends and siblings.
OH for those who have yet to be informed: I took a job through fastenal at a new branch in costa mesa. AKA, I will not be working for the gaming company. Yes, that's sad...but at the same time, I'll be making twice as much money as an assistant general manager, so I really can't complain. I will be able to live comfortably and not have to worry too much about money issues, I'll have plenty left over after rent and bills to be able to actually start saving some above and beyond spending money whenever I want. First thing will be a car though. DAMN I need a new one so bad. So that's first on my list of stuff to by myself.
A bonus for the job is that I get to fly back here for training, as I mentioned above, and it's all paid for too. Guess it works out well that Fastenal is based out of Winona, so I have basically a free ticket home every couple of months. That'll make my family happy.
Other than that, I have a lot to do today, so once my clothes are dry I'm off! My phone number will be the same in case you were wondering.
And for those who don't know what direction they want to go, or are sick of winona...all I have to say is...MOVE TO CALI! Hee hee.
June: (My life seems to be on the upside...)
Ah, i love looking in my checking and seeing that over 1k has been deposited. And after rent I'll still have around 500 dollars for starting to get that damn credit card paid off, as well as buying food besides ramen! Then the next check will go mostly towards the car accident I had a few weeks back. I like having an old car cause then I don't have to bother paying to get mine fixed - I just have to cover the other guy's retarded cracked bumper on his brand new 2006 ugly ass vehicle. Damn you cali's and your expensive cars...
Other than that, work isn't too bad, going out to eat tonight with my manager to celebrate our first month (our sales were awesome for a branch just starting out...it's all thanks to him but I'll take a free meal either way...that stocking was hard work). I've been cycle counting now and it's annoying because the hub sent us rediculous amounts of stupid crap like washers - way more than we need - and not enough of easy stuff like gloves. Bah.
Everyone nag Jason to buy me tickets back home sometime in June. Otherwise I'll be back probably July 10-21st for training. And I'll also probably be back in August for goodview days...either that or come back labor day weekend. Haven't decided for sure yet what I want to do.
Ah, the powers of the internet at work. What a relaxing break from running around the store all day. Okay, off to set up some displays.
July: (Still on the incline...)
Found a place to live and put in my application - and found out my credit score really is as bad as I thought it was. So I talked with them, they're gonna discuss letting me pay a higher deposit, and hopefully I'll be moving in there tomorrow. Everyone cross your fingers for me!
Convinced my boss to up my starting pay at the new position an extra $100 dollars because my rent is a bit more spendy at the place I found - but it's well worth it! The place is really nice, the community it's in is nice, it's 4 minutes from work, and I even get a garage for my car! Not like this car needs it - but when I get my xterra in november - it'll be great to have that vehicle secure at night.
I'm also starting to meet more people, getting in with a nerdy D&D group, and enjoying myself much more down here. But I'm still anxious to come back home!
August: (Well, I think things about leveled out at this point in time...)
I finally have internet at work and at home again. Life is good. Granted, I don't mind a few days without internet - but it was just really bad timing. I had bills to pay, people trying to contact me via email, etc...
But one good thing came out of the deal - Ian's brother Chris was really happy that I got stuff fixed, and it prompted him to ask if I want to run his character through battlegrounds after work a few days a week. I told him I had like - NO experience with BG, and he said he'd show me everything. So yay! That will be fun.
Other than that, not much else is new. Just the briefs:
Ian and I had our 1 month thingy yesterday.
I started exercising again.
We're getting another cat.
I get my CA license today.
I'm setting up my room today - finally.
D&D tonight - My sorceress rocks.
Work is still blah.
I decided to go back to school as a music major.
September: (Mmm, subtley the downfall begins...)
I have sucessfully exercised and ate decent 2 days in a row. Only 20 days of this rigorous diet/exercise routine to go and then I'll cut back to exercising 3 times a week and 1 shake/2 meals a day. Unless I see massive results these next 3 weeks, then maybe I'll try hard to stick to it longer. Yay motivation...evil motivation but nonetheless...it's working.
October: (Yep, definitely not a great day.)
men suck.
and i think i'm out of a place to live now.
fuck it all.
November: (Back at the bottom again.)
I emailed him today - told him that he's just been bringing me down lately.
Don't know if I'll get a response, email or phone.
Kinda hurts...but it's for the better. Either we talk and work things out, or we don't talk and I can start to move on/take a break from him the best I can.
And yes this is completely out of the blue.
December: (And I may be trying to be optimistic but I'm still at the bottom.)
For now, I am almost positive that I have the job at Blizzard. Won't start until the 12th though so I'm going to a temp agency this afternoon. But it's the job I originally moved out here for, so I hope I get it. Maybe I'll be happier with my life. Maybe not. Who knows. Either way I'll have to get a second job to come close to making what I was making at fastenal. But that's okay. This is lifes way of saying "REALITY CHECK!" in an abrupt and unexpected twist. I just have to deal with it. I'll get through this. I have to.