019
[It’s probably surprising, definitely surprising to some, but Raphael is slowly starting to realize things over time. Maybe it’s the shooting of Uriel, maybe it’s the continued disapproval of some brothers, maybe it’s scraping up against a demon that isn’t even endorsed by Samael - but things are slowly starting to make their way through to him.
He can’t rescue everybody. He realizes that as he’s leaving church one morning, hurrying to work as fast as he can. He won’t give up on Samael, no, but not everybody is like Samael and not everybody can be saved. Certain demons, for example, certain succubi and people who are perfectly happy with what they are. They certainly can’t be dragged up from the depths, and he was foolish to ever try.
(…Still, it could be useful. Raphael would never describe himself as cunning but anybody with a reasonable interest in biology would know that the weak member of the herd is the one that the lion goes for. And is sometimes trapped in the process.)
Another thing that he realizes is that he is trying hard, this time while taking a brief break with a cup of tea. He’ll always believe that he could try harder, of course, but he’s also no longer the weeping mess that he sometimes thinks his brothers still believe him to be. And listening to certain brothers almost accusing him of sliding back two steps every time he tries to take one is not the way to stop sliding. He can only keep going as he is, he can only keep trying as hard as he can.
(…And maybe listen to his brothers telling him of damnation a little less. It’s been proven that that doesn’t work for him, after all, and he obviously needs something that does.)
The third, and final, thing that he realizes only comes to him fairly late. When he finally manages to slump down in front of his laptop and stare at the blank screen.
He needs to be stronger.
He needs to be as strong as he was just after Uriel was shot, he needs to be as strong as he was when he banished Asmodeus from poor Sarah, he… Even needs to be as strong as he was just after he chained Azazel (though maybe with less chaining.) He needs to be an archangel, not some weakling easily tossed by the winds.
He needs to be himself again.
And suddenly he’s smiling.]
[Filter: Archangels]
I’ve been busy working for the past week. Is there anything pressing I should know about?
He can’t rescue everybody. He realizes that as he’s leaving church one morning, hurrying to work as fast as he can. He won’t give up on Samael, no, but not everybody is like Samael and not everybody can be saved. Certain demons, for example, certain succubi and people who are perfectly happy with what they are. They certainly can’t be dragged up from the depths, and he was foolish to ever try.
(…Still, it could be useful. Raphael would never describe himself as cunning but anybody with a reasonable interest in biology would know that the weak member of the herd is the one that the lion goes for. And is sometimes trapped in the process.)
Another thing that he realizes is that he is trying hard, this time while taking a brief break with a cup of tea. He’ll always believe that he could try harder, of course, but he’s also no longer the weeping mess that he sometimes thinks his brothers still believe him to be. And listening to certain brothers almost accusing him of sliding back two steps every time he tries to take one is not the way to stop sliding. He can only keep going as he is, he can only keep trying as hard as he can.
(…And maybe listen to his brothers telling him of damnation a little less. It’s been proven that that doesn’t work for him, after all, and he obviously needs something that does.)
The third, and final, thing that he realizes only comes to him fairly late. When he finally manages to slump down in front of his laptop and stare at the blank screen.
He needs to be stronger.
He needs to be as strong as he was just after Uriel was shot, he needs to be as strong as he was when he banished Asmodeus from poor Sarah, he… Even needs to be as strong as he was just after he chained Azazel (though maybe with less chaining.) He needs to be an archangel, not some weakling easily tossed by the winds.
He needs to be himself again.
And suddenly he’s smiling.]
[Filter: Archangels]
I’ve been busy working for the past week. Is there anything pressing I should know about?