[Closed/Complete]
Characters: Sokar and Sekhmet
Date/Time: Monday, late night
Location: Brooklyn Bridge
Rating: PG-13 for inappropriate things.
Warnings: talk of death and violence, swearing, Sokar being himself
Summary: Meeting on the bridge.
There were some things that were just better left not shared. Sokar was furious, though he wasn’t sure if it was with himself or his sister after their argument that had erupted between them that evening over something that was, at least in his view, trivial. He had left the apartment, slamming the door behind as if that was getting in the final word, as if he had won that confrontation though in all honesty, he hadn’t.
Honesty. He snorted as he took out a cigarette, it was not the first nor would it be the last he smoked tonight. The truth was not what he needed at this time. At least, not the raw, brutal truth.
He lit the cigarette, breathing out a cloud of smoke as he stepped onto the Brooklyn Bridge. At this time of night it was nearly deserted which was fortunate since he was not in the mood for company tonight. He had nowhere particular to be other then the desire to be anywhere but his own apartment where Fawn was no doubt waiting for him. Thoughts churning over in his mind, he trudged on.
It was a warm night, and she hadn’t decided to go home yet. In fact, she wouldn’t, she didn’t think she’d want to, ever since Ra began to cage and over-protect her. She loved her father resolutely; so certain was she that he was firmly, undoubtedly, her only passion, that sometimes it became too obvious that when he left her no room to breathe, she didn’t ask for any. Over the past few months, she’d learned that her father was very much unchanged by time. And that underneath the facade of this man surnamed Travere, he was more possessive, more aggressive, controlling, and tight-fisted than he’d ever been. He shielded her now, as though she hadn’t yet grown up, as if the centuries she’d spent as his Eye had never happened. And she understood, to some extent, that it was because she just woke, they just met, and he wanted to trap her now before Sekhmet the lioness was washed out by Leigh Avery, the redhead from California. He loved her, and it was overbearing, because in the back of her mind, she predicted that she was slated to disappoint him. And then, there were other reasons.
She came to the bridge to silence the noise in her mind. The only distraction now was the occasional hum of a bicycle whirling by, the shuffle of footsteps. She had time for a deep breath, a pause to lean over the railing dangerously far - just to see how much more she could gaze onto above and below. Her fingers curled firmly around the rusty bars and she tipped forward. When she gazed over her shoulder, she saw a familiar shadow and stepped away from the railing. Maybe she was feeling forgiving tonight.
“Shane.” Strange for her to be using that name, since she didn’t identify with it anymore. She wrapped her sweater closer and moved from the edge of the sidewalk. Maybe it was better not to be alone on the bridge. But her father would beg to differ if he knew who it was. She called a little louder, just in case.
He was surprised to hear someone calling his human name. Oddly he had gotten used to becoming ‘Sokar’ over the last months, his human identity had become a strange name, almost a mere nickname used by only a few including his sister. It took him a few moments just who it was calling out to him and by the time she called out again, it was too late to turn away and pretend that he hadn’t seen her.
For a moment he didn’t respond as he walked up and stopped just a few feet from Sekhmet, looking at her. She was not someone he would have sought out at the moment but that didn’t matter just now. The damage was done and here they were.
“Leigh,” he greeted her calmly as he dropped the cigarette to the ground before stepping on it to make sure it was out. If she wanted to keep the distance between them by going by their current names, that was fine with him. He said nothing more for a long moment as another cigarette was taken out and lit, perhaps if he kept one in his mouth that would prevent more damaging truths from spilling out. The last thing he needed was another confrontation tonight, he just didn’t have it in him at the moment, especially not with Sekhmet.
“Breaking daddy’s curfew? I thought you were grounded or something,” he commented idly as he stepped up to the railing, taking his eyes off of her to peer over at the black water below. It was better to not look at her, perhaps then the lies would be possible.
She couldn’t tell if Sokar was troubled by seeing her. She detected it, and suspected it, for a moment. But these few weeks, she’d taught herself to trust by instinct, and not by suspicion. The pale bridge light did nothing to illuminate the features of his face that she’d have found easy to read in daylight. But then again, the more recent things that Sokar’s impetuosity has shown her has given her nothing but grief and several absolutely furious nights.
Considering that, it might have been better that she remained in the dark. Sekhmet joined him at the railing and leaned out over the bars, this time gazing at his shadowed face - just long enough - before gray eyes shifted to the scattered diffraction of city lights at the water’s edge. She didn’t have to stand too close to tell that he was warm. A vexed warmth, which she didn’t comment on.
“I just don’t want to go home.” She retorted. On second thought, that didn’t immediately seem like something she would have told him on a normal day.
She added, “Papa doesn’t have to ground me, but he knows how to keep me.” Now she was saying too much. Strange. Sekhmet straightened quickly and plunged her fingers through a lock of her red hair, turning her back to the railing. Perhaps she should ask questions instead. “What about you? Why are you here?”
He was surprised at her stating so openly that she didn’t want to go home, not when she was so willing to jump down his throat for even hinting at anything against her father. He wasn’t even sure what to say to that tonight, normally he would have used it against her but right now, it didn’t seem like the right time to press the attack. This was as close to a truce as they seemed to ever get, uneasy as it was.
“I don’t blame you,” he breathed out a cloud of smoke, still not looking at her directly. He would leave it at that, the less said the better especially when it came to such a volatile subject between them that had more than once erupted into horrible fights.
“I’m not in a hurry to head home either,” he said honestly, though he would keep the reason to himself. Right now he really didn’t want to think about had happened with his sister, especially not now with Sekhmet looking at him so closely. Normally there would be some bullshit reason but at the moment, none would pass his lips so he left it at that.
Sekhmet gave a small, enigmatic smile and leaned close enough to catch the cigarette roll and slip it out of his fingers. Pressing the end to her lips, she breathed in and exhaled, watching the cloud wisp billow past them. “Why, things aren’t working well at home?” She moved the cigarette down, holding it loosely between her thumb and forefinger. “I have a hunch,” she blew lightly until the ash flickered away, “that you’re not alone. Is Brooklyn Bridge just a mid-way stop?”
She put her purse down and sat on the ridge, leaving the cigarette for Sokar to take back. The slight lull in their conversation seemed indication that, for some reason, Sokar was actually trying to avoid broaching unpleasant subjects. That was a new one. And it left her with a dubious look that she pinned into the concrete rather than his face.
Clutching the edge of the stone foundation, she brushed her fingertips up and down the coarse surface. “How’s Bast? Dating her, I mean. There are better things to do than stalling on a bridge.”
“Hey, if you’re going to take up smoking, at least buy your own instead of leeching off of me,” he said as she snatched his cigarette but there was a smile on his lips. He had never thought she was the one to smoke, being one of her daddy’s favorite daughters and all, but he let her have it.
“Stuff happened, that’s all I’m going to say,” he said simply, it wasn’t a lie, there was no bullshit he could give her but the truth was not needed right now. He took back the cigarette as she set it down, taking a long breath before answering as he blew out smoke. “She’s fine, as far as I can tell. She seems to have forgiven me for whatever the hell I did to piss her off before,” he remarked finally. “I would have guessed she would have told you the same though.”
“Maybe,” she replied deftly, arching an eyebrow his way, “she’s a forgiving goddess. But I’m not.” A pause. “You don’t have herpes, do you?” She thought about the cigarette; given Sokar’s promiscuity, she realized she should’ve reconsidered smoking something that came straight from his mouth. A napkin was quickly pressed to her lips.
After a brief wipe she crumpled the napkin in her fist and continued on, just as the chill of the night wind settled. “Hey,” she called, patting the ridge beside her invitingly, “do you miss me? At all?” Her lungs suddenly filled with a cold gust as she watched for his expression. “Be honest with me.”
“You still hold things against me from our first lives,” he snorted before turning to stare at her indiginitly. “What? I have no idea, maybe,” he said offhandedly and that was the truth as far as he was aware. He really never bothered to get things like that checked anyway, he had other things (well women..) to do.
Shit. Of course she would have to ask something like that when his ability to lie had seemed to vanish into thin air. He took his time is sitting beside her, not sure if he should answer that so he was silent for a long time, his expression neutral as he could manage right now. He breathed out another cloud of smoke into the air before he he looked at her. “Yes.”
“Why? You don’t think I should hold you responsible for things you did?” Sekhmet rested a palm to her chin and propped her arm against her knee. Not that there weren’t enough things to hold him responsible for now. Diseases he’s been carrying around, for instance - the thought of which made her lips thin as she pressed them together. She felt that she might argue again, but she didn’t. Focusing on other things, her fingers idly traced the slender line of her cheek and stopped just above the hollow.
And she didn’t try to fill the long silence. But she waited, and thought that he might not give her an answer. Without her rage, she could get by not knowing. Except it surprised her, maybe about as much as it surprised him, to hear him make an admission. Truthful or not, she couldn’t really tell. Her gaze lowered back to the concrete just as his gaze had switched onto her. “Really.” She laughed, and it held no warmth. “Trying not to piss me off, I guess.” The hand by her side moved until her fingertips slid to the dips between his knuckles. “Did you want to ask me the same question?”
“Oh sure, there is plenty of shit to hold me accountable for, I like to think I’ve racked up a good list in this life alone but fuck, Sekhmet, would it be too much to ask to just hold me accountable for the things I’ve done instead of the stuff I had no control over?” he asked, looking at her directly now. His tone was not angry though but more tired than anything. He wasn’t trying to start an argument between them again but there were somethings that he thought she really needed to let go of. “Trust me, you’ll still have no lack of stuff to blame me for.”
“Yeah well, lets see how well that works,” he said as he finished the cigarette though this time he didn’t reach for a new one right away. He was running low anyway and he had a feeling it was going to be a long night already. “I’m not sure I do, really. Why would you miss me? Considering the last time we spoke and well, the last time we saw each other. I think that was a pretty clear indication right there, I’m not that stupid to not see that.”
Sekhmet quickly pulled her hand away and wrapped her fingers in the warmth of her scarf. It was partly the accusatory way Sokar chose to deliver his objections, and then partly her discomfort with how quickly charades were dropping - and for no reasons she could think of. “You couldn’t understand.” She answered stiffly. “There’s no one who has ‘no control’ over their own death, Sokar. It could’ve been prevented if you didn’t leave my sight. I feel like you died for no good reason, and you could’ve spared me a lot of grief if I didn’t feel solely responsible for it.”
Looking up at the lamp lights, she pushed herself from the ridge and took a few steps toward the midline, and away from him. “I haven’t blown things out of the water yet,” she said with a breath and a note of bemusement. She stepped out of the way for a passing bicycle, and then she stepped back further, making her way to the other side of the bridge. It was getting darker now - so dark that it was hard to tell where the water ended and the sky began. Clearly, if things continued this way, she could still keep her composure and not ‘fly off the handle’ like she always tended to do.
“I did.” She spoke just under hearing level. “I did, and you didn’t see it.”
For a moment he would have gotten angry but it didn’t well up as it usually did. That part of him felt cold, frozen over. He couldn’t speak for a long moment, instead distracting himself with lighting another cigarette, he would most certainly go through the three that remained before the night was over at this rate. “I’m sorry, Sekhmet, if you think I had wanted to die..” he blew out a cloud of smoke with a sigh. “I didn’t want to leave you alone.” He wasn’t sure where these words were coming from, it made him uncomfortable and disturbed even if they were honest. It was the honesty that was the most disturbing thing though.
He didn’t follow her, remaining where he sat. He could hear her speaking but not make out the words. Part of him wanted to know what she said, but he couldn’t find it in him to ask. Whether she missed him or not, it didn’t matter either way at the moment. So he stayed silent and watched her, wreathed in smoke in the still cold air.
Sekhmet stayed where she was and contemplated shouting ‘bullshit’ across the bridgeway. She pulled her arms closer to her body, tensing to the chill. “Did you want to die?” This asked crisply and clearly across the distance, she made no move to leave from her place. “Did you think about what would happen to Shane if you knew Sokar? I want to know who you think you are today, tonight, right now.”
The redhead picked up a loose stone and turned it in her hand. After scraping down the sharp end on asphalt, she pitched it at the smoke-wrapped figure on the other side.
He couldn’t answer that, not without giving her an honest answer which was not what he wanted to do at the moment. So he said nothing, merely taking another drag of the cigarette. He couldn’t deny that perhaps he hadn’t fount as hard to live as he should have, that he had welcomed death as another part of himself that he had been missing while dwelling in the land of the living. “Shane never had a chance. Once I remembered, I knew I had been Sokar all along, Shane was just a facade, an illusion,” he said, there was no emotion in his voice as he spoke, he saw no reason to lie to her about this. “I’m Sokar, you know that. I’ve always been Sokar just as you have and always be Sekhmet.”
He watched her, not sure what she was doing but he wasn’t expecting her to throw the rock at him and he was only barely able to dodge it. “What the hell? You could have hit me, seesh.”
Sekhmet gripped the railings and stood up. “How would you like it if I jumped the bridge, Sokar? Maybe if I jumped you’d find it easier to console yourself about it because I’m just the Lioness, and this life is just a throw-away that I can trade for another one. But you wouldn’t tell me that jumping was out of my control. If this was your way of killing off Shane, easy come easy go, that’s bullshit.” She felt the tight clutches of her anger at the edge of her control; numb, but less distant now.
“Come over here and let me explain something to you. So you can hear.”
“But you won’t and you know that’s not the point here. You know nothing about death, you have existed always in the land of the living so don’t pretend you do,” he stood then, flicking ash to the ground. “You don’t think I feel guilty enough for leaving you alone to hear you had died? Do you think I was happy, that it made it all worth it? And while we’re at it, you are in position to talk about who I am, you are really kidding yourself if you think that Leigh had a fighting chance, especially once you were reunited with daddy.”
“Oh please, do explain because right now I am lost when it comes to you these days, Sekhmet,” he said as he stepped closer but still keeping a careful distance, making sure his face stayed in the shadows.
She had to control it. If she didn’t, she was going to find herself in another situation with Sokar that Ra would find out about. Sekhmet picked up another loose rock and held it in her palm. “Hearing that I died had no bearing on how trigger-happy you were to die yourself. And just to set things straight, I held no illusions of separation from my human entity. I never thought I was Leigh and Sekhmet at the same time. Don’t get my identity crisis confused with your identity crisis.”
Stepping toward the shadows, she reached out to grip his jacket by the lapels and squeezed, vice-like, before pulling him closer. “For the record, whoever you are, I actually care about you. And if you didn’t feel like an asshole before, you should now.”
“Then what is it you want from me? You seem to want me to be Shane in this life and that isn’t possible,” he reached out to grab her hand, he really didn’t want to have to dodge anymore rocks tonight and his head really couldn’t take any more abuse after Set. “You seem to have more issue with my identity these days though but whatever it is, you better get over it.”
He allowed her to pull him closer, and if truth be told, he really did feel like an asshole now more than ever but she didn’t need to know she was right. “Right, because according to you it’s all my fault. Maybe it is, I know I’ve screwed up...” he paused for a moment, lacing his fingers with hers. “But fuck it, I care about you too.”
Shit.
Date/Time: Monday, late night
Location: Brooklyn Bridge
Rating: PG-13 for inappropriate things.
Warnings: talk of death and violence, swearing, Sokar being himself
Summary: Meeting on the bridge.
There were some things that were just better left not shared. Sokar was furious, though he wasn’t sure if it was with himself or his sister after their argument that had erupted between them that evening over something that was, at least in his view, trivial. He had left the apartment, slamming the door behind as if that was getting in the final word, as if he had won that confrontation though in all honesty, he hadn’t.
Honesty. He snorted as he took out a cigarette, it was not the first nor would it be the last he smoked tonight. The truth was not what he needed at this time. At least, not the raw, brutal truth.
He lit the cigarette, breathing out a cloud of smoke as he stepped onto the Brooklyn Bridge. At this time of night it was nearly deserted which was fortunate since he was not in the mood for company tonight. He had nowhere particular to be other then the desire to be anywhere but his own apartment where Fawn was no doubt waiting for him. Thoughts churning over in his mind, he trudged on.
It was a warm night, and she hadn’t decided to go home yet. In fact, she wouldn’t, she didn’t think she’d want to, ever since Ra began to cage and over-protect her. She loved her father resolutely; so certain was she that he was firmly, undoubtedly, her only passion, that sometimes it became too obvious that when he left her no room to breathe, she didn’t ask for any. Over the past few months, she’d learned that her father was very much unchanged by time. And that underneath the facade of this man surnamed Travere, he was more possessive, more aggressive, controlling, and tight-fisted than he’d ever been. He shielded her now, as though she hadn’t yet grown up, as if the centuries she’d spent as his Eye had never happened. And she understood, to some extent, that it was because she just woke, they just met, and he wanted to trap her now before Sekhmet the lioness was washed out by Leigh Avery, the redhead from California. He loved her, and it was overbearing, because in the back of her mind, she predicted that she was slated to disappoint him. And then, there were other reasons.
She came to the bridge to silence the noise in her mind. The only distraction now was the occasional hum of a bicycle whirling by, the shuffle of footsteps. She had time for a deep breath, a pause to lean over the railing dangerously far - just to see how much more she could gaze onto above and below. Her fingers curled firmly around the rusty bars and she tipped forward. When she gazed over her shoulder, she saw a familiar shadow and stepped away from the railing. Maybe she was feeling forgiving tonight.
“Shane.” Strange for her to be using that name, since she didn’t identify with it anymore. She wrapped her sweater closer and moved from the edge of the sidewalk. Maybe it was better not to be alone on the bridge. But her father would beg to differ if he knew who it was. She called a little louder, just in case.
He was surprised to hear someone calling his human name. Oddly he had gotten used to becoming ‘Sokar’ over the last months, his human identity had become a strange name, almost a mere nickname used by only a few including his sister. It took him a few moments just who it was calling out to him and by the time she called out again, it was too late to turn away and pretend that he hadn’t seen her.
For a moment he didn’t respond as he walked up and stopped just a few feet from Sekhmet, looking at her. She was not someone he would have sought out at the moment but that didn’t matter just now. The damage was done and here they were.
“Leigh,” he greeted her calmly as he dropped the cigarette to the ground before stepping on it to make sure it was out. If she wanted to keep the distance between them by going by their current names, that was fine with him. He said nothing more for a long moment as another cigarette was taken out and lit, perhaps if he kept one in his mouth that would prevent more damaging truths from spilling out. The last thing he needed was another confrontation tonight, he just didn’t have it in him at the moment, especially not with Sekhmet.
“Breaking daddy’s curfew? I thought you were grounded or something,” he commented idly as he stepped up to the railing, taking his eyes off of her to peer over at the black water below. It was better to not look at her, perhaps then the lies would be possible.
She couldn’t tell if Sokar was troubled by seeing her. She detected it, and suspected it, for a moment. But these few weeks, she’d taught herself to trust by instinct, and not by suspicion. The pale bridge light did nothing to illuminate the features of his face that she’d have found easy to read in daylight. But then again, the more recent things that Sokar’s impetuosity has shown her has given her nothing but grief and several absolutely furious nights.
Considering that, it might have been better that she remained in the dark. Sekhmet joined him at the railing and leaned out over the bars, this time gazing at his shadowed face - just long enough - before gray eyes shifted to the scattered diffraction of city lights at the water’s edge. She didn’t have to stand too close to tell that he was warm. A vexed warmth, which she didn’t comment on.
“I just don’t want to go home.” She retorted. On second thought, that didn’t immediately seem like something she would have told him on a normal day.
She added, “Papa doesn’t have to ground me, but he knows how to keep me.” Now she was saying too much. Strange. Sekhmet straightened quickly and plunged her fingers through a lock of her red hair, turning her back to the railing. Perhaps she should ask questions instead. “What about you? Why are you here?”
He was surprised at her stating so openly that she didn’t want to go home, not when she was so willing to jump down his throat for even hinting at anything against her father. He wasn’t even sure what to say to that tonight, normally he would have used it against her but right now, it didn’t seem like the right time to press the attack. This was as close to a truce as they seemed to ever get, uneasy as it was.
“I don’t blame you,” he breathed out a cloud of smoke, still not looking at her directly. He would leave it at that, the less said the better especially when it came to such a volatile subject between them that had more than once erupted into horrible fights.
“I’m not in a hurry to head home either,” he said honestly, though he would keep the reason to himself. Right now he really didn’t want to think about had happened with his sister, especially not now with Sekhmet looking at him so closely. Normally there would be some bullshit reason but at the moment, none would pass his lips so he left it at that.
Sekhmet gave a small, enigmatic smile and leaned close enough to catch the cigarette roll and slip it out of his fingers. Pressing the end to her lips, she breathed in and exhaled, watching the cloud wisp billow past them. “Why, things aren’t working well at home?” She moved the cigarette down, holding it loosely between her thumb and forefinger. “I have a hunch,” she blew lightly until the ash flickered away, “that you’re not alone. Is Brooklyn Bridge just a mid-way stop?”
She put her purse down and sat on the ridge, leaving the cigarette for Sokar to take back. The slight lull in their conversation seemed indication that, for some reason, Sokar was actually trying to avoid broaching unpleasant subjects. That was a new one. And it left her with a dubious look that she pinned into the concrete rather than his face.
Clutching the edge of the stone foundation, she brushed her fingertips up and down the coarse surface. “How’s Bast? Dating her, I mean. There are better things to do than stalling on a bridge.”
“Hey, if you’re going to take up smoking, at least buy your own instead of leeching off of me,” he said as she snatched his cigarette but there was a smile on his lips. He had never thought she was the one to smoke, being one of her daddy’s favorite daughters and all, but he let her have it.
“Stuff happened, that’s all I’m going to say,” he said simply, it wasn’t a lie, there was no bullshit he could give her but the truth was not needed right now. He took back the cigarette as she set it down, taking a long breath before answering as he blew out smoke. “She’s fine, as far as I can tell. She seems to have forgiven me for whatever the hell I did to piss her off before,” he remarked finally. “I would have guessed she would have told you the same though.”
“Maybe,” she replied deftly, arching an eyebrow his way, “she’s a forgiving goddess. But I’m not.” A pause. “You don’t have herpes, do you?” She thought about the cigarette; given Sokar’s promiscuity, she realized she should’ve reconsidered smoking something that came straight from his mouth. A napkin was quickly pressed to her lips.
After a brief wipe she crumpled the napkin in her fist and continued on, just as the chill of the night wind settled. “Hey,” she called, patting the ridge beside her invitingly, “do you miss me? At all?” Her lungs suddenly filled with a cold gust as she watched for his expression. “Be honest with me.”
“You still hold things against me from our first lives,” he snorted before turning to stare at her indiginitly. “What? I have no idea, maybe,” he said offhandedly and that was the truth as far as he was aware. He really never bothered to get things like that checked anyway, he had other things (well women..) to do.
Shit. Of course she would have to ask something like that when his ability to lie had seemed to vanish into thin air. He took his time is sitting beside her, not sure if he should answer that so he was silent for a long time, his expression neutral as he could manage right now. He breathed out another cloud of smoke into the air before he he looked at her. “Yes.”
“Why? You don’t think I should hold you responsible for things you did?” Sekhmet rested a palm to her chin and propped her arm against her knee. Not that there weren’t enough things to hold him responsible for now. Diseases he’s been carrying around, for instance - the thought of which made her lips thin as she pressed them together. She felt that she might argue again, but she didn’t. Focusing on other things, her fingers idly traced the slender line of her cheek and stopped just above the hollow.
And she didn’t try to fill the long silence. But she waited, and thought that he might not give her an answer. Without her rage, she could get by not knowing. Except it surprised her, maybe about as much as it surprised him, to hear him make an admission. Truthful or not, she couldn’t really tell. Her gaze lowered back to the concrete just as his gaze had switched onto her. “Really.” She laughed, and it held no warmth. “Trying not to piss me off, I guess.” The hand by her side moved until her fingertips slid to the dips between his knuckles. “Did you want to ask me the same question?”
“Oh sure, there is plenty of shit to hold me accountable for, I like to think I’ve racked up a good list in this life alone but fuck, Sekhmet, would it be too much to ask to just hold me accountable for the things I’ve done instead of the stuff I had no control over?” he asked, looking at her directly now. His tone was not angry though but more tired than anything. He wasn’t trying to start an argument between them again but there were somethings that he thought she really needed to let go of. “Trust me, you’ll still have no lack of stuff to blame me for.”
“Yeah well, lets see how well that works,” he said as he finished the cigarette though this time he didn’t reach for a new one right away. He was running low anyway and he had a feeling it was going to be a long night already. “I’m not sure I do, really. Why would you miss me? Considering the last time we spoke and well, the last time we saw each other. I think that was a pretty clear indication right there, I’m not that stupid to not see that.”
Sekhmet quickly pulled her hand away and wrapped her fingers in the warmth of her scarf. It was partly the accusatory way Sokar chose to deliver his objections, and then partly her discomfort with how quickly charades were dropping - and for no reasons she could think of. “You couldn’t understand.” She answered stiffly. “There’s no one who has ‘no control’ over their own death, Sokar. It could’ve been prevented if you didn’t leave my sight. I feel like you died for no good reason, and you could’ve spared me a lot of grief if I didn’t feel solely responsible for it.”
Looking up at the lamp lights, she pushed herself from the ridge and took a few steps toward the midline, and away from him. “I haven’t blown things out of the water yet,” she said with a breath and a note of bemusement. She stepped out of the way for a passing bicycle, and then she stepped back further, making her way to the other side of the bridge. It was getting darker now - so dark that it was hard to tell where the water ended and the sky began. Clearly, if things continued this way, she could still keep her composure and not ‘fly off the handle’ like she always tended to do.
“I did.” She spoke just under hearing level. “I did, and you didn’t see it.”
For a moment he would have gotten angry but it didn’t well up as it usually did. That part of him felt cold, frozen over. He couldn’t speak for a long moment, instead distracting himself with lighting another cigarette, he would most certainly go through the three that remained before the night was over at this rate. “I’m sorry, Sekhmet, if you think I had wanted to die..” he blew out a cloud of smoke with a sigh. “I didn’t want to leave you alone.” He wasn’t sure where these words were coming from, it made him uncomfortable and disturbed even if they were honest. It was the honesty that was the most disturbing thing though.
He didn’t follow her, remaining where he sat. He could hear her speaking but not make out the words. Part of him wanted to know what she said, but he couldn’t find it in him to ask. Whether she missed him or not, it didn’t matter either way at the moment. So he stayed silent and watched her, wreathed in smoke in the still cold air.
Sekhmet stayed where she was and contemplated shouting ‘bullshit’ across the bridgeway. She pulled her arms closer to her body, tensing to the chill. “Did you want to die?” This asked crisply and clearly across the distance, she made no move to leave from her place. “Did you think about what would happen to Shane if you knew Sokar? I want to know who you think you are today, tonight, right now.”
The redhead picked up a loose stone and turned it in her hand. After scraping down the sharp end on asphalt, she pitched it at the smoke-wrapped figure on the other side.
He couldn’t answer that, not without giving her an honest answer which was not what he wanted to do at the moment. So he said nothing, merely taking another drag of the cigarette. He couldn’t deny that perhaps he hadn’t fount as hard to live as he should have, that he had welcomed death as another part of himself that he had been missing while dwelling in the land of the living. “Shane never had a chance. Once I remembered, I knew I had been Sokar all along, Shane was just a facade, an illusion,” he said, there was no emotion in his voice as he spoke, he saw no reason to lie to her about this. “I’m Sokar, you know that. I’ve always been Sokar just as you have and always be Sekhmet.”
He watched her, not sure what she was doing but he wasn’t expecting her to throw the rock at him and he was only barely able to dodge it. “What the hell? You could have hit me, seesh.”
Sekhmet gripped the railings and stood up. “How would you like it if I jumped the bridge, Sokar? Maybe if I jumped you’d find it easier to console yourself about it because I’m just the Lioness, and this life is just a throw-away that I can trade for another one. But you wouldn’t tell me that jumping was out of my control. If this was your way of killing off Shane, easy come easy go, that’s bullshit.” She felt the tight clutches of her anger at the edge of her control; numb, but less distant now.
“Come over here and let me explain something to you. So you can hear.”
“But you won’t and you know that’s not the point here. You know nothing about death, you have existed always in the land of the living so don’t pretend you do,” he stood then, flicking ash to the ground. “You don’t think I feel guilty enough for leaving you alone to hear you had died? Do you think I was happy, that it made it all worth it? And while we’re at it, you are in position to talk about who I am, you are really kidding yourself if you think that Leigh had a fighting chance, especially once you were reunited with daddy.”
“Oh please, do explain because right now I am lost when it comes to you these days, Sekhmet,” he said as he stepped closer but still keeping a careful distance, making sure his face stayed in the shadows.
She had to control it. If she didn’t, she was going to find herself in another situation with Sokar that Ra would find out about. Sekhmet picked up another loose rock and held it in her palm. “Hearing that I died had no bearing on how trigger-happy you were to die yourself. And just to set things straight, I held no illusions of separation from my human entity. I never thought I was Leigh and Sekhmet at the same time. Don’t get my identity crisis confused with your identity crisis.”
Stepping toward the shadows, she reached out to grip his jacket by the lapels and squeezed, vice-like, before pulling him closer. “For the record, whoever you are, I actually care about you. And if you didn’t feel like an asshole before, you should now.”
“Then what is it you want from me? You seem to want me to be Shane in this life and that isn’t possible,” he reached out to grab her hand, he really didn’t want to have to dodge anymore rocks tonight and his head really couldn’t take any more abuse after Set. “You seem to have more issue with my identity these days though but whatever it is, you better get over it.”
He allowed her to pull him closer, and if truth be told, he really did feel like an asshole now more than ever but she didn’t need to know she was right. “Right, because according to you it’s all my fault. Maybe it is, I know I’ve screwed up...” he paused for a moment, lacing his fingers with hers. “But fuck it, I care about you too.”
Shit.