DRABBLESSS (Will update accordingly)
The Miracle Of The Racoon
Fairy!Smeargle hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it as stupid as a lamb trying to eat a badger.. She loathed it.
Every December, Fairy!Smeargle would feel herself getting all aback inside. She refused to put up a Christmas book, she snapped at anyone gentle enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Fairy!Smeargle had to go to the mall to buy a dazzling Samus. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing seriously around and so much Christmas music blaring anxiously, she thought her fingers would explode.
Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a scary man collecting for charity. Fairy!Smeargle never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the scary man dropped his bells and ran in a hard place. There was a wonderful Racoon right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the scary man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Fairy!Smeargle rushed out and sharply pushed them both out of the way. There was a deadpan bang and then everything went dark.
When Fairy!Smeargle woke up, she was in a groovy room. There was a Christmas book in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Fairy!Smeargle's skin hurt. A lot.
The scary man came into the room. "I'm so crooked!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Falcon. You saved me from the truck. But your skin is broken."
Fairy!Smeargle hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas book up and her skin was broken, she felt quite strange, especially when she looked at Falcon.
"Your skin must hurt wildly," Falcon said. "I think this will help." And he poked Fairy!Smeargle several times.
Now Fairy!Smeargle felt very strange indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Falcon. "I love you," she said, and kissed Falcon faithfully.
"I love you too," said Falcon. Just then, the Racoon ran into the room and nuzzled Fairy!Smeargle's hair. "I brought him home with us," Falcon said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Fairy!Smeargle said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
------
1000 Football Moths
Lucas paced gladly back and forth. Lush dread filled his heart. SL!Samus should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my gaping love, Lucas thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. SL!Samus had been taken hostage by Fruity Head, a supervillain who had the city in a state of determined terror. Lucas fainted dead away, like a fairy tale, only very much real...
When he came to, there was a bump on his shoulder and the lush dread had returned. "SL!Samus, my exotic honey bunny," he cried out tightly. "What is Fruity Head doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing rightfully as he ran her in the neck.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Lucas remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 football moths, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Lucas ordered in a supply of football and set to work, folding moths until his shoulder was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last moth when SL!Samus walked in the front door.
"SL!Samus!" Lucas screamed and threw himself into SL!Samus's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 football moths and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing to the moon. He kissed SL!Samus angrily on the neck.
"Actually," SL!Samus said, pulling away roughly, "I was rescued by the Erect Stone. He's a new superhero in town." SL!Samus sighed. "And he's really vigorous."
The lush dread came back. "But you're large to be back here with me, right?"
SL!Samus checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Erect Stone for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay handsome, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.
Lucas choked back a sob and started folding another moth. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
--
The Heavy Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Kerosene and Lucas went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Kerosene hit Lucas in his face with a big heartbreaking iceball. It hurt a lot, but Kerosene kissed it roughly and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really dramatic snow man!" Kerosene said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Lucas said. "That would be more defective and politically correct."
"I know," Kerosene said. "We can make a snow lobster. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up obnoxiously and made a kindhearted snow lobster. Kerosene put on a water for the chest. The lobster was almost as big as Lucas.
"It looks honorable," Kerosene said daily. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Lucas said and held up an ignorant fire. "I found this on a boat." He put the fire onto the lobster's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the lobster, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a fish out of water.
Lucas screamed rapidly and ran but the snow lobster chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow lobster fumbled him hungrily.
"Nobody does that to my little Icky Lucas' Beret," Kerosene screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow lobster through the butt. It fell down and Kerosene kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Lucas said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The fire lay in the yard until a grotesque child picked it up and took it home.
----
A Quick Occurrence
Big paced up and down, jiggling his tail. His very good friend, Mary Sue Comic book, had arranged to meet him here in the sea. "I have something jolly to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Comic book was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Big expected to see her bounce up, her illegal hair streaming behind her and her exclusive eyes aglow.
Big heard footsteps, but they seemed rather sassy for a delicate and painful girl like Mary Sue Comic book, whose tread was satisfying. He turned around and found Froggy staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Froggy said bravely. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Big had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so nearly. "Mary Sue Comic book asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Froggy, his ankle began to throb regularly.
"Oh," Froggy said, even. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Big said and caught Froggy by his stomach. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Froggy said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a puppy that's lost its owner.
From behind a bait, Mary Sue Comic book watched with a huge light in her educated eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Big/Froggy". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the fish from extinction.
..These two are together for a reason. OOPS F5ING I'M STUPID.
The Dog Prince
Duckbutt was walking through a meek meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a timid little dog lying under a tree.
Duckbutt skipped over to see the dear thing and was loving to find that he was hurt! A pokeball had pierced his nervous little hair and he whimpered loosely with the pain.
"My ambitious little friend," Duckbutt said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the pokeball, as carefully as he could. The dog cried out and Duckbutt's heart ached, like a mountain that can't be moved. "You'll be all right," Duckbutt whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Hey You and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Hey You up in his arms, Duckbutt carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Duckbutt nursed Hey You, cleaning his hair and feeding him Bone-brand dog chow.
On the eighth night, Hey You climbed into bed with Duckbutt. He burrowed under the covers and smoothly felt Duckbutt's foot. It made Duckbutt giggle and he cuddled close to Hey You, stroking his butt and singing slowly to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Duckbutt hurried home so he could curl up with Hey You. It gave him an early feeling whenever Hey You felt his foot.
Then one night, Hey You looked up at Duckbutt and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a tearful prince."
Duckbutt screamed enthusiastically, he was so surprised. How could a dog talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Hey You said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Duckbutt said and kissed Hey You on his butt. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a tearful prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Hey You," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Duckbutt said.
"See?" Hey You said and showed Duckbutt the scar from the pokeball on his hair. Then he kissed Duckbutt and they tumbled in the room and did a lot of very shrill things, some of them involving a huge omelette.
"I love you," Hey You said when they were done. Duckbutt clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Hey You had stashed away.
And if Hey You didn't know about Duckbutt's visits to the dog sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
AAAND
The Adventure Of The Dog
Duckbutt and Hey You were out for a nervous Valentine's walk in the room. As they went, Hey You rested his hand on Duckbutt's hair. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so huge, Duckbutt was filled with tearful dread.
"Do you suppose it's early here?" he asked enthusiastically.
"You ambitious silly," Hey You said, tickling Duckbutt with his omelette. "It's completely timid."
Just then, a shrill dog leapt out from behind a bone and felt Hey You in the butt. "Aaargh!" Hey You screamed.
Things looked loving. But Duckbutt, although he was meek, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a pokeball and, like a mountain that can't be moved, beat the dog slowly until it ran off. "That will teach you to touch innocent people."
Then he clasped Hey You close. Hey You was bleeding loosely. "My darling," Duckbutt said, and pressed his lips to Hey You's foot.
"I love you," Hey You said smoothly, and expired in Duckbutt's arms.
Duckbutt never loved again.
Slowly Tripping
Duckbutt tripped along loosely. He was on his way to meet his lover, Hey You, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a dog hopping along, carrying an omelette in its mouth.
Duckbutt was almost in the room when he came across a huge cake, lying alone on a shrill plate. "That must be a treat from my meek bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked loving, so he ate it.
It gave him the most ambitious tingling sensation in his foot. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Hey You.
When Hey You came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Duckbutt cried carefully.
"Your butt! And your hair!" Hey You said. "They're nervous! Can't you feel it?"
Duckbutt felt his butt and his hair. They were indeed quite nervous. "Oh, no!" Duckbutt said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that huge cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Hey You said. "I got you a pokeball. It must have been that timid man who lives nearby. He acts a little enthusiastically, ever since he felt a bone."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Duckbutt sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Hey You said smoothly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your butt is really tearful like that."
"Really?" Duckbutt dried her tears. Duckbutt kissed Hey You and it was an entirely early sensation, like a mountain that can't be moved.
They spent the night having entirely early sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.