(no subject)
My keys are missing. Why is it that every time I make an effort to go to my early class something screws it up... but when I really, really, don't want to go and I do... everything is in place. boo.
I think my roommate moved them. They decided to decorate for Christmas early because we won't be here after the 7th of December and my keys were on the table... but now the table is moved and has stuff all over it (Christmas stuff) and my keys are not there... when I knocked on my roommates door to see if she moved them (I could hear her talking to someone) yet, show wouldn't open the door for me. boo her. I had a paper due today, but I will just stop by his office and put it on his door, I guess. I even got up extra early to finish the paper.
Things here are weird right now. I don't really know where I belong in the mix and these have been my friends since high school. It's so... werid. I don't know.
I have one person telling me things and in the next instant what she is telling me is being cancelled out by what I see. I don't want people to tell me what they think that I want to hear. Just tell me the truth... I'm not a baby. If you don't tell me the truth, I can't move on.
Things with Roger have been pretty good I guess. We had a big fight last week and he called the next day and pretended that everything was all right... sometimes, I wonder if other people are right about him. I can't help it. I have all these voices of all these other people in my head. Everytime we get into a fight I have one person telling me to break up with him. Things aren't that cut and dry when you love someone and when you have been with someone for so long... or even if you haven't but you truely care about the person. I'm not a man eater... I don't condem them for life when something goes wrong... and this person does, which to me is crazy. But I guess, I'm crazy to her for being with a guy for so long and still not really knowing... you know? I love that I love him and I know that I what to be with him. THat isn't the problem. The problem lies inthe voices of the people around me and how the only time we feel really comfortable is by ourselves because everyone has doubts and stuff you know? It's like.. everyone around us is waiting for us to fall apart and they make that nice and clear. I wish I could scream at people to just let us be... they are the ones that cause us to fight... and they are the ones that put these voices into my head. My parents were like this... but not so much anyone... unless he makes me cry... then my dad is all over it. Still, Roger doesn't feel comfortable at my house because he thinks that my parents hate him which isn't really true. I know that he loves me... I just wish that I could make everything/one around us leave us alone. I'm very impressionable I guess... people tell me things and I listen... not that I necessarily agree.. but I listen... then I turn things around in my head and I shouldn't do that. I love him... I do...
He was here a couple weekends ago and he made me breakfast in bed... and he washed the dishes after I cooked dinner... and he was the sweetest thing ever. Now, why don't other people see this side of him? He went through a rough time in his life and did some stupid things... I think that is what people can't look past. Oh well... who cares what they think anyway? I need to keep telling myself that. A lot of couples go through this I guess... In my family, I want Roger to be loved and welcomed and called on when they need him... like Jason... my parents love Jason despite some dumb things he's done lately. Actually, maybe Amy feels the same way I do... maybe it's all in perception of the situation? I will have to keep a closer eye on that... hmm. I love Roger sooo much and I love the way that we'll be lyiog together and he'll tilt my chin up and look into my eyes and say "I love you so much" and then kiss me softly (yes, this does really happen). See? How cute is that?
Anyway, I'm out. Enought ranting for me. ♥
I think my roommate moved them. They decided to decorate for Christmas early because we won't be here after the 7th of December and my keys were on the table... but now the table is moved and has stuff all over it (Christmas stuff) and my keys are not there... when I knocked on my roommates door to see if she moved them (I could hear her talking to someone) yet, show wouldn't open the door for me. boo her. I had a paper due today, but I will just stop by his office and put it on his door, I guess. I even got up extra early to finish the paper.
Things here are weird right now. I don't really know where I belong in the mix and these have been my friends since high school. It's so... werid. I don't know.
I have one person telling me things and in the next instant what she is telling me is being cancelled out by what I see. I don't want people to tell me what they think that I want to hear. Just tell me the truth... I'm not a baby. If you don't tell me the truth, I can't move on.
Things with Roger have been pretty good I guess. We had a big fight last week and he called the next day and pretended that everything was all right... sometimes, I wonder if other people are right about him. I can't help it. I have all these voices of all these other people in my head. Everytime we get into a fight I have one person telling me to break up with him. Things aren't that cut and dry when you love someone and when you have been with someone for so long... or even if you haven't but you truely care about the person. I'm not a man eater... I don't condem them for life when something goes wrong... and this person does, which to me is crazy. But I guess, I'm crazy to her for being with a guy for so long and still not really knowing... you know? I love that I love him and I know that I what to be with him. THat isn't the problem. The problem lies inthe voices of the people around me and how the only time we feel really comfortable is by ourselves because everyone has doubts and stuff you know? It's like.. everyone around us is waiting for us to fall apart and they make that nice and clear. I wish I could scream at people to just let us be... they are the ones that cause us to fight... and they are the ones that put these voices into my head. My parents were like this... but not so much anyone... unless he makes me cry... then my dad is all over it. Still, Roger doesn't feel comfortable at my house because he thinks that my parents hate him which isn't really true. I know that he loves me... I just wish that I could make everything/one around us leave us alone. I'm very impressionable I guess... people tell me things and I listen... not that I necessarily agree.. but I listen... then I turn things around in my head and I shouldn't do that. I love him... I do...
He was here a couple weekends ago and he made me breakfast in bed... and he washed the dishes after I cooked dinner... and he was the sweetest thing ever. Now, why don't other people see this side of him? He went through a rough time in his life and did some stupid things... I think that is what people can't look past. Oh well... who cares what they think anyway? I need to keep telling myself that. A lot of couples go through this I guess... In my family, I want Roger to be loved and welcomed and called on when they need him... like Jason... my parents love Jason despite some dumb things he's done lately. Actually, maybe Amy feels the same way I do... maybe it's all in perception of the situation? I will have to keep a closer eye on that... hmm. I love Roger sooo much and I love the way that we'll be lyiog together and he'll tilt my chin up and look into my eyes and say "I love you so much" and then kiss me softly (yes, this does really happen). See? How cute is that?
Anyway, I'm out. Enought ranting for me. ♥