it has never been well all these while
After countless of arguments and conflicts we had actually been though , i bet this is the worst of all. We both are tired, tired of quarelling and explaining to one another whats actually going on in our minds. We cant compromise this time at all. I can't find myself giving in to you at all cause in the first place you wasn't even listening to what i had to say & it just can't get into you head cause to you, bad things are to be forgotten .
However, when You talk, I listened , I've to remember every single details about what you had just said and to reflect for the night and then call you again if I felt better and also once I've reflected on myself. I'm always the one who has to reflect and think and remember all the things and explain why I had done wrong in certain part and how apologetic I felt after that incident. To you, char has to think about the bad things and cannot be forgotten. Now, do you get the picture? I became so offensive & ignorant now because, I seriously felt it was really unfair to me, in this relationship.
Reguardless of any events/activities, I've always been the punctual one & you , the latest one. I'm tired of waiting cause almost everysingle time I've to wait for you. Even how grand a date would be , reguardless of monthsary / anniversary . I 've always been waiting for you. You said you always set your priorities right . yesterday , we were supposed to meet up and have a nice chat nicely. You were supposed to meet me after my school which is at 6pm.But you left for your gym at 5:30pm. How 'd you have the time and rush here by 7pm. You said I can go home and freshen up and then meet you downstairs. Why cant' you be alil considerate sometimes ? I've a long day in school and I've to WAIT for you to finish your gym and then we can chat. Why can't you just skip gym for that day ? So, to make it easiler and convienient for you,I decided to come all the way down.
Whenever I mentioned something about going out with you or spending time with you . You sure say '' this is my third year , i cannot risk it! ,I don't want to repeat for another sem in school already '' . You are always using that as an excuse ...If I'm not wrong, I hasnt been taking up much of your times these days. I let you sleep, & I already turning in to bed before 12am. I didn't disturb you alot also. Whenever you're cs-ing , forum-ing did it ever come to your mind that actually you're wasting even mre time , and risking your year3 life?
I do love going out with you , but seems like everytime we go out its just some neighbourhood shopping malls. You can't blame me for going there cause you can only shop at these places since you dislike going to town. Your words had impact on me so strongly that I had to doubt whenever you say you wanna shop with me cause I don't know and don't feel like what will become of us. Almost coming two years, I can use my 10 fingers to count easily the no.of times you actually came and shop with me. Its like once in a blue moon thing , you know?
You know how much i hope to go out with you, to eat ice-cream, hold your hands, choosing the clothes for you & also shopping groceries with the guy I love? But ... That was all in the past . I am slowly trying not to think of doing all these things alr. This 'd lead to more arguments. So you can't blame me for saying , i dont want to go shopping with you any more .
Another thing is that you cant blame me for waiting for you in school and not going home to rest . The fact is there, i dislike heading home first and then come out again cause once i'm at home, Its very hard to get my body to go out. I can wait for you till you end school and I've no reasons for it . Its just '' I can wait '' . Maybe, you can say that I'm too used to having you, i need to see you, i need to wait for you and i can't be independent . Maybe , you could put the blame on me for making myself waiting for you everytime but i will change . Just give me time. I am forcing myself to go home even my class ends earlier than you each time but then i just didnt want to . its not i can't come out after I've gone home, or don't want to go home so early . I just want to spend time with you . Spending a few hours ain't enough for me , maybe to you, its enough . I sound very obessive over you now but wont in the coming future. I know you're that kind of guys who dislike girls being too over obessive towards em. Give me time, I'll change . So don't blame me for saying ' i hate feeling so attached to you ' & ' I want to stop this kind of being attached towards you alil ' .
I'm tired of jolting down already , for i dont' even know if you'd read this page . Even if you did ,you would just move your cursor and click the 'x' icon at the top right hand of the windows to exit. simple- you've already done reading my journal but you didn't think deeply . cause the nextthing you wana do is to con't with your cs , forum , youtube etc ... right ?