[AIM] Chat it up. Oh. Baby.
[chat log transcript of IM conversation that Paige had late late late one evening after being silly enough to actually venture into a Mystics, Magic, and Demon Lore chat room. Be amused at her brutal honesty.]
---BowDownBitches has signed on---
BowDownBitches: Hey! You seemed a little...lonely in that chat room earlier. Saw mention you weren't a frequent visitor, so I figured hey! It would be rude of me NOT to make the first offer of cybersex to the newcomer and all.
MySweaterShrunk: Oh well that's entirely too polite of you. I mean I'd hate to not get an offer like that straight away.
BowDownBitches: Of course! Any self-respecting internet denzien would! So, that out of the way...Hannibal King. You can't see me, but I'm waving...even bowing. Quite gallantly, I might add. It's a specialty of mine.
MySweaterShrunk: Waving? Well I'd wave back but I think it would slow my typing down a lot. And I already think I am slow as it is.
BowDownBitches: Oh, believe me, we're both slow. I've seen speedy typing...and from a blind woman no less, God rest her. Nine million words a minute, that woman. Maybe even ten. I lost count after three or four milion, I'm sure you can understand why. Anyway, back to the introduction business...you said in the chat room that your name was Paige, right?
MySweaterShrunk:Where are my internet manners? I must have forgotten to upload them or... download them? I'm Paige, yeah. That chat room was a bit more intense then I had thought. It was a lot more Harry Potter than I had expected.
BowDownBitches: Harry Potter? Well...I believe I did see a Bertie Bott reference in there somewhere. What else were you expecting? They were all talking magic...me? I came for the loose women. Everyone knows witches are easy. A few whispered promises of long lost spells and elixirs, and they're putty in a bad boy's hands.
MySweaterShrunk: Oh are we now? Who's to say I wasn't just trying to find all the loose demon hunters?
MySweaterShrunk: It could have all been a somewhat brilliant plan on my part too, because I seemed to have snared one that has already offered up CyberSex so easily.
BowDownBitches: Demon hunters? Wannabes. Watch too much Buffy. Everyone knows there's no such thing as demons...not literally, anyway. I don't touch that little toke of Mowie Wowie, Kitten...I've got kind of a warm fuzzy spot deep down inside for vampire killing, truthfully.
MySweaterShrunk: Vampires... hmm... you know I've been one. It wasn't exactly a high point of my career, but then again I might not actually be a witch either. This is after all the internet, can't trust a single thing you read on here. So killing vampires? Sounds exciting. I prefer vanquishing demons personally.
BowDownBitches: Did we have a glitch in the connection? Did you not read me saying that demons don't exist?
MySweaterShrunk: Oh I read that... but I do note that you picked up on the fact that I said that, but didn't say a single thing about me being a vampire before? I mean if I were you? I'd have written me off as some crazy insane girl or something as it is. Still here you are, doubting my knowing about Demons.. which do exist in the same world where Witches exist.. and we're not all loose.
BowDownBitches: Let's just say? I'm a real big believer in the strange, unusual, and...insane.
MySweaterShrunk: Awww I get a supportive nod from the hunter of Vampires? Cute! Although all jokes aside, I have been actually pretty blunt with you. I figured it was the internet and really who gives a crap right? But I can't actually pretend that I'm lying... or lie that I'm not telling... it's all so very confusing. Regardless, I am actually a witch. Practicing, spells, crystals... the whole nine yards. I also was a Vampire.. and an Amazon.. once a Greek Goddess, a Nymph... hmm.. I know Lephrechauns? Also Demons? Very real. Underworld that too. So I can be crazy, or a witch. I'll let you pick.
BowDownBitches: Well, I can do the same. I *was* a vampire, got treated with a cure, killed 'em for a living, and a while back, wiped out the last of 'em. And the LIFETIME movie will go into production *any* day now.
MySweaterShrunk: A cure? Sounds... very potion-ey. I was made a Vampire Queen for a bit. The whole red satin, lots of adoration. It was interesting, and apparently I looked hot, but not really my gig. No Lifetime movie for me.. well not yet at least. But most of the demons we hunt are the one of a kind variety. Lower level, upper level class. It's all very much a family business.
BowDownBitches: Oh-kay....I been at this gig for more 'n a little while? Vampire Queen? NO clue what you're talking about. My cure? Yeah, not so potion-y...more science-y. EDTA did the job...medically used as an anticoagulant? Does some naaaaaaasty stuffola to vampire blood.
MySweaterShrunk: Hmmm.... Well I've been doing this for about five years, my sisters about eight, but it's been in our family for a while. I'm not saying your full of shit or anything... I just have my own interpretation on these sort of things, and you are more than welcome to have yours as well. See? Look how easily the insane girl can compromise
BowDownBitches: Just kinda...gets me. There's not a lot to interpret. It's a disease, vampirism...we just got lucky that we were able to engineer a virus that wiped all those hemoglobin lovin' fuckers out.
MySweaterShrunk: Yeah no clue. I got bitten, I was given some lofty position they adored me, the little slight harem group of them were all upset that their queen had died or... we killed it.. and then poof! I was the leader, and trying to kill my own sisters. Thankfully I didn't actually have a *kill* so it was easy for me to have it all reversed. It was a while ago, and like I said? Lots of other things happened to me too, that was nothing.
BowDownBitches: You're weird. Unusual. A bit touched. And yet...you don't *sound* evil. Which is bad...or good, depending. All the women I find even *remotely* attractive are about as screwed up as the nuts and bolts aisle of Home Depot. And I don't mean that in a good way.
MySweaterShrunk: I am weird, though I prefer Quirky, I'm not touched... well not presently at least. Kinda one of the reasons I'm online at this hour instead of out at P3. And I am most definetly not evil. In fact kinda against evil as a whole. And I've actually been to Home Depot. Many times, because things in this house generally get broken easily.
BowDownBitches: Oooh, a chick that knows her screwdrivers. I think I'm getting all hot and bothered. Could you use a handyman? Big muscular man to help out with that stuff? Because I can do the man part...
MySweaterShrunk: Well my sister Piper? Her husband is the handyman around here. It gives him something to do, makes him feel like he's needed. Though I do have to be honest and admit that the thought of something other than Leo to look at around the house is quite intriguing.
BowDownBitches: You live with your sister and her husband? Must be a real big house. REAL big house...
MySweaterShrunk: Two sisters, Phoebe and Piper. Piper is married with two kids too, it's not exactly a huge house, but we manage, but if you are implying that there might be more than enough fix-it chores around here? You'd be right in that assumption. However I do love how we've skipped right past all the other things and ventured into you getting your handyman on.
BowDownBitches: Well, handyman's a big name on my resume right now! World's been severely lacking in stuff to kill, maim, and blow up since all the vampires went away. We get the occasional werewolf, ghoul, and zombie hybrids, but aside from that? Things been pretty quiet here at the OK Corral.
MySweaterShrunk: Wish I could say I knew the feeling, but most of our stuff has only just recently started to get quiet. Used to be a time when not a week would go by when we weren't up to our ears in something that could strangle, maim, or capture us. Having a break is actually good for us. But there are other things to do with free time, other than household repair you know.
BowDownBitches: Well, considering I spent the formative five years of my ill-spent youth as the personal Vamp Friday of the walking, talking, cock-swallowing cunt that *was* Danica Talos, and the rest of them hunting her dead...I don't exactly have a whole lot of marketable job skills. Male model, maybe...Chippendale dancer of the Chris Farley variety...y'know. That sort of thing.
MySweaterShrunk: Such a mouth on you! I'll never be allowed to bring you home, and Chris Farley sort of contradicts the whole Muscular thing you mentioned earlier.
BowDownBitches: Hey! Chris Farley had plenty of muscles! Just not very well-shaped...I'd let you be the judge, but I dont' really have a lot of pictures of myself on hand...none, actually. And please don't talk about my mouth, because my mouth has a huge ego, and...well, let's not get that ball rolling. We'll be here all night, Cupcake.
MySweaterShrunk: I like being the judge of the superficial things in life, it just puts so much into perspective. Though I am completely kidding and I think I mentioned I have Lephrachauns as friends, so I am the last person to judge like that. I'll also watch my ego stroking there, I wouldn't want you to have too many problems to deal with, it seems like you've got your hands full with the whole boredom thing.
BowDownBitches: Idle hands are the Devil's instruments...and according to most of my friends? I'm already the Antichrist, so...
MySweaterShrunk: Already the antichrist? Wow. You sound like such a winner! I'm just super excited to take this from the internet into the real world!!
BowDownBitches: Hey, I use my unholy powers for good, not evil...you should see me with a spitball, baby. *Magic.* Sheer magic.
MySweaterShrunk:I'm impressed. Really. Just no words to express how turned on that made me. Oh. Baby.
BowDownBitches: Yeah, you know you like it. You love it. You want more of it.
BowDownBitches: You're also insidious.
BowDownBitches: Made me forget why I IM'ed you.
BowDownBitches: Aside from the cybersex proposal, anyway. 'Cause that was a priority.
MySweaterShrunk: Oh of course.
MySweaterShrunk: I'm all a twitter just waiting for this.
BowDownBitches: Absolutely! Anyway, you mentioned you're a Frisco native, so I was going to go COMPLETELY against my basic nature...and ask you something actually serious.
MySweaterShrunk: Yep, born, adopted, raised the whole nine yards right here in the Big Orange Bridge city
BowDownBitches: I was hoping you might point me at some good places to stay...I gotta head up to San Fran in about a week on some personal business.
MySweaterShrunk: To stay as in hotel/motel? or are you looking for a brothel?
MySweaterShrunk: Not that I know where the Brothel's are at.... but I was a nymph at one point. I think that sort of information just sticks up there.
BowDownBitches: Motel, thank you, I'll have a pair of innocent eyes in tow. Truth is...friend of mine passed on a little while back, and she left her little girl with us. We just found her folks about a month ago...they want custody of her, so I'm basically heading up to leave her off with her grandparents.
MySweaterShrunk: Aww, well see now I see this whole other side of you. Actually there are a few places around. Got an address or street for the Grandparents? I can find you something close to there. Make it easier on you even.
BowDownBitches: Nymph, vampire...ever been an angel at any point? ;) They live on Pascal Ave...it's near Lombard Street, I believe.
MySweaterShrunk: Angel... I have been dead a few times? Does that count? Lombard, actually there's an Inn over on Grove kitty corner to Lombard. Puts Pascal just about a fifteen minute walk, and the weathers still nice enough out here for that sort of option.
BowDownBitches: Now if you have an address? I'll call bullshit on you and claim that *I* know the leprechauns, 'cause all sex aside? I just got lucky.
MySweaterShrunk: Address on the Inn or mine?
BowDownBitches: Would I be a slut if I said both? :)
MySweaterShrunk: Well the Inn is at 2438 Grove Street, right here in San Fran, and I'm at 1329 Prescott St. So if you can find your way around both of those? Maybe we'll find out my opinion on your slut-status after all.
BowDownBitches: Oooh, hide and go seek, huh? I like games. Okay, so if I show up on your doorstep in one week's time, the prize is...coffee? On you? I need a little incentive here.
MySweaterShrunk: If you show up on my doorstep in one weeks time, and I'm actually home when you come calling, I'll even take you out to lunch.
BowDownBitches: Even if it turns out I'm a hunchback with chronic halitosis and a mole on my face that looks like Mike Ditka?
MySweaterShrunk: I'm a Witch remember, I can just fix all that, suuuure it's bordering on personal gain, but if you really are that way? I'd say it would also be your gain.
BowDownBitches: Coffee, lunch, *and* a free makeover...I will be seeing YOU in seven days, my dear. Count on it.
MySweaterShrunk: Sounds like I've signed up for something interesting at the very least
---MySweaterShrunk has signed off---
---BowDownBitches has signed on---
BowDownBitches: Hey! You seemed a little...lonely in that chat room earlier. Saw mention you weren't a frequent visitor, so I figured hey! It would be rude of me NOT to make the first offer of cybersex to the newcomer and all.
MySweaterShrunk: Oh well that's entirely too polite of you. I mean I'd hate to not get an offer like that straight away.
BowDownBitches: Of course! Any self-respecting internet denzien would! So, that out of the way...Hannibal King. You can't see me, but I'm waving...even bowing. Quite gallantly, I might add. It's a specialty of mine.
MySweaterShrunk: Waving? Well I'd wave back but I think it would slow my typing down a lot. And I already think I am slow as it is.
BowDownBitches: Oh, believe me, we're both slow. I've seen speedy typing...and from a blind woman no less, God rest her. Nine million words a minute, that woman. Maybe even ten. I lost count after three or four milion, I'm sure you can understand why. Anyway, back to the introduction business...you said in the chat room that your name was Paige, right?
MySweaterShrunk:Where are my internet manners? I must have forgotten to upload them or... download them? I'm Paige, yeah. That chat room was a bit more intense then I had thought. It was a lot more Harry Potter than I had expected.
BowDownBitches: Harry Potter? Well...I believe I did see a Bertie Bott reference in there somewhere. What else were you expecting? They were all talking magic...me? I came for the loose women. Everyone knows witches are easy. A few whispered promises of long lost spells and elixirs, and they're putty in a bad boy's hands.
MySweaterShrunk: Oh are we now? Who's to say I wasn't just trying to find all the loose demon hunters?
MySweaterShrunk: It could have all been a somewhat brilliant plan on my part too, because I seemed to have snared one that has already offered up CyberSex so easily.
BowDownBitches: Demon hunters? Wannabes. Watch too much Buffy. Everyone knows there's no such thing as demons...not literally, anyway. I don't touch that little toke of Mowie Wowie, Kitten...I've got kind of a warm fuzzy spot deep down inside for vampire killing, truthfully.
MySweaterShrunk: Vampires... hmm... you know I've been one. It wasn't exactly a high point of my career, but then again I might not actually be a witch either. This is after all the internet, can't trust a single thing you read on here. So killing vampires? Sounds exciting. I prefer vanquishing demons personally.
BowDownBitches: Did we have a glitch in the connection? Did you not read me saying that demons don't exist?
MySweaterShrunk: Oh I read that... but I do note that you picked up on the fact that I said that, but didn't say a single thing about me being a vampire before? I mean if I were you? I'd have written me off as some crazy insane girl or something as it is. Still here you are, doubting my knowing about Demons.. which do exist in the same world where Witches exist.. and we're not all loose.
BowDownBitches: Let's just say? I'm a real big believer in the strange, unusual, and...insane.
MySweaterShrunk: Awww I get a supportive nod from the hunter of Vampires? Cute! Although all jokes aside, I have been actually pretty blunt with you. I figured it was the internet and really who gives a crap right? But I can't actually pretend that I'm lying... or lie that I'm not telling... it's all so very confusing. Regardless, I am actually a witch. Practicing, spells, crystals... the whole nine yards. I also was a Vampire.. and an Amazon.. once a Greek Goddess, a Nymph... hmm.. I know Lephrechauns? Also Demons? Very real. Underworld that too. So I can be crazy, or a witch. I'll let you pick.
BowDownBitches: Well, I can do the same. I *was* a vampire, got treated with a cure, killed 'em for a living, and a while back, wiped out the last of 'em. And the LIFETIME movie will go into production *any* day now.
MySweaterShrunk: A cure? Sounds... very potion-ey. I was made a Vampire Queen for a bit. The whole red satin, lots of adoration. It was interesting, and apparently I looked hot, but not really my gig. No Lifetime movie for me.. well not yet at least. But most of the demons we hunt are the one of a kind variety. Lower level, upper level class. It's all very much a family business.
BowDownBitches: Oh-kay....I been at this gig for more 'n a little while? Vampire Queen? NO clue what you're talking about. My cure? Yeah, not so potion-y...more science-y. EDTA did the job...medically used as an anticoagulant? Does some naaaaaaasty stuffola to vampire blood.
MySweaterShrunk: Hmmm.... Well I've been doing this for about five years, my sisters about eight, but it's been in our family for a while. I'm not saying your full of shit or anything... I just have my own interpretation on these sort of things, and you are more than welcome to have yours as well. See? Look how easily the insane girl can compromise
BowDownBitches: Just kinda...gets me. There's not a lot to interpret. It's a disease, vampirism...we just got lucky that we were able to engineer a virus that wiped all those hemoglobin lovin' fuckers out.
MySweaterShrunk: Yeah no clue. I got bitten, I was given some lofty position they adored me, the little slight harem group of them were all upset that their queen had died or... we killed it.. and then poof! I was the leader, and trying to kill my own sisters. Thankfully I didn't actually have a *kill* so it was easy for me to have it all reversed. It was a while ago, and like I said? Lots of other things happened to me too, that was nothing.
BowDownBitches: You're weird. Unusual. A bit touched. And yet...you don't *sound* evil. Which is bad...or good, depending. All the women I find even *remotely* attractive are about as screwed up as the nuts and bolts aisle of Home Depot. And I don't mean that in a good way.
MySweaterShrunk: I am weird, though I prefer Quirky, I'm not touched... well not presently at least. Kinda one of the reasons I'm online at this hour instead of out at P3. And I am most definetly not evil. In fact kinda against evil as a whole. And I've actually been to Home Depot. Many times, because things in this house generally get broken easily.
BowDownBitches: Oooh, a chick that knows her screwdrivers. I think I'm getting all hot and bothered. Could you use a handyman? Big muscular man to help out with that stuff? Because I can do the man part...
MySweaterShrunk: Well my sister Piper? Her husband is the handyman around here. It gives him something to do, makes him feel like he's needed. Though I do have to be honest and admit that the thought of something other than Leo to look at around the house is quite intriguing.
BowDownBitches: You live with your sister and her husband? Must be a real big house. REAL big house...
MySweaterShrunk: Two sisters, Phoebe and Piper. Piper is married with two kids too, it's not exactly a huge house, but we manage, but if you are implying that there might be more than enough fix-it chores around here? You'd be right in that assumption. However I do love how we've skipped right past all the other things and ventured into you getting your handyman on.
BowDownBitches: Well, handyman's a big name on my resume right now! World's been severely lacking in stuff to kill, maim, and blow up since all the vampires went away. We get the occasional werewolf, ghoul, and zombie hybrids, but aside from that? Things been pretty quiet here at the OK Corral.
MySweaterShrunk: Wish I could say I knew the feeling, but most of our stuff has only just recently started to get quiet. Used to be a time when not a week would go by when we weren't up to our ears in something that could strangle, maim, or capture us. Having a break is actually good for us. But there are other things to do with free time, other than household repair you know.
BowDownBitches: Well, considering I spent the formative five years of my ill-spent youth as the personal Vamp Friday of the walking, talking, cock-swallowing cunt that *was* Danica Talos, and the rest of them hunting her dead...I don't exactly have a whole lot of marketable job skills. Male model, maybe...Chippendale dancer of the Chris Farley variety...y'know. That sort of thing.
MySweaterShrunk: Such a mouth on you! I'll never be allowed to bring you home, and Chris Farley sort of contradicts the whole Muscular thing you mentioned earlier.
BowDownBitches: Hey! Chris Farley had plenty of muscles! Just not very well-shaped...I'd let you be the judge, but I dont' really have a lot of pictures of myself on hand...none, actually. And please don't talk about my mouth, because my mouth has a huge ego, and...well, let's not get that ball rolling. We'll be here all night, Cupcake.
MySweaterShrunk: I like being the judge of the superficial things in life, it just puts so much into perspective. Though I am completely kidding and I think I mentioned I have Lephrachauns as friends, so I am the last person to judge like that. I'll also watch my ego stroking there, I wouldn't want you to have too many problems to deal with, it seems like you've got your hands full with the whole boredom thing.
BowDownBitches: Idle hands are the Devil's instruments...and according to most of my friends? I'm already the Antichrist, so...
MySweaterShrunk: Already the antichrist? Wow. You sound like such a winner! I'm just super excited to take this from the internet into the real world!!
BowDownBitches: Hey, I use my unholy powers for good, not evil...you should see me with a spitball, baby. *Magic.* Sheer magic.
MySweaterShrunk:I'm impressed. Really. Just no words to express how turned on that made me. Oh. Baby.
BowDownBitches: Yeah, you know you like it. You love it. You want more of it.
BowDownBitches: You're also insidious.
BowDownBitches: Made me forget why I IM'ed you.
BowDownBitches: Aside from the cybersex proposal, anyway. 'Cause that was a priority.
MySweaterShrunk: Oh of course.
MySweaterShrunk: I'm all a twitter just waiting for this.
BowDownBitches: Absolutely! Anyway, you mentioned you're a Frisco native, so I was going to go COMPLETELY against my basic nature...and ask you something actually serious.
MySweaterShrunk: Yep, born, adopted, raised the whole nine yards right here in the Big Orange Bridge city
BowDownBitches: I was hoping you might point me at some good places to stay...I gotta head up to San Fran in about a week on some personal business.
MySweaterShrunk: To stay as in hotel/motel? or are you looking for a brothel?
MySweaterShrunk: Not that I know where the Brothel's are at.... but I was a nymph at one point. I think that sort of information just sticks up there.
BowDownBitches: Motel, thank you, I'll have a pair of innocent eyes in tow. Truth is...friend of mine passed on a little while back, and she left her little girl with us. We just found her folks about a month ago...they want custody of her, so I'm basically heading up to leave her off with her grandparents.
MySweaterShrunk: Aww, well see now I see this whole other side of you. Actually there are a few places around. Got an address or street for the Grandparents? I can find you something close to there. Make it easier on you even.
BowDownBitches: Nymph, vampire...ever been an angel at any point? ;) They live on Pascal Ave...it's near Lombard Street, I believe.
MySweaterShrunk: Angel... I have been dead a few times? Does that count? Lombard, actually there's an Inn over on Grove kitty corner to Lombard. Puts Pascal just about a fifteen minute walk, and the weathers still nice enough out here for that sort of option.
BowDownBitches: Now if you have an address? I'll call bullshit on you and claim that *I* know the leprechauns, 'cause all sex aside? I just got lucky.
MySweaterShrunk: Address on the Inn or mine?
BowDownBitches: Would I be a slut if I said both? :)
MySweaterShrunk: Well the Inn is at 2438 Grove Street, right here in San Fran, and I'm at 1329 Prescott St. So if you can find your way around both of those? Maybe we'll find out my opinion on your slut-status after all.
BowDownBitches: Oooh, hide and go seek, huh? I like games. Okay, so if I show up on your doorstep in one week's time, the prize is...coffee? On you? I need a little incentive here.
MySweaterShrunk: If you show up on my doorstep in one weeks time, and I'm actually home when you come calling, I'll even take you out to lunch.
BowDownBitches: Even if it turns out I'm a hunchback with chronic halitosis and a mole on my face that looks like Mike Ditka?
MySweaterShrunk: I'm a Witch remember, I can just fix all that, suuuure it's bordering on personal gain, but if you really are that way? I'd say it would also be your gain.
BowDownBitches: Coffee, lunch, *and* a free makeover...I will be seeing YOU in seven days, my dear. Count on it.
MySweaterShrunk: Sounds like I've signed up for something interesting at the very least
---MySweaterShrunk has signed off---