Log Post. Renji + Giovanni.

[mysunnieswin]

Who: Giovanni [and the Dog] and Renji.
When: Apparently AFTER Renji and Haine's Australian Tour '08.
Where: Lower Strata, Unknown location, Giovanni's home.
What: Renji not giving up.
Why: Because it's Renji and Giovanni.
Note: None of you saw this. Maybe Mama Dearest did.

Renji wasn't wearing a gigai. He'd gone completely undetected as he skulked his way through the laboratory. Which was good, because there was only one person he wanted to see, and he couldn't be held responsible for what might happen to anyone who tried to stop him. He could sense Giovanni, and he found his way quickly despite going to an unfamiliar section of the large complex.

Giovanni looked up sharply, hands pausing just for a fraction of a second before the blonde shrugged and resumed his task again, making a neat pile of the documents that he'd been going through and slipping it back into the cabinet. There was something, a stirring in the back of his head, maybe, and he (just maybe) should have paid attention to it, while he could. But it was almost too little to be really felt even, feeling more like the wind blown at the back of his neck, and he guessed it wasn't anything too serious.

Offices? Well, he supposed laboratories had to have those, too. Renji slipped into the room, smoke and vapour and not much else, not even bothering to open the door. Doors were a barrier for the living. And then something in him wrenched painfully as he laid eyes upon the blond leaning over what appeared to be a nondescript cabinet. He could still remember what it felt like to bury fingers in that cornsilk, the way such a lithe body could mould itself to his, though it was bulky and much larger. He didn't act on his impulses, in fact froze entirely, and simply watched the young man. Wondering if he would even be noticed this time.

A hand reached out to test the padlock on the cabinet, making sure it was locked after sliding the file in the (rather packed) space in the shelving and closing the door. Wouldn't want people getting to it when they didn't have the authority, hmm? The blonde paused (hesitatedfroze) just very, very slightly again, the fleeting feeling from before much stronger than just a few minutes ago.

It was perhaps just only a few seconds of tense stillness, before Giovanni's form relaxed again, almost casually so, and he straightened up (somehow fighting the sudden urge to turn his head to glance over his shoulder). "--A proper greeting would have been appreciated, really."

"I expect you would have attempted to rip my throat out, had I given you the proper greeting," Renji replied curtly, his voice a low rumble, not unlike what Zabimaru's sounded like when he was angry. But the shinigami's voice was free of all emotion, cool, calm, and very, very restrained.

"Maybe~" In contrast to the other's voice, Giovanni's tone was light, almost amused, even, and he idly tucked a lock of blond hair behind his ear and finally turned but halfway around to glance at the redhead, whatever expression that would have been on his face mostly hidden by the opaque tint of the glasses and the half-grin on his lips. "But doing that indoors is always just too troublesome."

Renji's eyes narrowed. Just slightly. "Then, would you like me to give you the proper greeting?" His lips tightened slightly at the corners. Why was he torturing himself like this? Why had he even come here? Was it to say goodbye? Maybe, but probably not. He'd probably be back again, for as long as hope held out. And hope could be a difficult animal to kill. He pushed himself off the wall, took one measured step forward, closer to the blonde.

"I think it's already too late for that." The blonde shrugged fluidly, now turned fully to face Renji across the small area of the office, and his grin widened all the more at the tightness around the other's mouth. "Element of surprise, and all that." Giovanni didn't move when the other stepped forwards, closing the distance between them slightly, but whether it was just bravado or confidence or sheer stubbornness, even he himself wasn't sure.

"I don't know that I need element of surprise." The redhead looked Giovanni over appraisingly, trying to keep his own personal feelings out of the conclusion he drew. And, in the end, he couldn't help himself, as much as he would berate himself later, he knew. In two steps, he had seized Giovanni's wrists, gathering them in one hand at the small of the blonde's back. Not tight, not even in an unbreakable hold. Just enough to get them out of the way temporarily as he cupped his hand at the back of the blonde's neck and leaned in for a kiss. Hungry, desperate, all the things he wouldn't allow himself to show in his face, were manifest in the kiss. It was the only greeting he could think to give his lover. Former lover. Whatever he was.

Giovanni froze for a second or two, the suddenness of the situation (and the somethingnothing in the back of his head stirring again, just a tiny bit) the preciously short interval of stillness not lasting for much long as the blonde struggled, biting down on the other's lip hard enough to break the skin and draw blood before he wrenched himself away from the redhead, putting distance between them once more.

"Why do you keep doing this?" Giovanni wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, looking almost irritated, and the almost defensive look of wariness returned in the way he stood once more. "You don't have a place anymore. He--" Wiping away the specks of blood at the corner of his lips, Giovanni grinned. "He might as well be dead and gone."

The redhead sucked pensively at his own lip, tongue laving over it slowly. It hadn't hurt. Much. He was distracted by other things. Like how Giovanni had hesitated. Dogs didn't do that. They were instinct, and that had been something else. Renji took a few measured steps closer, eyes just slightly narrowed. "I do this, because your control clearly isn't as total as you'd like it to be. He wanted me to kiss him..." His voice dropped to a whisper, something soft and tantalizing, like silk running up a bare spine, swirling fingerprints. "I can see him in you, every time I do something you weren't expecting."

"It doesn't matter." Lips twisting into an ugly sneer, Giovanni took a few steps back to retain the distance between them, hands flexing once, twice, the orange gaze fixed on the redhead's form in the way that was almost reminiscent of a trapped animal, instead of the predator that he really, essentially was. The size of the office didn't help much, and soon the blonde found himself more or less cornered, the invisible hackles rising almost tangibly as did a low, half-annoyed (halfmenacing) growl from his throat. "He doesn't want to go back. We belong here."

"You're afraid," Renji breathed, taking a step forward for each one Giovanni took backwards. "You're afraid to let him stand before me and make the decision. You are afraid of me because he has learned that I am something he never has to fear. You are afraid of the fact that he trusts me, aren't you?" The shinigami closed those last few steps between them and in one fluid movement whisked the sunglasses from the blonde's face, carefully, but then threw them so hard against the far wall that they shattered. "No hiding," he murmured.

The snarl that came from the blonde's throat at the movement (turning his head away but a second too late as the other reached out) was anything but human as he watched the fragmented orange lenses dropping onto the floor. Giovanni slowly lifted his head up, the ends of the blonde bangs barely serving as a sort of cover (scars casting ugly jaggedtrailing shadows over the pale skin) and bared his teeth at the redhead, in the next moment reaching out to grab the front of the shinigami's shirt, grabbing fistfulls of cloth and material (that was strangely familiar, an ache in the back of his head) and using the momentum of(panicfearangerannoyanceneedtokilldestroybiteriptearblood) to swing them both around, slamming the redhead against the coner that he was (trapped)in just now.

The pale blonde hair shifted a little to reveal one eye, nothing more than pure blackdarkness rimmed with a thin ring of iceblue, the old scars (clawmarksrip them out with teethfingersclaws like he did) all the more prominent as Giovanni let out another wordless snarlgrowl, the words positively hissed out from between tightly clenched teeth. "He's ours."

The shinigami was completely unfazed by their change in positions, and made no response at all except for the hitching of breath. Not at being slammed against the wall so much as the glimpse of his lover's eyes. "Defensive, aren't we?" he purred, one hand slipping up into Giovanni's hair and gripping. Hard enough to keep the young man's head fairly immobile as his other hand raised. A slightly callused thumb brushed the delicate skin beneath one eye, tracing the scars in a way that only one who had memorized them could.

There was a slightest, barely-there shiver at the feel of the other's hand in his hair, gripping his head immobile and Giovanni couldn't help but to blink as Renji ran the pad of his thumb under one of his eyes, the sensation at once both slightly ticklish and sending shivers down the lenght of his spine that only had partly to do with apprehension or even anger. "Stop." Giovanni almost spatout (growledout) the word, untangling his hands from the front of the redhead's shirt to swat the hand away from his face, the other moving to wrap around the other wrist to pull Renji's hands away from him, body already moving away from the other, trying to regain back the distance, teeth bared in another soundless snarl. "Don't fucking touch me."

"Are you uncomfortable?" Renji murmured, his tone just this side of teasing. "I'll bet you don't like the fact that your body isn't in as much of your control as you thought it was. As you wanted it to be." He licked his lips, eyes dark with amusement and calculation. "He wants me to touch him. And I don't give a shit what you want." His hand, even when it was forcefully removed from Giovanni's hair, wrapped around the young man's lithe waist, drawing their bodies even closer together.

The blonde hissed in annoyance and anger as the other pulled them closer, planting his hands on the other's chest and trying to push away then digging his nails hard into Renji's forearm, almost clawing for the hold to release, to get the fuck away from the other male. "Let. Go." Giovanni hissed again, the blond hair falling back again to cover his eyes as he struggled. "We don't fucking need you--"

It was harder to restrain the blonde when he was the one being pinned to the wall, but somehow Renji managed it. He might even have been clinging to Giovanni, if he really thought about it. "I know that," he all but growled back. "And so what? I don't need you, either. I don't need anything. But I want you more than I've wanted anything in my life, and you're a damned liar if you try to deny that." Was he talking to Giovanni? The dog? Both of them? Renji couldn't even be sure.

"A damned liar?" Giovanni barked out a shortsharp laughter, the sound biting, almost hysterical in the madness of it, turning his head down and away, refusing to meet the other's eyes, getawaygetawaygetaway chanting endlessly in his head, making his movements all the more vicious and jerky in his attempts to push Renji away from him, to be left alone, to get away get out of here out of the city go away--

"I don't want you." Giovanni lifted his head up, the eyes unseen, covered behind messily scattered blonde bangs but the intent gaze fixed upwards, on Renji's face. A wide grin stretched over the palethin face, the corner of his lips still specked with blood(Renji's blood, it tasted so sweetsaltybitter) "We don't need you, and we don't fucking want you. Mother comes first always."

"Your voices are different, did you know that?" Renji was very good at hiding pain. He'd worked several lifetimes at it. His tone was almost bored, to counterbalance the fury in Giovanni's. Fury that didn't belong there, so far as he was concerned. "If he can look me in the eye, if he can tell me he doesn't want me, then I will leave and never come back." His heart wrenched, but he ignored the feeling. He could nurse it later. "If I get even the smallest hint that his actions, his words are guided by you, then you'll never see the end of me, until I am convinced that this is what he wants."

"Guiding?" Rough, grating half-amused (more angered) pseudo-laughter burst from the blonde's throat again, the mirthless grin still in place, never slipping. "We came to an agreement. Us both." The blonde made another attempt at pushing away, to get away from the other, the sheer heat from the redhead's body almost making him snarl again (even as his hand twitched uncertainly, just for a second, nothing more, fingertips pressing hard against the other's chest) "Whatever I do, he wants to, too."

"He never said any such thing to me," Renji murmured, his chest arching just slightly. Not too obvious, just the barest of encouragement of the touch. "I think you both knew he never could have gone through with it if he had..."

"Because you hardly matter to us." The blonde gripped the other's forearm, pushing the other away, trying to push away, hating the closeness, the warmth, the sheer stupidity of the redhead stop following us go away get away don't do this-- "You're nothing to us."

"Do you really think that I will ever believe that, coming from you?" Renji nearly hissed back, putting his face very close to Giovanni's, simply because he knew the dog didn't like it. "He is mine, until he tells me differently himself."

"He's ours." Redheatkill pooling in his gut, the sensation stronger than the strange heat from before, (killhimkillhimriphisthroatoutdrinkhisbloodplayinhisbloodkillkillkill) and Giovanni tilted his head slightly, moving back, leaning back, but still the stance of a predator; I can still kill you, just a matter of time. "He's always been ours, and noone else's. Made for us. For Mother. You hardly matter at all in the equation."

"And yet, you are still afraid," Renji all but purred. "You could tear my throat out with your teeth, and you're afraid of me. And I am not afraid of you."

The blonde merely bared his teeth and hissed(growled), as if he was unable to form any words anymore. He brought a hand up, clenched tightly into a fist and aimed a punch at the other's face, the need to get away just so overwhelming that he really wasn't thinking anymore. He needed to be out, away (away from this man), and he didn't care how.

Renji's head slammed sideways with the force of the punch, and he was slow to turn back to Giovanni. He knew it would not be the last blow sustained, and that didn't even make him pause as he turned them quickly, pressing the blonde firmly to the wall and kissing him again, more insistently than the last time. Perhaps a little needy. He knew he wasn't just seeing things, feeling them. He could tell his Giovanni was in there somewhere.

Giovanni made a frustrated, angry noise that was a half-snarl as he was pressed against the wall, but the sound was muffled as the redhead kissed him again, the insistent press of the other's body making it hard for the blonde to try to push him away. His hands fisted themselves around Renji's shirt again, pressingpushing against the other's chest. Let go. Go away (stay) we don't (pleasepleaseplease) need you go away, swimming inside his head it was so hard to concentrate--

Renji only paused in the kiss to trail his lips to Giovanni's ear, the brush of them a distinct contrast to the prior violence. He breathed a whisper into his lover's ear, tongue gentle on the lobe. "I love you, Giovanni." And he repeated it in a few other languages, just to be sure. "Please don't make me leave..."

A slightest noise, almost a whimper, left the blonde's mouth that was barely heard (barely there) over the growl that continued to rise from the back of his head, out his throat, a warning a threat a plea all jumbled up together into a confused mess (get away get away I'll kill you--). "L-leave," the word was a harsh, grating sound on his tongue, the blonde tilting his head against the words, almost as if he could push them away like how he was trying to push the redhead off him, even as his struggles faltered slightly. "We don't want you here--"

"Tell me you don't love me, and I will leave and never come back," Renji whispered, still in that utterly calm, warm tone. His own words made his heart throb painfully in his throat, and it was difficult to force them past his lips without choking on them, giving some indication of how much they hurt to say. "Cara mia, I know you're in there, and I know you don't want that. Not really." He nuzzled a path down from Giovanni's ear, along his throat, pressing the lightest of kisses to the edge of the metal plate where it bolted into the side of his neck.

"I--" The words caught in his throat, the blonde stilled, stopped the struggling, though his hands on the redhead's chest twitched and trembled slightly. Giovanni sucked in a half-gasp of a breath at the feel of kisses laid on his throat, exhaling it in a low, angry growl that was more confused(angryannoyed) than threatening. "S-Stop it."

The shinigami smiled softly against his lover's throat, relieved beyond all belief, though they were not out of the fire yet. This could still go badly. He took Giovanni's earlobe between this teeth, worrying it gently to distract himself. "Stop what?" he mumbled. "I'm not doing anything that you couldn't easily stop yourself, if you really wanted to."

Giovanni made another noise, a frustrated growl, more like, and struggled against the redhead, though the movement was more unsure than anything purposeful as like before. Jerky, hesitant. "That. Stop that." He twisted uselessly and shivered at the feel of teeth, another low, uncertain sound coming from deep within his throat. "Go away. Renji..."

"You know what I have to hear. Why can't you say it, Giovanni?" He said the name in a low, rolling purr. A perfect Italian accent. "Do you hate me? Why don't you tell me so, then? Tell me how you really feel about me."

"Because," the blonde's head fall back almost of its own accord, eyes closing shut behind the messy paleblonde locks of hair at the other's voice. His hands flexed nervously again, a part of him still trying to push Renji away, but somehow unable to. "I. Can't..."

The redhead finally allowed some space between them, but only so that he could lift his hands to cup the blonde's face. Gently, so gently... Had to be careful... "Why can't you?" Renji asked. "If you don't love me any more, I have a right to know..."

"I--" Slowly, his hands untangled, left the twisted fabric of Renji's shirt, and came to curl almost hesitantly around the other's wrists, barely any pressure or force behind it to actually push the redhead away. Giovanni flinched slightly at the touch, taking a few seconds before he could get the next words out, the strain obvious in his form, how he held himself. "Just leave." His hands tightened in contrast to the words. "It's better for-- for you. Both of us."

"I don't believe you," Renji informed him quietly. "I think that I can almost see you. The part of you that is mine and only mine."

The blonde's form stiffened slightly, the hands tightening once more, nails digging into the flesh of the other's wrist. "We're not yours." He hissed out, though the words were shaky at best. "L-leave."

"One of you is," Renji murmured back, not even wincing as nails cut into his skin. He didn't pause his touches, however, swirling fingertips gently across those scarred--beautiful--cheeks. "Don't stutter. It makes it obvious how much you don't mean what you say."

"Renji, you- I can't-" The words were cut off as Giovanni shuddered, taking a deep breath. His eyes slid shut at the touches to his cheeks, the fingers running over the scars making the eyelashes flutter in an almost spastic, nervous way. "I can't." He finally finished, lamely. not knowing just what he meant by it (can't leave can't say can't do anything, anything and nothing so fucking useless--)

"Giovanni." Renji's fingers were gentle but firm as he lifted the blonde's chin, bringing the young man's eyes to lock on his. "Either tell me you don't love me, or kiss me. Those are your two options. I know that's you in there. If you could have pushed me away, you would have done it already."

Giovanni blinked, the hair falling into his eyes messily as he jerked back, yet his hands were still holding onto the redhead, keeping him there, needing something that even himself (none of them both of them) couldn't explain. "I can't--" He took a quick gasp of air, letting go of Renji (leaningin leaningclose) and pressing his lips against the corner of the redhead's mouth, almost missing his lips altogether, his fingers weaving into the red locks and holding tightly. Giovanni pulled the other closer, even when his chest felt too crushed and tight it was hard to breathe already, letting out a slight whimper as he slumped a little. "I can't."

Renji turned them again, and sank down to the floor, leaning against the wall, and pulling Giovanni down with him. "I can't give up on you. It is physically impossible for me to, until give me absolutely no choice otherwise. We have not reached that point yet."

"Y-you have to." Despite his words Giovanni only pressed closer against the redhead, almost trying to memorize the feel of the other, it seemed, pressing his cheek against the other's jaw and taking a deep breath. "I can't do this. I don't want to.... I'm not..." I'm not worth all of this. Why are you doing this? Stop.

"No, I don't," the redhead insisted. His arms encircled the smaller frame, and Renji buried his face in the side of Giovanni's neck. "You're mine, and I want you more than breathing. Please don't try to push me away any more."

"They need me." The blonde replied numbly, his form shaking a little every time the voice snarled in his head (he doesn't need you he said so himself we need you Mother needs you she loves us loves you) His hands still tangled in red hair, Giovanni tilted his head back slightly, eyes sliding shut as he breathed in slow, the familiar smell making something deep inside him ache. "I can't leave."

"For what?"

"Data loss." Giovanni replied, his tone almost sluggish, like a child, still caught up in the feelsmelltaste of Renji (this is just some sort of hallucination, right? This couldn't be real) to be really thinking about anything. "They need me for the tests. Mother needs me."

"That sounds like 'using you'," Renji pointed out gently, beginning to stroke gently through blonde locks. "There is a difference between needing and wanting, you know. Wanting implies a choice. Of any other options, you are the one I want. Needing implies that there are no other options." His words, tone were careful. Didn't want to fuck this up now...not when he finally had Giovanni back in his arms, where he belonged.

There was a slight tenseness at the words, fingers tightening and inadvertently pulling at the shinigami's hair as Giovanni paused, Renji's words slowly sinking in, registering. "But it's Mother." The blonde muttered, beginning to pull back slightly, frowning a little as if confused, a little uncertain, maybe. "It's Mother."

"Shhh..." Renji soothed, because it was all he could do, honestly. He'd noticed his lover tense up; he did not want to bring the dog back out. "I know it is." The words Everyone needs to leave their mother someday sprang to mind and then were discarded. That would do nothing to set Giovanni's mind at ease. He rested his chin on the young man's shoulder, mouthing gently over the side of his throat. "I'm sorry..."

"She needs me," Giovanni practically sighed the words out, the stiff line of his shoulders easing back as he relaxed slightly again. The heady, drugged sort of feeling (dreaming, he could only be imagining this, right? So it wasn't it wasn't real) was only enhanced by the feel of the other's mouth at his throat, it seemed, and the blonde pulled the other closer, but with an uncertain pause halfway through the motion. "So.. So I can't."

"You also don't need to decide anything now," the shinigami hummed. "And you definitely aren't going to get rid of me until you can actually do it properly." He walked his fingers up and down Giovanni's spine in an attempt to relax him further, to perhaps distract him from the more unpleasant thoughts. "Do you think we can stay here for a while? I'm not ready to leave yet. And I will be back."

Giovanni curled against the touches, perhaps pressing closer against the redhead than what could have been possible, don't let him go never ever ever. "I- I don't know." Slight tremor passed through his body again and the blonde ducked, resting his forehead against the crook of the shinigami's neck, trying to breathe evenly. "I'm sorry."

Renji dropped his head, using his lips against Giovanni's to lift his lover's head, bring their eyes to meet. His tongue was hesitant, brushing against the younger man's lower lip. "I love you," he mumbled, before deepening the kiss, just enough to invite the blonde to do so as well. He didn't want to do anything Giovanni didn't want him to, and he wanted to make sure that this was alright. He knew he was in hostile territory, and he didn't care.

It was hesitant, almost scared, even, the way that Giovanni almost jerked back at the kiss, though the movement was stilled with an effort halfway through. (fingers wrapping themselves aroundinto the red hair with a shudder, the tips turning positively blue from the tight grip) The blonde let out a shaky breath and pressed closer against Renji, eyes sliding shut, seemingly trying to force everything out (--I'm sorry I'm sorry not good enough sorry I didn't mean to so sorry I never wanted this--)

And the next moment he was pulling away, pushing away, almost stumbling back in the process but managing to get to his feet, both hands smoothing down the front of his shirt as if he could somehow wipe some invisible stains on the shirt, brush the dust away, perhaps. Giovanni lifted his head and (opening his mouth, but no sound coming out, just a pained gasp, the beginnings of a snarl at the edges of the noise) motioned wordlessly at the redhead, all the while the palescarredwide eyes never quite leaving Renji's face. Go.

It hurt. Almost a physical hurt, to do what he knew was necessary. Giovanni had held the beast off for longer, maybe, than he had even expected. "I will be back," he promised softly. "I don't think I know how to give up on you." And then, before he witnessed the dog's return for himself, he left, as quickly as he could. Before he changed his mind.