Log Post. Renji + Giovanni.
Who: Giovanni and Renji. (And Giovanni's Dog)
What: Absolute cracktardedness. Talking about things. And angst happens, and Renji and Dog talk it out. Sort of.
Where: The City. Umm. Around the random districts. And then a random hotel.
When: After the private entry in Giovanni's journal and much crack between both of them.
Why: Because we wanted more logging. And these two are cute. I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE ANGST CAME FROM BUT THERE'S THAT TOO. IT IS MUCH ANGST.
Also: None of you saw this. :3
Giovanni shifted slightly, almost uneasily so, in his seat, watching the heavy dirty stained brickworks rushing past the train window. A hand came to rest on the glass lightly, palm pressed flat against it, and the corner of his lips tightened a little. Mother hadn't been too pleased about him spending so much time away from home, lately.
Ignoring the sharp sort of maybe-pain (the prickle under his skin almost like burning needles) Giovanni felt the train starting to slow down under him, the metal frame almost shuddering with effort as it breaked into the station. The blonde took a deep breath of the smokey air and almost unconsciously brushed back his hair from the orange glasses, and stood up to get off, feeling almost... almost nervous.
Renji was waiting at the train station this time, leaning against a pillar near the platform. He was completely oblivious to how nervous Giovanni was, in the face of his own nervousness, the fact that he had no idea what to expect. The situation was so strange, so new. He liked it, but it was terrifying. They didn't even really know each other that well. Though, he was rather hoping to amend that fact, at least.
And there it was; Renji's hair was unmistakable, the bright, almost alluring shade of red standing out even amid the billowing steam and smoke pervading the station. Perhaps even more so, because of that. Giovanni made his way towards the redhead, weaving through the crowd almost effortlessly, though the strange feeling deep in his gut didn't disappear. If any, it only increased even more when Giovanni finally stood in front of Renji. "..." He licked his lips, suddenly completely at a loss for words. But then, what could he have said? "-Hi."
Words were an inadequacy, when Renji was faced with the source of his confusion, and a wealth of emotions he couldn't even begin to fathom. They were in public, and he couldn't quite bring himself to care as he leaned in carefully and brushed their lips together, a question as much as it was a greeting.
A part of him tensed, momentarily stunned by Renji's action; they were in public, and this wasn't quite the same as being in an alley, or at least partly-shadowed restaurant. This was a train station, with at least a thousand people and twice that amount of eyes. But another part of him made Giovanni lean up into the lightcareful brushing of lips, a hand rising to cup the shinigami's jaw lightly.
He would not have been offended, in this situation, had Giovanni pulled away, but Renji's heart leapt into his throat when the young man didn't. He smiled into the kiss, but didn't deepen it, and a moment later pulled back just enough that he could look at the other. "Hi," he murmured, the vaguest hint of teasing in his tone as he slipped an arm comfortably around his lover's waist. "Where are we going today?" he asked. "Any ideas?"
Giovanni drew closer to the redhead but that was only partly because of Renji's arm around his waist, and his hand found Renji's, carefully laying his own, slightly smaller hand over the other's. The grin on the blonde's face, when it appeared, still had the slightest tinge of nervousness, but there was something different about how the corners of his lips quirked up, as well. The look went with the feeling in his gut, coiling and tight and warm and giddy all at once. "Not really sure..." Giovanni answered, looking up at the other. This won't be the last time he felt the pang of nervous uncertainty. "Unless you want to have a look around?" Not that there was anything much to see, but the blonde didn't really care much. The warmth at his side, around his waist was...strangely reassuring.
"I'd like to get to know this place you're from," Renji replied almost shyly. Almost, because certainly no one as large and obvious as the redhead was could possibly be shy, right? He grinned and gave the blonde a light squeeze, pointedly ignoring the way his own face displayed his nervousness as clearly as did that of the other man. "Lead the way," he purred.
Giovanni had never seen the entire city himself, either. He doubted if anyone had. Divided into too many districts, too many levels, separated by garbage and steel metalwork buildings and dirty buildings and gangs (oh, so many, just like rats), the city was a myriad of streets, side-streets, and blind alleyways. A regular old Labyrinth where monsters lurked.
And after all, what (if any) contact that Giovanni'd had in this city above, had been almost strictly related to his wayward brother, following his daily life, the fights, the usual routes that he took.
So, Giovanni mainly stuck to the familiar streets, the tall (dirty, but still imposing) European buildings on either side of the streets, almost unconsciously following his usual trail after Haine.
Renji had seen quite a bit of the world (his world), and yet this city was unlike anything he had ever seen before. The amalgamation of it was mind-boggling, the juxtaposition of cultures, one next to another when, in his own experience, those cultures were divided by distance, geography, borders of some kind.
And, he wondered at the path they were taking. Giovanni was guided by something. "Where are we going?" he asked, after the young man had taken yet another turn, for what seemed like no logical reason.
Where were they going? Giovanni's attention (drifting away, like an animal intent on hunting; but he wasn't here, wasn't anywhere near here, useless hunting after an elusive target) focused back onto the redhead at the question and he slowed his steps slightly, looking around at them for a few seconds before answering. "-Nowhere in particular." The orange gaze flickered up at Renji, the tiniest of almost-smile, mostly-nervousness on the thin lips.
The redhead grinned back, leaning in to brush another kiss-this one for reassurance-against Giovanni's lips. "It doesn't really matter. I've got nowhere to be. This place is very interesting." That, and he simply enjoyed being in the other man's presence. "I'm fine with anything, as long as it's with you," he mumbled, gaze flickering up to meet what were probably Giovanni's eyes behind the sunglasses, before dropping, as he smiled to himself and flushed faintly.
A slight shiversomething (something strange, something unfamiliar but definitely not bad) ran up the length of the blonde's spine at that. Even though Renji couldn't see his eyes, couldn't technically meet his gaze, the redhead's eyes, along with the words, made the blonde reach up and turn the other's face towards him.
There.. There was something, something that he couldn't quite put his finger on, something that he didn't know (because he was never taught to feel, no, only to bite and hurt and hunt and kill-)
"I should say.. It's the same, for me." The blonde said, feeling rather mortified and (awkwardshyflusteredsomething) all at once.
When Renji was facing Giovanni again, there was no hesitation. He fairly pounced the blonde, gently pressing him to the building they had paused beside, and kissed him thoroughly, adoring the words, the tone, the mortification even. They were all Giovanni. "Is there anywhere more private we can go?" he asked breathlessly after a few moments. "I'd like to get to know you better, and maybe you'd like to do the same?"
It would be fair to say that Giovanni was rather taken aback by the other's reaction, but the blonde merely tilted his head against the other and laughed, the kiss unexpected but not unwelcomed, per se. Giovanni caught his breath when they broke away, his hands moving to perch lightly on the other's shoulders. "There aren't too many places you could go with that option," the blonde breathed, the voice still holding an echo of the laughter. "Unless you would risk going to a hotel again-"
The redhead grinned back, feeling vaguely sheepish at the intensity of his response, but otherwise unfazed. "Wherever you think is best." He didn't ask why Giovanni seemed averse to taking him wherever the blonde lived. He knew there was probably a very good reason, and he imagined the blonde would get to it soon enough. It probably had something to do with the siblings his lover was so intent upon keeping him away from.
There were many cafes and suchlike strewn around the city, not to mention restaurants and whatever else besides, but the part in Giovanni (the cautious part, the alert part, the practical part, the one most in tune with the creature inside him) riled at being exposed to the public for so long. Not to mention this newfound strange feelings that seemed to confuse his senses and thoughts. No, they needed a quiet place, and that only left a hotel.
The blonde took the shinigami's hand with the minimum amount of fluttercontractingshiver in his chest (again, his heart skipping a beat at the contact) and started to lead them away once more, glancing around them for a few seconds to get his bearings before deciding upon a place.
The shinigami followed along, his own heart skipping at the feel of their fingers entangled, heading somewhere. Anywhere was fine, really. [To hell in a handbasket? Sure, you had to go sometime... And also what the hell was a handbasket?] He shot glances at Giovanni at least as often as he did their surroundings, wondering where the blonde would take them, and what he was going to say, what they would both say, when they got there.
The practical side of him (all efficientstarkstern but faltering ever so slightly at the feel of their fingers, the other's skin against his, his own heartbeat seemngly pounding through every minute capillaries and blood vessels) lasted for as long as Giovanni managed to secure a room, up the lift, and inside the door, pulling the redhead in after him and shutting the door very quietly. After that-
Blank.
Giovanni bit his lower lip and looked around (rather nervously) at the room, his other hand moving up to brush the slightly tousled blonde hair from his forehead.
As soon as the door was closed and locked behind them, Renji disregarded all pretenses and wrapped his arms around Giovanni's waist, burying his face against the side of his lover's neck in an attempt to soothe away some of the young man's obvious anxiety. He knew that he was part of the source of it, yes, just as the other was part of the reason he was so nervous, but at the same time if they didn't have to put up a front around strangers, it would help. "Is this better?" he hummed.
At the first touch from the redhead Giovanni relaxed, almost slumping against the other's body. The blonde's arms, in turn, wrapped themselves loosely around Renji's shoulders, and he quietlydeeply breathed in the redhead's scent, breathing in Renji. He still didn't quite know what it was, how to describe the scent. It was thick, but not to the point of overpowering. But it still managed to be the first scent that captured Giovanni, amid all the others around the city that were possibly more potent. "Hmm, yes." Giovanni murmured, his grip tightening just a fraction.
The shinigami felt him relax, and smiled, fingers working in a light massage up the center of the young man's spine. "There were some things you were going to tell me," he prompted quietly after a few minutes. "And there are some things I'd like to tell you about myself, as well." One of which was really more of a demonstration, but that was really neither here nor there. Luckily it was a fairly large hotel room.
The blonde lifted his head slightly, though any sort of alarm or anxiety that he might have felt was mostly dissipated by the other's close presence and the touches to his back. "-There were." Giovanni answered with a hint of uncertainty; not of having to tell (because, somehow, he needed to do this) but of how.
Gently but persistently, Renji tugged Giovanni over to the bed, kicked off his shoes, and curled up on it, leaving plenty of space beside him for the blonde. "Well, take your time," he murmured warmly. "You seem like a far more private person than I am."
The blonde strayed long enough for him to take off his shoes and jacket, fingers loosening the knot of the silk tie, before he crawled onto the bed beside Renji. He laid a hand on the other's forearm and drew himself close beside the man, letting out a short breath of air, an almost-sigh. "I.. don't know where to start, though." He began rather unsurely, gaze flicking up towards the shinigami.
Renji draped an arm across Giovanni's hips, tugged him imperceptibly closer. "Well, you could start by telling me a little about yourself," he hummed thoughtfully. "And then move on to whatever it was you were intending to talk about. Random things. It doesn't really matter."
Slowly, slowly, Giovanni reached up and tugged the silk tie completely loose, carefully dropping it on the bedside table. The top three buttons of his shirt followed, almost equally as slowly opened by pale fingers. "This," he started, carefully not looking at Renji, and brushed his own fingers against the metal collar bolted to his neck. He fought down a shudder, a vague sense of revulsion, with effort. Might as well get it over with, like taking a round of bullets in your gut. "-is from a genetic experiment. Government-funded. Best-kept secret. Location unknown, except for the fact that it's underground, even further below the city."
Renji didn't like the response that Giovanni had had, touching the collar, and he reached out himself, brushed his own fingers against it gently, licked his lips pensively. "I know...a litttle of that," he admitted quietly. "Badou wouldn't leave me alone until I promised to do some research. I can't say I understood it all, though."
Giovanni let out a little sound at it, a short bark of a laughter, though it shouldn't really have been called a laughter, really. It was a completely different sort to what he'd made, back down at the streets, the kiss still tingling on his lips. The soft touch of the other made the blonde shiver softly, his hands twitching a little before stilling once more. "Ah, Eyepatch." The tone was light, but the voice wasn't quite. "I knew he'd do something like that."
"I didn't," the redhead replied. "I didn't realize he cared one way or another." He looked away. "Though I think that was mostly because he didn't like me hitting on him the way I used to." In a word, a lot. He dropped a light trail of kisses down the side of Giovanni's neck.
"He doesn't care," Giovanni answered, his voice quiet, even as he tilted his head against the light kisses to his neck, sighing softly. "I don't think he gives an ounce of shit about anything as long as he gets his booze and cigarettes and whores." But that wasn't the point, right? They didn't come here to talk about Badou. What Eyepatch thought was none of Giovanni's concern, certainly. One of his hands found Renji's hair, smoothing it back from the other's face, the motion as much to calm himself down as the other. "-What did you find, then?"
The redhead was almost certain that that was not the case. He didn't disagree with Giovanni, however. Renji preened slightly in his lover's touch and sighed comfortably. "Well, what you just said, mostly. I didn't look very deeply. Just enough to make Badou happy if he asked." He gave the blonde a small smile. "I wanted you to tell me this stuff."
The corner of his lips quirked up, very slightly, in return to the other's smile, and Giovanni spent the next few moments absently running his fingers through Renji's hair. "I'd be interested to know just how much he knows, then." Though, with his wayward brother as a partner, the smoker had a higher chance than most.
Giovanni glanced down at the other male, breathing carefully and quietly. "I don't remember anything before I woke up. I don't know how many of us were there. I was.." Giovanni stopped, to force some air into his lungs, his grip tightening minutely on the other's hair. "I was number 68. Cerberus project." The name seemed to come from a different tongue, different mouth(muzzle stained with blood) altogether, almost hissing out from the blonde's lips.
"Shhh..." the shinigami purred, right against Giovanni's throat, nuzzling the edge of the collar softly. "That's so many," he breathed, unable to raise his voice above a whisper. "What was the purpose of this project?" He had a vague idea he knew what it was, but he wasn't completely sure he wanted to know, nor voice his own opinion about it.
The Something underneath paused slightly, almost poisedbalanced on the verge of (attackingsomethinganythingeverything), at the soft touches to Giovanni's throat, the sinews and muscles tense, almost trembling with the effort to keep still. And slowly, ever-so-slowly, the blonde relaxed back, though there still was the slightest of tremor in his fingerstouches to Renji's hair. "Wars, I think. War and money. That's about the only thing that most of them think about." Giovanni drew closer to the other, resting his head atop the other's with a soft exhale of breath. "It didn't go as planned, though."
Of course. Humans and their weapons. But this time they had gone much further, turning other humans into their weapons, instead of simply crafting them. "What went wrong?" he asked, fingers continuing to brush soothingly up and down Giovanni's spine, trying to placate, calm. Encourage him to continue talking, and trying not to interrupt too much with his own questions.
This time, the laughter rose up almost of its own accord. It wasn't the darkerbitter one from before, or even the lighter one from before that either. It was something else, jealousyhatredaffectionanythingeverything that couldn't possibly be expressed through words. "Haine," Giovanni said softly, half-feeling the touches to his back, his attention mostly on the warmth the other's body provided. Warmth, and comfort. "It's always the best of the bunch."
The redhead tensed imperceptibly at the sound of the strange, nearly unpleasant (inasmuch as Renji could find anything about Giovanni unpleasant) laughter. "What made him the best, cara mia?" he murmured, dropping a few kisses against the blonde's throat.
Breathe, breathe. Drop your heartbeats, because they're too loud, too fast. Control your breathing. Control yourself. Breathe.
Giovanni shuddered against the shinigami for a short moment before carefully stilling himself again, fingers resuming their careful brushing through the red locks of hair. "Mother always liked him best." He had to stop and take another shallow, shuddering breath, the laughter threatening to burst out again. "He was the best one, always."
"Forgive me for saying so, but that doesn't sound like much of a Mother, if she would play favourites," Renji murmured, hoping that he wasn't out of line to say so. However, he didn't want Giovanni to take such a slight seriously, did not want Giovanni to think himself inferior in any way.
"Oh, but she was right, you know." Giovanni's voice was almost as quiet as the other's, barely loud enough to be heard over the sound of their breathing. "He was the best. He was the strongest, the fastest, the smartest..." The blonde grinned slightly, though it didn't really have anything behind it; just a baring of teeth, stretch of lips. "The one who won. And got away."
Renji's arms tightened protectively around the blonde. "Do you want to get away?"
Carefully, carefully, Giovanni stilled himself (muscle by muscle joint by joint carefulcareful) hardly daring to even breathe. "-I don't know." He murmured out finally, honestly not knowing what to say.
"I am not going to argue one way or another," Renji murmured neutrally, "but I don't want you to think that it isn't an option, if you want it to be." He slid a hand up, gently, into Giovanni's hair.
"..." The blonde tilted his head slightly, leaning into the touch to his hair. His form relaxed a little against the other's, idly twining red hair between his fingers. "-Thanks."
Renji nipped lightly at the blonde's jaw, dropped a few more kisses on his pale skin. "Was there anything more you wanted to say?" he murmured. "Or I could talk a bit about myself if you wanted to give it a rest."
"Not.. not very much." Giovanni's breath hitched in his throat at the light nipping, and he shifted slightly against the redhead. There had been something, though just what 'it' had been, Giovanni couldn't quite remember right now, all his senses seemingly focused on Renji. He trailed his other hand down along the shinigami's jaw, and softly down the side of his throat, almost as an immitation of the touches given to him. "I would.. like to hear more about you, as well."
"Well, I may as well start from the beginning, hmmm?" he murmured, sighing contentedly with the light touches, his eyes drooping pleasantly. "I'm not sure exactly how old I am anymore, but I was eight when I died." His voice was cool, emotionless, utterly detached. "It's been more than a century since then. Strange to think my life didn't truly begin until after I was killed."
The blonde softly pressed his palm against the side of the other's throat, feeling the pleasant buzzmurmur of the shinigami's voice. He, however, looked up at Renji at the words, the gaze and experssion both quite unreadable through the orange lenses. When he spoke, however, it was quiet, almost tentative. "--Killed?"
Renji glanced down at Giovanni, and inexplicably smiled, though that smile was humourless. "Though it happens more than one would think, it is a bit unbelievable that anyone would kill an eight-year-old...especially that eight-year-old's own father. I still find it a bit unbelievable." He pressed a kiss to Giovanni's temple. "My father was a violent man, and my brother, mother, and I knew it. He would pick one of us to take his frustrations out on. It was usually my brother, because I was better at hiding, and my mother would just stay out of it, glad it wasn't her." And, strangely enough, it was she that Renji still blamed for it. He didn't admit to it, but he was sure that the sentiment was clear from the disgust in his voice.
Giovanni brought his hand back up to the redhead's face, brushing over the other's jaws and the cheek as he leant in to the kiss, pressing one of his own against the other's neck afterwards. Renji's family. A part of him understood it (but that was also the darker part of him, the part that ripped and tore and killed, tasting blood in his teeth and loving it) but the other part shuddered slightly. It was different. His family was nothing but name, held together by the same collar, the same scars. Renji was different. Giovanni slowly ran his other hand through Renji's hair again, leaning in close to press his lips against the skin of his neck again.
The redhead blinked, and glanced at Giovanni in vague surprise (though he wasn't sure where the surprise had come from), before giving the blonde a genuine smile and briefly dipping his head to press their lips together. "I was shocked to find that death was not as final as I thought it was. You have only seen the more pleasant part of Soul Society. The normal spirits, they reside in in a different part, called Rukongai. It is further divided into districts. Those closer to Seireitei are pleasant. I was in one of the furthest districts out. I had a group of friends there. We ran like a pack of feral dogs."
A pack of dogs.
The reference made the blonde's lips twitch slightly, a slow, almost hidden thing that could have been from the other's words, or from the kiss. He himself didn't quite know for sure, either. "-Why are there differnt parts?"
"Basic geography. It's all laid out in a circle around Seireitei. Obviously, the districts closer would be better controlled, since shinigami can watch them better. The districts further out largely get ignored. I visit Inuzuri pretty frequently, but there really isn't much I can do. They're set in their ways, and one person can't police an area that large." Renji shrugged slightly. Unfortunately, the politics of it didn't bother him as much as it used to. He wondered if he was desensitized to it, living in such comfort for so long.
Giovanni listened carefully, his expression unreadable but for the slightest air of curiosity. After all, that one time Renji had taken him to his world was the first time that the blonde had been to outside the city. And judging by the shinigami's words, it must be just as large as the city they were in right now, if not bigger. He ran his hand over the other's shoulder, as if checking to see if Renji is actually real. All of his movements, his actions, it held a degree of curiousity and wonder, almost like a little kid. "So, how did you..." A vague gesture with his hand and Giovanni frowned slightly, though it was more to himself than not. "...What did you do?"
"Well, it's a rare thing, but some ghosts have spiritual pressure. It usually first presents with the ability to use Kidou." Renji's eyes rolled up to the ceiling in thought. "They're a sort of magic power, for lack of a better description. Those are the spirits who can become shinigami." He was getting ahead of himself, though, and he paused again, to collect his thoughts. "My friends and I, we met Rukia, and while she is by no means tame, as you might have noticed, she was our star. I was the leader of our little gang, but she...was so much more than that.
"Don't ask me to explain it, because I'm not sure how it works myself, but our friends died. Again. She and I were the only ones left, and she and I were the only ones who had ever shown any spectacular ability to manipulate spiritual pressure. You have to take an examination to be permitted to train to become a shinigami, and we both passed it. It was an agreement we made on our friends' graves, that we would both persevere, become shinigami, become strong."
Giovanni tilted his head slightly, silently listening to the other's words. It was.. hard to understand, somewhat, but it was enough, for now. And... He leant his head against the other's shoulder and quietly breathed in, the redhead's scent somehow managing to be calming and stimulating all at the same time. "I think.. I think I can see now." Giovanni ran his fingers over Renji's hair again, twining some around his fingers. "Why Rukia's so worried." Of sorts, really. But Giovanni could feel that she was, even a little bit. He had taken it to be against himself, but...perhaps not.
"She's worried because I have a history of doing stupid shit. We have been very different animals for a while now. This might initially have been a bit reckless of me, but I think she'll be okay with it once she realizes that that is no longer the case." It would always be dangerous between them, of course, but it was a manageable risk.
"Hmm." Giovanni glanced up at the other, though he was sure Renji couldn't really see it. He could feel the corners of his lips tugging upwards though, and nuzzled the shinigami's throat lightly. "And does she think I'm one of those stupid shit?"
Renji hummed, the sound nearly a soft moan, as his head tilted back. "You personally? No, I don't think so. Sex with a near-complete stranger? Definitely. Though it didn't bother her as much when the near-complete stranger was a friend of hers, so I suppose it is the fact that you are an unknown variable, in general." The answer was an honest one, and probably volunteered more information than was completely necessary.
Something in that tone, in the words, caught Giovanni's attention and he looked up again, his gaze unseen but definitely there, focused on Renji's face almost as if to study it. (and in a way, he was learning) "A...friend?"
There was the most imperceptible of winces. "Yeah. Matt. You met him too, I think." Renji bit his lower lip, hard enough to draw blood. "She acted funny then, too, of course, but I think that's mostly because she doesn't like thinking about the fact that people actually have sex."
"Is that," Giovanni's tone was soft, almost deliberately so, and something inside him bristled and rose up (shaking the water from its fur, the madness in its eyes already burning mine mine mine MINE) despite(against) his will. "Is that what you were going to tell me, before? About him?"
Renji flushed slightly without even noticing. The tone of Giovanni's voice was awful, and he hated that it was his fault it sounded like that. "More I was going to explain that we hadn't spoken in months at that point, and then he comes out of the woodwork to tell me how stupid I'm being, and to treat you like he did. That is what I meant, when I told you he didn't have any right to be acting the way he was. If we had stayed on good terms, that would be one thing, but he stopped talking altogether."
He took a slowquiet breath, ignoring the growl rising inside him, pushing it down, but it took more effort than was expected, more force, making his body stiffen slightly. (And all the while the wordlessvoiceless anger in his ears in his head he was mine, mineminemine) It wasn't like he was trying to blame Renji. He had almost expected a talk like this to come up, after all. Giovanni wasn't stupid. What he didn't expect was his own reaction to it. And by all accounts, Renji's words had the slightest edgetint of an excuse. "-Oh."
There was a tension in the blonde's voice that Renji couldn't ignore, and his eyes closed in resignation. He'd expected that sort of response, really. Giovanni may have been inexperienced, but that was certainly preferable to being someone else's picked-over seconds. After all, the redhead's explanation had made it pretty clear that he hadn't been the one to end it, and in retrospect he knew there could have been a better way to word it. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I know I'm no prize, but I did mean everything I've said to you."
He wanted time to think. He wanted space. Space to be alone (but never alone, the whisperpurrgrowling still thick in his ears, under his skin) maybe to calm down mostly to think and Giovanni almost made as if to move away, stopping himself a heartbeat before he moved. His fingers in Renji's hair twitched slightly, imperceptively.
But.. if he moved now, it'll be over. All of this. And he wasn't sure if he wanted that.
Giovanni's voice was still quiet, still calm still controlled (so very very carefully done) and this time, he didn't tremble. "Did you?"
Renji shivered, though he remained perfectly still except for that slight involuntary movement. Not because he was afraid of Giovanni (because he wasn't, not even knowing a bit more about what made the blonde so dangerous), but because he was afraid of the repercussions for what he'd said. "I meant every last word," he whispered. "I have never lied to you," he didn't lie to anyone, really, "and I didn't even mince words when it would have been smarter to do so. I only wanted to be honest; I didn't realize-" But you should have, a voice hissed in his brain, exactly like a serpent might sound if it had vocal chords.
The thing inside him riled against the words, the feeble (oh, all too feeble) bonds holding it down (holding it back), snarling and straining just under his skin. Giovanni could feel it. Anger. It was angry, though at what, he couldn't quite focus (not like this, not here). It was very angry. And Giovanni wasn't stupid.
A part of him-the part of himself that remained unmoving, the part that wasn't yanking back his throat ripping out the fleshbloodbones minemineminemine-carefully (all his movements were careful, right now) took his hands off the other's body, slowlycarefully moving to redo the buttons of his shirt, almost mechanically so. "-It's okay." Giovanni answered just as softly, his voice almost as toneless as his face, being very careful to not look at the redhead.
(because looking at him right now might just bring the monster to the surface)
He took a breath. "-It's okay."
But was it? The tone of the blonde's voice, the way he moved, --Renji could tell that something was completely and totally wrong, and it wasn't just him, though he had most certainly caused it. He couldn't touch, because Giovanni had broken contact with an obvious deliberation, so in soft, even tones he began to recite. Of all the poetry and song lyrics he'd found and quoted to Giovanni, one had stuck with him. He'd read it over and over, because unlike the rest, it was not even remotely a romantic poem. In quiet English, with slightly British accents, he whispered Byron's "Darkness", without missing a line, a word, a cadence of tone. He wondered if Giovanni would see in it the same things he had.
And that was it, really. Renji's voice. Hearing it. It was rather ironical that, after all that effort to not look at the redhead, all it really took was for Giovanni to hear Renji's voice. Really, it would have been funny (if it just wasn't) and in a blur and a few seconds(not even a few seconds, not even a few heartbeats) Giovanni was there, pinning the shinigami down, his hands clamping down almost painfully on the other's shoulders.
It was Giovanni, but at the same time, it wasn't him, lacking the almost smooth grace of the blonde's movements, lacking the subtle grin-smile-smirk of the male. And now, with Renji pinned underneath him, it grinned widely out of Giovanni's face.
"All earth was but one thought-and that was death, immediate and inglorious." He-it-quoted softly, mockingly, carefully moving to brush a hand down the side of the redhead's face. It shifted its gaze momentarily to the other's hair; beautiful. Almost the exact shade of fresh blood. It idly wondered how the man's blood would taste like. It would be fun if his blood matched the colour of his hair.
It looked back down at the shinigami, and smiled. There was nothing resembling a smile about it. "How would you like to die again if you could, Reeeenji...?"
A shiver raced down the redhead's spine, as if something cold and wet had just trickled down to pool at the small of his back. Renji kept absolutely motionless beneath the blonde. This was not his Giovanni. His eyes were slightly wider than usual, but otherwise his face was expressionless, though his heart was beating faster than normal, giving him away. "Do you want to hurt me?" he murmured calmly. "It is certainly within your rights to do so. But I don't think Giovanni wants me dead." He knew that this person, creature, was different from his lover.
It felt the other's (fastrabbitlikeracing) heartbeat under the fingertips, the hands pressingpressing down, and smiled(grinned) again, a tongue flicking out to run over its lower lip. The blonde leant down carefully, the gaze never leaving Renji's, until they were almost nose-to-nose. "But I am Giovanni," he(it) breathed, amusement clear in his voice.
"And yet, there is enough of a difference that he doesn't want to kill me," Renji pointed out, still calmly. He reached up and brushed his fingers slowly down the young man's shoulder, resting lightly on his arm. This was shockingly similar to dealing with Ichigo and his Hollow, and the redhead couldn't deny he'd rather hoped those days were behind him.
There was a change. A minute one, but still. The playful air all but disappeared from the creature (because really, you couldn't call it anything else besides that) as he carefully stiffened, grip tightening around the redhead's shoulders. "I would appreciate," it began softly, the voice dangerously quiet (like snake like a predator prowling through tall grass) "if you didn't touch this body."
"Why?" Renji's voice was deliberately neutral, though he could have voiced it as a challenge. He knew better than that. You didn't toy with an animal when it could rip your throat out, and you definitely did not invite it to do so.
"Because you annoy me." The blonde dug his nails into the other's shoulders slightly, grip flexing a little before it regained some semblance of composure, and grinned down at the shinigami again. So little distance between your neck and my teeth, hmm?
"And you hurt him." The reference was unmistakable, and the creature cocked his head a little to one side, looking down at Renji with expression that was half-curious, half-excitement(almost savouring the words themselves). "Why else do you think I could be here, hmm, Renji?"
Renji winced and averted his eyes. "I didn't mean to," he whispered, biting his lower lip. "I didn't realize--" But you should have, that voice hissed again. The redhead returned his gaze to the creature that was Giovanni, lifting his chin slightly. "Take it out of my flesh, then," he whispered. "Do you not think that what you are doing would make him unhappy?"
When the creature spoke again, the voice was silky, smooth, like liquid poured honey. "Poor little Giovanni." Low and mocking and purring and dangerous (you're treading on thin ice, there, and it's beginning to crack-). The blonde let out a shortsharp bark of a laughter, mouthlips split open in a wide, mad grin that was at complete odds with the mocking sympathetic tone of his voice. "Poor little Giovanni. Always the second-best, not even second-best. An afterthought." He(It) shrugged fluidly, still not taking his eyesgaze off the redhead. "If anything, he'll thank me for all this."
The redhead hissed at that, anger flaring to life in his eyes. He would take whatever punishment was due to him, but he did not want to hear this creature saying such things. Giovanni was not inferior. "Do you think he is second-best, or are you just parroting what he has been told?"
It merely bared his teethfangs in a silent snarl(mirthless grin endless mocking I'll rip you apart to shreds). "We've always been the second-best." He stated, the tone of his voice shifting to a low growl, hackles rising almost visibly. Close, too close. It was running out of patience, running out of amusement to toy with the redhead anymore. It was out for blood and soon. "Always. He just wasn't good enough. If the whitehair didn't run away, he would have been just put down-"
"Good enough for what exactly?" And now there was a hint of challenge in Renji's tone. "Good enough to be a weapon? He shouldn't be one."
The creature leant back slightly, still snarling still angry the almost visible aurasomething of fur bristling. He slowed his breathing, dug his nailsclaws into the other's shoulders a little more, and grinned down at him. "Not good enough for anything. He's useless."
In one sustained ripple of stored energy, Renji surged up, flipping them, but the bed wasn't big enough, and they landed on the floor, hard. His fingers dug into the blonde's shoulders, as if that would do anything to restrain the creature should it choose to retaliate. "He is not useless, and you are a traitor to the skin you wear for saying any such thing," he all but snarled.
An answering snarl was heard from the creature beneath him, simultaneously both a mockery and a challenge all at once conveyed in that animalistic noise. Playing rough, are they now? He was getting tired of all the wordplay, anyway. And wild dogs liked to play. "He is useless, and he knows it." The creature hissed out in retaliation, bringing a knee up to the other's stomach, tightening the grip around the redhead's shoulders. "Not even you can change that, not anymore."
Renji grunted in pain, shuddered a little, but would not be dislodged. Not when his life might depend upon it. "Give me the chance. Give him the chance. He is not damaged goods, and I will never see him that way."
The slightest of shivers went through the creature beneath, but it paid no attention to it, fixing the orangeyellowintent gaze upon the shinigami above him. A thumb brushed against the redhead's neck, the lightest of caress (if caresses could be done with claws and blood and shiny, shiny teeth ripping into flesh) before pressing down on the jugular, almost curiously feeling the veinblood (his blood, it would be delicious) under the thin layer of skin. "Too la~te." The blonde hissedlaughedbarked out, snarling under his breath as he struggled under the weight of the other male, trying to find some leverage against the shinigami. "I'm not that generous. I on~ly give one chance-"
Renji pressed back down, harder, not giving the beast a chance to find any leverage. "How can I convince you?" he breathed, touching their noses together, before serpent-quick, dropping his mouth to take the side of the collar gently but firmly in his teeth.
The creature froze, actually froze under the redhead, feeling the blood pound past through his veins, the teeth at his throat and the blonde let out a loud, rumbling, vicious snarl, tightening his grip around Renji's throat. A warning, a retaliation, an endless cycle of trying to get the upper hand, the dominance. The gentleness of the gesture didn't register; it was the other's action that mattered, his teeth at his fucking throat and the creature did not like that at all.
The redhead instantly changed tactics, releasing his collar but laving his tongue across the warm plating instead, still the threat of teeth, of course, but not quite so immediate, and this way Renji could still speak. "Why do I threaten you so?" he asked softly, his tone losing its aggression, though his body was still rigid, unyielding, atop that of the blonde.
This time, the snarling was lower, softer in volume, although it lost none of its vicious ferocity (aggressionangerfearannoyanceget the hell away I'll rip your throat out ) and the creature flexed his grip around Renji's throat, momentarily rather unsure of which action to take, it seemed. He tried to move away from the shinigami's touches to his throat (getawaygetawayget away ) but the other's weight atop him prevented that, and bared his teeth instead in another snarl of sorts. "Get the fuck away from us."
"I'm afraid I can't do that," Renji breathed, his tongue dancing gently against the creature's throat. "Not unless he tells me to..."
A low, shuddering sort of hiss escaped his throat and the blonde struggled under the other's form, trying to push Renji away by the grip around his throat. "--Get off me." The creature more or less snarled out, digging his nails into the other's neck, teeth bared in feral anger.
The redhead growled softly at the tightening grip on his neck, the tendons straining slightly, but he didn't back down. His licks became a nuzzle, kisses dropping slowly along the soft flesh of the blonde's throat. "No," he breathed, not a hint of anything but affection in his tone, though he was beginning to get a bit afraid that this creature would never return to the recesses of Giovanni's mind in which it lived. "I'm not going anywhere, cara mia."
The creature twisted again, mouth opening in a wordless growl, his teeth his fangs absolutely itching to feel the other's flesh, taste the other's blood. "Then you're a fool," the blonde hissed out, his hand tightening around Renjis' throat even more. "You're a fool and I'll kill you I'll kill you-"
The lowangryhissinggrowl faded abruptly, the tight grip loosening the body stiffening and the blonde froze, his lips frozen while halfway forming the words. With surprising burst of strength, the blonde shoved the other away from him, quickly getting to his feet, almost falling backwards in his haste, a hand rising to nervously drift to his throat. "No."
Renji sat up, but otherwise stayed where he'd been shoved, pushing some wayward hair out of his eyes and regarding the younger man carefully. "Giovanni..." he murmured softly, his voice low and tantalizing, hopefully soothing, because the blonde looked on the verge of...something, though of what Renji had no clue.
Oh. God. Oh. God
Giovanni could still hear the echo of the voice (his voice) in his ears (I'llkillyoukillyoukillkillkill) and his gaze fell on the redhead, almost automatically drifting over the form, checking for any... anything (bloodbonesgutspainpainpainscreams just the usual in the daily life of a mad dog).
The blonde mutely shook his head sideways (the dog still whisperinggrinning in his mind nononononono) and backed away still further, a hand clenching down on the collar at his neck, though a surge of prickling pain made him gasp slightly.
At that, the terrified look on his lover's face, Renji couldn't stay still. Even if it would do more harm than good, he had to do something. He rose to his feet, crossed the room in an instant, and wrapped his arms around the younger man. "Breathe," he whispered, reaching up to try to drag Giovanni's hand away from the collar. "Don't hurt yourself."
His hand wouldn't move, though, even at Renji's touch, only (stubbornly) clamping itself tighter around the metal plating. Giovanni couldn't even breathe either, standing there rooted to the spot his mind still ringing with the screamssnarlsyells the blinding hatred(killingurge) almost twisting out of his grasp, the metal seemingly burning under his hand.
Even staring his death in the face, Renji had not been as fightened as he was now, and quickly he skirted around, his arms firm at Giovanni's waist, his lips brushing soothingly across fingers and metal plating indiscriminately, humming softly under his breath. "You need to stop," he murmured. "Please?" He wasn't sure if reasoning with Giovanni in this state of mind would be any more effective than it had when he'd been possessed by the mad canine, but he couldn't help trying.
Giovanni didn't move when the other wrapped his arms around his waist, and only flinched slightly when the lips brushed against skin and almost burninghot metal at his neck, the tight griphold of his fingers trembling a little. "What did it do." The blonde managed to gasp out, taking a series of shallow gasps and feeling as if his legs will give out underneath him; it.. the dog.. it had been stronger this time, and it was Renji, and he wasn't fast enough wasn't strong enough (he wasn't good enough never good enough). The blonde shuddered again, the other hand moving to clamp almost desperately around one of Renji's wrists. "What did he do-"
"Nothing of any consequence," Renji replied, voice as calm and reasonable as the other's was frantic. "He threatened me." His lip curled with distaste. "He insulted you. He probably would have hurt me, but I didn't give him the chance. Please calm down..." His lips continued their gentle caress, even as he spoke. This was positively awful, and he wanted Giovanni away from the people who had done this to him.
He gave up trying to talk and instead focused his entire attentionenergyeverything on simply breathing, his body still shivering and flinching occasionally in the other's arms. He had never lost it like this, before, not unless it was required. It was always controlled, always under his skin but never coming out, not like this...
"I'm sorry." The blonde managed to get out through gritted teeth, ignoring another sharp burst of pain (as if a reprimand from the creature in his head) flaring from the collar under his hand. "I-I'm sorry."
"It is not your fault," Renji whispered softly, fiercely. "If I had any common sense at all, I wouldn't have-" There had been more tactful ways to have this conversation, and the redhead was, if anything, tactless. He shook his head. If anyone was to blame, it was a government that fucked with people like this, turned them unwillingly into weapons. "Please don't apologize," he concluded finally, unsure what else to say.
Not his fault? Giovanni sucked in a quick gasp of air, feeling almost dizzy from the lack of oxygen. If it wasn't his fault, than whose was it? Renji's? But he wasn't the one who went.. who went crazy. He was. It was his fault, his.
(Poor, poor little Giovanni. Never good enough. Never right.)
"I-I think.." The blonde muttered out, almost stuttering over the syllables of the words. "I-I think I should... just.. go."
"If that is what you want to do," Renji replied reluctantly, "you are certainly free to do so. But I do not want you to think that you have to, nor do I want you to think that I want you to leave."
"I-" His voice caught in his throat and Giovanni wordlessly tightened his hand around the other's wrist, letting the touch linger for a minute before he pulled away from the redhead. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't.." (He hadn't meant to he hadn't pleasepleaseplease) The blonde's other hand tightened further around the back of his neck, the other hand clenching into a tight fist. "-I'm sorry."
The redhead was instantly shaking his head. "I don't blame you. I could never blame you." He wanted to wrap himself around the blonde again, took a step forward as if to do so, and then paused. "I want nothing more than to hold you right now, but you're leaving, aren't you."
Giovanni mutely nodded at that, his gaze still fixed on the other's face as if to memorize it. The growlingsnarling were still ringing in his ears, in his head, making him almost dizzy with the effort to hold it at bay. (Down, boy, down.) "I.. I think I should."
"I will be coming back to see you in a few days." It wasn't worded as a question, and yet it sort of was. Will you want to see me again? After I've done this to you, how can you bear to look at me?
The clenched white-knuckle fist loosened, the hand raising halfway before stopping, the blonde's shoulders tensing with the effort to be still. He.. He couldn't risk being so close to the redhead, not now. Not when the predator(the creature the bloodthirsty monster) was so close under his skin, ready to burst out at a moment's notice.
And all of a sudden Giovanni wanted to rip his sunglasses off, the damned mirrored lenses that blocked out everything, blocked out Renji. (but the scars and bolts to his neck prickle urgentlyimpatiently and Giovanni froze again)
His gaze (hidden behind the lenses) dropped to the floor, curling his fingers into the palm of his hand. "--Please." (Not okay, not yes, please.)
That tone of voice. Renji nearly cracked, nearly broke down and closed the distance between them again. It took every ounce of self-control he possessed to keep him stationary, knowing that there was a reason that Giovanni was doing this, that it would be okay, because the blonde wanted him to come back. It would be okay. It had to be. They hadn't known each other very long, and yet Renji was not going to let him go.
What: Absolute cracktardedness. Talking about things. And angst happens, and Renji and Dog talk it out. Sort of.
Where: The City. Umm. Around the random districts. And then a random hotel.
When: After the private entry in Giovanni's journal and much crack between both of them.
Why: Because we wanted more logging. And these two are cute. I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE ANGST CAME FROM BUT THERE'S THAT TOO. IT IS MUCH ANGST.
Also: None of you saw this. :3
Giovanni shifted slightly, almost uneasily so, in his seat, watching the heavy dirty stained brickworks rushing past the train window. A hand came to rest on the glass lightly, palm pressed flat against it, and the corner of his lips tightened a little. Mother hadn't been too pleased about him spending so much time away from home, lately.
Ignoring the sharp sort of maybe-pain (the prickle under his skin almost like burning needles) Giovanni felt the train starting to slow down under him, the metal frame almost shuddering with effort as it breaked into the station. The blonde took a deep breath of the smokey air and almost unconsciously brushed back his hair from the orange glasses, and stood up to get off, feeling almost... almost nervous.
Renji was waiting at the train station this time, leaning against a pillar near the platform. He was completely oblivious to how nervous Giovanni was, in the face of his own nervousness, the fact that he had no idea what to expect. The situation was so strange, so new. He liked it, but it was terrifying. They didn't even really know each other that well. Though, he was rather hoping to amend that fact, at least.
And there it was; Renji's hair was unmistakable, the bright, almost alluring shade of red standing out even amid the billowing steam and smoke pervading the station. Perhaps even more so, because of that. Giovanni made his way towards the redhead, weaving through the crowd almost effortlessly, though the strange feeling deep in his gut didn't disappear. If any, it only increased even more when Giovanni finally stood in front of Renji. "..." He licked his lips, suddenly completely at a loss for words. But then, what could he have said? "-Hi."
Words were an inadequacy, when Renji was faced with the source of his confusion, and a wealth of emotions he couldn't even begin to fathom. They were in public, and he couldn't quite bring himself to care as he leaned in carefully and brushed their lips together, a question as much as it was a greeting.
A part of him tensed, momentarily stunned by Renji's action; they were in public, and this wasn't quite the same as being in an alley, or at least partly-shadowed restaurant. This was a train station, with at least a thousand people and twice that amount of eyes. But another part of him made Giovanni lean up into the lightcareful brushing of lips, a hand rising to cup the shinigami's jaw lightly.
He would not have been offended, in this situation, had Giovanni pulled away, but Renji's heart leapt into his throat when the young man didn't. He smiled into the kiss, but didn't deepen it, and a moment later pulled back just enough that he could look at the other. "Hi," he murmured, the vaguest hint of teasing in his tone as he slipped an arm comfortably around his lover's waist. "Where are we going today?" he asked. "Any ideas?"
Giovanni drew closer to the redhead but that was only partly because of Renji's arm around his waist, and his hand found Renji's, carefully laying his own, slightly smaller hand over the other's. The grin on the blonde's face, when it appeared, still had the slightest tinge of nervousness, but there was something different about how the corners of his lips quirked up, as well. The look went with the feeling in his gut, coiling and tight and warm and giddy all at once. "Not really sure..." Giovanni answered, looking up at the other. This won't be the last time he felt the pang of nervous uncertainty. "Unless you want to have a look around?" Not that there was anything much to see, but the blonde didn't really care much. The warmth at his side, around his waist was...strangely reassuring.
"I'd like to get to know this place you're from," Renji replied almost shyly. Almost, because certainly no one as large and obvious as the redhead was could possibly be shy, right? He grinned and gave the blonde a light squeeze, pointedly ignoring the way his own face displayed his nervousness as clearly as did that of the other man. "Lead the way," he purred.
Giovanni had never seen the entire city himself, either. He doubted if anyone had. Divided into too many districts, too many levels, separated by garbage and steel metalwork buildings and dirty buildings and gangs (oh, so many, just like rats), the city was a myriad of streets, side-streets, and blind alleyways. A regular old Labyrinth where monsters lurked.
And after all, what (if any) contact that Giovanni'd had in this city above, had been almost strictly related to his wayward brother, following his daily life, the fights, the usual routes that he took.
So, Giovanni mainly stuck to the familiar streets, the tall (dirty, but still imposing) European buildings on either side of the streets, almost unconsciously following his usual trail after Haine.
Renji had seen quite a bit of the world (his world), and yet this city was unlike anything he had ever seen before. The amalgamation of it was mind-boggling, the juxtaposition of cultures, one next to another when, in his own experience, those cultures were divided by distance, geography, borders of some kind.
And, he wondered at the path they were taking. Giovanni was guided by something. "Where are we going?" he asked, after the young man had taken yet another turn, for what seemed like no logical reason.
Where were they going? Giovanni's attention (drifting away, like an animal intent on hunting; but he wasn't here, wasn't anywhere near here, useless hunting after an elusive target) focused back onto the redhead at the question and he slowed his steps slightly, looking around at them for a few seconds before answering. "-Nowhere in particular." The orange gaze flickered up at Renji, the tiniest of almost-smile, mostly-nervousness on the thin lips.
The redhead grinned back, leaning in to brush another kiss-this one for reassurance-against Giovanni's lips. "It doesn't really matter. I've got nowhere to be. This place is very interesting." That, and he simply enjoyed being in the other man's presence. "I'm fine with anything, as long as it's with you," he mumbled, gaze flickering up to meet what were probably Giovanni's eyes behind the sunglasses, before dropping, as he smiled to himself and flushed faintly.
A slight shiversomething (something strange, something unfamiliar but definitely not bad) ran up the length of the blonde's spine at that. Even though Renji couldn't see his eyes, couldn't technically meet his gaze, the redhead's eyes, along with the words, made the blonde reach up and turn the other's face towards him.
There.. There was something, something that he couldn't quite put his finger on, something that he didn't know (because he was never taught to feel, no, only to bite and hurt and hunt and kill-)
"I should say.. It's the same, for me." The blonde said, feeling rather mortified and (awkwardshyflusteredsomething) all at once.
When Renji was facing Giovanni again, there was no hesitation. He fairly pounced the blonde, gently pressing him to the building they had paused beside, and kissed him thoroughly, adoring the words, the tone, the mortification even. They were all Giovanni. "Is there anywhere more private we can go?" he asked breathlessly after a few moments. "I'd like to get to know you better, and maybe you'd like to do the same?"
It would be fair to say that Giovanni was rather taken aback by the other's reaction, but the blonde merely tilted his head against the other and laughed, the kiss unexpected but not unwelcomed, per se. Giovanni caught his breath when they broke away, his hands moving to perch lightly on the other's shoulders. "There aren't too many places you could go with that option," the blonde breathed, the voice still holding an echo of the laughter. "Unless you would risk going to a hotel again-"
The redhead grinned back, feeling vaguely sheepish at the intensity of his response, but otherwise unfazed. "Wherever you think is best." He didn't ask why Giovanni seemed averse to taking him wherever the blonde lived. He knew there was probably a very good reason, and he imagined the blonde would get to it soon enough. It probably had something to do with the siblings his lover was so intent upon keeping him away from.
There were many cafes and suchlike strewn around the city, not to mention restaurants and whatever else besides, but the part in Giovanni (the cautious part, the alert part, the practical part, the one most in tune with the creature inside him) riled at being exposed to the public for so long. Not to mention this newfound strange feelings that seemed to confuse his senses and thoughts. No, they needed a quiet place, and that only left a hotel.
The blonde took the shinigami's hand with the minimum amount of fluttercontractingshiver in his chest (again, his heart skipping a beat at the contact) and started to lead them away once more, glancing around them for a few seconds to get his bearings before deciding upon a place.
The shinigami followed along, his own heart skipping at the feel of their fingers entangled, heading somewhere. Anywhere was fine, really. [To hell in a handbasket? Sure, you had to go sometime... And also what the hell was a handbasket?] He shot glances at Giovanni at least as often as he did their surroundings, wondering where the blonde would take them, and what he was going to say, what they would both say, when they got there.
The practical side of him (all efficientstarkstern but faltering ever so slightly at the feel of their fingers, the other's skin against his, his own heartbeat seemngly pounding through every minute capillaries and blood vessels) lasted for as long as Giovanni managed to secure a room, up the lift, and inside the door, pulling the redhead in after him and shutting the door very quietly. After that-
Blank.
Giovanni bit his lower lip and looked around (rather nervously) at the room, his other hand moving up to brush the slightly tousled blonde hair from his forehead.
As soon as the door was closed and locked behind them, Renji disregarded all pretenses and wrapped his arms around Giovanni's waist, burying his face against the side of his lover's neck in an attempt to soothe away some of the young man's obvious anxiety. He knew that he was part of the source of it, yes, just as the other was part of the reason he was so nervous, but at the same time if they didn't have to put up a front around strangers, it would help. "Is this better?" he hummed.
At the first touch from the redhead Giovanni relaxed, almost slumping against the other's body. The blonde's arms, in turn, wrapped themselves loosely around Renji's shoulders, and he quietlydeeply breathed in the redhead's scent, breathing in Renji. He still didn't quite know what it was, how to describe the scent. It was thick, but not to the point of overpowering. But it still managed to be the first scent that captured Giovanni, amid all the others around the city that were possibly more potent. "Hmm, yes." Giovanni murmured, his grip tightening just a fraction.
The shinigami felt him relax, and smiled, fingers working in a light massage up the center of the young man's spine. "There were some things you were going to tell me," he prompted quietly after a few minutes. "And there are some things I'd like to tell you about myself, as well." One of which was really more of a demonstration, but that was really neither here nor there. Luckily it was a fairly large hotel room.
The blonde lifted his head slightly, though any sort of alarm or anxiety that he might have felt was mostly dissipated by the other's close presence and the touches to his back. "-There were." Giovanni answered with a hint of uncertainty; not of having to tell (because, somehow, he needed to do this) but of how.
Gently but persistently, Renji tugged Giovanni over to the bed, kicked off his shoes, and curled up on it, leaving plenty of space beside him for the blonde. "Well, take your time," he murmured warmly. "You seem like a far more private person than I am."
The blonde strayed long enough for him to take off his shoes and jacket, fingers loosening the knot of the silk tie, before he crawled onto the bed beside Renji. He laid a hand on the other's forearm and drew himself close beside the man, letting out a short breath of air, an almost-sigh. "I.. don't know where to start, though." He began rather unsurely, gaze flicking up towards the shinigami.
Renji draped an arm across Giovanni's hips, tugged him imperceptibly closer. "Well, you could start by telling me a little about yourself," he hummed thoughtfully. "And then move on to whatever it was you were intending to talk about. Random things. It doesn't really matter."
Slowly, slowly, Giovanni reached up and tugged the silk tie completely loose, carefully dropping it on the bedside table. The top three buttons of his shirt followed, almost equally as slowly opened by pale fingers. "This," he started, carefully not looking at Renji, and brushed his own fingers against the metal collar bolted to his neck. He fought down a shudder, a vague sense of revulsion, with effort. Might as well get it over with, like taking a round of bullets in your gut. "-is from a genetic experiment. Government-funded. Best-kept secret. Location unknown, except for the fact that it's underground, even further below the city."
Renji didn't like the response that Giovanni had had, touching the collar, and he reached out himself, brushed his own fingers against it gently, licked his lips pensively. "I know...a litttle of that," he admitted quietly. "Badou wouldn't leave me alone until I promised to do some research. I can't say I understood it all, though."
Giovanni let out a little sound at it, a short bark of a laughter, though it shouldn't really have been called a laughter, really. It was a completely different sort to what he'd made, back down at the streets, the kiss still tingling on his lips. The soft touch of the other made the blonde shiver softly, his hands twitching a little before stilling once more. "Ah, Eyepatch." The tone was light, but the voice wasn't quite. "I knew he'd do something like that."
"I didn't," the redhead replied. "I didn't realize he cared one way or another." He looked away. "Though I think that was mostly because he didn't like me hitting on him the way I used to." In a word, a lot. He dropped a light trail of kisses down the side of Giovanni's neck.
"He doesn't care," Giovanni answered, his voice quiet, even as he tilted his head against the light kisses to his neck, sighing softly. "I don't think he gives an ounce of shit about anything as long as he gets his booze and cigarettes and whores." But that wasn't the point, right? They didn't come here to talk about Badou. What Eyepatch thought was none of Giovanni's concern, certainly. One of his hands found Renji's hair, smoothing it back from the other's face, the motion as much to calm himself down as the other. "-What did you find, then?"
The redhead was almost certain that that was not the case. He didn't disagree with Giovanni, however. Renji preened slightly in his lover's touch and sighed comfortably. "Well, what you just said, mostly. I didn't look very deeply. Just enough to make Badou happy if he asked." He gave the blonde a small smile. "I wanted you to tell me this stuff."
The corner of his lips quirked up, very slightly, in return to the other's smile, and Giovanni spent the next few moments absently running his fingers through Renji's hair. "I'd be interested to know just how much he knows, then." Though, with his wayward brother as a partner, the smoker had a higher chance than most.
Giovanni glanced down at the other male, breathing carefully and quietly. "I don't remember anything before I woke up. I don't know how many of us were there. I was.." Giovanni stopped, to force some air into his lungs, his grip tightening minutely on the other's hair. "I was number 68. Cerberus project." The name seemed to come from a different tongue, different mouth(muzzle stained with blood) altogether, almost hissing out from the blonde's lips.
"Shhh..." the shinigami purred, right against Giovanni's throat, nuzzling the edge of the collar softly. "That's so many," he breathed, unable to raise his voice above a whisper. "What was the purpose of this project?" He had a vague idea he knew what it was, but he wasn't completely sure he wanted to know, nor voice his own opinion about it.
The Something underneath paused slightly, almost poisedbalanced on the verge of (attackingsomethinganythingeverything), at the soft touches to Giovanni's throat, the sinews and muscles tense, almost trembling with the effort to keep still. And slowly, ever-so-slowly, the blonde relaxed back, though there still was the slightest of tremor in his fingerstouches to Renji's hair. "Wars, I think. War and money. That's about the only thing that most of them think about." Giovanni drew closer to the other, resting his head atop the other's with a soft exhale of breath. "It didn't go as planned, though."
Of course. Humans and their weapons. But this time they had gone much further, turning other humans into their weapons, instead of simply crafting them. "What went wrong?" he asked, fingers continuing to brush soothingly up and down Giovanni's spine, trying to placate, calm. Encourage him to continue talking, and trying not to interrupt too much with his own questions.
This time, the laughter rose up almost of its own accord. It wasn't the darkerbitter one from before, or even the lighter one from before that either. It was something else, jealousyhatredaffectionanythingeverything that couldn't possibly be expressed through words. "Haine," Giovanni said softly, half-feeling the touches to his back, his attention mostly on the warmth the other's body provided. Warmth, and comfort. "It's always the best of the bunch."
The redhead tensed imperceptibly at the sound of the strange, nearly unpleasant (inasmuch as Renji could find anything about Giovanni unpleasant) laughter. "What made him the best, cara mia?" he murmured, dropping a few kisses against the blonde's throat.
Breathe, breathe. Drop your heartbeats, because they're too loud, too fast. Control your breathing. Control yourself. Breathe.
Giovanni shuddered against the shinigami for a short moment before carefully stilling himself again, fingers resuming their careful brushing through the red locks of hair. "Mother always liked him best." He had to stop and take another shallow, shuddering breath, the laughter threatening to burst out again. "He was the best one, always."
"Forgive me for saying so, but that doesn't sound like much of a Mother, if she would play favourites," Renji murmured, hoping that he wasn't out of line to say so. However, he didn't want Giovanni to take such a slight seriously, did not want Giovanni to think himself inferior in any way.
"Oh, but she was right, you know." Giovanni's voice was almost as quiet as the other's, barely loud enough to be heard over the sound of their breathing. "He was the best. He was the strongest, the fastest, the smartest..." The blonde grinned slightly, though it didn't really have anything behind it; just a baring of teeth, stretch of lips. "The one who won. And got away."
Renji's arms tightened protectively around the blonde. "Do you want to get away?"
Carefully, carefully, Giovanni stilled himself (muscle by muscle joint by joint carefulcareful) hardly daring to even breathe. "-I don't know." He murmured out finally, honestly not knowing what to say.
"I am not going to argue one way or another," Renji murmured neutrally, "but I don't want you to think that it isn't an option, if you want it to be." He slid a hand up, gently, into Giovanni's hair.
"..." The blonde tilted his head slightly, leaning into the touch to his hair. His form relaxed a little against the other's, idly twining red hair between his fingers. "-Thanks."
Renji nipped lightly at the blonde's jaw, dropped a few more kisses on his pale skin. "Was there anything more you wanted to say?" he murmured. "Or I could talk a bit about myself if you wanted to give it a rest."
"Not.. not very much." Giovanni's breath hitched in his throat at the light nipping, and he shifted slightly against the redhead. There had been something, though just what 'it' had been, Giovanni couldn't quite remember right now, all his senses seemingly focused on Renji. He trailed his other hand down along the shinigami's jaw, and softly down the side of his throat, almost as an immitation of the touches given to him. "I would.. like to hear more about you, as well."
"Well, I may as well start from the beginning, hmmm?" he murmured, sighing contentedly with the light touches, his eyes drooping pleasantly. "I'm not sure exactly how old I am anymore, but I was eight when I died." His voice was cool, emotionless, utterly detached. "It's been more than a century since then. Strange to think my life didn't truly begin until after I was killed."
The blonde softly pressed his palm against the side of the other's throat, feeling the pleasant buzzmurmur of the shinigami's voice. He, however, looked up at Renji at the words, the gaze and experssion both quite unreadable through the orange lenses. When he spoke, however, it was quiet, almost tentative. "--Killed?"
Renji glanced down at Giovanni, and inexplicably smiled, though that smile was humourless. "Though it happens more than one would think, it is a bit unbelievable that anyone would kill an eight-year-old...especially that eight-year-old's own father. I still find it a bit unbelievable." He pressed a kiss to Giovanni's temple. "My father was a violent man, and my brother, mother, and I knew it. He would pick one of us to take his frustrations out on. It was usually my brother, because I was better at hiding, and my mother would just stay out of it, glad it wasn't her." And, strangely enough, it was she that Renji still blamed for it. He didn't admit to it, but he was sure that the sentiment was clear from the disgust in his voice.
Giovanni brought his hand back up to the redhead's face, brushing over the other's jaws and the cheek as he leant in to the kiss, pressing one of his own against the other's neck afterwards. Renji's family. A part of him understood it (but that was also the darker part of him, the part that ripped and tore and killed, tasting blood in his teeth and loving it) but the other part shuddered slightly. It was different. His family was nothing but name, held together by the same collar, the same scars. Renji was different. Giovanni slowly ran his other hand through Renji's hair again, leaning in close to press his lips against the skin of his neck again.
The redhead blinked, and glanced at Giovanni in vague surprise (though he wasn't sure where the surprise had come from), before giving the blonde a genuine smile and briefly dipping his head to press their lips together. "I was shocked to find that death was not as final as I thought it was. You have only seen the more pleasant part of Soul Society. The normal spirits, they reside in in a different part, called Rukongai. It is further divided into districts. Those closer to Seireitei are pleasant. I was in one of the furthest districts out. I had a group of friends there. We ran like a pack of feral dogs."
A pack of dogs.
The reference made the blonde's lips twitch slightly, a slow, almost hidden thing that could have been from the other's words, or from the kiss. He himself didn't quite know for sure, either. "-Why are there differnt parts?"
"Basic geography. It's all laid out in a circle around Seireitei. Obviously, the districts closer would be better controlled, since shinigami can watch them better. The districts further out largely get ignored. I visit Inuzuri pretty frequently, but there really isn't much I can do. They're set in their ways, and one person can't police an area that large." Renji shrugged slightly. Unfortunately, the politics of it didn't bother him as much as it used to. He wondered if he was desensitized to it, living in such comfort for so long.
Giovanni listened carefully, his expression unreadable but for the slightest air of curiosity. After all, that one time Renji had taken him to his world was the first time that the blonde had been to outside the city. And judging by the shinigami's words, it must be just as large as the city they were in right now, if not bigger. He ran his hand over the other's shoulder, as if checking to see if Renji is actually real. All of his movements, his actions, it held a degree of curiousity and wonder, almost like a little kid. "So, how did you..." A vague gesture with his hand and Giovanni frowned slightly, though it was more to himself than not. "...What did you do?"
"Well, it's a rare thing, but some ghosts have spiritual pressure. It usually first presents with the ability to use Kidou." Renji's eyes rolled up to the ceiling in thought. "They're a sort of magic power, for lack of a better description. Those are the spirits who can become shinigami." He was getting ahead of himself, though, and he paused again, to collect his thoughts. "My friends and I, we met Rukia, and while she is by no means tame, as you might have noticed, she was our star. I was the leader of our little gang, but she...was so much more than that.
"Don't ask me to explain it, because I'm not sure how it works myself, but our friends died. Again. She and I were the only ones left, and she and I were the only ones who had ever shown any spectacular ability to manipulate spiritual pressure. You have to take an examination to be permitted to train to become a shinigami, and we both passed it. It was an agreement we made on our friends' graves, that we would both persevere, become shinigami, become strong."
Giovanni tilted his head slightly, silently listening to the other's words. It was.. hard to understand, somewhat, but it was enough, for now. And... He leant his head against the other's shoulder and quietly breathed in, the redhead's scent somehow managing to be calming and stimulating all at the same time. "I think.. I think I can see now." Giovanni ran his fingers over Renji's hair again, twining some around his fingers. "Why Rukia's so worried." Of sorts, really. But Giovanni could feel that she was, even a little bit. He had taken it to be against himself, but...perhaps not.
"She's worried because I have a history of doing stupid shit. We have been very different animals for a while now. This might initially have been a bit reckless of me, but I think she'll be okay with it once she realizes that that is no longer the case." It would always be dangerous between them, of course, but it was a manageable risk.
"Hmm." Giovanni glanced up at the other, though he was sure Renji couldn't really see it. He could feel the corners of his lips tugging upwards though, and nuzzled the shinigami's throat lightly. "And does she think I'm one of those stupid shit?"
Renji hummed, the sound nearly a soft moan, as his head tilted back. "You personally? No, I don't think so. Sex with a near-complete stranger? Definitely. Though it didn't bother her as much when the near-complete stranger was a friend of hers, so I suppose it is the fact that you are an unknown variable, in general." The answer was an honest one, and probably volunteered more information than was completely necessary.
Something in that tone, in the words, caught Giovanni's attention and he looked up again, his gaze unseen but definitely there, focused on Renji's face almost as if to study it. (and in a way, he was learning) "A...friend?"
There was the most imperceptible of winces. "Yeah. Matt. You met him too, I think." Renji bit his lower lip, hard enough to draw blood. "She acted funny then, too, of course, but I think that's mostly because she doesn't like thinking about the fact that people actually have sex."
"Is that," Giovanni's tone was soft, almost deliberately so, and something inside him bristled and rose up (shaking the water from its fur, the madness in its eyes already burning mine mine mine MINE) despite(against) his will. "Is that what you were going to tell me, before? About him?"
Renji flushed slightly without even noticing. The tone of Giovanni's voice was awful, and he hated that it was his fault it sounded like that. "More I was going to explain that we hadn't spoken in months at that point, and then he comes out of the woodwork to tell me how stupid I'm being, and to treat you like he did. That is what I meant, when I told you he didn't have any right to be acting the way he was. If we had stayed on good terms, that would be one thing, but he stopped talking altogether."
He took a slowquiet breath, ignoring the growl rising inside him, pushing it down, but it took more effort than was expected, more force, making his body stiffen slightly. (And all the while the wordlessvoiceless anger in his ears in his head he was mine, mineminemine) It wasn't like he was trying to blame Renji. He had almost expected a talk like this to come up, after all. Giovanni wasn't stupid. What he didn't expect was his own reaction to it. And by all accounts, Renji's words had the slightest edgetint of an excuse. "-Oh."
There was a tension in the blonde's voice that Renji couldn't ignore, and his eyes closed in resignation. He'd expected that sort of response, really. Giovanni may have been inexperienced, but that was certainly preferable to being someone else's picked-over seconds. After all, the redhead's explanation had made it pretty clear that he hadn't been the one to end it, and in retrospect he knew there could have been a better way to word it. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I know I'm no prize, but I did mean everything I've said to you."
He wanted time to think. He wanted space. Space to be alone (but never alone, the whisperpurrgrowling still thick in his ears, under his skin) maybe to calm down mostly to think and Giovanni almost made as if to move away, stopping himself a heartbeat before he moved. His fingers in Renji's hair twitched slightly, imperceptively.
But.. if he moved now, it'll be over. All of this. And he wasn't sure if he wanted that.
Giovanni's voice was still quiet, still calm still controlled (so very very carefully done) and this time, he didn't tremble. "Did you?"
Renji shivered, though he remained perfectly still except for that slight involuntary movement. Not because he was afraid of Giovanni (because he wasn't, not even knowing a bit more about what made the blonde so dangerous), but because he was afraid of the repercussions for what he'd said. "I meant every last word," he whispered. "I have never lied to you," he didn't lie to anyone, really, "and I didn't even mince words when it would have been smarter to do so. I only wanted to be honest; I didn't realize-" But you should have, a voice hissed in his brain, exactly like a serpent might sound if it had vocal chords.
The thing inside him riled against the words, the feeble (oh, all too feeble) bonds holding it down (holding it back), snarling and straining just under his skin. Giovanni could feel it. Anger. It was angry, though at what, he couldn't quite focus (not like this, not here). It was very angry. And Giovanni wasn't stupid.
A part of him-the part of himself that remained unmoving, the part that wasn't yanking back his throat ripping out the fleshbloodbones minemineminemine-carefully (all his movements were careful, right now) took his hands off the other's body, slowlycarefully moving to redo the buttons of his shirt, almost mechanically so. "-It's okay." Giovanni answered just as softly, his voice almost as toneless as his face, being very careful to not look at the redhead.
(because looking at him right now might just bring the monster to the surface)
He took a breath. "-It's okay."
But was it? The tone of the blonde's voice, the way he moved, --Renji could tell that something was completely and totally wrong, and it wasn't just him, though he had most certainly caused it. He couldn't touch, because Giovanni had broken contact with an obvious deliberation, so in soft, even tones he began to recite. Of all the poetry and song lyrics he'd found and quoted to Giovanni, one had stuck with him. He'd read it over and over, because unlike the rest, it was not even remotely a romantic poem. In quiet English, with slightly British accents, he whispered Byron's "Darkness", without missing a line, a word, a cadence of tone. He wondered if Giovanni would see in it the same things he had.
And that was it, really. Renji's voice. Hearing it. It was rather ironical that, after all that effort to not look at the redhead, all it really took was for Giovanni to hear Renji's voice. Really, it would have been funny (if it just wasn't) and in a blur and a few seconds(not even a few seconds, not even a few heartbeats) Giovanni was there, pinning the shinigami down, his hands clamping down almost painfully on the other's shoulders.
It was Giovanni, but at the same time, it wasn't him, lacking the almost smooth grace of the blonde's movements, lacking the subtle grin-smile-smirk of the male. And now, with Renji pinned underneath him, it grinned widely out of Giovanni's face.
"All earth was but one thought-and that was death, immediate and inglorious." He-it-quoted softly, mockingly, carefully moving to brush a hand down the side of the redhead's face. It shifted its gaze momentarily to the other's hair; beautiful. Almost the exact shade of fresh blood. It idly wondered how the man's blood would taste like. It would be fun if his blood matched the colour of his hair.
It looked back down at the shinigami, and smiled. There was nothing resembling a smile about it. "How would you like to die again if you could, Reeeenji...?"
A shiver raced down the redhead's spine, as if something cold and wet had just trickled down to pool at the small of his back. Renji kept absolutely motionless beneath the blonde. This was not his Giovanni. His eyes were slightly wider than usual, but otherwise his face was expressionless, though his heart was beating faster than normal, giving him away. "Do you want to hurt me?" he murmured calmly. "It is certainly within your rights to do so. But I don't think Giovanni wants me dead." He knew that this person, creature, was different from his lover.
It felt the other's (fastrabbitlikeracing) heartbeat under the fingertips, the hands pressingpressing down, and smiled(grinned) again, a tongue flicking out to run over its lower lip. The blonde leant down carefully, the gaze never leaving Renji's, until they were almost nose-to-nose. "But I am Giovanni," he(it) breathed, amusement clear in his voice.
"And yet, there is enough of a difference that he doesn't want to kill me," Renji pointed out, still calmly. He reached up and brushed his fingers slowly down the young man's shoulder, resting lightly on his arm. This was shockingly similar to dealing with Ichigo and his Hollow, and the redhead couldn't deny he'd rather hoped those days were behind him.
There was a change. A minute one, but still. The playful air all but disappeared from the creature (because really, you couldn't call it anything else besides that) as he carefully stiffened, grip tightening around the redhead's shoulders. "I would appreciate," it began softly, the voice dangerously quiet (like snake like a predator prowling through tall grass) "if you didn't touch this body."
"Why?" Renji's voice was deliberately neutral, though he could have voiced it as a challenge. He knew better than that. You didn't toy with an animal when it could rip your throat out, and you definitely did not invite it to do so.
"Because you annoy me." The blonde dug his nails into the other's shoulders slightly, grip flexing a little before it regained some semblance of composure, and grinned down at the shinigami again. So little distance between your neck and my teeth, hmm?
"And you hurt him." The reference was unmistakable, and the creature cocked his head a little to one side, looking down at Renji with expression that was half-curious, half-excitement(almost savouring the words themselves). "Why else do you think I could be here, hmm, Renji?"
Renji winced and averted his eyes. "I didn't mean to," he whispered, biting his lower lip. "I didn't realize--" But you should have, that voice hissed again. The redhead returned his gaze to the creature that was Giovanni, lifting his chin slightly. "Take it out of my flesh, then," he whispered. "Do you not think that what you are doing would make him unhappy?"
When the creature spoke again, the voice was silky, smooth, like liquid poured honey. "Poor little Giovanni." Low and mocking and purring and dangerous (you're treading on thin ice, there, and it's beginning to crack-). The blonde let out a shortsharp bark of a laughter, mouthlips split open in a wide, mad grin that was at complete odds with the mocking sympathetic tone of his voice. "Poor little Giovanni. Always the second-best, not even second-best. An afterthought." He(It) shrugged fluidly, still not taking his eyesgaze off the redhead. "If anything, he'll thank me for all this."
The redhead hissed at that, anger flaring to life in his eyes. He would take whatever punishment was due to him, but he did not want to hear this creature saying such things. Giovanni was not inferior. "Do you think he is second-best, or are you just parroting what he has been told?"
It merely bared his teethfangs in a silent snarl(mirthless grin endless mocking I'll rip you apart to shreds). "We've always been the second-best." He stated, the tone of his voice shifting to a low growl, hackles rising almost visibly. Close, too close. It was running out of patience, running out of amusement to toy with the redhead anymore. It was out for blood and soon. "Always. He just wasn't good enough. If the whitehair didn't run away, he would have been just put down-"
"Good enough for what exactly?" And now there was a hint of challenge in Renji's tone. "Good enough to be a weapon? He shouldn't be one."
The creature leant back slightly, still snarling still angry the almost visible aurasomething of fur bristling. He slowed his breathing, dug his nailsclaws into the other's shoulders a little more, and grinned down at him. "Not good enough for anything. He's useless."
In one sustained ripple of stored energy, Renji surged up, flipping them, but the bed wasn't big enough, and they landed on the floor, hard. His fingers dug into the blonde's shoulders, as if that would do anything to restrain the creature should it choose to retaliate. "He is not useless, and you are a traitor to the skin you wear for saying any such thing," he all but snarled.
An answering snarl was heard from the creature beneath him, simultaneously both a mockery and a challenge all at once conveyed in that animalistic noise. Playing rough, are they now? He was getting tired of all the wordplay, anyway. And wild dogs liked to play. "He is useless, and he knows it." The creature hissed out in retaliation, bringing a knee up to the other's stomach, tightening the grip around the redhead's shoulders. "Not even you can change that, not anymore."
Renji grunted in pain, shuddered a little, but would not be dislodged. Not when his life might depend upon it. "Give me the chance. Give him the chance. He is not damaged goods, and I will never see him that way."
The slightest of shivers went through the creature beneath, but it paid no attention to it, fixing the orangeyellowintent gaze upon the shinigami above him. A thumb brushed against the redhead's neck, the lightest of caress (if caresses could be done with claws and blood and shiny, shiny teeth ripping into flesh) before pressing down on the jugular, almost curiously feeling the veinblood (his blood, it would be delicious) under the thin layer of skin. "Too la~te." The blonde hissedlaughedbarked out, snarling under his breath as he struggled under the weight of the other male, trying to find some leverage against the shinigami. "I'm not that generous. I on~ly give one chance-"
Renji pressed back down, harder, not giving the beast a chance to find any leverage. "How can I convince you?" he breathed, touching their noses together, before serpent-quick, dropping his mouth to take the side of the collar gently but firmly in his teeth.
The creature froze, actually froze under the redhead, feeling the blood pound past through his veins, the teeth at his throat and the blonde let out a loud, rumbling, vicious snarl, tightening his grip around Renji's throat. A warning, a retaliation, an endless cycle of trying to get the upper hand, the dominance. The gentleness of the gesture didn't register; it was the other's action that mattered, his teeth at his fucking throat and the creature did not like that at all.
The redhead instantly changed tactics, releasing his collar but laving his tongue across the warm plating instead, still the threat of teeth, of course, but not quite so immediate, and this way Renji could still speak. "Why do I threaten you so?" he asked softly, his tone losing its aggression, though his body was still rigid, unyielding, atop that of the blonde.
This time, the snarling was lower, softer in volume, although it lost none of its vicious ferocity (aggressionangerfearannoyanceget the hell away I'll rip your throat out ) and the creature flexed his grip around Renji's throat, momentarily rather unsure of which action to take, it seemed. He tried to move away from the shinigami's touches to his throat (getawaygetawayget away ) but the other's weight atop him prevented that, and bared his teeth instead in another snarl of sorts. "Get the fuck away from us."
"I'm afraid I can't do that," Renji breathed, his tongue dancing gently against the creature's throat. "Not unless he tells me to..."
A low, shuddering sort of hiss escaped his throat and the blonde struggled under the other's form, trying to push Renji away by the grip around his throat. "--Get off me." The creature more or less snarled out, digging his nails into the other's neck, teeth bared in feral anger.
The redhead growled softly at the tightening grip on his neck, the tendons straining slightly, but he didn't back down. His licks became a nuzzle, kisses dropping slowly along the soft flesh of the blonde's throat. "No," he breathed, not a hint of anything but affection in his tone, though he was beginning to get a bit afraid that this creature would never return to the recesses of Giovanni's mind in which it lived. "I'm not going anywhere, cara mia."
The creature twisted again, mouth opening in a wordless growl, his teeth his fangs absolutely itching to feel the other's flesh, taste the other's blood. "Then you're a fool," the blonde hissed out, his hand tightening around Renjis' throat even more. "You're a fool and I'll kill you I'll kill you-"
The lowangryhissinggrowl faded abruptly, the tight grip loosening the body stiffening and the blonde froze, his lips frozen while halfway forming the words. With surprising burst of strength, the blonde shoved the other away from him, quickly getting to his feet, almost falling backwards in his haste, a hand rising to nervously drift to his throat. "No."
Renji sat up, but otherwise stayed where he'd been shoved, pushing some wayward hair out of his eyes and regarding the younger man carefully. "Giovanni..." he murmured softly, his voice low and tantalizing, hopefully soothing, because the blonde looked on the verge of...something, though of what Renji had no clue.
Oh. God. Oh. God
Giovanni could still hear the echo of the voice (his voice) in his ears (I'llkillyoukillyoukillkillkill) and his gaze fell on the redhead, almost automatically drifting over the form, checking for any... anything (bloodbonesgutspainpainpainscreams just the usual in the daily life of a mad dog).
The blonde mutely shook his head sideways (the dog still whisperinggrinning in his mind nononononono) and backed away still further, a hand clenching down on the collar at his neck, though a surge of prickling pain made him gasp slightly.
At that, the terrified look on his lover's face, Renji couldn't stay still. Even if it would do more harm than good, he had to do something. He rose to his feet, crossed the room in an instant, and wrapped his arms around the younger man. "Breathe," he whispered, reaching up to try to drag Giovanni's hand away from the collar. "Don't hurt yourself."
His hand wouldn't move, though, even at Renji's touch, only (stubbornly) clamping itself tighter around the metal plating. Giovanni couldn't even breathe either, standing there rooted to the spot his mind still ringing with the screamssnarlsyells the blinding hatred(killingurge) almost twisting out of his grasp, the metal seemingly burning under his hand.
Even staring his death in the face, Renji had not been as fightened as he was now, and quickly he skirted around, his arms firm at Giovanni's waist, his lips brushing soothingly across fingers and metal plating indiscriminately, humming softly under his breath. "You need to stop," he murmured. "Please?" He wasn't sure if reasoning with Giovanni in this state of mind would be any more effective than it had when he'd been possessed by the mad canine, but he couldn't help trying.
Giovanni didn't move when the other wrapped his arms around his waist, and only flinched slightly when the lips brushed against skin and almost burninghot metal at his neck, the tight griphold of his fingers trembling a little. "What did it do." The blonde managed to gasp out, taking a series of shallow gasps and feeling as if his legs will give out underneath him; it.. the dog.. it had been stronger this time, and it was Renji, and he wasn't fast enough wasn't strong enough (he wasn't good enough never good enough). The blonde shuddered again, the other hand moving to clamp almost desperately around one of Renji's wrists. "What did he do-"
"Nothing of any consequence," Renji replied, voice as calm and reasonable as the other's was frantic. "He threatened me." His lip curled with distaste. "He insulted you. He probably would have hurt me, but I didn't give him the chance. Please calm down..." His lips continued their gentle caress, even as he spoke. This was positively awful, and he wanted Giovanni away from the people who had done this to him.
He gave up trying to talk and instead focused his entire attentionenergyeverything on simply breathing, his body still shivering and flinching occasionally in the other's arms. He had never lost it like this, before, not unless it was required. It was always controlled, always under his skin but never coming out, not like this...
"I'm sorry." The blonde managed to get out through gritted teeth, ignoring another sharp burst of pain (as if a reprimand from the creature in his head) flaring from the collar under his hand. "I-I'm sorry."
"It is not your fault," Renji whispered softly, fiercely. "If I had any common sense at all, I wouldn't have-" There had been more tactful ways to have this conversation, and the redhead was, if anything, tactless. He shook his head. If anyone was to blame, it was a government that fucked with people like this, turned them unwillingly into weapons. "Please don't apologize," he concluded finally, unsure what else to say.
Not his fault? Giovanni sucked in a quick gasp of air, feeling almost dizzy from the lack of oxygen. If it wasn't his fault, than whose was it? Renji's? But he wasn't the one who went.. who went crazy. He was. It was his fault, his.
(Poor, poor little Giovanni. Never good enough. Never right.)
"I-I think.." The blonde muttered out, almost stuttering over the syllables of the words. "I-I think I should... just.. go."
"If that is what you want to do," Renji replied reluctantly, "you are certainly free to do so. But I do not want you to think that you have to, nor do I want you to think that I want you to leave."
"I-" His voice caught in his throat and Giovanni wordlessly tightened his hand around the other's wrist, letting the touch linger for a minute before he pulled away from the redhead. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't.." (He hadn't meant to he hadn't pleasepleaseplease) The blonde's other hand tightened further around the back of his neck, the other hand clenching into a tight fist. "-I'm sorry."
The redhead was instantly shaking his head. "I don't blame you. I could never blame you." He wanted to wrap himself around the blonde again, took a step forward as if to do so, and then paused. "I want nothing more than to hold you right now, but you're leaving, aren't you."
Giovanni mutely nodded at that, his gaze still fixed on the other's face as if to memorize it. The growlingsnarling were still ringing in his ears, in his head, making him almost dizzy with the effort to hold it at bay. (Down, boy, down.) "I.. I think I should."
"I will be coming back to see you in a few days." It wasn't worded as a question, and yet it sort of was. Will you want to see me again? After I've done this to you, how can you bear to look at me?
The clenched white-knuckle fist loosened, the hand raising halfway before stopping, the blonde's shoulders tensing with the effort to be still. He.. He couldn't risk being so close to the redhead, not now. Not when the predator(the creature the bloodthirsty monster) was so close under his skin, ready to burst out at a moment's notice.
And all of a sudden Giovanni wanted to rip his sunglasses off, the damned mirrored lenses that blocked out everything, blocked out Renji. (but the scars and bolts to his neck prickle urgentlyimpatiently and Giovanni froze again)
His gaze (hidden behind the lenses) dropped to the floor, curling his fingers into the palm of his hand. "--Please." (Not okay, not yes, please.)
That tone of voice. Renji nearly cracked, nearly broke down and closed the distance between them again. It took every ounce of self-control he possessed to keep him stationary, knowing that there was a reason that Giovanni was doing this, that it would be okay, because the blonde wanted him to come back. It would be okay. It had to be. They hadn't known each other very long, and yet Renji was not going to let him go.