blow up the outside world.
years ago, i wanted to become someone who i barely am today. somehow along the way, things got warped, and i almost got swept up in a meaningless shallow wave of uncertainty, fear, and self doubt. i got off track...scary. it was gradual, so it was hard to notice, but i always felt something was a bit "off." my most powerful moments had nothing to do with success, being social, or appearance--it was always late at night--me alone in my room with a spiral notebook and a cd player held together by scotch tape. i was happiest when i was broke and my clothes were falling apart--running across multiple lanes of traffic without a care about anything unimportant in the world. right now i don't know what to do because i don't know what i want. a lot of it probably has to do with "the age" but somehow i feel like it's more than that. when did certain things become okay? when did i allow the opinions of others to affect the way i perceived myself? i tend to see through a lot of bullshit, but somehow i still manage to give into them just enough. things used to be so distinguishable. i try to look for outlets, but around every corner, there's more shallow waste of space, vision, sound...more disappointments. maybe this existed all along and i never realized it because of age or lack of awareness, but either way, i despise it. it's time for a revival...back to basics...back to passion. i am better than this.