Another Empty Day
I should have taken the Max last night. Having these thoughts constantly racing through my head is irritating. I get tired of being reliant on something outside of myself for stability. I wonder if I will ever be able to just go day to day without the roller coaster rides of manic and depressed that I have to deal with now. It's gotten worse lately. I've learned how to shield it. I've found things to hide behind, not productive things though. If anything some of it may be quite destructive. It might be easier if there was someone who understood what it was like. It's lonely in this world without someone who understands. I mean seriously. I can have all the friends I want and I still end up at home curled up under the covers wanting to just hide from all the turmoil in my chest. I can't cry anymore, despite how much I want to. It's like I get tightness in my chest and the pressure behind my eyes, but then nothing. Im dry. I guess that's it.
Yup.
Yup.