Open letter to Saturday night's Peeping Tom
Posted on my patio:
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Dear asshole,
Yes, I saw you outside my window last night. I heard your ungraceful leap over my fence when you realized I'd spotted you and I took pictures of your shoeprints in the mud. Guess what douchebag? I called the police and filed a report on your ass, so they will most definitely be patrolling around waiting for you to come back to my window or someone else's so they can slap some handcuffs on you. In fact, they're probably watching you read this right now. So do yourself a favor and don't come back here again. And if I ever see the blue LED light from your camera through my blinds again and come out to find that you've MOVED MY PATIO TABLE AND CHAIRS so you can get a better viewing angle to my couch, you had better hope it's the police who catch you because buddy, I will be rearranging more than just your furniture.
Sincerely,
The girl you were spying on
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I hate people.
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Dear asshole,
Yes, I saw you outside my window last night. I heard your ungraceful leap over my fence when you realized I'd spotted you and I took pictures of your shoeprints in the mud. Guess what douchebag? I called the police and filed a report on your ass, so they will most definitely be patrolling around waiting for you to come back to my window or someone else's so they can slap some handcuffs on you. In fact, they're probably watching you read this right now. So do yourself a favor and don't come back here again. And if I ever see the blue LED light from your camera through my blinds again and come out to find that you've MOVED MY PATIO TABLE AND CHAIRS so you can get a better viewing angle to my couch, you had better hope it's the police who catch you because buddy, I will be rearranging more than just your furniture.
Sincerely,
The girl you were spying on
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I hate people.