a general feeling of disorientation
i feel numb today. the world seemed to slow down and then it started back up way too fast. i feel like somewhere between 11 to now i lost everybody, but maybe the feeling is life and inevitablity in motion.
i wrote a poem yesterday, under the influence of The Perks of Being a Wallflower, i'm debating ever posting it. it's the sort of thing a semi-creative person with their dignity lost would enter to their school's creative writing compilation, aka. Clovis West's Torch. i don't know how else to describe the Torch, only the agony of if my poem is cut up by a person that doesn't even understand the reason it is what it is. i don't think i could let it be changed, i do have some salvaged dignity. but, like i said, i've lost most dignity so i don't mind throwing that poem around into a few people's hands.
i'm trying to find my voice about the recent feeling's i've been feeling in my life, but for the life of me, i can't seem to find it. the best i can do right now is just write. and write and write.
i think i need to talk to a professional.
-----------------------------
One day a girl worte down about
being a fresman in high school,
and she moved into her first house.
That was the year her cousin
went to the same high school,
but she never saw her cousin there.
And her best friend and her
liked the same rock star on t.v.,
and they talked on the phone a lot.
That was the year she saw
her eventual boyfriend when,
the school banned trenchcoats.
And she ran into a boy somewhere
but if you asked her who he was,
she wouldn't be able to tell you.
The next year the girl wrote about
being a sophmore in high school,
and she was always stuck in her house.
That year she hung out with
her cousin, but liked hanging out
with her boyfriend much more.
And her best friend stopped calling
but kept writing letters to her,
and she wasn't actually sure why.
That was the year her boyfriend
wouldn't kiss her goodbye,
and she found someone else instead.
And the boy she remembered somewhere
saw her walk home from summer school,
with her ex-boyfriend everyday.
The next year the girl wrote about
being a junior in high school,
and she moved into another house.
That was the year her cousin dropped out,
of her high school for another,
and she didn't see her until the holidays.
And her best friend and her,
went to a concert together,
but they didn't talk anymore.
That was the year her ex-boyfriend
wouldn't kiss her at fourth period,
so their friend did instead.
And she had crushes on three boys,
none of whom would date her,
but they all hugged her after class.
The next year the girl wrote about
being a senior in high school,
and how her house was too far away.
That was the year her cousin had
a baby, and got married, and she
couldn't look her cousin in the eye.
And her best friend stopped writing her
and they missed eachother's birthdays,
and she really didn't mind the absence.
That was the year her ex-boyfriend was
in college and only saw her tuesday,
so she didn't see him very much.
And the crush in her class
drove her crazy and wouldn't kiss her,
because she had a girlfriend to do that.
So the end of her senior year
the girl worte in back of her yearbook,
how she was tired of her house.
Tired of her school and her family,
her friends and her crushes,
and she wasn't coming back.
She said how she was tired of how
the years progressed and how everything changed,
over the years, but everything stayed the same.
And she was tired of her miserable life
so she left everything she remembered,
And she didn't look back.
i wrote a poem yesterday, under the influence of The Perks of Being a Wallflower, i'm debating ever posting it. it's the sort of thing a semi-creative person with their dignity lost would enter to their school's creative writing compilation, aka. Clovis West's Torch. i don't know how else to describe the Torch, only the agony of if my poem is cut up by a person that doesn't even understand the reason it is what it is. i don't think i could let it be changed, i do have some salvaged dignity. but, like i said, i've lost most dignity so i don't mind throwing that poem around into a few people's hands.
i'm trying to find my voice about the recent feeling's i've been feeling in my life, but for the life of me, i can't seem to find it. the best i can do right now is just write. and write and write.
i think i need to talk to a professional.
-----------------------------
One day a girl worte down about
being a fresman in high school,
and she moved into her first house.
That was the year her cousin
went to the same high school,
but she never saw her cousin there.
And her best friend and her
liked the same rock star on t.v.,
and they talked on the phone a lot.
That was the year she saw
her eventual boyfriend when,
the school banned trenchcoats.
And she ran into a boy somewhere
but if you asked her who he was,
she wouldn't be able to tell you.
The next year the girl wrote about
being a sophmore in high school,
and she was always stuck in her house.
That year she hung out with
her cousin, but liked hanging out
with her boyfriend much more.
And her best friend stopped calling
but kept writing letters to her,
and she wasn't actually sure why.
That was the year her boyfriend
wouldn't kiss her goodbye,
and she found someone else instead.
And the boy she remembered somewhere
saw her walk home from summer school,
with her ex-boyfriend everyday.
The next year the girl wrote about
being a junior in high school,
and she moved into another house.
That was the year her cousin dropped out,
of her high school for another,
and she didn't see her until the holidays.
And her best friend and her,
went to a concert together,
but they didn't talk anymore.
That was the year her ex-boyfriend
wouldn't kiss her at fourth period,
so their friend did instead.
And she had crushes on three boys,
none of whom would date her,
but they all hugged her after class.
The next year the girl wrote about
being a senior in high school,
and how her house was too far away.
That was the year her cousin had
a baby, and got married, and she
couldn't look her cousin in the eye.
And her best friend stopped writing her
and they missed eachother's birthdays,
and she really didn't mind the absence.
That was the year her ex-boyfriend was
in college and only saw her tuesday,
so she didn't see him very much.
And the crush in her class
drove her crazy and wouldn't kiss her,
because she had a girlfriend to do that.
So the end of her senior year
the girl worte in back of her yearbook,
how she was tired of her house.
Tired of her school and her family,
her friends and her crushes,
and she wasn't coming back.
She said how she was tired of how
the years progressed and how everything changed,
over the years, but everything stayed the same.
And she was tired of her miserable life
so she left everything she remembered,
And she didn't look back.