where do i run?
Okay...here it goes....i have given up on God and the whole religion thing...but i still go to church to see all my friends. well im going on a mission trip with my church and my group made me be the devotional leader and prayer leader. Im really scared because i have to come up with devotionals and prayers and it is making me realize that deep down i still want Christ in my life. But so much crap is happening that it just doesn't seem worth my time to worship a God that will let ceartain things happen. But i know by going on this trip and being the spiritual leader in my group it is going to utimately bring me back to God. I guess it is good because i know i will have more peace but i worry about how it will effect my relationship with my guy. Our relationship has become physical and i worry that if i change he will no longer want me. And i know that if he doesnt want me i should say the hell with him but i really do care about him and i really dont want to lose him. But i have a feeling that he is going to cause more harm than good. He tends to pressure me into things and im not sure if he even realizes that he is doing that. But sometimes he rushes things and i feel like i would disappoint him if i didnt go with what he wants. I dont want to be a disappointment.