(no subject)
I give up.
I can't make anybody happy.
Pup thinks I spend too much time here, or writing.
I barely talk to any of you guys anymore, trying to make her happy, and thus losing all of you... and now I've officially lost my best-friend.
Where the fuck is the line?
Isn't giving up everything you've ever known enough? Doesn't that earn you a bit of slack?
Do you have to give up yourself, too? I mean really. I don't get it. I try to balance what she wants and what makes me happy. I do all the shit around here that I can, I take care of children who hate me, I cook food I hate and next to none of my own food, I clean even when my hands are a bloody mess, when they're so bad that I can't even write because I can't hold the pen and I can only type with three fingers, I still do all that shit. And I still get told I do nothing and all I care about is getting on-line. Everybody else has outlets why can't I?
And now, the one person I had left, tells me I'm not around enough- she's right, it's not that, she is. I just can't take it. I can't be the one who's always wrong.
And it's not like I can do anything about it... it won't get better, whatever I do. Pup won't understand, she can't seem to understand that just because the world is crashing down doesn't mean you can't still admire the view. And my friend, she doesn't get what hurts and that I don't blame her, like I said she's right.
I just want it to stop.
I want to not care.
I want to not want to be happy.
And now I'm gonna post this 'cause otherwise it's gonna keep festering...
and my friend is gonna think I did it to make her feel bad, which I didn't...
and my mom is gonna freak out and get all mad at everybody...
and I'll go back to doing everything I can for the ppl I care about and be told it's not enough, which it isn't.
I'm sorry. I'm just so fucking sorry...
I can't make anybody happy.
Pup thinks I spend too much time here, or writing.
I barely talk to any of you guys anymore, trying to make her happy, and thus losing all of you... and now I've officially lost my best-friend.
Where the fuck is the line?
Isn't giving up everything you've ever known enough? Doesn't that earn you a bit of slack?
Do you have to give up yourself, too? I mean really. I don't get it. I try to balance what she wants and what makes me happy. I do all the shit around here that I can, I take care of children who hate me, I cook food I hate and next to none of my own food, I clean even when my hands are a bloody mess, when they're so bad that I can't even write because I can't hold the pen and I can only type with three fingers, I still do all that shit. And I still get told I do nothing and all I care about is getting on-line. Everybody else has outlets why can't I?
And now, the one person I had left, tells me I'm not around enough- she's right, it's not that, she is. I just can't take it. I can't be the one who's always wrong.
And it's not like I can do anything about it... it won't get better, whatever I do. Pup won't understand, she can't seem to understand that just because the world is crashing down doesn't mean you can't still admire the view. And my friend, she doesn't get what hurts and that I don't blame her, like I said she's right.
I just want it to stop.
I want to not care.
I want to not want to be happy.
And now I'm gonna post this 'cause otherwise it's gonna keep festering...
and my friend is gonna think I did it to make her feel bad, which I didn't...
and my mom is gonna freak out and get all mad at everybody...
and I'll go back to doing everything I can for the ppl I care about and be told it's not enough, which it isn't.
I'm sorry. I'm just so fucking sorry...