inspired by Virginia Woolf - A glimpse into my stream of Consciousness

[mysticrhetorik]

the pressure mounts the longer i consider myself a college grad. pressure, namely, to make something of myself. or whatever. (there's this great clock i want to get...it's got a totally white face, save for the word "whatever" scrawled across the middle. all of the numbers are in a heap on the bottom of the face. i rememeber regarding time like that, and wish i still could.) i tell people i have these high-minded aspirations to get a PhD and teach, but is that really what i want? to be in school for 4 to 6 more years? the more i realize that i am a child of NOW, i understand that i'll probably never know what i want until i've either got it or missed out on it. the girl lacks foresight, they say. they're right. and hindsight is completely worthless because we're so conditioned to avoid making the same mistakes. that's what parents should say to their kids (what i wish my mom had said to me): not 'don't make mistakes,' but 'don't make the same mistakes I did.' of course, that presupposes that parents own up to their faults...my mom never has (possibly the closest instance would've been when i told her i'd be voting democratic in the upcoming election, and she hit my dad who was seated next to her and admonished, "you messed up raising her!" so i suppose that's actually an example of the way she skillfully avoids all responsibility for my "mistakes" and takes credit for all my triumphs.)

the future is all set though, in spite of my inability to visualize it clearly. i've found a place in Roswell to call my own. GSU has accepted me into its graduate program. i'm sure i'll find a managable job that'll enable me to pay most of the bills. MOST. i don't really USE electricity or hot water that much after all.....

so. congrats to courtney for graduating...i've been reading all about you and hearing stuff through the LJ and AIM network. and on that note, i'll away!