Cancer!

[mysticillusions]

For such a small word, it holds so much power.  When you hear it before it has affected someone you know, it doesn't mean a lot. You know it can happen, but meh.  When it happens to someone you know/love then your view starts to change, you start to think "shit, it's so close to home", you want to be there for them and do what you can for them, you call and text just to let them know that you are thinking about them.  It becomes something real.
Then, when it's you.... Things are very real.  Cancer has now because something that it mentioned daily, people who texted or called once or twice a week are now calling daily.  You can't get through a few hours without someone asking how you are doing.  The looks of sadness, the "is there anything I can do? Let me know if there is something you need".  For the few people I have told, this is the reaction I get.  Trust me, I think about it enough, when I'm not thinking about it, I would like to just have some nice moments without remembering that my body has turned on me.
I greatly appriciate that people want to help and that they are there for me, but sometimes I don't want to see sadness in their eyes.  I'm still me.

On another note... Today is the day I started eating in the morning.  Starting the day with a smoothie.  We shall see how that goes.