Maturation and the Massacre of a Child's Dreams

[mysticflames]

What is it with growing up and being mature? Do you have to grow up in order to understand it? Do you have to be a certain age in order to be mature? What makes a person mature? I dont know but this is my life

Comments

[jumpyfox]

For one thing, my immediate family didn't hang with the wrong crowd, but my dad *did* come from a family were substance abuse was a problem and my dad's brother *did* end up fatally shooting his friend while he was drunk. My dad saw a lot of problems and tried to grow up fast and take care of everyone else before he took care of himself and then suppress all his emotions. This was his way of coping with the situation at hand. Now he's fifty and all that shit from when he was coming of age is still with him. This means he get's almost into a rage and it's a mystery to my mom and my sisters why. My dad doesn't drink nor smoke or sleep around, but he's still fucked up and he doesn't take care of himself. He tried too hard to grow up too fast or something, I don't know.
My point is this. My dad is not half the man he wants to be because he *never* learned to take care of himself. In my dad's opinion, he doesn't matter, everyone else matters, so he shouldn't need to take care of himself. I try to explain to him that you can only take care of other people when you take care of yourself. He doesn't believe me. It is okay, but at the same time, for someone who really wants to be there for me and everyone else, he is also the last person I want to go to with my problems. If I should go to my dad with a little problem, all the abuse from his child hood comes to the surface and he just goes ballistic. It's crazy. Yeah, I know there really were some bad things that happened. He never *did* get over it when his mother was killed in a drunk driving accident. He never *did* get over it when his brother killed someone. He still can't get over it that his brother still won't stop drinking and now has a kid with severe cerebral palsey and needs around the clock care. It's like everything in that side of the family was burried and burried deep. I guess burrying it *did* make it go away in the short tearm, but in the long term, my dad still can't be there for those that are close to him the way he wants to be because all those burried issues are controlling his life and he doesn't even know it.

[mysticflames]

Thats their fault. Honestly, you father had his pride in the way. but its alright ppl learn from their mistake.