In which I contemplate something some people would probably call monumentally stupid
I know most people on this list probably don't even read LJ anymore, but this is something I need to hash out, and since I don't have anyone who knows me well enough to help my decision but is unbiased enough to not let what they want influence that decision, well, here I am.
My 5-year tenure as a JET is coming to a close. 5 years is the limit for my contract, and as of August, I am no longer eligible to be employed by the JET Programme. I thought I had (mostly) come to grips with this: I knew I'd be a wreck leaving, but I didn't think I'd be a wreck quite this soon. However, yesterday I received information on my (almost definite) successor, and I've had to try extremely hard several times since (including now as I type this) not to burst into tears. I really don't want to leave this place.
I know part of it is the fear of change and the unknown, especially for one specific reason: this is the first time in my life that I don't have any clue what's on the other side of that change. Moving as a kid was an adventure; going to college was an important step in my life; coming on JET was a dream come true... But now? I don't have a job lined up, I have nothing to look forward to going back, I don't even know where I'm going, and I have to let my supervisor know by June 10th so they can buy my plane ticket! In all likelihood, I'll end up caving into parental pressure and moving home for who knows how long until I can find a job that I love (as much as I love my parents, I haven't lived with them for any longer than a summer since I was 17, and haven't seen them for more than a week since I moved to Japan - and I've been completely fine with that. I've always been really independent and fine on my own without my loving family: moving home is the absolute last thing I want to do with my life.)
It's not just fear and not wanting to move back in with my parents, though: I really also just desperately don't want to leave. Yes, I have some complaints about my job - I wish I could teach more, not just 10 hours per year through 4th grade and 35 per year for 5th and 6th, for example - but I've loved every minute of my time here. I've made some amazing friends, and done incredible things. I adore my students, my teachers, all the activities that I have gotten a chance to do here.
Now, if all this were only a rant about how I don't want to leave, I wouldn't bother writing all this since I couldn't change anything. However, when my supervisor gave me the information on my successor, he also dropped a bomb: the replacements for Lauren and Allison, who made the choice to leave this year, are in all likelihood going to be non-JET. So I had a thought tonight: why can't one of those non-JET hires be me? The new guy coming could be Allison or Lauren's replacement instead, and I could continue in my job.
Of course, there are lots of pros and cons...
PRO CON
*I don't have to leave! No scary change!!!! *Pay cut?
*I can keep doing yabusame! and yosakoi! *Lose the 'BOE-Pays-For-My-Flight-Home'
and ride at the barn! and see all the friends clause in my contract?
I have made here! *Still underused at work
*Could continue my job search from here, and *Just delaying the inevitable - for
give notice when I get a job in the States? how long?
*(some) job security *Parental anger and major guilt trip
probably more will be added to these lists as I think of them... and I don't even know if the BOE would hire me privately, so this all could be a moot point, but... what if?
My 5-year tenure as a JET is coming to a close. 5 years is the limit for my contract, and as of August, I am no longer eligible to be employed by the JET Programme. I thought I had (mostly) come to grips with this: I knew I'd be a wreck leaving, but I didn't think I'd be a wreck quite this soon. However, yesterday I received information on my (almost definite) successor, and I've had to try extremely hard several times since (including now as I type this) not to burst into tears. I really don't want to leave this place.
I know part of it is the fear of change and the unknown, especially for one specific reason: this is the first time in my life that I don't have any clue what's on the other side of that change. Moving as a kid was an adventure; going to college was an important step in my life; coming on JET was a dream come true... But now? I don't have a job lined up, I have nothing to look forward to going back, I don't even know where I'm going, and I have to let my supervisor know by June 10th so they can buy my plane ticket! In all likelihood, I'll end up caving into parental pressure and moving home for who knows how long until I can find a job that I love (as much as I love my parents, I haven't lived with them for any longer than a summer since I was 17, and haven't seen them for more than a week since I moved to Japan - and I've been completely fine with that. I've always been really independent and fine on my own without my loving family: moving home is the absolute last thing I want to do with my life.)
It's not just fear and not wanting to move back in with my parents, though: I really also just desperately don't want to leave. Yes, I have some complaints about my job - I wish I could teach more, not just 10 hours per year through 4th grade and 35 per year for 5th and 6th, for example - but I've loved every minute of my time here. I've made some amazing friends, and done incredible things. I adore my students, my teachers, all the activities that I have gotten a chance to do here.
Now, if all this were only a rant about how I don't want to leave, I wouldn't bother writing all this since I couldn't change anything. However, when my supervisor gave me the information on my successor, he also dropped a bomb: the replacements for Lauren and Allison, who made the choice to leave this year, are in all likelihood going to be non-JET. So I had a thought tonight: why can't one of those non-JET hires be me? The new guy coming could be Allison or Lauren's replacement instead, and I could continue in my job.
Of course, there are lots of pros and cons...
PRO CON
*I don't have to leave! No scary change!!!! *Pay cut?
*I can keep doing yabusame! and yosakoi! *Lose the 'BOE-Pays-For-My-Flight-Home'
and ride at the barn! and see all the friends clause in my contract?
I have made here! *Still underused at work
*Could continue my job search from here, and *Just delaying the inevitable - for
give notice when I get a job in the States? how long?
*(some) job security *Parental anger and major guilt trip
probably more will be added to these lists as I think of them... and I don't even know if the BOE would hire me privately, so this all could be a moot point, but... what if?