i'm going to be honest with you
first off i want to say is that i guess i have never been completely honest about myself. i always go along with other people and what they say, i don't always voice my opinion and what i believe in. this goes also along with my always being the shy person. all through my life i have been quite and shy and i only let a few people to get close. i guess this goes back to a time in 7th grade when i had this friend that i was pretty close with and then all of a sudden she stopped talking to me and saying mean things about me, i didn't get it and i was confused why she was doing this. this is one reason why i don't really open myself up any more.. and i know that is a big problem. i really truely want to fix it and i'm really trying hard to do that. but sometimes it seems like i'm not working on being honest and open but i am doing it and not just saying that i am. so i'm going to tell you stuff about me that i don't think that i had said to people..... first off when i was born, i had a problem with myself that i needed surgery to live, i couldn't eat or drink anything without my skin turning blue. this is where all my scar marks on my are from. i don't really tell people this because i don't know what their reaction is going to be like, and i also don't want them to just pity me and feel all sad about what happened. like i'm ok now and i don't need people to feel sad about it. another thing is that most of my life i have been really into ghosts and the supernatural, and most of the time i don't share any of that with any one because i know those people don't believe in it and don't want to talk about it. but i love hearing stuff about it and i really believe in it because of how i saw my first ghost when i was 13 years old in my house. and i have been having dreams with them in it and feelings of ghosts around my trying to talk to me. this is something that is really unusual and most people don't like to talk about but that's who i am. i love the supernatural.also most of my life i was depressed. most of this time was actually in high school. i know that your all great, wonderful friends, but in high school i was depressed and i know that i should have gone to you guys for support but i didn't know if you actually wanted to listen to me go on about what was wrong. i think part of the reason was that since i never knew what was going on and not completely open to you, i thought that you didn't want to know about me or that you didn't care about me. that always got me to hate who i was and that i didn't matter at all to you guys and that if i ran away or something that you wouldn't bother to worry about where i was. it was only through this last year that made me realize that what i had thought of was not true and that you all really do care about me and that i am a great friend to be with. the only thing that i wish that i could have done was to be more open to you all and honest, that is something that i regret the most. and i want to change that. another thing that i don't think that i have been honest about is you guys, having you all as friends makes me so happy and feel so special. i have had the most memorable times with all of you and i also feel so comfortable around you all. and i always have fun even though i don't talk that much or anything i just love being with you guys. i really don't know what i would do if i didn't have you in my life right now. i never want to lose you because your always there to listen even though i know i don't share much with you all but i know that you are going to be there by my side. and since i had been there for you all i think that it's only right that you also be there for me.