solitude, old institutions
Randomly, I have not only applied to an elite institution for a postdoc (and been shortlisted) but I keep coming around to reading things and watching programs that teach me something about the way people in these environments think. Of course one part of me just abhors all of it. Its so gross to think about being around people who actually cultivate a sense of superiority.
But, taking a step back for a second, I feel my intuition saying something else to me. I will change perspective voice as a writing experiment, as I have done before...
R you are beginning to receive more in life and its important to learn how to receive with a filter that lets in the good and keeps out what you do not need and what does not fit with your worldview. These institutions have two advantages, as you have been noticing recently: One, they do inspire exellence because of the sorts of institutions they are. Sure that sometimes also leads to a certain laziness but you can take on this energy in a positive.
Secondly, you are in a process of soul retrieval. When you connect to the energy of this process, you actually feel a kind of subtle grace, like mercury, flowing through your system. Its a sense of being reinforced by a guiding helping force greater than yourself. What a relief it is to tap into that source and to experience being helped rather than always being the doer. There is something in aligning to one of these institutions, even if only for one year, that will shift your ability to receive and to go to new levels of work.
Well yes, and something I feel such a deep deep longing for is solitude. I cannot say how much I desire to just be on my own all the time, all day, with space for very deep reflection. I know it will be ahrd on my budget for me to find anything like that at this point, but we will see what I can do. I have several reasons that I am interested in maybe staying in Corpus Christi for a little while.
I called a woman in Turkey recently who I see as one of the most spiritually advanced people I know. She is certainly a 'murshid' or spiritual guide, for me. and talking to her put me into the best frame of mind that I ahve been in for some time, a kind of washing of my insides that set me on the right path after the new year. I have really been seeking mostly renewal, an encounter with the elements, in a way, especially water. I feel that the cleansing of my mind that came through her (one which has more steps yet to come - I had another significant dream connected to her).
But there is also a small ritual I need. I will need to do an immersion in the ganges to put the last months of obsessive worrying and behind me. I sense a kind of toxic substance that has remained in my veins and organs, something that, with this new perspective in the new year, I don't see any wisdom in keeping inside. So I will head down to the Gulf of Mexico and release. I plan to go on my own and also to participate in some constellations sessions with a very well-trained facilitator in Corpus. We are going to be looking at using constellations to understand issues around guns and violence in the US, rather than working on personal issues. I think this is really wonderful.
A lot is shifting, thank goodness. I am happy that I have decided to do what I can with the money I have rather than obsessing about earning much more in order to get a peace of mind that will actually have to be previous to everything esle, not a result of financial security, as such. Idealistic, yes, but I am not sure that I have an approach that I can take which would work, using panic and money worries as a starting point. Right now, I am seeking the sea. She always held me and renewed me when I lived near her manifestation in the Bosphorus and to her, in another form, I will return in about a week, with gratitude in advance.
I am certain that I am going to start orienting towards retuning to Turkey, regardless of whether the postdoc works out or not and there is now a a vague offer from an institution that I can go to in India to do a visiting position. A lot looks good and interesting, but I must say that this experience here in Texas has been pretty far from what I had imagined. I suppose that could also be a very good thing. I have a wide perspective on that, but one that is a bit hard to describe in a linear way. Perhaps I will try later.
But, taking a step back for a second, I feel my intuition saying something else to me. I will change perspective voice as a writing experiment, as I have done before...
R you are beginning to receive more in life and its important to learn how to receive with a filter that lets in the good and keeps out what you do not need and what does not fit with your worldview. These institutions have two advantages, as you have been noticing recently: One, they do inspire exellence because of the sorts of institutions they are. Sure that sometimes also leads to a certain laziness but you can take on this energy in a positive.
Secondly, you are in a process of soul retrieval. When you connect to the energy of this process, you actually feel a kind of subtle grace, like mercury, flowing through your system. Its a sense of being reinforced by a guiding helping force greater than yourself. What a relief it is to tap into that source and to experience being helped rather than always being the doer. There is something in aligning to one of these institutions, even if only for one year, that will shift your ability to receive and to go to new levels of work.
Well yes, and something I feel such a deep deep longing for is solitude. I cannot say how much I desire to just be on my own all the time, all day, with space for very deep reflection. I know it will be ahrd on my budget for me to find anything like that at this point, but we will see what I can do. I have several reasons that I am interested in maybe staying in Corpus Christi for a little while.
I called a woman in Turkey recently who I see as one of the most spiritually advanced people I know. She is certainly a 'murshid' or spiritual guide, for me. and talking to her put me into the best frame of mind that I ahve been in for some time, a kind of washing of my insides that set me on the right path after the new year. I have really been seeking mostly renewal, an encounter with the elements, in a way, especially water. I feel that the cleansing of my mind that came through her (one which has more steps yet to come - I had another significant dream connected to her).
But there is also a small ritual I need. I will need to do an immersion in the ganges to put the last months of obsessive worrying and behind me. I sense a kind of toxic substance that has remained in my veins and organs, something that, with this new perspective in the new year, I don't see any wisdom in keeping inside. So I will head down to the Gulf of Mexico and release. I plan to go on my own and also to participate in some constellations sessions with a very well-trained facilitator in Corpus. We are going to be looking at using constellations to understand issues around guns and violence in the US, rather than working on personal issues. I think this is really wonderful.
A lot is shifting, thank goodness. I am happy that I have decided to do what I can with the money I have rather than obsessing about earning much more in order to get a peace of mind that will actually have to be previous to everything esle, not a result of financial security, as such. Idealistic, yes, but I am not sure that I have an approach that I can take which would work, using panic and money worries as a starting point. Right now, I am seeking the sea. She always held me and renewed me when I lived near her manifestation in the Bosphorus and to her, in another form, I will return in about a week, with gratitude in advance.
I am certain that I am going to start orienting towards retuning to Turkey, regardless of whether the postdoc works out or not and there is now a a vague offer from an institution that I can go to in India to do a visiting position. A lot looks good and interesting, but I must say that this experience here in Texas has been pretty far from what I had imagined. I suppose that could also be a very good thing. I have a wide perspective on that, but one that is a bit hard to describe in a linear way. Perhaps I will try later.