getting ready to go into some isolation, remembering the shifts
(How postmodern that blogposts start with no introduction and end, generally, with no real conclusion.)
I am honestly disgusted by the way that I spend unbelievable (and I mean really shocking) amounts of time on Facebook. Yes I do indeed do some good things there and learn quite a bit, plus my interest in social justice takes precedence there over my spiritual life (perhaps because the level of spiritual interaction on FB is relatively low). This is all good stuff, but could be accomplished in half the time I spend there, connected and wandering in and out of that cyber-space as I cook, sleep, aimlessly try to do work that often isn't finished or not finished in time. Today I could not log on to facebook and I felt relieved (!) at the thought that maybe the university administration had banned access to facebook. Well, I am giving some thought to banning it, at least partially, for myself as well.
Oh man, I have just finished a very interesting period of fieldwork, that ended with me engaging in some kind of initiatic-type ritual with one of the first women in Turkey to officially take a position as a leader in the Shia-ish minority Alevi community. Now I am in the process of re-transcribing most of what I wrote, plus I feel the need to get down more of my own feelings about the experience, rather than just the 'information'. Separating and rebrading these things is not straightforward and the platform for sharing it is also not always clear. Keep in mind, also, that there are all sorts of spiritual and inner lessons that run parallel to the work that I put into a more intellectual box and that, at the same time, I try not to compartamentilze in an harsh or disruptive way. All in all, it is quite a challenge! But today I will both continue writing up my notes and find an outlet blog-wise to share some thoughts with friends.
I have so much work to do on so many fronts in the next few months, as I am preparing to go back to the US for a year or more, in order to be present with my family and, maybe, earn some dollars to pay off my student debt, which is not so high by US standards, but which I am going to pay off painfully slowly at the rate I am trying to pay it through currency conversion. I have not been such a practical person in the past, but I will see how this approach goes for me. There are also important spiritual and healing currents that are more accessible to me in the US. I need exposure and training in those lineages and I will not be able to realistically do some of this while in Turkey. If it becomes really necessary, I will definitely be able to come back to the university I work at now, in a years time, as far as I can tell.
Well, I do feel divine support underneath and around me, carrying me. But I am still working on quieting my mind so that the fullness of this trust can take over. The idea of being back near my family for a year is something really exciting for me. I am even willing to give up my love of this part of the world and romantic relationships, for this.
I am ready to go into a kind of writing and money saving hybernation over the next few months. I really cannot socialise as I have been doing in the past years, especially once my teaching schedule starts in the spring which includes 9 hours of lectures. I have other commitments in the evenings.
I recently had a bit of an encounter wit a young man with whom there had been some mutual interest. My relationship with my partner has become 'open' for lack of a better word, mainly because of my concern that our exclusivity and closeness would somehow be hard for me to manage at the same time as planning to move away. That has gone in all sorts of directions including some tears. I am glad that I am older and wiser, to some degree, shukurallah. In my earlier days, this would have been a real mess. Now its just some emotion and emotion is what it is and life continues with love always present, regardless of the formalities of relationship. My recent encounter with a fairly nice young man was a bit strange, to say the least. I honestly felt a bit repulsed by this nice guy aat certain points and yet pretended not to be, or wasn't sure how I really felt. Sad, but true. :-( Well, lets see. In any case, he more or less understands my situation. So hopefully there were not a lot of expecatations.
Amongst the other important stories of this recent period is that I was able to go to Ankara to encouter a group of people (and one woman in particular) that are important to me for their guiding function. One elderly lady who is a student of a woman known as Mualla Hanım, who in turn is a student of a better known gentlmen named Ahmet Kayhan Dede is important for me. Somehow this woman has a capacity to read my soul easily and, within just a few minutes of meeting me, to get a basic download of what I need to know along my path. She is basically always right. For example, she pointed out the influence of my native american background this time, comments on things that appeared in my dream without knowing them, and confirmed (without me saying anything) that I am planning to leave Turkey, said that I would be returning (which is indeed a strong possibility). She pointed out that I had been around people who had really tried to pull me away from my own path, my own wisdom and the sirat al mustaqim (the 'straight path' mentioned in the Fatiha). This refers to my experience with a cultish group that I studied family constellations with at the end of the year, a traumatic experience despite the fact that the constellations themselves are alaways revelatory for me, regardless of circumstances.
Well, well, the point is just that I have a lot to write about on many fronts. I am even closing down shop a bit these days to create the space for that, and, hopefully, two or three articles based on papers almost or already finished. Its a 'tall order' but I need to try and do as much of it as possible for many reasons. Soon, life will be changing a lot.
Peace.
P.S. I am making more public entries now. The privacy issue is something I am trying to move away from obsessing about, as much as I
can. Below a bic pic of Kayhan, a Naqshbandi, Melami and beyond form and label sort of guy. Hu Haqq Dost.
.
I am honestly disgusted by the way that I spend unbelievable (and I mean really shocking) amounts of time on Facebook. Yes I do indeed do some good things there and learn quite a bit, plus my interest in social justice takes precedence there over my spiritual life (perhaps because the level of spiritual interaction on FB is relatively low). This is all good stuff, but could be accomplished in half the time I spend there, connected and wandering in and out of that cyber-space as I cook, sleep, aimlessly try to do work that often isn't finished or not finished in time. Today I could not log on to facebook and I felt relieved (!) at the thought that maybe the university administration had banned access to facebook. Well, I am giving some thought to banning it, at least partially, for myself as well.
Oh man, I have just finished a very interesting period of fieldwork, that ended with me engaging in some kind of initiatic-type ritual with one of the first women in Turkey to officially take a position as a leader in the Shia-ish minority Alevi community. Now I am in the process of re-transcribing most of what I wrote, plus I feel the need to get down more of my own feelings about the experience, rather than just the 'information'. Separating and rebrading these things is not straightforward and the platform for sharing it is also not always clear. Keep in mind, also, that there are all sorts of spiritual and inner lessons that run parallel to the work that I put into a more intellectual box and that, at the same time, I try not to compartamentilze in an harsh or disruptive way. All in all, it is quite a challenge! But today I will both continue writing up my notes and find an outlet blog-wise to share some thoughts with friends.
I have so much work to do on so many fronts in the next few months, as I am preparing to go back to the US for a year or more, in order to be present with my family and, maybe, earn some dollars to pay off my student debt, which is not so high by US standards, but which I am going to pay off painfully slowly at the rate I am trying to pay it through currency conversion. I have not been such a practical person in the past, but I will see how this approach goes for me. There are also important spiritual and healing currents that are more accessible to me in the US. I need exposure and training in those lineages and I will not be able to realistically do some of this while in Turkey. If it becomes really necessary, I will definitely be able to come back to the university I work at now, in a years time, as far as I can tell.
Well, I do feel divine support underneath and around me, carrying me. But I am still working on quieting my mind so that the fullness of this trust can take over. The idea of being back near my family for a year is something really exciting for me. I am even willing to give up my love of this part of the world and romantic relationships, for this.
I am ready to go into a kind of writing and money saving hybernation over the next few months. I really cannot socialise as I have been doing in the past years, especially once my teaching schedule starts in the spring which includes 9 hours of lectures. I have other commitments in the evenings.
I recently had a bit of an encounter wit a young man with whom there had been some mutual interest. My relationship with my partner has become 'open' for lack of a better word, mainly because of my concern that our exclusivity and closeness would somehow be hard for me to manage at the same time as planning to move away. That has gone in all sorts of directions including some tears. I am glad that I am older and wiser, to some degree, shukurallah. In my earlier days, this would have been a real mess. Now its just some emotion and emotion is what it is and life continues with love always present, regardless of the formalities of relationship. My recent encounter with a fairly nice young man was a bit strange, to say the least. I honestly felt a bit repulsed by this nice guy aat certain points and yet pretended not to be, or wasn't sure how I really felt. Sad, but true. :-( Well, lets see. In any case, he more or less understands my situation. So hopefully there were not a lot of expecatations.
Amongst the other important stories of this recent period is that I was able to go to Ankara to encouter a group of people (and one woman in particular) that are important to me for their guiding function. One elderly lady who is a student of a woman known as Mualla Hanım, who in turn is a student of a better known gentlmen named Ahmet Kayhan Dede is important for me. Somehow this woman has a capacity to read my soul easily and, within just a few minutes of meeting me, to get a basic download of what I need to know along my path. She is basically always right. For example, she pointed out the influence of my native american background this time, comments on things that appeared in my dream without knowing them, and confirmed (without me saying anything) that I am planning to leave Turkey, said that I would be returning (which is indeed a strong possibility). She pointed out that I had been around people who had really tried to pull me away from my own path, my own wisdom and the sirat al mustaqim (the 'straight path' mentioned in the Fatiha). This refers to my experience with a cultish group that I studied family constellations with at the end of the year, a traumatic experience despite the fact that the constellations themselves are alaways revelatory for me, regardless of circumstances.
Well, well, the point is just that I have a lot to write about on many fronts. I am even closing down shop a bit these days to create the space for that, and, hopefully, two or three articles based on papers almost or already finished. Its a 'tall order' but I need to try and do as much of it as possible for many reasons. Soon, life will be changing a lot.
Peace.
P.S. I am making more public entries now. The privacy issue is something I am trying to move away from obsessing about, as much as I
can. Below a bic pic of Kayhan, a Naqshbandi, Melami and beyond form and label sort of guy. Hu Haqq Dost.
.