:)

[mystic_star]

so matt came to my aunts hannukah party today, and it well really well. he and i went together, and he really liked my cosuins, and my aunt/uncle, and they all really liked him. it was so great! it was the first time i ever had a boyfriend meet family, but i feel so comfortable with him, that it went so smoothly. i just love him so much, he's such

Comments

Hey Sara

[galatea_world]

Firstly, do not take mom's words too much to heart. In the car with me, she seemed to be telling me that Jewish men were literally inferior to non-Jewish men, because she had a bad marriage with dad. She did like Matt, but her views on religion and relationships are...skewed. To say the least.

So here is my opinion.

I liked Matt, and I think he seemed to genuinely care about you, which I definitely like. BUT. (and here is the but!) My issue is that you do not care about religion *now* but you do not know what you will be thinking later in life. I was outright an atheist at your age, and now Judaism is very important to me. So you never know. And my point is that you owe it to yourself to explore Judaism and see how much it matters to you before you go past the point of no return with Matt. Judaism is not just a religion - I really believe that when properly understood, it is a way of life as well.

So that is how I think. I like Matt, genuinely I do, but I think you need to explore within yourself how much you care or do not care about Judaism before you decide to somewhat abandon it on a more permanent basis.

Re: Hey Sara

[mystic_star]

i'm not abandoning anything by dating someone who isn't jewish. its ridiculous to even think that. there are so many inter-religious relationships, marriages, everything. i'm open to new things, and i think you shouldn't really take his religion (or non religion) into consideration. i really think you need to stop advocating Judaism to me, because in the end, i'm going to believe what to, and what i decide is right for me. in case you forgot, i was the one who went to Hebrew school all throughout high school, and the most valuable thing we learned was to be accepting. whatever i decide to do with i my beliefs is my decision, and whatever he wants to believe is his. all three of Ilene's kids are in inter-religious marriages, and they are happy, and thats all that matters. at least you can see that he genuinely does care about me.

Re: Hey Sara

[galatea_world]

I never said I do not accept Matt, so I do not want to be misconstrued. But the fact remains that it is harder to have a Jewish family with a non-Jewish spouse. So in some sense that is sort of leaving Judaism. You yourself say you do not care about Judaism.

I am not making a value judgment on what you do; I am saying it is for you to do what you want to do, but I only think that if you want to get even more serious with Matt, you might want to learn more about Judaism to see if you care about it. I know you went to Hebrew High, but you yourself said that it was mostly a social thing. (and classes included yoga)

Ilene's kids did not all intermarry, as an aside. Lori is Jewish. But if you want to use them as an example, then note that Josh told me he is definitely not raising Hayden or Max to be Jewish. I am not saying that if you decided to be long-term committed to Matt you would be...a) a bad person; b) make a bad decision. But I am saying that it would likely be harder to have a Jewish family *if that is what you wanted*

So all I am saying is that you have to decide what you want to do. I will back your decision, regardless, but I think you have to at least consider the fact that if you are committed to a non-Jew, then there would be something at stake here, not nothing.

I am not guilting you, not pressuring you, not unaccepting of you, rather, I just saying that you should consider and not ignore these issues.

Re: Hey Sara

[mystic_star]

nothing is at stake. basically everyone at my temple had parents of different religions. (and we never did yoga in hebrew high) honestly, i think all that matters is that children are raised to be good people, and obviously i am considering these issues, but when it comes down to it, the fact that he's not the religion of my family would never stop me from being with the man i love.

Re: Hey Sara

[galatea_world]

Heh, Justin taught yoga at your Hebrew High, so I know it was at least offered as a class. :-p

Yes, being a good person is #1, but I do think there is something worthy in Judaism beyond just the idea of "being a good person." There is a sense of community, a certain value system, and a way of life that is very difficult to share with a non-Jewish spouse.

Just things to consider. I have said my piece, I hope you think through what I said. I am saying it because I love you and I wish I came to these realizations when I was your age, rather than my age. :)

Re: Hey Sara

[mystic_star]

okay racquel, i dont even know why you have to make religion an issue at all, because it shouldn't be. all of this talk just honestly makes me upset, because i don't think your views should affect mine.
everyone has their own perception of what religion is to them, and i'm 100% positive that whatever i decide to personally believe, matt will back me up, as i will for him. one thing that other people shouldn't get involved with is their beliefs. i allow you to believe in what you believe in, i don't tell you my views on it, because its YOUR choice. Plus, how would you know that this way of life, "the certain value system" would be difficult with a non-Jewish spouse? Marie wasn't Jewish, and she was involved in the temple, and made dad the happiest he ever was. their marriage brought upon 3 new siblings to us, all 3 of which are open-minded and unique. i have considered what you said, now drop it. he is the person i absolutely love, who loves me back, regardless of religion.

Re: Hey Sara

[squeeze]

being the child of a jewish father and a converted-jewish
(originally methodist) mother, i can pretty much safely say that i've had a good amount of distinctly jewish experiences. i don't think i would be any more "religious" if both sides of my family were jewish, just because my dad happens to be more of an atheist anyway and i don't think my mom puts much weight in religion either. my grandparents on either side seem pretty indifferent to religion in a theological sense. however, my mom has fully embraced judaism by sending me to hebrew school, giving me a bat mitzvah, and encouraging me to go to hebrew high when we moved. i don't think it was any harder for my parents to have a jewish family, and i'm glad that my mom insisted on celebrating all of the holidays and sharing that side of her religious life with us. i have no problems with my identity as a "jew"; if anything, i almost feel that a ridiculous emphasis is placed upon being involved in judaism (it almost feels like a clique at times) and i feel thankful that i can take a step back and acknowledge the non-jew in me, too. i participate in jewish activities at college, and i hang out with the rabbi and his wife and ADORABLE little baby when they come to my dorm every week and do activities, and it's really fun. but i would never force my children into accepting the "jewish way of life". its something that i was not forced into, yet i still embrace it to the extent that i want to embrace it, and i like it that way.

Re: Hey Sara

[galatea_world]

Just as an aside, I am not trying to force Sara to accept the Jewish way of life.

Re: Hey Sara

[squeeze]

also, even if you decide to actually explore judaism later in life, i should hope that it wouldn't make you question your relationship with matt in any way. i'm sure he would be accepting of whatever you do.

Re: Hey Sara

[galatea_world]

i may have my own personal problems with the jewish faith and know the dark side to the religion, but it is still apart of who i am, although in more of an ethnic than religious way (ie the jokes). you're absolutely right sara, religion isn't important, just as long as you two are on the same page as future plans.

yep, being jewish growing up was ok, but i really hated going to synaguage, zyonism, and so many other things about this religion (not as bad as christianity though).

Happy Festivus!