She did what I've always wanted her to do.. and I hate it.
My Mom has decided to help me with my cleaning whether I like it or not. I told her I want to do it myself.. that it was important to me to be able to do it myself. And that I would be really mad if she came over but she said she didn't care and that she would be here in an hour.
I always used to say that I wished that my parents would take it upon themselves to decide to do things to help me without my having to ask.. and that is pretty much what is happening here.. but I don't like it. Not at all. I guess I did want her to offer to help if she knew I was having trouble with something.. just so that I could know that she cared.. but to offer and then refuse to take no for an answer.. makes me feel like I am five fucking years old.
I feel like I am grasping at straws trying to cling to what little sense of self-respect and dignity I have here and she is taking that away from me. Not even giving me the chance to try to take care of myself. I didn't realize how important that was to me until she took it away.
I hate feeling like this.
Another thing is that ever since I wrote that letter to my Dad.. (which my Mom read too) they have both been so understanding and supportive.. I feel like I want to say to them.. "Who are you and what have you done to my parents?"
Because my parents don't care this much...well.. if they did.. they sure as hell didn't let me know. My Dad especially.
My Dad doesn't listen when I talk.. My Dad doesn't consider my feelings. My Dad doesn't compliment me and say how proud he is of me.
Yet he has been .. he has been doing all three. It's freaky. I'm not used to it. It's like the world has tilted on it's axis or something.
I always used to say that I wished that my parents would take it upon themselves to decide to do things to help me without my having to ask.. and that is pretty much what is happening here.. but I don't like it. Not at all. I guess I did want her to offer to help if she knew I was having trouble with something.. just so that I could know that she cared.. but to offer and then refuse to take no for an answer.. makes me feel like I am five fucking years old.
I feel like I am grasping at straws trying to cling to what little sense of self-respect and dignity I have here and she is taking that away from me. Not even giving me the chance to try to take care of myself. I didn't realize how important that was to me until she took it away.
I hate feeling like this.
Another thing is that ever since I wrote that letter to my Dad.. (which my Mom read too) they have both been so understanding and supportive.. I feel like I want to say to them.. "Who are you and what have you done to my parents?"
Because my parents don't care this much...well.. if they did.. they sure as hell didn't let me know. My Dad especially.
My Dad doesn't listen when I talk.. My Dad doesn't consider my feelings. My Dad doesn't compliment me and say how proud he is of me.
Yet he has been .. he has been doing all three. It's freaky. I'm not used to it. It's like the world has tilted on it's axis or something.