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I can't even.. I want to believe so much. I spent all day in a turret thinking. I spent all day cursing myself and half my friends. I spent all day having Karma kick the shit out of me. Every time I turned around something happened. I fell off the top of a truck. I know she wants me to leave her alone. I know she wants to walk away. But I don't
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I know we don't talk often, part of that is a time and distance difference but, being your friend, I should have tried harder. I'm sorry that I didn't try harder because you could really use your friends right now and I wish I could be that for you. You've been there for me and helped me (even in the slightest ways).
I know broken hearts don't mend easily and the words of friends are taken less seriously then the words of strangers or lovers but, because I have to say it, you are a wonderful person. Being with someone in the military is hard...as I'm coming to learn so well..and there are times where my emotions mimic what you were saying about her- there are times where Im scared, angry, happy, sad, all rolled into one. Maybe time and space is all that's needed to bring her back to what she lost. Trevor left and it wasn't until I really started to see what life was like without him that I really realized what he meant. Hopefully, she'll realize what you mean to her.
I know I don't know an incredible amount about the situation but, her saying she hates you might just be her way to try and convince herself that she's over you. Its like telling yourself "I'm OK" knowing full-well that you're not what you say. Its the brain trying to convince the heart of an emotion it knows is wrong.
I'm sure you could use her support right now especially. You need that person who's beyond being a friend that gives you comfort and makes at least some small part of you feel safe. I know what that's like but, I'm sure its moreso for you since you're overseas. For that I send ::hugs:: which I wish I could give you in person but, the thought will have to do for right now.
Please know that, although we aren't the closest of friends, I still think you are an awesome person. You've never failed to make me smile...which is not always the easiest of tasks. And you listen- which is a rare quality to find in people these days. Everyone has their faults but, you seem to know some of yours and are actively attempting to change them- that, to me, is something worth more than just respect. Anyone can admit to some fault but, not everyone attempt to better them. Lastly, you've helped me through things and for that I consider you a good person. Some people just read what others are going through, other people try to help and actually do make a difference. Thank you for that.
Don't give up hope, as I'm slowly learning- its sometimes all we have. As we grow up, society tends to make us give up on hope and all things associated with dreaming but, sometimes are dreams are all we have to hold on to.
I hope all this doesn't come out like some "be an optimist" kind of preachy speech. I mean it as more of a "you'll be ok and you have people here for you" kind of thing. Also know that you have drinks awaiting you upon your return (I'm Irish, its what we do for comfot).
And one last thing- ::HUGS:: :)
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