Hurculean Feat
It took everything I had this morning but I am filled with pride to tell you that I got my eyes open. Each eyelid weighed about 200 pounds this morning. I'd have called in sick to work but would have been unable to dial the phone with my eyes sealed shut. Currently the toothpicks holding up the great burden of my lids are demanding hazard pay as they may snap at any moment. Alas, I am awake. Good job!