fic: Ritual (60): Connection

[mystery_sock]

Here; have a Thanksgiving treat!

Title: Ritual (60): Connection
Pairing, other characters: Peter/"Nathan", Emma
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Dark Romance/Angst
Spoilers: through episode 4.10 "Brother's Keeper"
Word count: around 7300 words
Warnings: see pairing and rating; mild bloodshed
Summary: A lost Nathan turns to the only thing in the world that he

Comments

[xanatosdecrion]

Wow. Just wow.

I've got so much to say. So much of this was so exhaustive emotionally for the characters and by default for 'me', I can only imagine how you must've felt writing. Yet it's not wholly angsty, there's some light here in all this darkness and that light's name is Peter. Peter Petrelli, ever the optimist, ever the one to reach for that silver lining.

I loved his internal when he realized that his brother was having a psychotic break (not really, we know the deal but yeah he was or is or will be). Peter's thinking of all the other humans turned meta who 'lost' it and rightly so; and because they, less-than-invincible-non-Nathan beings they were, because they succumbed to madness why not his brother, why not now? It can happen to us all...there's only so much a man can take. Peter sees this and nothing else; nothing of what's really going on with brother Nate. And with this if Nate can 'lose it', then why not Peter, too? Why not break with reality too, young man? You can't because you've got to keep Nate in check. You've got to keep everyone in check. I think if Peter lives for the self-preservation of those he loves; his brother being primary of his care, always, forever and ever amen.

I'm not saying anything new. We know Peter and who he is. But I think even as he's witnessing this break with his brother he's experiencing it a bit, too. He's about just as fragile, really and I have to wonder where in the hell does he get his strength?

I loved the scene with Emma. Ah, Peter, pretty Peter never change mmkay? You described him as a monk; hell 'he' described himself this way and yes, Peter, you are a monk. LOL. A 'bullet'proof monk? Yas LOL

I'm not gon' lie, but will spit trufe. I teared up when Nathan broke down. I was strong though; no tears shed, thank God. LOL. But how awesomely did you capture that bit. I can barely imagine how he's feeling, this carbon copy of a soul inside so much hollow (Sylar). It's heartbreaking; just a mess. Nathan's a mess. I'm a mess. Nathan's a MESS. I wanna hug him, but dude seems inconsolable. Even as Peter reassures him, makes him feel better with the loving (high-five on the awesome sexy times btw...particularly the give and take at the end, I love that. Don't think I've ever read a back and forth that way. But I love the symbolism of it and really how in the end Peter really GIVES himself as he is wont to do anyway in all areas/aspects of his life), but even as Peter is 'there' for him, Nathan is still distracted. I could like see his eye twitching or a nervous tremble to his hand or even feel the tension I'm sure he must feel even after being relaxed by Peter. He is unsettled, even when he's made not to be and we know why don't we? *sobs* Arrrggh.

Peter and Nathan together the first time... That was seriously intense. Nathan was unpleasant and rough and Peter I felt now more than ever REALLY wanted him to be.

When the touch of Nathan's cock came, it was like balm on a burn; a soft kiss on a fevered forehead. - love this imagery; perfect and can we say OUCH?!?!?!

It wasn't right; it was so far beyond dangerous, so far beyond cruel, that Peter felt like his consciousness was leaving his body, floating above, watching with sad, helpless pity - and then was yanked back inside with the next thrust. He yelled as loud as he could, the sound swallowed in the mattress. Nathan bit him on the back of the neck, like a rutting animal, and Peter arched the other way, toward him, pushing himself off the surface of the bed with his palms. Nathan shoved him back down, slapped his ass again, and fucked even harder and faster. Oh my God, Peter mused silently, he is trying to kill me. He's trying to fuck me to death. Yes, please, God, do it now. - yes, Peter, you are being fucked to death by SYLAR *weeps/sobs* or automaton-Nathan *wails/moans*

I think Peter came when he floated up to the ceiling; each time represents a gush of his own jizz into the mattress. Now I'm just being crude. LOL. Kudos because that entire sequence was so nervewrecking. I don't think there was much pleasure gained from either man, only release and a thwarted one at that. It's not enough; it wasn't enough as evidenced by his near panic attack at Peter leaving the next morning.

[mystery_sock]

You're fabulous, you know that? :)

So much of this was so exhaustive emotionally for the characters and by default for 'me', I can only imagine how you must've felt writing.
Yeah, it was hard, but not as hard as writing "Because I Want To", when the wounds were fresh - and I also wasn't quite as grounded with the character of Sylar (and Gabriel) in Nathan. There's a lot more Nathan in this (well, in the second part, anyway, but even in the first part, really; Nathan is more than capable of that kind of brutality and harshness). But more than anything, I know that, at this point, Peter can take it.

And with this if Nate can 'lose it', then why not Peter, too? Why not break with reality too, young man?
Because he really just can't. It's not in his nature. Peter will not ever lose his shit, not in any permanent way. It's just not in his character. Nathan is a lot more fragile, because so much of his life has been based on objects and symbols and what other people think about him; the only real, true thing inside him, at least that he can access and believe in, is his love for Peter.

I loved the scene with Emma.
I HAD to write some Emma. I love her. And I also think the ASL sign for "Don't fuck it up" is hilarious. And their last interaction was them playing piano very romantically, and Peter giving her the tiara - and the next thing we see is Emma alone at home, and Peter alone at home. When what would have made sense was hot, sweaty supply-closet sex! Therefore, Emma cold dissed him, and he went home with blue balls. Next! :)

I teared up when Nathan broke down. I was strong though; no tears shed, thank God.
Oh yeah? Well, you're strong. Poor Nathan. But can you IMAGINE? I mean, yeah, I guess you can... :) But still. How horrible. Losing himself that way. It's unimaginably cruel.

particularly the give and take at the end, I love that. Don't think I've ever read a back and forth that way.
I was SO PSYCHED when I thought of that; I keep on thinking I've really written sex in every possible permutation, but there's always that, y'know? It takes a ridiculous amount of self-control and togetherness, but yeah. :D

even as Peter is 'there' for him, Nathan is still distracted. I could like see his eye twitching or a nervous tremble to his hand or even feel the tension I'm sure he must feel even after being relaxed by Peter.
Well, the next day, they get up, go to his Senate office, and then go to the storage unit. And then they go save Matt's life, and Sylar gets to go back to his own body (but not completely take control!); then Nathan knocks Peter out and drags him back home, stopping off at the liquor store on the way. :) GAH. Poor Nathan. My poor baby. Nobody deserves this.

it wasn't enough as evidenced by his near panic attack at Peter leaving the next morning
A part of him instinctively knows that Peter is his anchor to being Nathan; he is more solidly Nathan when he's with Peter than he is otherwise. Peter leaving - though poor clueless Peter has his own reasons for doing so - was Nathan's doom and Sylar's triumph. But Nathan couldn't say anything, because he didn't understand what was going on, either.

Oh it makes my heart hurt. But I had to write some pornz about it, y'know? ;)