recap: 4.01 "Orientation"/4.02 "Jump, Push, Fall"
Here you have it, music lovers - the first mystery-sock recap of the new season. It is how I roll.
I get it: Roommate Annie is SARAH PALIN. Sisterhood, eh? Ick.
What wouldn't I give for that sweet ass blue-edged Hiro and Ando standee?
Always good to see Kimiko, even if she's now in the role of Making Ando Heterosexual. Women! Who can figure 'em? Also, is it just me, or are the subtitles gigantic right now?
Peter's parkour-fueled EMT rescue was pretty goddamn excellent. Not only does he look great in his polo shirt, or doing gymnastics, but his air of smugness as he enacts the rescue brings to mind the casual superiority of the worst kinds of cartoon superheroes. I mean, sure, I'm sure it feels good, but his self-assurance might come back to bite him in the ass. He can't control every situation, no matter what he thinks. And he's so empty inside that I can feel it from here.
Also interesting is that when I saw Milo at Comic-Con, he was already much, much thinner than he is here. When Milo decides he doesn't want to be musclebound anymore, the flesh just melts off him. Still; looking good. His hair is gorgeous.
Claire's Physics Test Hell is interesting in several ways. A) the professor is awesome and loves zombies. B) The equation they're faced with is the easiest easy that ever easied; I suck bad at math, but even I could probably solve that in fifteen minutes. Still, if every time Claire is intellectually challenged, she goes running off in search of cheerleading, that's never going to end well. She ought to be in the humanities, at least.
Angela is ruling the roost from several different elegant brunch spots around town. She is taking no bullshit from anyone (not that she ever did really) but she's got Noah Bennet on a very tight leash. Oh well, he's too moronic not to know that you don't cook something in plastic in a toaster oven. C'mon, Noah; materials science! You can do it! No, I guess he can't; after his aborted drowning in his car, he doesn't have the goddamn sense not to talk about the case while still in the area? Do they really think Tracy can control water remotely? FAIL. My first moment of calling bullshit. This is Heroes; it won't be my last.
But hey! Danko! Nice to see you! However briefly.
Gretchen is a fox, but I already get the sensation of RUN AWAY SHE'S PSYCHO!! But her hair is dreamy.
Muffin Man! I swear, they have the best pet names ever on this show.
And Hiro is kind of fucked.
Of course you like sushi, SylNathan. Everybody likes sushi. Or, technically, sashimi. Yummy yummy sashimi. it's kind of hilarious to watch him staring down at the block, figuring out how it works. That's daikon, sweetie. And Angela's not doing too bad - she flies all the way down to D.C. just to have a sushi lunch? Gosh. "Self-reflection," she muses. "Something that happens when you hit forty." (So, for him, like 5 years ago. Don't flatter him.) "Along with all sorts of other unpleasant surprises." Like growing hair in places you'd rather it wasn't; like trick bladder; like suddenly being unable to hold your tequila shots or vaginal dryness. SylNathan forges on ahead, feeling the sashimi love, vowing, "I'm gonna get in touch with all the important people in my life." (Which hopefully means more Wee Petrellis! Hooray! And it's not like Rena Sofer is doing anything right now.) "I'm gonna be a better me!" he chirps. Immediately Angela's like Whoa, whoa there Trigger. "Get yourself a big expensive sports car and a young woman of questionable morals." (And get John Edwards's phone number while you're at it, and see how that worked out for him.) "Thats what your father did, and it worked out for him," she adds. WHAT. WHAT? Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Who? WHO WAS THE SLUT? I'll go beat her up! The worst part is that that news doesn't phase Nathan, which means that there was an Arthur Affair and he KNEW about it. PETRELLIS!! ARGH! Angela punctuates this bombshell by slugging down sake like its whiskey shots and she's sitting across from Indiana Jones. SylNathan obediently tops her up, and muses, "What would I be without you?" And Angela pisses herself, just a tiny bit.
Good God, that's all so creepy. And are you noticing the moles on the Pasdar visage? I hope that's normal. It weirds me out; those weren't there before. Sure, I want to nibble on them, but he should get that checked out. He's no spring chicken anymore.
Meanwhile they've recast Baby Matt Parkman, with a much less attractive child, but one that can actually stand and isn't addicted to the sippy cup of crack cocaine. You'd be on the rock too if your dad was Rapidly Heading Toward Darkness Matt Parkman, police officer and full time Bad Cop. Angela calls him and tells him that SylNathan needs to upgrade his Javascript because he's just not quite doing full-screen video, as it were. Matt tells her to fuck off. And weirdly enough, she accepts it. Or seems to. Angela does not have "no" said to her.
Then SylNathan is in his office playing with himself. Nuff said. This sequence is hilarious and very sad, but Pasdar is absolutely playing it as Quinto, complete with the fact that he tends to let his mouth hang open when he's thinking hard.
Annie is a freaky horrible awful bitch and while I was watching with Keyboy, both of us were baying for her blood as soon as the words "Guitar Hero" came out of her mouth. Claire and Noah's rapport is fantastic and funny; a much more adult level of interaction, which I'm sure won't last long. Anyway, Hayden looks wonderful here; I really do like her normal hair and the only obvious makeup she has on is mascara (and about six pounds of pancake, but this is television after all). I thought she looked wretched at the Emmys; I like for her to look her age. Why doesn't she want to look 20? I'd kill to look 20! *sigh* I kinda miss being carded.
And time for Carnivàle! With nekkid ladies and supernatural inks! Now, what's Lydia's ability? And what's Samuel's? And how does that magical ink work? Oh who cares? It's RAY PARK! And he's ADORABLE! Even Samuel thinks so, grabbing and massaging him like his last name's Petrelli or something, getting all up in his face in such a way that I thought kissing was going to ensue. No - being strangled by a tattoo ensues instead. COOL. By the way, Ray Park's character's named Edgar. That's so cute. I want to wrap my legs around him.
Meanwhile, in the most popular sushi restaurant in all of Superheroland, Noah and Tracy have a calm, normal conversation, which is pretty good for people who just tried to kill each other. PLEASE, SHOW, DON'T SHIP THEM. I beg you. I can take a lot, but I can't take that. Sure, Ali looks nice with the mascara-only look, but ... goddamn it, NO. Noah and Sandra OTP.
In the deserted remains of Building 26, Danko and Bennet chat. Danko wants to kill the bitch no matter what, but the Haitian is there to give him other ideas. Thanks, Haitian! No names for you - just work!
SylNathan tries once more to reach out to Peter, really needing to talk to somebody about these new abilities he's discovered. Peter, being an idiot. IDIOT! IDIOTTT! does not take his call, being too busy pinning up newspaper clippings on the Corkboard of Solitude. Peter has rid himself of every possession - his apartment is freakishly empty, and he even GOT RID OF THE BED!! Thanks, Mr. Kring, for giving me fic prompts. Still - how this breaks my heart.
Tracy goes to Danko's crib to kill him or whatever, but Danko's been mindwiped, and he assumes that his hot blonde at his door was sent by Sammuuuuuuel to fetch the compass key back. (Huh? Wait for it.) Before any more awkwardness can ensue, Edgar zips in and Benihanas the hell out of Danko's torso and face. GOODBYE DANKO! A big round of applause for internationally renowned thespian Zjelko Ivanek; you were fantastic. No time for sentimentality though! Edgar sees Tracy and sensibly decides to cut a bitch; unfortunately, he can't! In a move that would have sliced her entire face off, Tracy just becomes water - THAT'S THE SHIT RIGHT THERE, SHOW. More of that, please. That was FUCKING COOL. So cool that Edgar freaks out and gets the hell out of there. And now Tracy has a mystery to keep her busy!
KEGGAR!!!1! Ugh. Claire gets her drunk on, though, or at least pretends to, just in time to find Gretchen and micro-bond. Meanwhile Annie continues to be a nightmare in Old Navy, so the only way they can counter is... to product place Guitar Hero. NISSAN VERSA!! "This is gonna be really bad," Claire predicts, and she's right. I fucking hate watching people play Guitar Hero, or Rock Band, or any of those goddamn games. (Caveat; I have not yet seen Beatles Rock Band, which might be groovy. Anyway.)
And scene! Ando is wheeling the catatonic Hiro around on a hand truck. Masi has a tummy! Awww! (I'm rewtching on Hulu, and have currently paused to watch this week's Glee. It's so surreal to have Masi on the small screen and Jayma Mays, who will forever be Charlie to me, on the big one. Somehow, I still want them to be together. Damn you, Season One, for imprinting me so deeply.) Anyway, Kimiko and some random dude are talking, and they don't subtitle what they say, so I wonder what random rhubarb they were using there. When Hiro revives, he drops the bombshell. He's dying, and I guess not in the Sylvia Plath we're all dying sense; he's cooked his wee brain by using his abilities too much (or probably due to something else, like all those head injuries he sustained when Usutu kept conking him on the head with a shovel. Seriously, people, cartoon injuries are for cartoons and Claire and Peter. Hiro is not a healer; and nobody else is dying because they use their abilities.) Ando suggests going back in time to fix whatever is killing him - like maybe keeping Usutu from hitting him - but Hiro is all hung up on the picture of him and Ando and Kimiko at the EXACT SAME CARNIVAL AS THE ONE WE'VE SEEN. Because they travel to Tokyo. Because that ever happens. Bull. Shit. They're not Cirque de Soleil; they're the ghetto-ass Sullivan Bros. Get the fuck out of here. Hiro wants to have never gotten a fortune from a fortune teller that told him that someday he'd be a hero. Because taking all that away is SUCH a good idea. Before he can come to his limited senses, time rips him away and dumps him over behind the Tilt-A-Whirl.
Anyway, we segue into a hot scene in the carny tents where Samuel is kissing and hugging on topless Lydia, who has seen a vision of Hiro in her ink. Then Hiro jumps back in time 14 years to the carnival while it was in Tokyo. Lydia sees all that, and Samuel gets bored and goes outside, chatting with a super-grizzled old man with an oxygen tube up his super old nose, and lightly suggests that he may have found someone who can "fix the past". Sammy doesn't want to put super old dude out, but he asks if he can be "sent back" 14 years to intercept Hiro; Super Old Dude assents. What else is he gonna do? Run a marathon?
Claire goes back to her dorm room, expecting another lecture on perfection, only to see that our collective dreams have come true - Annie's DEAD! Out the window, splayed bleeding all over the sidewalk (nobody noticed? Man, tough school), with her red wedgies prettily angled beside her. ROT IN HELL! Claire is nice enough to be grossed out, though.
Back in L.A., Matt enjoys the pleasures of fatherhood in the form of toys underfoot.
Back in Washington, SylNathan is having a serious headache, waiting by the phone for Peter to call, and staring at his coffee mug, trying to make it do something. My God, if this is what Senators do all day long, maybe we do need smaller government. He gets frustrated; he can't make the telekinesis happen.
Meanwhile, simultaneously, Matt goes looking for the baby, can't find him, and then Sylar Dear Sylar pops out the darkness, holding the tot. But guess what? Sylar's not really there! (I guess the scenes of Nathan in his office wasting taxpayer money is to establish a visual alibi - a nice touch, but not one that will really translate to audiences on screen in a single viewing. Sorry, guys; not on this show, where you can't trust anything you see.) He's a projection of Matt's mind - Sylars consciousness actually piggybacking on Matt's, Tyler Durden style (or, more properly, Battlestar Galactica's Head Six and Head Gaius. Man, I miss those crazy Cylons!). If only Matt had some mental discipline, it wouldn't be no thang, but ... Matt. He makes Peter look like a Rhodes Scholar. Still, this whole thing is a really cool, emotionally effective scene - SylNathan freaking out silently, and Head Sylar seemingly playing horsie with Parkman fils.
"Can you say 'freaking out'?" Dammit, Sylar gets all the best dialogue. And ZQ is magic with kids and animals, isn't he? He lets Matt have his brain back, showing that it was all an illusion; the splendiferous Janice comes in wondering what the hell his damage is, and all I can think of is envying her white satin robe. She looks like a princess.
Meanwhile Bennet burns his dinner, then calls back to his old house, but rather than Sandra answering, some dude picks up. Bennet freaks and can't talk to her. ASK A QUESTION NOW AND THEN, HOMEBOY. When the phone rings again, it ain't his wife; it's Tracy. She is coming to ship you. Beware. She calls him over to Danko's apartment and shows him the chop suey. "I didn't do it," she says. Damn right; last I checked, you weren't short, cute, Scottish, and made of stardust and pure prime kung fu power.
Back at the carnival, Adult Hiro realizes that he jumped back in time to the moment where he got his fortune and Ando sloshed slushy all over Kimiko's new Betsey Johnson. Hiro decides he can't change his own destiny, but he can change Ando and Kimi's... oh yeah, like that's not going to affect ANYTHING. Before he can get any stupider, Samuel calls to him across the fairway, playing with his balls. Hiro is interested.
Back at the dorm room of death, an investigator (who looks like the bargain-basement Rhona Mitra) is grilling Claire about Annie and whether or not she was suicidal. To her credit, Claire doesn't scream, "No, she made OTHER people suicidal!" But there's a suicide note. That wasn't there when Claire got in. The Plot! It Thickens!
Ando paces and worries. Kimiko asks where Hiro went; Ando rolls out some new bullshit, then decides to tell the truth; of course it's not believed. Man, they defrosted these old gags, didn't they?
At the carnival, Samuel is leaning the seduction on Hiro; he knows everything, and Hiro explains why he can't do anything because of the Butterfly Effect. Samuel has sex with Hiro's mind, though, tempting him with forked but silken tongue, showing just how awesome he is with a sprightly leap over a counter. Hiro's resolve crumbles at the possibility of making his two friends happy. Rather than leaving it in his own hands, though, Samuel shoves Adult Hiro into adolescent Hiro, and now the slushy goes all over Adult Hiro. It does the trick, and he's yanked back through space and time to the Yamagoto office, now staffed with the madly in love Ando and Kimi-chan. Yowza! (And a nation of Ando/HIro shippers sighs in exasperation.)
Meanwhile, Tracy explains to Noah why she's at Danko's, and what happened. Noah grabs a baggie for his fingers and goes digging for a prize in Danko's rapidly decomposing innards. A key! Dripping in gore! Awesome!
Back in L.A. Matt is so on fire with jealousy that he an be seen from space. He thinks Janice is fucking the water-delivery guy; she gives him a chance to drop it gracefully. Matt has sworn off using his powers for anything - because that works SO well.
Noah goes to Peter's crib, and finds the place bare and empty, except for the Corkboard of Solitude. Peter tries to be all cool and unconcerned, but Noah gets to the heart of the lie pretty quick - "That's quite a heavy burden for one guy," he points out when Peter gives the "Somebody from our family has to make up for the fucked-up shit we've pulled" song and dance. Go, Psychoanalyst Bennet! But because he believes in the stick rather than the carrot, he cuts to the chase; he's found where the key goes, and wants Peter's help to go check it out. Noah warns Peter about the awesomeness of Edgar, and immediately, Peter is all over it. He is itching 24/7 to kick somebody's ass, and the more deadly and challenging, the better.
When did Peter turn into this monastic guy who lives entirely on a diet of justice, violence, and hot Asian soups? If only Claude could see him now - he'd be so proud! (And yet it makes me tear up. I miss vulnerable, sad, lost Peter. It would have been cruel to keep him there, but I miss him anyway. That's why I own the series on DVD.) The funny thing is, they really look the same. He's a bit more worn down and a lot readier with a humorless smile, but he still looks so delicate somehow. In the face, I mean; his body is a column of muscle.
Anyway, where was I?
Oh. There's no WAY Sandra is stepping out with a new man, not with her hair looking like that; what's up, Ashley Crow? Claire and Mom come back to the dorm, and Gretchen is in there now, glowing from within with vicious, bloodthirsty excitement. "So. Its murder, right?" There there, sweetheart.
At the bank where the key opens a safety deposit box, Noah twists the psychoanalysis knife into Peter some more. "Alone is no way to live," he says. Peter seems to accept this, and a new ship is launched. Champagne, anyone? In the box is a broken compass. And behind the door is a Glaswegian hottie with a mohawk and a set of flaying knives. Happy Happy! Joy Joy!
There's a battle and it is epic. You beat Darth Maul, Peter! That motherfucker killed Qui-Gon Jinn, and he was a badass!
Afterward, Bennet hands the broken compass to Peter, and it gets all excited, like you do. Peter points out the illogical nature of Bennet's curiosity, and they say goodbye. And Bennet gets in the final jab - "call your mother." Peter glances back and does one of those fakey nods that means Keep dreaming.
Gretchen does more creepy stuff in the lunchroom - she's a forensic science junkie (which I can TOTALLY understand; that was a course I wanted to take except that I'd have to be police to do it, and I just can't deal with the idea of working for the cops, y'know? I'm from the street) and gives great textbook. Her demonstration of the different physics involved between jumping from a window, being pushed from it, and falling from it gets a bit 3-D and offends some lunchroom bitches, and I'd probably be one of them, clocking Gretch in the head with her offending citrus. Anyway, Gretch wants to try the forensic exercise with a dummy - or better yet, a real dead body. Claire is interested, but doesn't admit it. Of course we know about her painful death by massive internal injuries kink.
Matt goes to recovery group, led by Cylon Simon (a.k.a. Rick Worthy) and Head Sylar pops up and wreaks havoc that Matt could so easily control if he could just get it through his ranch-dressing-clogged mind that these are ILLUSIONS.
Back at Yamagoto, Hiro still hasn't changed his shirt; he's too happy about the fact that he got those two crazy kids together. Ah heterosexuality! Hiro gets a faraway look in his eye and decides that he will use the last weeks of his life to fix all the things he did wrong earlier in his life. Yep; dementia. Traumatic head injury is nobody's friend.
Matt is a really really bad cop. Head Sylar drives him round the bend in a very nasty and sexy and Quinto-tastic way. STOP TALKING TO THE MAN WHO ISN'T THERE, MATT. For good measure, he throws a chair at the Man who isn't there. It breaks the guy he's sent in to question, though, so... hm.
Back in the Van of EMT Hotties, Peter has brought clam chowder for everybody. From Boston. It's fun to be a speedster! He zips off on an emergency call, only to find that it's Noah, who's been sliced, diced, and julienned; and Hottie Edgar took the compass. And... SCENE!
In the hospital, Bennet's resting comfortably, and Tracy comes to visit him and get filled in on the whatever. He is really losing his edge; the old Bennet would have patched up his own guts with duct tape and been out pistol-whipping a motherfucker before the blood had a chance to dry. Tracy twigs that he doesn't want to be alone. NO SHIP PLEASE She finds the clam chowder that Speedster Petester delivered to him, and Noah offers to share the soup. NO SHIP PLLEEEEEASSE
Matt comes home and Roy the Water Boy is there helping to fix Janice's pipes. Matt offers Roy Boy Toy a $20 and then mind-forces him to change his mind about coming around all the time. Matt's using! Oooh, I'm telling mom.
Momentary pause for complaint - this is half fucking fabulous, and half chewing gum and string and masking tape.
Anyhoo, Claire decides she wants to test the theory of Jump, Push, Fall, and falls out her bedroom window. Splat. Crunch. Gasp. "I guess she did kill herself," she decides. No, no; think outside the box. The ribs-popped-out gore effect makes its return; very strangely not very bloody. Also, lame. Gretch sees her. GIANT SURPRISE THERE.
Samuuuuul and Edgarrrr have a gravely confab about the compass. Edgar tells Sammuuuueeeeel that he met an empath (i.e. Peter). "A time traveler - someone to replace Art", Edgar says. So the grizzled old dude's name is Art? I'm driving myself crazy trying to identify the actor; IMDB is no help. The forces of update have left us behind. (Note; It's Jack Warren, as I had originally suspected, without being able to recall his name. AND he's not in the credits, top or bottom.) Samuel inks up Lydia The Whiteboard and the faces of Peter, Claire, and Sylar appear. "We have to bring them in," he says, sexily, or menacingly - I can't even tell anymore.
TO BE CONTINUED!
Final analysis? Loved it! Some parts annoyed the shit out of me, but I don't care! By and large I give it a solid 9 out of 10. And boy, am I ever slavering for more.
Apparently it had the worst ratings like, ever. I think at this point the CW is getting better ratings than Heroes. Oh well. Bring it, bitches; we're putting our stilettos and sparkly leggings on and we are going down FIGHTING!
I get it: Roommate Annie is SARAH PALIN. Sisterhood, eh? Ick.
What wouldn't I give for that sweet ass blue-edged Hiro and Ando standee?
Always good to see Kimiko, even if she's now in the role of Making Ando Heterosexual. Women! Who can figure 'em? Also, is it just me, or are the subtitles gigantic right now?
Peter's parkour-fueled EMT rescue was pretty goddamn excellent. Not only does he look great in his polo shirt, or doing gymnastics, but his air of smugness as he enacts the rescue brings to mind the casual superiority of the worst kinds of cartoon superheroes. I mean, sure, I'm sure it feels good, but his self-assurance might come back to bite him in the ass. He can't control every situation, no matter what he thinks. And he's so empty inside that I can feel it from here.
Also interesting is that when I saw Milo at Comic-Con, he was already much, much thinner than he is here. When Milo decides he doesn't want to be musclebound anymore, the flesh just melts off him. Still; looking good. His hair is gorgeous.
Claire's Physics Test Hell is interesting in several ways. A) the professor is awesome and loves zombies. B) The equation they're faced with is the easiest easy that ever easied; I suck bad at math, but even I could probably solve that in fifteen minutes. Still, if every time Claire is intellectually challenged, she goes running off in search of cheerleading, that's never going to end well. She ought to be in the humanities, at least.
Angela is ruling the roost from several different elegant brunch spots around town. She is taking no bullshit from anyone (not that she ever did really) but she's got Noah Bennet on a very tight leash. Oh well, he's too moronic not to know that you don't cook something in plastic in a toaster oven. C'mon, Noah; materials science! You can do it! No, I guess he can't; after his aborted drowning in his car, he doesn't have the goddamn sense not to talk about the case while still in the area? Do they really think Tracy can control water remotely? FAIL. My first moment of calling bullshit. This is Heroes; it won't be my last.
But hey! Danko! Nice to see you! However briefly.
Gretchen is a fox, but I already get the sensation of RUN AWAY SHE'S PSYCHO!! But her hair is dreamy.
Muffin Man! I swear, they have the best pet names ever on this show.
And Hiro is kind of fucked.
Of course you like sushi, SylNathan. Everybody likes sushi. Or, technically, sashimi. Yummy yummy sashimi. it's kind of hilarious to watch him staring down at the block, figuring out how it works. That's daikon, sweetie. And Angela's not doing too bad - she flies all the way down to D.C. just to have a sushi lunch? Gosh. "Self-reflection," she muses. "Something that happens when you hit forty." (So, for him, like 5 years ago. Don't flatter him.) "Along with all sorts of other unpleasant surprises." Like growing hair in places you'd rather it wasn't; like trick bladder; like suddenly being unable to hold your tequila shots or vaginal dryness. SylNathan forges on ahead, feeling the sashimi love, vowing, "I'm gonna get in touch with all the important people in my life." (Which hopefully means more Wee Petrellis! Hooray! And it's not like Rena Sofer is doing anything right now.) "I'm gonna be a better me!" he chirps. Immediately Angela's like Whoa, whoa there Trigger. "Get yourself a big expensive sports car and a young woman of questionable morals." (And get John Edwards's phone number while you're at it, and see how that worked out for him.) "Thats what your father did, and it worked out for him," she adds. WHAT. WHAT? Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Who? WHO WAS THE SLUT? I'll go beat her up! The worst part is that that news doesn't phase Nathan, which means that there was an Arthur Affair and he KNEW about it. PETRELLIS!! ARGH! Angela punctuates this bombshell by slugging down sake like its whiskey shots and she's sitting across from Indiana Jones. SylNathan obediently tops her up, and muses, "What would I be without you?" And Angela pisses herself, just a tiny bit.
Good God, that's all so creepy. And are you noticing the moles on the Pasdar visage? I hope that's normal. It weirds me out; those weren't there before. Sure, I want to nibble on them, but he should get that checked out. He's no spring chicken anymore.
Meanwhile they've recast Baby Matt Parkman, with a much less attractive child, but one that can actually stand and isn't addicted to the sippy cup of crack cocaine. You'd be on the rock too if your dad was Rapidly Heading Toward Darkness Matt Parkman, police officer and full time Bad Cop. Angela calls him and tells him that SylNathan needs to upgrade his Javascript because he's just not quite doing full-screen video, as it were. Matt tells her to fuck off. And weirdly enough, she accepts it. Or seems to. Angela does not have "no" said to her.
Then SylNathan is in his office playing with himself. Nuff said. This sequence is hilarious and very sad, but Pasdar is absolutely playing it as Quinto, complete with the fact that he tends to let his mouth hang open when he's thinking hard.
Annie is a freaky horrible awful bitch and while I was watching with Keyboy, both of us were baying for her blood as soon as the words "Guitar Hero" came out of her mouth. Claire and Noah's rapport is fantastic and funny; a much more adult level of interaction, which I'm sure won't last long. Anyway, Hayden looks wonderful here; I really do like her normal hair and the only obvious makeup she has on is mascara (and about six pounds of pancake, but this is television after all). I thought she looked wretched at the Emmys; I like for her to look her age. Why doesn't she want to look 20? I'd kill to look 20! *sigh* I kinda miss being carded.
And time for Carnivàle! With nekkid ladies and supernatural inks! Now, what's Lydia's ability? And what's Samuel's? And how does that magical ink work? Oh who cares? It's RAY PARK! And he's ADORABLE! Even Samuel thinks so, grabbing and massaging him like his last name's Petrelli or something, getting all up in his face in such a way that I thought kissing was going to ensue. No - being strangled by a tattoo ensues instead. COOL. By the way, Ray Park's character's named Edgar. That's so cute. I want to wrap my legs around him.
Meanwhile, in the most popular sushi restaurant in all of Superheroland, Noah and Tracy have a calm, normal conversation, which is pretty good for people who just tried to kill each other. PLEASE, SHOW, DON'T SHIP THEM. I beg you. I can take a lot, but I can't take that. Sure, Ali looks nice with the mascara-only look, but ... goddamn it, NO. Noah and Sandra OTP.
In the deserted remains of Building 26, Danko and Bennet chat. Danko wants to kill the bitch no matter what, but the Haitian is there to give him other ideas. Thanks, Haitian! No names for you - just work!
SylNathan tries once more to reach out to Peter, really needing to talk to somebody about these new abilities he's discovered. Peter, being an idiot. IDIOT! IDIOTTT! does not take his call, being too busy pinning up newspaper clippings on the Corkboard of Solitude. Peter has rid himself of every possession - his apartment is freakishly empty, and he even GOT RID OF THE BED!! Thanks, Mr. Kring, for giving me fic prompts. Still - how this breaks my heart.
Tracy goes to Danko's crib to kill him or whatever, but Danko's been mindwiped, and he assumes that his hot blonde at his door was sent by Sammuuuuuuel to fetch the compass key back. (Huh? Wait for it.) Before any more awkwardness can ensue, Edgar zips in and Benihanas the hell out of Danko's torso and face. GOODBYE DANKO! A big round of applause for internationally renowned thespian Zjelko Ivanek; you were fantastic. No time for sentimentality though! Edgar sees Tracy and sensibly decides to cut a bitch; unfortunately, he can't! In a move that would have sliced her entire face off, Tracy just becomes water - THAT'S THE SHIT RIGHT THERE, SHOW. More of that, please. That was FUCKING COOL. So cool that Edgar freaks out and gets the hell out of there. And now Tracy has a mystery to keep her busy!
KEGGAR!!!1! Ugh. Claire gets her drunk on, though, or at least pretends to, just in time to find Gretchen and micro-bond. Meanwhile Annie continues to be a nightmare in Old Navy, so the only way they can counter is... to product place Guitar Hero. NISSAN VERSA!! "This is gonna be really bad," Claire predicts, and she's right. I fucking hate watching people play Guitar Hero, or Rock Band, or any of those goddamn games. (Caveat; I have not yet seen Beatles Rock Band, which might be groovy. Anyway.)
And scene! Ando is wheeling the catatonic Hiro around on a hand truck. Masi has a tummy! Awww! (I'm rewtching on Hulu, and have currently paused to watch this week's Glee. It's so surreal to have Masi on the small screen and Jayma Mays, who will forever be Charlie to me, on the big one. Somehow, I still want them to be together. Damn you, Season One, for imprinting me so deeply.) Anyway, Kimiko and some random dude are talking, and they don't subtitle what they say, so I wonder what random rhubarb they were using there. When Hiro revives, he drops the bombshell. He's dying, and I guess not in the Sylvia Plath we're all dying sense; he's cooked his wee brain by using his abilities too much (or probably due to something else, like all those head injuries he sustained when Usutu kept conking him on the head with a shovel. Seriously, people, cartoon injuries are for cartoons and Claire and Peter. Hiro is not a healer; and nobody else is dying because they use their abilities.) Ando suggests going back in time to fix whatever is killing him - like maybe keeping Usutu from hitting him - but Hiro is all hung up on the picture of him and Ando and Kimiko at the EXACT SAME CARNIVAL AS THE ONE WE'VE SEEN. Because they travel to Tokyo. Because that ever happens. Bull. Shit. They're not Cirque de Soleil; they're the ghetto-ass Sullivan Bros. Get the fuck out of here. Hiro wants to have never gotten a fortune from a fortune teller that told him that someday he'd be a hero. Because taking all that away is SUCH a good idea. Before he can come to his limited senses, time rips him away and dumps him over behind the Tilt-A-Whirl.
Anyway, we segue into a hot scene in the carny tents where Samuel is kissing and hugging on topless Lydia, who has seen a vision of Hiro in her ink. Then Hiro jumps back in time 14 years to the carnival while it was in Tokyo. Lydia sees all that, and Samuel gets bored and goes outside, chatting with a super-grizzled old man with an oxygen tube up his super old nose, and lightly suggests that he may have found someone who can "fix the past". Sammy doesn't want to put super old dude out, but he asks if he can be "sent back" 14 years to intercept Hiro; Super Old Dude assents. What else is he gonna do? Run a marathon?
Claire goes back to her dorm room, expecting another lecture on perfection, only to see that our collective dreams have come true - Annie's DEAD! Out the window, splayed bleeding all over the sidewalk (nobody noticed? Man, tough school), with her red wedgies prettily angled beside her. ROT IN HELL! Claire is nice enough to be grossed out, though.
Back in L.A., Matt enjoys the pleasures of fatherhood in the form of toys underfoot.
Back in Washington, SylNathan is having a serious headache, waiting by the phone for Peter to call, and staring at his coffee mug, trying to make it do something. My God, if this is what Senators do all day long, maybe we do need smaller government. He gets frustrated; he can't make the telekinesis happen.
Meanwhile, simultaneously, Matt goes looking for the baby, can't find him, and then Sylar Dear Sylar pops out the darkness, holding the tot. But guess what? Sylar's not really there! (I guess the scenes of Nathan in his office wasting taxpayer money is to establish a visual alibi - a nice touch, but not one that will really translate to audiences on screen in a single viewing. Sorry, guys; not on this show, where you can't trust anything you see.) He's a projection of Matt's mind - Sylars consciousness actually piggybacking on Matt's, Tyler Durden style (or, more properly, Battlestar Galactica's Head Six and Head Gaius. Man, I miss those crazy Cylons!). If only Matt had some mental discipline, it wouldn't be no thang, but ... Matt. He makes Peter look like a Rhodes Scholar. Still, this whole thing is a really cool, emotionally effective scene - SylNathan freaking out silently, and Head Sylar seemingly playing horsie with Parkman fils.
"Can you say 'freaking out'?" Dammit, Sylar gets all the best dialogue. And ZQ is magic with kids and animals, isn't he? He lets Matt have his brain back, showing that it was all an illusion; the splendiferous Janice comes in wondering what the hell his damage is, and all I can think of is envying her white satin robe. She looks like a princess.
Meanwhile Bennet burns his dinner, then calls back to his old house, but rather than Sandra answering, some dude picks up. Bennet freaks and can't talk to her. ASK A QUESTION NOW AND THEN, HOMEBOY. When the phone rings again, it ain't his wife; it's Tracy. She is coming to ship you. Beware. She calls him over to Danko's apartment and shows him the chop suey. "I didn't do it," she says. Damn right; last I checked, you weren't short, cute, Scottish, and made of stardust and pure prime kung fu power.
Back at the carnival, Adult Hiro realizes that he jumped back in time to the moment where he got his fortune and Ando sloshed slushy all over Kimiko's new Betsey Johnson. Hiro decides he can't change his own destiny, but he can change Ando and Kimi's... oh yeah, like that's not going to affect ANYTHING. Before he can get any stupider, Samuel calls to him across the fairway, playing with his balls. Hiro is interested.
Back at the dorm room of death, an investigator (who looks like the bargain-basement Rhona Mitra) is grilling Claire about Annie and whether or not she was suicidal. To her credit, Claire doesn't scream, "No, she made OTHER people suicidal!" But there's a suicide note. That wasn't there when Claire got in. The Plot! It Thickens!
Ando paces and worries. Kimiko asks where Hiro went; Ando rolls out some new bullshit, then decides to tell the truth; of course it's not believed. Man, they defrosted these old gags, didn't they?
At the carnival, Samuel is leaning the seduction on Hiro; he knows everything, and Hiro explains why he can't do anything because of the Butterfly Effect. Samuel has sex with Hiro's mind, though, tempting him with forked but silken tongue, showing just how awesome he is with a sprightly leap over a counter. Hiro's resolve crumbles at the possibility of making his two friends happy. Rather than leaving it in his own hands, though, Samuel shoves Adult Hiro into adolescent Hiro, and now the slushy goes all over Adult Hiro. It does the trick, and he's yanked back through space and time to the Yamagoto office, now staffed with the madly in love Ando and Kimi-chan. Yowza! (And a nation of Ando/HIro shippers sighs in exasperation.)
Meanwhile, Tracy explains to Noah why she's at Danko's, and what happened. Noah grabs a baggie for his fingers and goes digging for a prize in Danko's rapidly decomposing innards. A key! Dripping in gore! Awesome!
Back in L.A. Matt is so on fire with jealousy that he an be seen from space. He thinks Janice is fucking the water-delivery guy; she gives him a chance to drop it gracefully. Matt has sworn off using his powers for anything - because that works SO well.
Noah goes to Peter's crib, and finds the place bare and empty, except for the Corkboard of Solitude. Peter tries to be all cool and unconcerned, but Noah gets to the heart of the lie pretty quick - "That's quite a heavy burden for one guy," he points out when Peter gives the "Somebody from our family has to make up for the fucked-up shit we've pulled" song and dance. Go, Psychoanalyst Bennet! But because he believes in the stick rather than the carrot, he cuts to the chase; he's found where the key goes, and wants Peter's help to go check it out. Noah warns Peter about the awesomeness of Edgar, and immediately, Peter is all over it. He is itching 24/7 to kick somebody's ass, and the more deadly and challenging, the better.
When did Peter turn into this monastic guy who lives entirely on a diet of justice, violence, and hot Asian soups? If only Claude could see him now - he'd be so proud! (And yet it makes me tear up. I miss vulnerable, sad, lost Peter. It would have been cruel to keep him there, but I miss him anyway. That's why I own the series on DVD.) The funny thing is, they really look the same. He's a bit more worn down and a lot readier with a humorless smile, but he still looks so delicate somehow. In the face, I mean; his body is a column of muscle.
Anyway, where was I?
Oh. There's no WAY Sandra is stepping out with a new man, not with her hair looking like that; what's up, Ashley Crow? Claire and Mom come back to the dorm, and Gretchen is in there now, glowing from within with vicious, bloodthirsty excitement. "So. Its murder, right?" There there, sweetheart.
At the bank where the key opens a safety deposit box, Noah twists the psychoanalysis knife into Peter some more. "Alone is no way to live," he says. Peter seems to accept this, and a new ship is launched. Champagne, anyone? In the box is a broken compass. And behind the door is a Glaswegian hottie with a mohawk and a set of flaying knives. Happy Happy! Joy Joy!
There's a battle and it is epic. You beat Darth Maul, Peter! That motherfucker killed Qui-Gon Jinn, and he was a badass!
Afterward, Bennet hands the broken compass to Peter, and it gets all excited, like you do. Peter points out the illogical nature of Bennet's curiosity, and they say goodbye. And Bennet gets in the final jab - "call your mother." Peter glances back and does one of those fakey nods that means Keep dreaming.
Gretchen does more creepy stuff in the lunchroom - she's a forensic science junkie (which I can TOTALLY understand; that was a course I wanted to take except that I'd have to be police to do it, and I just can't deal with the idea of working for the cops, y'know? I'm from the street) and gives great textbook. Her demonstration of the different physics involved between jumping from a window, being pushed from it, and falling from it gets a bit 3-D and offends some lunchroom bitches, and I'd probably be one of them, clocking Gretch in the head with her offending citrus. Anyway, Gretch wants to try the forensic exercise with a dummy - or better yet, a real dead body. Claire is interested, but doesn't admit it. Of course we know about her painful death by massive internal injuries kink.
Matt goes to recovery group, led by Cylon Simon (a.k.a. Rick Worthy) and Head Sylar pops up and wreaks havoc that Matt could so easily control if he could just get it through his ranch-dressing-clogged mind that these are ILLUSIONS.
Back at Yamagoto, Hiro still hasn't changed his shirt; he's too happy about the fact that he got those two crazy kids together. Ah heterosexuality! Hiro gets a faraway look in his eye and decides that he will use the last weeks of his life to fix all the things he did wrong earlier in his life. Yep; dementia. Traumatic head injury is nobody's friend.
Matt is a really really bad cop. Head Sylar drives him round the bend in a very nasty and sexy and Quinto-tastic way. STOP TALKING TO THE MAN WHO ISN'T THERE, MATT. For good measure, he throws a chair at the Man who isn't there. It breaks the guy he's sent in to question, though, so... hm.
Back in the Van of EMT Hotties, Peter has brought clam chowder for everybody. From Boston. It's fun to be a speedster! He zips off on an emergency call, only to find that it's Noah, who's been sliced, diced, and julienned; and Hottie Edgar took the compass. And... SCENE!
In the hospital, Bennet's resting comfortably, and Tracy comes to visit him and get filled in on the whatever. He is really losing his edge; the old Bennet would have patched up his own guts with duct tape and been out pistol-whipping a motherfucker before the blood had a chance to dry. Tracy twigs that he doesn't want to be alone. NO SHIP PLEASE She finds the clam chowder that Speedster Petester delivered to him, and Noah offers to share the soup. NO SHIP PLLEEEEEASSE
Matt comes home and Roy the Water Boy is there helping to fix Janice's pipes. Matt offers Roy Boy Toy a $20 and then mind-forces him to change his mind about coming around all the time. Matt's using! Oooh, I'm telling mom.
Momentary pause for complaint - this is half fucking fabulous, and half chewing gum and string and masking tape.
Anyhoo, Claire decides she wants to test the theory of Jump, Push, Fall, and falls out her bedroom window. Splat. Crunch. Gasp. "I guess she did kill herself," she decides. No, no; think outside the box. The ribs-popped-out gore effect makes its return; very strangely not very bloody. Also, lame. Gretch sees her. GIANT SURPRISE THERE.
Samuuuuul and Edgarrrr have a gravely confab about the compass. Edgar tells Sammuuuueeeeel that he met an empath (i.e. Peter). "A time traveler - someone to replace Art", Edgar says. So the grizzled old dude's name is Art? I'm driving myself crazy trying to identify the actor; IMDB is no help. The forces of update have left us behind. (Note; It's Jack Warren, as I had originally suspected, without being able to recall his name. AND he's not in the credits, top or bottom.) Samuel inks up Lydia The Whiteboard and the faces of Peter, Claire, and Sylar appear. "We have to bring them in," he says, sexily, or menacingly - I can't even tell anymore.
TO BE CONTINUED!
Final analysis? Loved it! Some parts annoyed the shit out of me, but I don't care! By and large I give it a solid 9 out of 10. And boy, am I ever slavering for more.
Apparently it had the worst ratings like, ever. I think at this point the CW is getting better ratings than Heroes. Oh well. Bring it, bitches; we're putting our stilettos and sparkly leggings on and we are going down FIGHTING!