Glowing Words In Our Minds
Title: Glowing Words In Our Minds
Author: mystery
Pairing: GTOP
Rating: ... R, maybe
Genre: I have no idea. AU.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, there’s no way in hell I’d write this half-assed shit about them. I’d film them 24/7.
Warning(s): None... I think.
Summary: Jiyong and Seunghyun and the glowing words in their minds.
Author’s Note: This is like... one of my best pieces ever. Will probably edit it later and make it even better, but for now... I'm fine with it as it is. For now XD
Fanfiction Masterlist
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Freedom. Jiyong rolled the word around in his mouth, tasting it. It was sweet, light. It made him feel like he was floating. It stretched a smile across his lips and made his eyes crinkle.
“Freedom,” he said, out loud his time. Seunghyun looked at him, one eyebrow slightly quirked. “I think it’s my favorite word. Freedom.”
~~
Imprisonment. To Seunghyun it was his life. It felt bitter but familiar as he swallowed it down. It weighed him down, made him walk slower. But he wouldn’t exchange it for the world. Speaking it felt like coming home.
“Imprisonment,” he answered as Jiyong spoke of freedom. “It’s familiar, feels like home. Freedom.”
Jiyong was silent for a moment. The words lay on the ground in front of them, trying desperately to outshine each other. Jiyong watched them, thinking.
“No,” he murmured finally, still watching the words. “Freedom is better.”
The word he’d chosen began glowing brighter and brighter until it blinded him, swallowed him. The sound of the glow deafened it, but there was another sound over it.
Seunghyun was laughing as freedom swallowed him whole, put wings on his back, helped him fly.
“Yes,” he finally agreed. “Freedom.”
Or maybe Jiyong just had a way with words.
~~
Peace. Jiyong whispered it to himself, making sure to observe how the colors in the air shifted slightly when he spoke it. A little of the heavy grey lifted to be replaced with a shining white and he smiled to himself. The pained shouts in the distance sounded a little less pained and his smile widened.
“Peace,” he said, louder now. Seunghyun turned his head to the side so he could look at him. “I like the sound of that. Peace.”
~~
Chaos. War and chaos were synonyms, each as heavy and black, laced with an ominous edge of blood red. It pressed itself down Seunghyun’s throat, made him choke on his own breath, stole his heartbeat, it thickened the air with darkness and the smell of death wherever it went on like a tornado. But it was familiar to him, just like imprisonment had once been.
“Chaos,” he said. “It’s heavy. It chokes me. But I’m not sure I want to get away.”
Jiyong stared disbelievingly at him. Then he turned his eyes to a patch of not-yet-ruined grass in front of them and carefully put the words down, making sure neither was hurt. They were both glowing, but while Jiyong’s choice was glowing white, the other was glowing a dirty, pearly grey.
“Okay,” Seunghyun gave in before Jiyong could even think of speaking. “Peace. I think it fits us better.”
Jiyong gave him a smile that was almost as bright as the shining air when the smoke lifted and all sounds died out, replaced with peace.
~~
There was a moment in which everything was silent, wordless. Just a moment. Maybe it lasted a few seconds, maybe whole years.
But Jiyong felt the panic rise within him when he found no words.
~~
“Language,” he panted when the moment finally was over. “It has words.”
Seunghyun, now with the addition of Jaehyo - where did he come from? - stared at him as if he was crazy.
“Silence,” Jaehyo said finally, “is peaceful. It needs no words.”
“Comfort,” Seunghyun added. “It’s peaceful, but maybe it can be worded, too.”
The three words tumbled to the ground, wrestling each other until they finally lay still, each word in front of the feet of the boy who’d chosen it. This time Jiyong’s swallowed them all within seconds.
“See?” Jiyong laughed through the glow, giving a color. “We need it.”
~~
Abandonment. It was cold and harsh, it burned. It lashed deep gashes in one’s soul and left them open for everyone to see. It left a bitter, stinging taste on the tongue and liquid crystal on the cheeks.
“Abandonment,” Jiyong whispered. “It hurts.”
Seunghyun reached out to catch the tear just as it fell, bringing to his lips and tasted it. It was salty.
“Abandonment,” he murmured, leaning his head on Jiyong’s shoulder. He needn’t say more.
The word stood above them, shaped in soft ice as it reached for them, wringing a sob from Jiyong’s throat and a soft whimper from Seunghyun.
For a moment, he’d been there.
In the next, he was gone.
Abandonment.
~~
Fear. It swallowed everything, put itself in the center. It laughed evilly as it held one’s heart in a cold, burning grip. One can barely breathe as it eats away on what makes a person, it won’t let go. It laughs at those who struggle and takes a harder grip. It sneers at those who relent, but accepts them too.
“Fear,” Jiyong gasped against the ground, tasting grass and dirt on his tongue. “I can’t fucking breathe.”
He felt Seunghyun’s hand on his back as the other knelt beside him.
“Fear,” he agreed, “can only be chased away by someone else.”
The word silently, angrily backed away into the forest as Seunghyun enveloped Jiyong in a tight hug.
~~
Safety. It held a cool, blue color, like the sky on a hot summer day. It smiled a welcoming smile as one charged towards it and enveloped anyone who wished it in warm, liquid arms. It lifted stones off the shoulders, chased fear away with ease.
“Safety,” Jiyong murmured, staring up at the sky. Tears formed in his eyes as the sun blinded him. “It’s almost as good as freedom.”
Seunghyun hummed, but it was not in agreement.
“Danger,” he said. The word tumbled out of his mouth, immediately going for a fight with Jiyong’s word. To his surprise, Jiyong only laughed.
“You silly,” he said. “Danger makes your heart beat crazily, unhealthily. It makes your tongue so dry you can’t taste anything at all, your throat so dry you cough with every breath. It makes your stomach drop. Do you really want that?”
Seunghyun realized Jiyong was right and summoned his word back to the shadows without another thought, watching Jiyong’s relaxed face with a smile.
~~
Time. It’s an odd thing as it floats between one’s fingers. Many have tried to catch it, stop it, change it, but none have succeeded. It passes in seconds, minutes, hours that eventually turns into weeks, months, years. It passes without knowledge. It passes too quickly. It passes too slowly. A moment here, a moment there, pieces of a puzzle.
It makes people change. It affects their feelings. It can make them stressed and worried, but it can also make them relieved and happy.
Time is what feelings need to grow.
~~
Love. It was the happiest word yet and Jiyong laughed out loud. It was sweet, sweeter than freedom. It was bitter, more so than imprisonment. It made things hurt a little less, like peace, yet it was black and heavy like chaos and war. Sometimes it made him panic, like that moment without words. Like language, he needed it. Just like silence and comfort, it was peaceful and needed no words, yet it could be worded. It left wounds in the heart, cold and stinging, like abandonment. It swallowed everything, held one’s mind in an iron grip like fear. It lured one in with a welcoming smile like safety, made one’s heart beat crazily like danger. It was odd, even more so than time.
Most of all, Jiyong realized, they needed it. He laughed again and earned Seunghyun’s confusion for it.
“Love,” he said. “Can you see it?”
Seunghyun nodded. The air was glowing with a reddish, warm tone, swallowing up all that was bad and adding to all that was good while it in secret fed all that was bad to use for some other day, some other day.
“It’s feeding heartbreak,” Seunghyun whispered.
“Yes,” Jiyong breathed back. Then he turned to Seunghyun again, eyes full of admiration. “But we don’t have to worry about that, do we? The heartbreak it’s feeding is for someone else.”
Seunghyun just grinned as he let his lips graze Jiyong’s forehead with a small peck.
They knew, in that moment, that they needed each other; needed love; needed time; needed danger; needed safety; needed fear; needed abandonment; needed comfort; needed silence; needed language; needed chaos; needed war; needed peace; needed imprisonment; needed freedom.
But most of all, they just needed each other and the glowing words, tumbling around in their minds in an endless wrestling game.