Or Maybe That's Just the Sound of My Heart Breaking
Title: Or Maybe That's Just the Sound of My Heart Breaking [chapter five]
Author: mystery
Pairing: KyuMin
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Drama, angst (slight romance?)
Disclaimer: If I owned them, there’s no way in hell I’d write this half-assed shit about them. I’d film them 24/7.
Warning(s): ... Murder.
Summary: Kyuhyun and Sungmin met at a very young age, yet it was evident that they were perfect for each other, like missing halves of a whole. But then one day Sungmin is snatched away from Kyuhyun - what has happened to him, and what will his friends and family do?
Author’s Note: Updated~ :D There'll be 2 more chapters after this and an epilogue ^^
Fanfiction Masterlist
Previous: chapter one (character introduction) / chapter two / chapter three / chapter four
---
Sungmin didn’t return for the rest of the week. There was no sight of him the following week either.
The police didn’t have many clues. Someone had seen him talking to a man on his way to the grocery store, but it seemed they had known each other. Someone had said they had heard someone screaming from the house next to theirs, not far from where Kyuhyun and Sungmin lived, but as the police went there, they met a very nice, religious young man named Choi Siwon who lived alone because his father was dead and his mother too old, who cried when he heard about Sungmin’s disappearance and who promised to pray for him.
Kyuhyun became apathetic. He only ate when Heechul forced him to, he barely spoke and he spent every single day in his bed. Sometimes he agreed to watching a movie with his friends, but they quickly discovered any kind of romantic movie was a bad idea as Kyuhyun would either start crying or throw a tantrum. The first was almost worse, because none of them knew how to console him - that had always been Sungmin’s job. The second wasn’t good either though, as Kyuhyun had already broken three vases and several glasses and bowls. In the end they agreed to only watching horror movies.
Sometimes Donghae would manage to pull him up long enough to play a video game, but Kyuhyun never smiled or said anything, not even when he won or when he lost. Most of the time, he lost.
It seemed Sungmin’s family coped with his disappearance better than Kyuhyun. Then on the other hand, they were still a family and had to look after each other. Kyuhyun only had himself now. Hyukjae tried to protest and tell him that he had his friends and his family as well, but Kyuhyun laughed bitterly and told him no one missed Sungmin like he did. Hyukjae didn’t say anything against it, because it was true. They could all get on with their lives, even if it was difficult sometimes - but Kyuhyun couldn’t.
One day, about a month after Sungmin’s disappearance, Heechul walked into his room and sat down on the edge of Kyuhyun’s bed. He remained silent as he waited for Kyuhyun to speak first.
“I think it’d be easier if I died,” Kyuhyun said finally after ten long minutes in silence. His voice was hoarse and broken. “Then I wouldn’t have to feel, I wouldn’t have to think… I wouldn’t have to wonder what’s happened to him.”
Heechul sighed and lay down next to Kyuhyun, putting an arm around his waist. When Kyuhyun tried to move away, he simply pulled him closer.
“But then you wouldn’t see him return, either,” Heechul countered. Kyuhyun sighed. Silence took over the room once more, until Heechul gave a small sob. Kyuhyun stiffened. He had never even heard of Heechul crying.
“The police was here,” the older of the two whispered and Kyuhyun turned around because a visit from the police meant news and a crying Heechul meant bad news. Or very, very good news. Kyuhyun hoped with all his heart it was the latter, but deep down he knew it wasn’t. Either way, he wanted to see Heechul’s face.
“They’re stuck. There are no more clues…” Heechul paused and took a deep, shaky breath. His eyes were closed, yet his tears continued running in steady streams. Kyuhyun felt his own throat close up, but knew he wouldn’t be able to cry. It was as though all of his tears had run out a long time ago. Heechul slowly opened his eyes and looked deep into Kyuhyun’s eyes.
“They’re closing the investigation. They said they have to see Sungmin as dead.”
Heechul spoke slowly and clearly, painfully clear. Everything was silent for a few more minutes as Kyuhyun let the words sink in.
Then he screamed.
He screamed with all he had and Heechul could do nothing but hold him close. He screamed until his voice cut off.
“I think I’m gonna throw up,” Kyuhyun muttered then before he promptly rolled to the side and did just that. Heechul said nothing as he held his hair out of the way.
“It doesn’t mean he is dead,” Heechul said after a few minutes of Kyuhyun trying to sleep.
“I know,” Kyuhyun replied.
There was no real belief in neither of their voices, yet Kyuhyun refused to believe Sungmin was dead. If he was dead, buried somewhere no one would ever find him… Kyuhyun would feel it. Right? He was sure he would.
When Kyuhyun finally fell asleep to Heechul’s soft humming, he dreamt. He dreamt of Sungmin, but it was not a nice dream.
Sungmin was lying on a bed. He had his head to the side, looking towards Kyuhyun, but right through him. There was a man above him, thrusting into him. Sungmin was just lying there. Kyuhyun wanted to cry out, to tell Sungmin to push him away, to push the man away himself. But he couldn’t. All he could do was grab Sungmin’s hand, hold it tight and tell him everything would be okay.
When he woke up, his own words were ringing in his head. Would it really be okay? He doubted it. He turned over to the side and tried to fall back asleep, but Sungmin’s dead eyes came back to haunt him. It had seemed he felt nothing…
Before he knew it, he was crying. His whole body was shaking with the force of his sobs and his pillow got soaked in a matter of seconds. Sungmin’s pillow. Kyuhyun had been able to smell his scent on it for weeks after the other’s disappearance, but it was slowly fading.
He cried harder at the thought. He didn’t even try to fight when he felt arms around him, like he usually did. He just turned around and buried his face in the crook of Heechul’s neck, accepting his offer of consolation, even if it didn’t help much.
It felt nice to know someone was there, even when Sungmin wasn’t.
~~
Months passed and not much changed. Kyuhyun slept or stared at the ceiling, looking as if he was dead. He’d wanted to kill himself, but Hyukjae and Donghae had managed to stop him by telling him that no, Sungmin wasn’t dead. They could all feel that Sungmin wasn’t dead.
After a while he talked the ever so nice Hangeng into buying sleeping pills for him, because he had difficulties sleeping and when he did fall asleep, he was haunted by nightmares. The sleeping pills caused him to sleep most of the days away.
Life went on for everyone else. Sungmin’s family seemed more relieved of the death news. It was just the house where Kyuhyun lived, which had once been so full of happiness and love it nearly shone, that had turned into a house of misery. Even Kyuhyun’s mother had stopped visiting because she couldn’t take the heavy feeling of despair the place gave off.
There was just one more person who seemed to have similar difficulties as Kyuhyun to let go of Sungmin and that was his brother, Sungjin.
When the death news came, he started visiting every day. He would talk for hours to a silent Kyuhyun. One day he asked if he was bothering the other.
“Not at all,” Kyuhyun had replied. “If I could still be happy, I’d say I was glad you’re here. You take my mind off him.”
Sungjin gave a sort of snorting sound; it was the closest he’d come to laughing since his brother disappeared.
“I come here to get my mind off him, too,” he’d said.
~~
None of them was aware that in the house of Choi Siwon, not far from the House of Misery as neighbors, friends, family and strangers alike had begun calling it, Sungmin struggled to remember why he hated Siwon so much.
Siwon was nice and mostly gentle. At first he got angry when it seemed the sex was not consensual - it wasn’t, but Sungmin wasn’t sure why - but he got over it quickly as Sungmin allowed him to use his body as he pleased.
It wasn’t until the words of the House of Misery reached his ears that he began remembering. Siwon had a new neighbor who loved gossiping and she often spoke to Sungmin when he was working in the garden.
“Have you heard of the House of Misery?” she said one day. Sungmin paused and looked up at her, eyebrows knit together.
“The House of Misery?” he asked, shaking his head. “No. Tell me.”
The woman - was it Taeyeon? - smiled brightly at him. She loved it whenever he showed the least of interests in her gossiping.
“It’s said that’s the house where Lee Sungmin used to live, you know, the guy who disappeared almost a year ago?” she said, not noticing the way Sungmin’s eyes widened. Lee Sungmin who disappeared nearly a year ago… That must be him. Oh my God. He felt more curious now as well as oddly excited and afraid. He urged Taeyeon on. She smiled even wider.
“It is said that the guy who lives there alone now, Kyuhyun, was it? Yeah, something like that… He can’t let go, even if the police has already told him Sungmin is dead. He wanted to kill himself, but his friends managed to keep him alive. Even his own mother doesn’t visit him, because she can’t take the feeling of misery the place gives off. That’s why it’s called the House of Misery. I walked past it once and it’s true… It feels very miserable. Poor guy…”
Sungmin couldn’t breathe. Kyuhyun.
Everything returned to him at once.
Memory after memory attacked his brain. Sungmin felt his knees give in. He felt Taeyeon’s hand on his back like from a different world.
“Are you okay?” she asked worriedly. Sungmin gasped, breathed deeply, tried to speak.
“Lee Sungmin…” he said finally, looking up at Taeyeon. Her face was slightly out of focus. “Lee Sungmin isn’t dead.”
She frowned.
“He’s not? Do you know him? But the police said if they don’t have any clues, they have to assume the person is dead,” she said, obviously confused. Sungmin shook his head.
“I am Lee Sungmin.”
Her eyes widened and she gasped, hand flying up to her mouth.
“You? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I… I had forgotten,” Sungmin murmured, looking back at the ground. He remember the last words he’d shouted at Kyuhyun before he left the house. It’s your fault if anything happens! He felt tears form in his eyes as he imagined the guilt that must be eating at Kyuhyun.
The sound of a car door closing woke both him and Taeyeon up from their thoughts. She kindly helped him up and brushed him off.
“That must be your boyfriend,” she muttered.
“He’s not my boyfriend. I never liked him and I couldn’t remember why… Now I do. Thank you.”
She smiled at him, even though her eyes were teary.
“Be careful,” she whispered, as if she could read Sungmin’s mind and knew what he was about to do. Sungmin gave her a quick nod before he turned around and walked into the house.
He didn’t greet Siwon with a forced smile like he usually did. He just stared at him as he took of his shoes and jacket. He was still holding the small shovel he’d used to work in the garden in his hand. Siwon smiled at him at first, but the smile soon molded into a worried frown as Sungmin didn’t smile back.
“Hey honey, is anything wrong?” he asked, moving to stroke Sungmin’s cheek. Sungmin flinched.
“Don’t call me that,” he muttered. He could practically feel Siwon’s mood changed, but he ignored the fear that wrenched his heart. “Tell me… Why am I here?”
“Can’t you remember?” Siwon said, chuckling softly. It was obvious he tried to hide his anger. “You moved in with me nearly a year ago… Did you hit your head on something in the garden?”
“Don’t lie to me!” Sungmin shouted and lifted his head to meet Siwon’s eyes. “I’ve been missing for nearly a year. Missing, Siwon! People don’t go missing if they move in with someone they love!”
The reaction was immediate as Siwon’s eyes darkened and the muscles in his jaw flexed.
“Someone has obviously been lying to you,” he said stiffly and moved both arms to grab Sungmin. But Sungmin was quicker as he got the shovel out from behind his back and stabbed Siwon’s chest with all power he could muster.
It admittedly wasn’t much, but it was enough to stop Siwon in the middle of a movement and gasp in pain. It gave Sungmin enough time to move past him, into the kitchen and grab a knife.
“You better fucking let me go!” Sungmin shouted. He was crying. He was scared. He was angry. He was nauseous. He didn’t want to do this, yet he knew he would. He would kill a person…
“Never,” Siwon said, shaking his head as he moved closer to Sungmin, who hid the knife behind his back.
When Siwon made to grab him again, Sungmin drove the knife into his stomach before Siwon could lock his arms. Siwon swore at him, but as Sungmin pulled the knife back and then stabbed it forward once more, it turned into incoherent gurgling.
Everything was distant. The sun was shining outside, but Sungmin couldn’t feel it, nor could he really see it. It felt like a dream, yet he knew it wasn’t, as he watched Siwon sink to the floor, slowly bleeding to death. Sungmin stared for a few moments before he ran.
He couldn’t feel his legs moving, he couldn’t see where he was going. At least not until he caught sight of a familiar house.
The House of Misery.
It had once been the house of love and a bright future.
Sungmin didn’t hesitate as he tried to open the door. It was unlocked.
“Kyuhyun!” he shouted, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t half as loud as he wanted it to be.
There were people in the kitchen that looked vaguely familiar, but none of them was Kyuhyun. What if Kyuhyun had moved away?
“Kyuhyun!” he shouted again, stumbling up the stairs.
Then he was looking at none other than Kyuhyun himself, lying on the bed. He looked dead… but his chest was rising.
Sungmin sank to the floor, a sobbing, nauseous, bloody mess.
“Kyuhyun…”
~~
Kyuhyun thought he was dreaming as he heard his name called by that voice. His voice. Maybe he was hallucinating. He turned towards the door nonetheless, just in case.
And then he was there.
Not happy, crying and with blood splattered all over, but Kyuhyun was sure it was him.
Sungmin.
Sungmin sank to the floor, sobbing. As soon as Kyuhyun got over the initial shock, he flew up from the bed and onto the floor, cradling Sungmin in his arms. This must be real, right? It hurt when Sungmin dug his nails into his back.
“Please let this be real,” he whispered as he held Sungmin close. Tears were running down his face, but he didn’t notice.
~~
Heechul, Hangeng, Hyukjae and Donghae all stared at the spot where the familiar figure had flown by for a good five minutes before they ran upstairs, into Kyuhyun’s bedroom.
By then, Kyuhyun was already holding a crying Sungmin tight, whispering pleas to no one and everyone to let it be real.
“It’s real,” Heechul said and Kyuhyun glanced up at him quickly, just to let him know he’d heard.
“Sungmin-ah,” he whispered. “It’s over.”
“Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun,” Sungmin sobbed. Then he threw up all over both himself and Kyuhyun and the floor.
Heechul somehow managed to maneuver the two of them into the shower and found them some clean clothes while Hyukjae, Donghae and Hangeng put the now dirty clothes in the washing machine, cleaned up the vomit from the floor and changed the sheets of the bed.
Kyuhyun was still holding onto Sungmin when they got out of the shower and Sungmin promptly clung onto him as well, even as they collapsed on the bed and fell asleep rather quickly.
Heechul shook his head as he watched them sleep.
“Let this be real,” Donghae said, to no one in particular. “I don’t feel like waking up to another day of a literally heartbroken Kyuhyun.”
The others hummed and nodded in agreement, even as they felt their eyes fill with tears that slowly ran down their cheeks.
~~
The next morning, it was proven Sungmin’s return was reality. And the morning after that and after that and every morning the following week.
Only then, after a whole week, did they manage to get Sungmin talking. He told them about how he met Siwon, how clever the other had been in abducting him and locking him up, what happened to him… Here he had to make several pauses because neither Sungmin himself nor Kyuhyun could take it.
He told them about the day a few months ago when Siwon had offered him a new life. He had slowly been brainwashed into forgetting Kyuhyun and believing in Siwon’s lies. Lastly, he looked up at Kyuhyun, tears falling silently down his cheeks.
“It’s not your fault, Kyuhyun,” he whispered. “Please don’t blame yourself.”
Kyuhyun broke down then as well, but he calmed down relatively quickly as Sungmin hugged him. The others were astonished; they had all forgotten what power Sungmin had over Kyuhyun.
There was a trial, in which it was declared Sungmin had killed Siwon in self-defense and therefore would receive no punishment. It had taken long enough for the police to believe that Sungmin was alive; in the end, Heechul had to invite them over so they could inspect Sungmin themselves. He had also been the only one who’d had enough sense left when Sungmin told his story to write it down.
Yet it seemed it would take a long time for the wounds to heal. He didn’t really speak to anyone but Kyuhyun, unless he answered direct questions, and Kyuhyun was the only one allowed to touch him in any way.
Heechul, Hangeng, Hyukjae, Donghae and Leeteuk had to re-introduce themselves to Sungmin. Sungmin and Kyuhyun went to see a shrink.
But everyone could see that Sungmin was recovering, little by little. They made it, Sungmin and Kyuhyun, one day at the time.