I'll Always Love You
Title: I'll Always Love You
Author: mystery
Pairing: broken!KyuMin, HenMin
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, song-fic (kind of)
Disclaimer: If I owned them, there’s no way in hell I’d write this half-assed shit about them. I’d film them 24/7.
Warning(s): None
Summary: Even if your feelings fade tomorrow
I'll still love you unchangingly
Even if you can't see me tomorrow
I'll still love you without fail
Author’s Note: I'm not sure this turned out like I wanted it to... Anyway, it's inspired by parts of the lyrics for GazettE's Cassis. Lyrics in italic.
---
Even if your feelings fade tomorrow
I'll still love you unchangingly
“Kyuhyun…”
Kyuhyun looked up at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice calling his name, smiling softly.
“Yes, Min?” he replied, following Sungmin with his eyes as the older moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He sighed, refusing to look at Kyuhyun as he fiddled with his fingers.
“I… We need to talk,” he finally said. Kyuhyun put the magazine he’d been reading to the side.
“Sure, what is it?”
“I… I’m really sorry, Kyuhyun, but… I don’t… I don’t think we can be together anymore,” Sungmin murmured softly, his voice shaking just enough for Kyuhyun to notice it. He frowned.
“Why not? Have I done something wrong?” he asked, confused and maybe more than a little hurt. Sungmin sighed again and finally turned to look at him. He was smiling, but there were tears in his eyes.
“No Kyuhyun, you did nothing wrong. You’re perfect. I just… I don’t think…” He paused and took a deep breath. “I don’t think I love you like that anymore.”
A long silence followed in which Sungmin and Kyuhyun stared deeply into each other’s eyes. Kyuhyun tried his hardest to comprehend what Sungmin had just told him.
“Oh,” he said finally. Sungmin nodded, still smiling sadly at him. Kyuhyun forced himself to smile.
“Oh, that’s okay,” he said, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I won’t force you to do anything. If you need to go, I’ll let you go.”
Sungmin’s smile widened a little and he leaned forward to gently place a peck on Kyuhyun’s lips. It was all Kyuhyun could do not to scream until his vocal chords broke and beg Sungmin to stay, just for another day.
“I’m really sorry Kyuhyun. I still love you, just… not like that. Let’s still be friends, okay?” Sungmin said, still so close that Kyuhyun could feel his breath on his skin. It smelled like strawberries.
Kyuhyun could only nod as he didn’t really trust his voice in that moment. Sungmin stood up and now he was smiling genuinely happily at the younger.
“Good, I don’t want to lose you. Anyway, I’m going over to Ryeowook’s now, he wanted some help to cook, so… see you later?” he asked, and Kyuhyun nodded again.
He waited until he heard the door close before he buried his face in his pillow and screamed, tears soaking the fabric. He promised himself that he would only show his true feelings like this - alone, when no one could hear or see him. He promised himself he would keep smiling for Sungmin because, after all, he’d never stop loving him.
~~
Even if you can't see me tomorrow
I'll still love you without fail
Six months had passed since they broke up, but Sungmin and Kyuhyun were still sharing an apartment. It was fine with Kyuhyun, really; some days he could even pretend the two of them were still together. Since Sungmin was too lazy to get a new one, they still shared a bed even though they didn’t sleep as tightly entwined anymore. Sungmin’s seemingly endless supply of hugs still seemed to not have run out for Kyuhyun just yet either and sometimes, if he did something really nice for the other, he’d earn himself a peck on the cheek.
But then Sungmin met another. He didn’t say anything, but Kyuhyun noticed it - how Sungmin wasn’t at home as much anymore, how he’d randomly bake something and strictly forbid Kyuhyun to eat it. What Kyuhyun noticed the most was Sungmin spacing out. He spaced out a lot lately; when they were watching TV, eating or cooking. Kyuhyun decided to pretend as though he hadn’t noticed and let Sungmin tell him when he was ready.
He wasn’t prepared for how Sungmin would do it.
“Kyuhyun-ah~” Sungmin chirped one day. “I’m bringing a special someone home for dinner today so you can meet him. Is that okay?”
Kyuhyun could barely breathe. A special someone. Sungmin was bringing a special someone home for dinner today. For the second time in six months, Kyuhyun felt his heart breaking. Yet he forced himself to smile and nod; he hadn’t yet forgotten his promise.
“Of course, I look forward to it,” he said, managing to keep the tears out of his voice. Sungmin giggled like a child and stood on his tiptoes to give Kyuhyun’s cheek a peck. Kyuhyun wished he hadn’t as it burned his skin.
“Okay, see you later! You’ll have dinner ready, right?” Sungmin said and it was like his entire being was shining. Kyuhyun nodded, smiling. When the door closed behind Sungmin, he sank to his knees, crying into his hands.
He managed to pull himself together surprisingly quickly and went to the bathroom to wash the traces of his tears away from his face before he went back into the kitchen and started on dinner.
It seemed like no time at all had passed when the door flew open once again and Sungmin’s laughter filled the apartment - accompanied by the voice of a stranger. Kyuhyun took a deep breath, plastered a smile on his face and went out to greet them.
“Oh, Kyuhyun! This is Henry, my new boyfriend. He’s from Canada,” Sungmin introduced his special someone while looking at him in that special way he used to look at Kyuhyun. Back then it made the butterflies in his stomach go crazy. Now it just made him nauseous with jealousy. And angry. He wanted to strangle someone.
“Hi Henry, nice to meet you,” he said instead, stretching his hand out for Henry to take.
“Pleasure’s all mine,” Henry answered in accented Korean as he accepted Kyuhyun’s handshake.
“Henry’s really talented,” Sungmin said as he took off his outwear, gesturing for Henry to do the same. “He speaks English and French and Korean and Mandarin and he plays the violin. He’s really good at it, Kyu, you should hear him! Also he plays the piano and the guitar, too!”
Sungmin was beyond ecstatic and as long as Kyuhyun concentrated on his happiness and not on his words, he could keep the smile on his face. But deep inside, he was getting angrier and angrier with each word passing Sungmin’s perfect lips. So Sungmin wanted talent? Kyuhyun’s talent wasn’t enough for him?
“I speak Cantonese and a little Japanese as well,” Henry said shyly. Sungmin giggled and pecked his cheek.
“Sorry, I forgot. Come on, let’s eat! It smells delicious, Kyuhyun.”
Dinner passed in a haze. Kyuhyun wasn’t really sure if he managed to be as nice and polite to Henry as he wanted to be, but Sungmin didn’t say anything so he guessed he managed it fairly well. When Henry finally left a dinner, three hugs and a make-out session later, Kyuhyun was beyond exhausted. Sungmin was more than a little surprised when Kyuhyun said he’d be going to bed.
“But Kyu-ah, it’s only eight pm! I thought we could watch a movie,” he said, pouting. Kyuhyun was so tired that even his pout didn’t have much effect on him.
“I’m sorry Min, but I’m just really, really tired,” he said, giving Sungmin an apologetic smile. Sungmin responded with pouting even more, but gave up when he realized it wouldn’t have the effect he wanted.
Kyuhyun showered and brushed his teeth quickly and then crashed into bed, too tired to even bid Sungmin goodnight. But once he was lying in bed, he couldn’t stop the tears. He must’ve sobbed harder than he realized because after a while Sungmin peeked his head into the room.
“Kyuhyun? Are you crying?” he asked softly. Kyuhyun answered with sobbing even harder, wishing Sungmin would go away. But of course, being the wonderful person that he was, Sungmin did the exact opposite.
Kyuhyun felt his body stiffen as he heard the sound of Sungmin walking closer to the bed. It stiffened even more as Sungmin sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking his hair.
“I’m sorry, Kyuhyun,” he whispered, lying down next to the younger and holding him close. “I’m really sorry. I thought… I thought you were over me.”
Once Kyuhyun realized Sungmin wouldn’t let go anytime soon, he gave in and cuddled closer to the other, crying into his neck like a little child. Sungmin didn’t say anything, just held him and let him cry. Kyuhyun’s tears seemed endless and in the end, Sungmin started singing. Kyuhyun didn’t really recognize the words or the melody but he let himself drown in the sound of Sungmin’s voice. For now, he could pretend. Just for a moment.
Kyuhyun fell asleep like that, blissfully unaware that Sungmin would be gone when he woke up in the morning.
~~
“Sungmin?” Kyuhyun called out as he sat up, trying to rub away the tiredness from his eyes. No one answered. “Sungmin?”
Deep down, Kyuhyun already knew Sungmin wouldn’t answer. There was no one but him in the apartment, he could feel it. He allowed himself one lonely tear which he quickly dried away before he pulled himself out of bed.
The living room was strangely empty. All of the little things that had been Sungmin’s weren’t there anymore - not the glass bowl on the coffee table, not the plastic flowers in the bookshelf or his DVDs. In the kitchen it was the same. All of the silverware that Sungmin had bought was gone, just like all his cooking recipes. There was only one toothbrush in the bathroom and half of the towels were gone. The cupboards felt rather empty and monotonous without Sungmin’s brightly colored sheets and clothes.
The only sign that Sungmin had ever lived there was the note and the little cardboard box on the coffee table. Kyuhyun read it with tears in his eyes.
Kyuhyunnie!
I’m leaving for Canada with Henry… Not today though. Until we leave, I’ll be living with him in his apartment. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought I’d tell you yesterday, but then you went to bed and… I just couldn’t tell you while you were crying. That felt cruel.
I left you some photos of us, and of me. The rest of them I brought with me. I also think I left that painting I once did. Do you remember how I painted your nose pink and you retaliated by drawing two blue streaks on my cheeks? That was so much fun!
I just wanted to say thank you for all the time we had together. I’ll never forget you, and don’t you dare forget me either! I’ll call you sometime.
Love, Min
Kyuhyun didn’t even realize that hi tears were falling as he slowly put the letter away and moved to open the cardboard box. Sure enough, there were lots of pictures in there - of both him and Sungmin and Sungmin alone. He wondered briefly whether Sungmin had brought any photos of Kyuhyun, but he didn’t think so. He was with Henry now, right? There was also the painting Sungmin had been talking about. Kyuhyun smiled through his tears as he remembered that day.
“What are you drawing?” Kyuhyun asked, coming up behind Sungmin and placing his arms around his waist in a back hug. Sungmin jumped slightly, but turned around in the younger’s arms to place a peck on his cheek.
“No idea. I just felt like painting something,” he answered and Kyuhyun chuckled.
“It’s mostly pink, hyung,” he said, raising one skeptical eyebrow as he eyes the painting.
“Yah!” Sungmin brought the paintbrush to Kyuhyun’s nose and Kyuhyun felt something cold against his skin. Sungmin giggled. “Now you’re pink as well.”
Kyuhyun quickly grabbed the second paintbrush on the table next to Sungmin’s painting and dipped in the blue color, painting each of Sungmin’s cheeks with a streak of it.
“Well, you’re blue,” he teased and Sungmin giggled again before craning his neck to engage Kyuhyun in a kiss. Sungmin didn’t get any more painting done that day.
Later the same day, Kyuhyun invited two of his friends - Changmin and Siwon - to dinner. Siwon eyed the walls suspiciously. They were covered with pictures.
“Does Sungmin approve of this?” he asked, gesturing to the walls. He realized he’d said something wrong when Kyuhyun’s laughter died out and his smile disappeared.
“Sungmin doesn’t live here anymore,” he said, his voice suddenly cold and hard.
“You really need to get over him,” Changmin chided gently. Kyuhyun turned to him, glaring.
“Don’t you dare tell me what to do!” he exclaimed. None of Kyuhyun’s friends would even think of bringing the subject up after that, even though they were all secretly worried for Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun himself didn’t think much of it. He continued his days as though Sungmin was still there; he greeted him good morning, baked his favorite sweets and bought him things. When Sungmin called, he pretended as though he had moved on. Sometimes he lied about having a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
Sungmin believed in Kyuhyun’s lies and like that, life went on in its endless cycle.
At least I can forget all the hard times
Thinking about you
Counting the number of nights I can't see you
My heart yearns for you
Author: mystery
Pairing: broken!KyuMin, HenMin
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, song-fic (kind of)
Disclaimer: If I owned them, there’s no way in hell I’d write this half-assed shit about them. I’d film them 24/7.
Warning(s): None
Summary: Even if your feelings fade tomorrow
I'll still love you unchangingly
Even if you can't see me tomorrow
I'll still love you without fail
Author’s Note: I'm not sure this turned out like I wanted it to... Anyway, it's inspired by parts of the lyrics for GazettE's Cassis. Lyrics in italic.
---
Even if your feelings fade tomorrow
I'll still love you unchangingly
“Kyuhyun…”
Kyuhyun looked up at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice calling his name, smiling softly.
“Yes, Min?” he replied, following Sungmin with his eyes as the older moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He sighed, refusing to look at Kyuhyun as he fiddled with his fingers.
“I… We need to talk,” he finally said. Kyuhyun put the magazine he’d been reading to the side.
“Sure, what is it?”
“I… I’m really sorry, Kyuhyun, but… I don’t… I don’t think we can be together anymore,” Sungmin murmured softly, his voice shaking just enough for Kyuhyun to notice it. He frowned.
“Why not? Have I done something wrong?” he asked, confused and maybe more than a little hurt. Sungmin sighed again and finally turned to look at him. He was smiling, but there were tears in his eyes.
“No Kyuhyun, you did nothing wrong. You’re perfect. I just… I don’t think…” He paused and took a deep breath. “I don’t think I love you like that anymore.”
A long silence followed in which Sungmin and Kyuhyun stared deeply into each other’s eyes. Kyuhyun tried his hardest to comprehend what Sungmin had just told him.
“Oh,” he said finally. Sungmin nodded, still smiling sadly at him. Kyuhyun forced himself to smile.
“Oh, that’s okay,” he said, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I won’t force you to do anything. If you need to go, I’ll let you go.”
Sungmin’s smile widened a little and he leaned forward to gently place a peck on Kyuhyun’s lips. It was all Kyuhyun could do not to scream until his vocal chords broke and beg Sungmin to stay, just for another day.
“I’m really sorry Kyuhyun. I still love you, just… not like that. Let’s still be friends, okay?” Sungmin said, still so close that Kyuhyun could feel his breath on his skin. It smelled like strawberries.
Kyuhyun could only nod as he didn’t really trust his voice in that moment. Sungmin stood up and now he was smiling genuinely happily at the younger.
“Good, I don’t want to lose you. Anyway, I’m going over to Ryeowook’s now, he wanted some help to cook, so… see you later?” he asked, and Kyuhyun nodded again.
He waited until he heard the door close before he buried his face in his pillow and screamed, tears soaking the fabric. He promised himself that he would only show his true feelings like this - alone, when no one could hear or see him. He promised himself he would keep smiling for Sungmin because, after all, he’d never stop loving him.
~~
Even if you can't see me tomorrow
I'll still love you without fail
Six months had passed since they broke up, but Sungmin and Kyuhyun were still sharing an apartment. It was fine with Kyuhyun, really; some days he could even pretend the two of them were still together. Since Sungmin was too lazy to get a new one, they still shared a bed even though they didn’t sleep as tightly entwined anymore. Sungmin’s seemingly endless supply of hugs still seemed to not have run out for Kyuhyun just yet either and sometimes, if he did something really nice for the other, he’d earn himself a peck on the cheek.
But then Sungmin met another. He didn’t say anything, but Kyuhyun noticed it - how Sungmin wasn’t at home as much anymore, how he’d randomly bake something and strictly forbid Kyuhyun to eat it. What Kyuhyun noticed the most was Sungmin spacing out. He spaced out a lot lately; when they were watching TV, eating or cooking. Kyuhyun decided to pretend as though he hadn’t noticed and let Sungmin tell him when he was ready.
He wasn’t prepared for how Sungmin would do it.
“Kyuhyun-ah~” Sungmin chirped one day. “I’m bringing a special someone home for dinner today so you can meet him. Is that okay?”
Kyuhyun could barely breathe. A special someone. Sungmin was bringing a special someone home for dinner today. For the second time in six months, Kyuhyun felt his heart breaking. Yet he forced himself to smile and nod; he hadn’t yet forgotten his promise.
“Of course, I look forward to it,” he said, managing to keep the tears out of his voice. Sungmin giggled like a child and stood on his tiptoes to give Kyuhyun’s cheek a peck. Kyuhyun wished he hadn’t as it burned his skin.
“Okay, see you later! You’ll have dinner ready, right?” Sungmin said and it was like his entire being was shining. Kyuhyun nodded, smiling. When the door closed behind Sungmin, he sank to his knees, crying into his hands.
He managed to pull himself together surprisingly quickly and went to the bathroom to wash the traces of his tears away from his face before he went back into the kitchen and started on dinner.
It seemed like no time at all had passed when the door flew open once again and Sungmin’s laughter filled the apartment - accompanied by the voice of a stranger. Kyuhyun took a deep breath, plastered a smile on his face and went out to greet them.
“Oh, Kyuhyun! This is Henry, my new boyfriend. He’s from Canada,” Sungmin introduced his special someone while looking at him in that special way he used to look at Kyuhyun. Back then it made the butterflies in his stomach go crazy. Now it just made him nauseous with jealousy. And angry. He wanted to strangle someone.
“Hi Henry, nice to meet you,” he said instead, stretching his hand out for Henry to take.
“Pleasure’s all mine,” Henry answered in accented Korean as he accepted Kyuhyun’s handshake.
“Henry’s really talented,” Sungmin said as he took off his outwear, gesturing for Henry to do the same. “He speaks English and French and Korean and Mandarin and he plays the violin. He’s really good at it, Kyu, you should hear him! Also he plays the piano and the guitar, too!”
Sungmin was beyond ecstatic and as long as Kyuhyun concentrated on his happiness and not on his words, he could keep the smile on his face. But deep inside, he was getting angrier and angrier with each word passing Sungmin’s perfect lips. So Sungmin wanted talent? Kyuhyun’s talent wasn’t enough for him?
“I speak Cantonese and a little Japanese as well,” Henry said shyly. Sungmin giggled and pecked his cheek.
“Sorry, I forgot. Come on, let’s eat! It smells delicious, Kyuhyun.”
Dinner passed in a haze. Kyuhyun wasn’t really sure if he managed to be as nice and polite to Henry as he wanted to be, but Sungmin didn’t say anything so he guessed he managed it fairly well. When Henry finally left a dinner, three hugs and a make-out session later, Kyuhyun was beyond exhausted. Sungmin was more than a little surprised when Kyuhyun said he’d be going to bed.
“But Kyu-ah, it’s only eight pm! I thought we could watch a movie,” he said, pouting. Kyuhyun was so tired that even his pout didn’t have much effect on him.
“I’m sorry Min, but I’m just really, really tired,” he said, giving Sungmin an apologetic smile. Sungmin responded with pouting even more, but gave up when he realized it wouldn’t have the effect he wanted.
Kyuhyun showered and brushed his teeth quickly and then crashed into bed, too tired to even bid Sungmin goodnight. But once he was lying in bed, he couldn’t stop the tears. He must’ve sobbed harder than he realized because after a while Sungmin peeked his head into the room.
“Kyuhyun? Are you crying?” he asked softly. Kyuhyun answered with sobbing even harder, wishing Sungmin would go away. But of course, being the wonderful person that he was, Sungmin did the exact opposite.
Kyuhyun felt his body stiffen as he heard the sound of Sungmin walking closer to the bed. It stiffened even more as Sungmin sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking his hair.
“I’m sorry, Kyuhyun,” he whispered, lying down next to the younger and holding him close. “I’m really sorry. I thought… I thought you were over me.”
Once Kyuhyun realized Sungmin wouldn’t let go anytime soon, he gave in and cuddled closer to the other, crying into his neck like a little child. Sungmin didn’t say anything, just held him and let him cry. Kyuhyun’s tears seemed endless and in the end, Sungmin started singing. Kyuhyun didn’t really recognize the words or the melody but he let himself drown in the sound of Sungmin’s voice. For now, he could pretend. Just for a moment.
Kyuhyun fell asleep like that, blissfully unaware that Sungmin would be gone when he woke up in the morning.
~~
“Sungmin?” Kyuhyun called out as he sat up, trying to rub away the tiredness from his eyes. No one answered. “Sungmin?”
Deep down, Kyuhyun already knew Sungmin wouldn’t answer. There was no one but him in the apartment, he could feel it. He allowed himself one lonely tear which he quickly dried away before he pulled himself out of bed.
The living room was strangely empty. All of the little things that had been Sungmin’s weren’t there anymore - not the glass bowl on the coffee table, not the plastic flowers in the bookshelf or his DVDs. In the kitchen it was the same. All of the silverware that Sungmin had bought was gone, just like all his cooking recipes. There was only one toothbrush in the bathroom and half of the towels were gone. The cupboards felt rather empty and monotonous without Sungmin’s brightly colored sheets and clothes.
The only sign that Sungmin had ever lived there was the note and the little cardboard box on the coffee table. Kyuhyun read it with tears in his eyes.
Kyuhyunnie!
I’m leaving for Canada with Henry… Not today though. Until we leave, I’ll be living with him in his apartment. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought I’d tell you yesterday, but then you went to bed and… I just couldn’t tell you while you were crying. That felt cruel.
I left you some photos of us, and of me. The rest of them I brought with me. I also think I left that painting I once did. Do you remember how I painted your nose pink and you retaliated by drawing two blue streaks on my cheeks? That was so much fun!
I just wanted to say thank you for all the time we had together. I’ll never forget you, and don’t you dare forget me either! I’ll call you sometime.
Love, Min
Kyuhyun didn’t even realize that hi tears were falling as he slowly put the letter away and moved to open the cardboard box. Sure enough, there were lots of pictures in there - of both him and Sungmin and Sungmin alone. He wondered briefly whether Sungmin had brought any photos of Kyuhyun, but he didn’t think so. He was with Henry now, right? There was also the painting Sungmin had been talking about. Kyuhyun smiled through his tears as he remembered that day.
“What are you drawing?” Kyuhyun asked, coming up behind Sungmin and placing his arms around his waist in a back hug. Sungmin jumped slightly, but turned around in the younger’s arms to place a peck on his cheek.
“No idea. I just felt like painting something,” he answered and Kyuhyun chuckled.
“It’s mostly pink, hyung,” he said, raising one skeptical eyebrow as he eyes the painting.
“Yah!” Sungmin brought the paintbrush to Kyuhyun’s nose and Kyuhyun felt something cold against his skin. Sungmin giggled. “Now you’re pink as well.”
Kyuhyun quickly grabbed the second paintbrush on the table next to Sungmin’s painting and dipped in the blue color, painting each of Sungmin’s cheeks with a streak of it.
“Well, you’re blue,” he teased and Sungmin giggled again before craning his neck to engage Kyuhyun in a kiss. Sungmin didn’t get any more painting done that day.
Later the same day, Kyuhyun invited two of his friends - Changmin and Siwon - to dinner. Siwon eyed the walls suspiciously. They were covered with pictures.
“Does Sungmin approve of this?” he asked, gesturing to the walls. He realized he’d said something wrong when Kyuhyun’s laughter died out and his smile disappeared.
“Sungmin doesn’t live here anymore,” he said, his voice suddenly cold and hard.
“You really need to get over him,” Changmin chided gently. Kyuhyun turned to him, glaring.
“Don’t you dare tell me what to do!” he exclaimed. None of Kyuhyun’s friends would even think of bringing the subject up after that, even though they were all secretly worried for Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun himself didn’t think much of it. He continued his days as though Sungmin was still there; he greeted him good morning, baked his favorite sweets and bought him things. When Sungmin called, he pretended as though he had moved on. Sometimes he lied about having a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
Sungmin believed in Kyuhyun’s lies and like that, life went on in its endless cycle.
At least I can forget all the hard times
Thinking about you
Counting the number of nights I can't see you
My heart yearns for you