the voice

[mysterrockstar]

The smoke wafting throughout the dimly lit room, piano notes flutter by the ear as trumpet engulf the senses, candles flicker, the drums soft and tempo slow.  The older black gentleman, in the corner, hand, large, tapping the wood stained table in time with the snare, eyes shut, head looking towards the low cieling.  Smoke hangs heavy, a couple

Comments

Re: hello

[mysterrockstar]

Here I am, a bald hairy funny little creature. Some may call me a bald headed tree squekers, other just a wierdo. I am not much special although I know Neko will beg to differ. I am not a simple man, no, I think there is an air of complexity to me, but understandable. I am just discovering myself again. I quit smoking weed and cigs in January which was quite a challenge and now I hate people who smoke (only cause I can see they have a better life ahead of them if they quit). I am attending college, finally I am back there doing what I should of done after highschool but I am there learning. I have no clue what I want to do as far as a career but I feel that writing is calling my name. I am 25 and I live with my aunt, jsut cause I had to move out of the environment that I was in, it was not healthy for me. I met a wonderful woman Nicole and she has been a light in my life. She is everything that I wanted in my future wife and I see that she has a true and honest love toward me something that has never been in my life. I wake every morning knowing 2000 miles away on an island there is this woman and she loves me so very much. Yeah that is a little about me. I am just begining my life and I have found someone very special to begin it with. So yeah, I hope that I helped your pondering into who Ollie is. Take care Barbara Ann. And Neko, you are my space girl forever.

thanks

[mysterrockstar]

hello again,
I hope that you find what God has in store for you. There are many things that make me doubt love, like could it be that people make themselves believe that they are in love when it is truly just desire. I hope that you are different. Love takes time let it take all the time it needs,3 months to me just doesnt seem enough. Im not sorry if that was offensive, I just hope you understand my views. I hope it is a lasting thing not a fling. Well goodnight.
BA

Re: thanks

[mysterrockstar]

Many of my relationships in the past have started on the physical level, in fact they all have, but they have all failed. I have "loved" all my ex-girlfriends but on careful analysis it was lust, it was based off of a physical aspect that was not reinforced by something stronger. To me that was not love, there was nothing solid, nothing tangible to give substance to that "love" and those relationships just physical wants, if that failed then so did everything. I have never felt the way I do now, not in theleast bit. I have formed a bond with someone very special based upon the main foundation of what a healthy and successful relationship should be based on, communication. I have never had this, I have also never had someone that I could build a relationship like this. I know that although 3 months may seem a minuscule amount of time, in that period I have learned more and given more then I have in any previous relationship. I feel so comfortable with Nicole in fact that I have told her a secret that just 3 months ago was going to the grave with me. This is something I never could tell a single soul, I was ashamed and felt no one would understand, Nicole did. The communication that we have is one of the many things that I wanted in a wife, in a friend. I love to talk and I have never felt so comfortable to do so until now, I can tell Neko anything and know I will not be judged, I can act however I want, I can be Ollie, someone I sacrificed to be with others (something I never should have done). I am now finding that Ollie is someone that can be loved and accepted for who he is. I lost him along time ago, and in January I took charge to get him back by making decisions in my life that were positive but life changing. I started to smile all the time, I got complements from my mother telling me that she was happy to hear me laughing. I dredged up this old person named Ollie that was rusty and weak from lack of use and oiled him up. I began to have fun and enjoy the world again. I started to realize the things that I sacrificed to "feel good" and saw that I didnt feel good at all because my mind had been clouded for so long. I was angry and filled with hate. Now, in January, I put that person down, laid him to rest, he was no longer needed. We were close, very close, but sometimes thats just better. Then along comes Nicole, soemone that I feel I dont have to change and I am not going to I am going to see what she thinks of me. For at this point when we met I was happy with who I was unlike normal. Usually when I meet a girl they make me happy and I still have inner turmoil that is not right, so I dont "love" them, I lust for them, I lust that they make me feel good. With Nicole I didnt need that aspect of the relationship. I wasnt looking for someone to make me feel good about myself I already had that (that may sound bad, its not) I was looking for someone that would complement my life and who I was, because I realized that that was going to be what would make me truly happy. I would not have to change me to be with her, I was just Ollie, that is all I brought ot the table and she enjoyed it, thats all I ever wanted to bring to the table, but I didnt I always wanted to bring more and tried, but I ended up bringing less. Nicole came into my life when I was just trying to do things for myself and not looking to do them for another person, I was content with who I was and the decisions I had made, then out of the blue she comes, not wanting anything but a good conversation, which was what I was looking for. Now those conversations have evolved and formed a bond between the two of us, something I didnt see coming but accepted willingly. I feel like I have never felt before in my life. This may not change your mind, but I do hope that some light is shed on what was happening in my life, and when Nicole came in my life how I was viewing myself. Thank you for taking your time to read adn learn about me that is always something to repected I appreciate it greatly. Well for now take care and feel free to comment whenever and however you choose.