i'm singing in the rain

[mysteriousdream]

so. it's the end of my junior year. where'd all the time go? it seems like it sifted through my fingers without me ever really having a gasp of it. i'm a senior now. 12th grade. 13 years of schooling. 18 years of heartaches, failures, loves, successes, experience. i made the mistake if you can call it that of reading some of my entries from years long past. i remember why i got a livejournal...jamie had one. and since jamie had one, i could write things in this to try and make him like me. i guess it worked :-P. i read about my friendships and all the events that molded me into who i am today. sometimes i was happy and sometimes i was sad. i saw the rollercoaster of life reflected in my journal entries. i saw me going from using "wot" "n e way" "u" and "r" to actually employing real words. i saw myself change into a more caring and compassionate person while growing in the love from myself, jamie, my friends, and family. it's amazing to me to look back and see all of this. i saw points where i don't think i could've gotten lower and i see points where i was flying higher than the rest. it's definitely been one hell of a ride and it was never easy. i discovered more about myself than i could ever comprehend and i learned most of all. i learned who my real friends were, who i really was, what i want from life, and what i could give back in life. i learned to never lose hope, and boy has that been rough. right now i'm lower than i've ever gotten, but i hang onto hope like a dying woman. when you don't have comfort, or love, or support, or success, you can always have hope. i hope someday soon someone will realize what a great person i am and acknowledge that, i hope someday a really great guy who will write me love letters and buy me flowers comes along, i hope i'll be able to forgive myself and others for past mistakes, i hope that i can be everything i dream of, and i hope most of all to be happy. i know things can seem really shitty sometimes, but remember that you can never ever ever give up. keep fighting. keep breathing. keep arguing. keep pissing people off with controversy. when things are wrong or false, speak up! don't be another bumbling idiot who goes along with the flow. throw a wrench in the machine and make something known. man, did i just go off on a tangent. anyway...what i meant to say is that throughout my process of growing up, there have been more than enough growing pains. and although they still hurt like a bitch, you gotta grin and bear it. keep pushing through and someday, somewhere, they'll be that reward in the end.

i am one hell of a depressing motivational speaker...

-mir