(no subject)
Another year passed by. Has anything changed? No, no, still the same old pathetic me-unfortunately.
I think for the past few years, I have always made the same two wishes. This year, I have one, very specific wish. For once, I know what I want.
Mais c’est impossible, non? :\
I know what I need to do in order to make this wish even remotely possible, but I will never be able to do it. I wish I can be brave and be willing to take a risk, but I’m not and I can’t.
Yesterday was better than I expected though. I guess I wasn't expecting much to begin with. It's just another typical day after all. I was actually working the whole day, but it was surprisingly pleasant. Peut-être c'est parce que je t'ai vu.
I know this need to stop and I know how to stop it, but I don't want to. Honestly, I just want to try. Is that so much to ask for?
Anyway, we were supposed to go clubbing tonight but the rain ruined the mood.
It was pouring tonight, absolutely pouring. To be completely honestly, it looked amazing. Had we not had plans, I would have actually enjoyed this kind of weather. It's sort of soothing staring at it. Would have been quite romantic too if happened to be with someone I like but the fact that I was alone made it slightly lonely.
And even worse, the rain makes me think. I hate thinking. My conclusion is that I am much happier when I don't use my mind. My life has become so routine lately that there seem to be no need for deep planning and self-reflection, which is for the better anyway since a reflection on my life always leads to a combination of self-hate and self-pity.
I can't believe July is ending. It's scary thinking about the future. In a little more than a month, school will resume. A different sort of routine will come about-more stressful but more exciting I suppose. In the meantime, I will enjoy what's left of the summer and try to use my mind as little as possible.
Apathy is the way to go.
I think for the past few years, I have always made the same two wishes. This year, I have one, very specific wish. For once, I know what I want.
Mais c’est impossible, non? :\
I know what I need to do in order to make this wish even remotely possible, but I will never be able to do it. I wish I can be brave and be willing to take a risk, but I’m not and I can’t.
Yesterday was better than I expected though. I guess I wasn't expecting much to begin with. It's just another typical day after all. I was actually working the whole day, but it was surprisingly pleasant. Peut-être c'est parce que je t'ai vu.
I know this need to stop and I know how to stop it, but I don't want to. Honestly, I just want to try. Is that so much to ask for?
Anyway, we were supposed to go clubbing tonight but the rain ruined the mood.
It was pouring tonight, absolutely pouring. To be completely honestly, it looked amazing. Had we not had plans, I would have actually enjoyed this kind of weather. It's sort of soothing staring at it. Would have been quite romantic too if happened to be with someone I like but the fact that I was alone made it slightly lonely.
And even worse, the rain makes me think. I hate thinking. My conclusion is that I am much happier when I don't use my mind. My life has become so routine lately that there seem to be no need for deep planning and self-reflection, which is for the better anyway since a reflection on my life always leads to a combination of self-hate and self-pity.
I can't believe July is ending. It's scary thinking about the future. In a little more than a month, school will resume. A different sort of routine will come about-more stressful but more exciting I suppose. In the meantime, I will enjoy what's left of the summer and try to use my mind as little as possible.
Apathy is the way to go.