(no subject)
Shits been crazy lately. I just stress everything. School, lacrosse, travel soccer, Mike, what it is that hes gonna find out next. Its pretty pathetic if you think about it. But I know I'm pathetic... I figured that out last night when Mike called and was like nobody says you can do it... but I guess everybody would think that. I have that speech to do this weekend and the green card for anatomy... I don't even know what I'm talkin about when it comes to the speech and with anatomy.. I'm just a lost cause without my little sheet. Once again, its so pathetic.
Mom's calling the doctors. I don't really wanna see Weneck... hes just too.. nuts for me. I kinda wish she'd take me to somebody I can talk to. She asked me if thats what I wanted. I'm just not exactly sure. Is this what I really want? Am I overeacting???
Mike told me yesterday and today that we were gonna do something tonight. That he was going to Jordans to watch the game and then he was gonna come see me at Fratellis and then we would do somethin. Yea well he didn't call and didn't call so I called him and this was basically the conversation:
Me: what are you doin?
Mike: goin to kellens.
Me: kellen who?
Mike: crouse.
Me: oh well you just don't plan on doing anything with me tonight?
Mike: well, i felt weird
Me: so you couldn't have called and told me that we weren't gonna do something tonight
Mike: i'm sorry... but what are you doing tomorrow?
Me: i have shit to do... i have to write my speech and study
Mike: and thats gonna take all day
Me: basically
Mike: ok well i love you
Me: love you too
Then I got home and wrote him this email:
I realize that you found out stuff last night that bugged you. I can totally understand that. But tonight I realized that when its convient for you, its fine but otherwise you find something to use against me as an excuse. If you didn't wanna hang out with me, all you had to do was call you tell me that you were gonna do something else. You said all this shit last night about me giving you my all and you doing the same back but I think you were just talking. You're not ready for it either. You could have called and you know it. How about I just makes plans with you and then dis you because I feel "weird" then I just won't call and let you think all night that you're gonna see me.
I went to see Jared tonight with Carlee. I just thought you should know. I don't want you to think I'm lying to you.
I don't know what to make of this. You know I love you but all we ever do is hurt each other. I just don't understand... are we ever gonna make this work??
He makes me not even wanna try anymore... hes not worth it, he really isn't. I'm so tired of this shit.. I just wanna get away from... him.
Mom's calling the doctors. I don't really wanna see Weneck... hes just too.. nuts for me. I kinda wish she'd take me to somebody I can talk to. She asked me if thats what I wanted. I'm just not exactly sure. Is this what I really want? Am I overeacting???
Mike told me yesterday and today that we were gonna do something tonight. That he was going to Jordans to watch the game and then he was gonna come see me at Fratellis and then we would do somethin. Yea well he didn't call and didn't call so I called him and this was basically the conversation:
Me: what are you doin?
Mike: goin to kellens.
Me: kellen who?
Mike: crouse.
Me: oh well you just don't plan on doing anything with me tonight?
Mike: well, i felt weird
Me: so you couldn't have called and told me that we weren't gonna do something tonight
Mike: i'm sorry... but what are you doing tomorrow?
Me: i have shit to do... i have to write my speech and study
Mike: and thats gonna take all day
Me: basically
Mike: ok well i love you
Me: love you too
Then I got home and wrote him this email:
I realize that you found out stuff last night that bugged you. I can totally understand that. But tonight I realized that when its convient for you, its fine but otherwise you find something to use against me as an excuse. If you didn't wanna hang out with me, all you had to do was call you tell me that you were gonna do something else. You said all this shit last night about me giving you my all and you doing the same back but I think you were just talking. You're not ready for it either. You could have called and you know it. How about I just makes plans with you and then dis you because I feel "weird" then I just won't call and let you think all night that you're gonna see me.
I went to see Jared tonight with Carlee. I just thought you should know. I don't want you to think I'm lying to you.
I don't know what to make of this. You know I love you but all we ever do is hurt each other. I just don't understand... are we ever gonna make this work??
He makes me not even wanna try anymore... hes not worth it, he really isn't. I'm so tired of this shit.. I just wanna get away from... him.