hmm
Today was interesting. It started out really lovely. Yes... nothing like almost passing out on the bathroom floor to get you motivated. Im actually really worried about it. This is the second time this has happened now, and I am really hoping there is a reasonable and not terrifying explanation for it. I am planning on going to the doctor sometime next week if I can get in. We will see. Then I will find out what is wrong with me. Aside from that... not much else is new. Well... besides Eric. :o) I really like Eric. I cant help but smile when I think about him. He is leaving to move back to Massachusettes on Saturday night. The last time Ill see him is tomorrow night. I am actually quite sad. The more I get to know him, the more I love about him. We've spent a lot of time together this past month, growing closer every time we see eachother. Now I am faced with his permanent absence. Why is it that every time I find something I really want, I always have to work extra hard to get it? I look around and see people always getting everything they want handed to them. They dont work for it, let alone put effort into getting it. But here I am. The exact opposite. In a way I can see it being a good thing. It makes things mean more to me and I am grateful for that. But just once.... I've thought about maybe going to school in Massachusettes. Partially because I want to see if something between me and Eric could work. But also, I want to experience new things. The east coast has always been a beautiful and interesting place. So near the ocean that I've loved so much my whole life, yet never even been able to touch. It's close to some beautiful mountains and wilderness that is much father beyond my grasp here. The schools there are better than the ones here. I have a lot to consider before making such a huge decision of course. There would be a lot of cons to going there. I would be leaving behind everything I have ever known. My family, all my friends who are so dear to me, my whole world that exists in Southeastern Wisconsin. Inside me, however, somewehere deep inside is this huge desire to break away from the monotony of it all for a while. I need to see things. Experience things beyond that which exists here. I need to know if I have a future elsewhere. I dont want confine myself to something so small and seemingly pointless when there is an entire world out there, just waiting for me. I feel like this is my chance. Whether or not I will take it, right now I dont know. But if I do, I am sure it will lead me to things that I couldnt have experienced otherwise.