When life hands you lemons...
...run away before juice squirts in your eye.
Life has been sucking lately. Just when I think things are getting better they get worse again- I feel like I can't win.
I'm stressed about some MAJOR things in my personal life and have been crying on a daily basis and throwing up every morning and sometimes into the afternoons as well. I don't deal well with stress and it always affects my stomach.
I've also been working my ass off at work lately, so I'm run down as all hell and it IS never-ending. I guess it's good in so far as it provides me with job security, but at the same time, I am currently working SEVEN different projects and can't get even ONE thing completely done because something else comes up.
I got bad news about my Da today. Last week, when I had spoken to my father, he told me the doctor had given my grandfather 1-2 years with his cancer. His chemo failed, so they had taken him off that and were treating with an oral medication and finishing up his radiation. While his tumor in his lung hasn't gotten any bigger, it hasn't shrunked either, so that sucks. They also found a new spot in his brain, which, needless to say, worries the hell outta me. He is going to a new specialist today at the University of Pennsylvania to see if he qualifies for any surgeries or experimental treatments.
He wants to fight, and has a positive outlook on things right now, and he looks well- but I'm still worried. I spoke to my mom, and apparently my father failed to give me the update that my Da is now Stage 4 (Cancer goes from Stage 1, being the LEAST severe to Stage 4, being the worst) and so the "1 to 2 years" has been downgraded to "maybe 9 months". Anyone who has EVER lost someone to cancer KNOWS that the doctors usually give you more time than you actually HAVE- so I am not taking the news very well. I'm a mess and crying and trying with every fiber of my being to keep it together and not give into things. I don't want to fall apart crying in front of Elizabeth, whom I haven't even TOLD her great-grandfather is sick. And I also don't want to end up in the hospital again with another major panic attack due to all of the stress from his illness, work and the other major things going on in my personal life.
I'm going to see my Granna and Da tomorrow after work, while my Dad is up in Jersey. I'm also thinking about going away this weekend to Virginia to get away from things for a few days. Go down and see my dad and stepmom and brother and sister, who all live in Williamsburg. It'll be good for us to get away from things for a few days and while I'm down there I can take Elizabeth to Halloweekends at Busch Gardens and maybe take her on a ghost tour one night in Colonial. And if my dad can get things set-up for me I am going to try and take a look at some condos down there as well. I've been thinking about moving back down there for awhile now, and with everything that's going on, now may be a good time to do so and get a fresh start. I know picking up and moving doesn't change everything, but getting away from the things that have me so stressed is a good way of being able to move my life in a better direction. Cause as it stands, I am just completely unhappy. I don't know what else to do.
Life has been sucking lately. Just when I think things are getting better they get worse again- I feel like I can't win.
I'm stressed about some MAJOR things in my personal life and have been crying on a daily basis and throwing up every morning and sometimes into the afternoons as well. I don't deal well with stress and it always affects my stomach.
I've also been working my ass off at work lately, so I'm run down as all hell and it IS never-ending. I guess it's good in so far as it provides me with job security, but at the same time, I am currently working SEVEN different projects and can't get even ONE thing completely done because something else comes up.
I got bad news about my Da today. Last week, when I had spoken to my father, he told me the doctor had given my grandfather 1-2 years with his cancer. His chemo failed, so they had taken him off that and were treating with an oral medication and finishing up his radiation. While his tumor in his lung hasn't gotten any bigger, it hasn't shrunked either, so that sucks. They also found a new spot in his brain, which, needless to say, worries the hell outta me. He is going to a new specialist today at the University of Pennsylvania to see if he qualifies for any surgeries or experimental treatments.
He wants to fight, and has a positive outlook on things right now, and he looks well- but I'm still worried. I spoke to my mom, and apparently my father failed to give me the update that my Da is now Stage 4 (Cancer goes from Stage 1, being the LEAST severe to Stage 4, being the worst) and so the "1 to 2 years" has been downgraded to "maybe 9 months". Anyone who has EVER lost someone to cancer KNOWS that the doctors usually give you more time than you actually HAVE- so I am not taking the news very well. I'm a mess and crying and trying with every fiber of my being to keep it together and not give into things. I don't want to fall apart crying in front of Elizabeth, whom I haven't even TOLD her great-grandfather is sick. And I also don't want to end up in the hospital again with another major panic attack due to all of the stress from his illness, work and the other major things going on in my personal life.
I'm going to see my Granna and Da tomorrow after work, while my Dad is up in Jersey. I'm also thinking about going away this weekend to Virginia to get away from things for a few days. Go down and see my dad and stepmom and brother and sister, who all live in Williamsburg. It'll be good for us to get away from things for a few days and while I'm down there I can take Elizabeth to Halloweekends at Busch Gardens and maybe take her on a ghost tour one night in Colonial. And if my dad can get things set-up for me I am going to try and take a look at some condos down there as well. I've been thinking about moving back down there for awhile now, and with everything that's going on, now may be a good time to do so and get a fresh start. I know picking up and moving doesn't change everything, but getting away from the things that have me so stressed is a good way of being able to move my life in a better direction. Cause as it stands, I am just completely unhappy. I don't know what else to do.