What about the holiday cheer?
Been a while since my last update, and I've concluded that I probably should stop writing in livejournal. I just don't have the time anymore to put the necessary thought into the kind of entries I like to write. I'm not really sure what my style consists of, but its definitely not rambling, and that's exactly what I find myself doing when I do try to update. I also don't have much of an audience since I never established myself well in here, so it almost seems pointless to expect anyone to care about what's going on in my life from this angle. I just have no motivation.
Right now the biggest thing in my life is a guy. I met the best guy in the world. It's like he was specially designed for me. He's smart, funny, sweet, outgoing, athletic, polite, honest, and genuine. Not to mention hot. There was an instant connection with him. He says its mutual. We dated for a few weeks, and then this Saturday he told me he was accepted to Baltimore University. Last night we ended up going out to dinner together and then talked in his car for a long time about our relationship. He feels that we should put things on hold until he finds out what his schedule is going to look like. Apparently he's been through long distance relationships before and they've never worked out. He also said that he's never known anyone who's been through a successful one. I mentioned that Baltimore isn't that far, and that I'd be willing to try it, but he said that he just wants to put it on hold until he is settled enough to know just how much time he's going to have. Jeff also said that if we stayed together romantically throughout the Christmas break that we would just get closer and closer and it would be that much harder to cut it off when he leaves. So it’s over...for now. He wants to just be friends until everything is worked out.
Normally this kind of thing wouldn't bother me all that much. I've been through this before, quite a few times now. This time its different though. This time it actually hurts...physically hurts. We've only known each other for little over a month now, but it seems so much longer. It feels like I've known him all my life. I'm mad at myself because although I tried to keep my distance because of school and my schedule I got too close. I didn't mean to, but I fell too hard too fast.
Baltimore isn’t another country away, not even a state away, but it’s just far enough that it makes things harder. We talked for about an hour and I guess I fell asleep on him because the next thing I remembered was waking up with my head in his arms. So then we both had to get home, I asked for one last kiss and that was that.
It's gonna be hard for me to act like there was never anything while he's still here. I really don't want to have to hold back, but its either that or don't talk to him at all. So I guess I gotta suck it up and be strong. Telling him how hurt I am right now would only make things harder for him.
Ya know, drama and being emotional isn't my thing, and I'm really not trying to make this post into a cry session, its just that this whole sudden 'Let's put things on hold because I'm moving to Baltimore' situation really threw me. One day Jeff's talking about me meeting his parents and what a great person I am, and the next I'm put on 'hold'. I mean, I'm proud of him. I'm proud of him for getting accepted to Baltimore University and I think its takes a man to make the decision he made. His education has to come first. It was a well thought out decision that makes sense. It doesn't make it any less hard though. The bitch of the situation is that it came when it came; right before finals, Christmas and my birthday. I'll be strong and get over it, its just gonna take some healing time first.
Conclusion: Boys suck.
Anyway, so as I said, finals are here, as is our winter concert season for choir. Right now my schedule consists of, school, finals, coaching swim practice, teaching swim lessons, coaching swim clinic, going to swim meets, choir practices, going to voice lessons, teaching piano lessons, and singing concerts in every damn church in Maryland. I'm burnt out. This winter break I'm gonna spend time catching up with my friends whom I basically haven't seen since September because of my schedule. I'm taking a week long class to get my Lifeguard Instructor Certification, and I've also got to get my songs done so I can audition for George Mason University on January 17th. I'm also gonna be teaching the 5th grade program toward the end of January. But the rest of the time, any chance I get, I'm gonna SLEEP. Sleep is such a beautiful thing, not to be taken for granted by any means. I'm gonna sleep until someone wakes me up and says "Hey you have to get up now, the next semester is starting"
...and even then, I'm gonna roll over and hit the Snooze button.
Right now the biggest thing in my life is a guy. I met the best guy in the world. It's like he was specially designed for me. He's smart, funny, sweet, outgoing, athletic, polite, honest, and genuine. Not to mention hot. There was an instant connection with him. He says its mutual. We dated for a few weeks, and then this Saturday he told me he was accepted to Baltimore University. Last night we ended up going out to dinner together and then talked in his car for a long time about our relationship. He feels that we should put things on hold until he finds out what his schedule is going to look like. Apparently he's been through long distance relationships before and they've never worked out. He also said that he's never known anyone who's been through a successful one. I mentioned that Baltimore isn't that far, and that I'd be willing to try it, but he said that he just wants to put it on hold until he is settled enough to know just how much time he's going to have. Jeff also said that if we stayed together romantically throughout the Christmas break that we would just get closer and closer and it would be that much harder to cut it off when he leaves. So it’s over...for now. He wants to just be friends until everything is worked out.
Normally this kind of thing wouldn't bother me all that much. I've been through this before, quite a few times now. This time its different though. This time it actually hurts...physically hurts. We've only known each other for little over a month now, but it seems so much longer. It feels like I've known him all my life. I'm mad at myself because although I tried to keep my distance because of school and my schedule I got too close. I didn't mean to, but I fell too hard too fast.
Baltimore isn’t another country away, not even a state away, but it’s just far enough that it makes things harder. We talked for about an hour and I guess I fell asleep on him because the next thing I remembered was waking up with my head in his arms. So then we both had to get home, I asked for one last kiss and that was that.
It's gonna be hard for me to act like there was never anything while he's still here. I really don't want to have to hold back, but its either that or don't talk to him at all. So I guess I gotta suck it up and be strong. Telling him how hurt I am right now would only make things harder for him.
Ya know, drama and being emotional isn't my thing, and I'm really not trying to make this post into a cry session, its just that this whole sudden 'Let's put things on hold because I'm moving to Baltimore' situation really threw me. One day Jeff's talking about me meeting his parents and what a great person I am, and the next I'm put on 'hold'. I mean, I'm proud of him. I'm proud of him for getting accepted to Baltimore University and I think its takes a man to make the decision he made. His education has to come first. It was a well thought out decision that makes sense. It doesn't make it any less hard though. The bitch of the situation is that it came when it came; right before finals, Christmas and my birthday. I'll be strong and get over it, its just gonna take some healing time first.
Conclusion: Boys suck.
Anyway, so as I said, finals are here, as is our winter concert season for choir. Right now my schedule consists of, school, finals, coaching swim practice, teaching swim lessons, coaching swim clinic, going to swim meets, choir practices, going to voice lessons, teaching piano lessons, and singing concerts in every damn church in Maryland. I'm burnt out. This winter break I'm gonna spend time catching up with my friends whom I basically haven't seen since September because of my schedule. I'm taking a week long class to get my Lifeguard Instructor Certification, and I've also got to get my songs done so I can audition for George Mason University on January 17th. I'm also gonna be teaching the 5th grade program toward the end of January. But the rest of the time, any chance I get, I'm gonna SLEEP. Sleep is such a beautiful thing, not to be taken for granted by any means. I'm gonna sleep until someone wakes me up and says "Hey you have to get up now, the next semester is starting"
...and even then, I'm gonna roll over and hit the Snooze button.