How'd it slip and where'd it go?
why do i have this terrible tendency to mess up but not notice i've messed up until way way way past the point where the person is pissed beyond reason? and it's hell to fix it.
seriously...up on the phone from like 7:15 till 1:30...DAMN NEAR 6 and a half hours on the phone and he calls me today and i find a way to upset him. well well at least i have a reliable quality right?
he means so much to me and i hate being stupid enough to upset him so often...it's not even big things though and it's 90% of the time me just worrying excessively. i know he can hold his own and take care of himself but i'd just like to feel like me caring means something ya know? i KNOW he loves me for me and there's nothing i need to change...but that goes both ways and i like him safe and compassionate. Not so much when he's in a pissy mood and one word answering all of my questions. i just feel so hopeless physics is kicking my ass...craft fair has me wrapped around it's little finger. i'm losing it in algebra II and Spanish is hard now. i seriously wanna curl up in a hole and quit...and the person who keeps saying he won't let me lose it and helps me up when anything (except for him...well occasionally including him) is going wrong or bringing me down is the big thing up and downing on me...he'll be open one minute and self destruct in 5...4...3...2...1 and shut me out the rest of the call and get mad when i want to know what's up but i am so sorry i worry the way i do i really am...but he can't get how much it scares me when he's even mildly upset. he controls my mood a hell of alot more than he thinks. i had a decent day at work Robert kinda pissed me off but eh no biggie Ron calls and i'm excited and i hang up like 5-7 minutes later damn near in tears.
FUCK SHIT PISS GOD DAMNIT JUST KICK ME!!!
gimme random conversation topics. puhlease...if ewe looove meeee.
*sigh* i yearn for...
answers
solutions
simplicity
signs
relaxation
knowledge
understanding
complacency
a full 24 hours of happy nothing new to rain on the parade
an ability to not mess up the greatest thing i've ever had every chance i get
him to see i'm trying and i know i'm not perfect...what bugs me is how far from perfect i am and how well i know it.
yarr
Abs
seriously...up on the phone from like 7:15 till 1:30...DAMN NEAR 6 and a half hours on the phone and he calls me today and i find a way to upset him. well well at least i have a reliable quality right?
he means so much to me and i hate being stupid enough to upset him so often...it's not even big things though and it's 90% of the time me just worrying excessively. i know he can hold his own and take care of himself but i'd just like to feel like me caring means something ya know? i KNOW he loves me for me and there's nothing i need to change...but that goes both ways and i like him safe and compassionate. Not so much when he's in a pissy mood and one word answering all of my questions. i just feel so hopeless physics is kicking my ass...craft fair has me wrapped around it's little finger. i'm losing it in algebra II and Spanish is hard now. i seriously wanna curl up in a hole and quit...and the person who keeps saying he won't let me lose it and helps me up when anything (except for him...well occasionally including him) is going wrong or bringing me down is the big thing up and downing on me...he'll be open one minute and self destruct in 5...4...3...2...1 and shut me out the rest of the call and get mad when i want to know what's up but i am so sorry i worry the way i do i really am...but he can't get how much it scares me when he's even mildly upset. he controls my mood a hell of alot more than he thinks. i had a decent day at work Robert kinda pissed me off but eh no biggie Ron calls and i'm excited and i hang up like 5-7 minutes later damn near in tears.
FUCK SHIT PISS GOD DAMNIT JUST KICK ME!!!
gimme random conversation topics. puhlease...if ewe looove meeee.
*sigh* i yearn for...
answers
solutions
simplicity
signs
relaxation
knowledge
understanding
complacency
a full 24 hours of happy nothing new to rain on the parade
an ability to not mess up the greatest thing i've ever had every chance i get
him to see i'm trying and i know i'm not perfect...what bugs me is how far from perfect i am and how well i know it.
yarr
Abs