read this if you wanna hear me be honest for once
I didn’t take my medication!! WEEEE…sea monkeys!!! And I was all happy and ditzy and like…whoa. I’m just a better funner person off my meds; I don’t want to take them any more…stupid pill man. Well, I had fun a lot of the day. RX rocked and so did Spanish and tech and I don’t know, I just had such fun! Then after school in the art room with Vicky was fun, and lacey painted me, and Dominic demanded she paint over everything in green.
I don’t know, I just think he’s so fucking cute ..but I can like him, he’s Kelly’s. and I cant like Tom, he’s Vicky’s, and I cant like Wayne, he’s Gopika’s, I cant like Peter, he’s hurt me too much as it is, I cant like kunaal because…hmm, why cant I like kunaal? Well, we’ve already had that discussion long ago. Lets see, who else I cant like, Keith, he’s Kelly’s, Luke also is Vicky’s, I cant like David, he hates me, I also cant have Joe munno, nope cant have Amani, nor can I have any other boy in the school… Why am I cursed to lead a completely loveless life? What the fuck did I ever do to deserve this empty missing-something feelings? Its because I’m not A) smart enough Be) pretty enough C) skinny enough D) not nice enough E) well…this can go on and on but The teesa shall stop here, because I’m sure you all have already pointed out what you don’t like about me.
Well, after the art thing I went to the blood drive. Where I was bored out of mind. I felt bored, alone, boring, stupid for going and then seeing Peter there, and I felt so ugly next to heddie and Nadia and Tasha and Crystal and I don’t know, every other chick there. It’s just not fair, why is it all sorts of people were blessed with all the things I can not possess? Good looks, intelligence, perfect…I don’t know everything?!?! I hate it, I hate being ugly, I hate being an idiot, and most of all I hate this empty fake feeling I always have. I push you all away, and if not, I poisoning your happy clean lives with my problems. Like Lauren and her dream, about me leading a cutting circle helping her kill and hurt herself; I am the worst thing for her, I’m putting these thoughts into peoples heads. It’s all my fault you are unhappy, It’s my fault you hate me, It’s my fault you all can’t be what I’m not. It’s always my fault. And I’m sorry, that’s all I can be al this point. I really cant say anything other then I’m sorry.
Well, now that I’ve said that, its time for me to be perfectly honest. I have shooting little twangs of pure jealously when ever peter or kunaal go over to some other place and there not with me. I don’t know, it’s like when Ryan got friends, or when Eric stopped liking me and moved on to liking Erin. I wasn’t looked at or hugged or treated like I was loved. I don’t know, do I have feeling for them left after all the pain they’ve both brought me? There must be something wrong with me for thinking these things. I’m not normal, I should be knocked out for being so stupid and immature. Like I’ve said now, and I will feel, Im sorry all of you, but I really cant help it. I don’t know why I do what I do, or why I even think the way I do, and know im not making any sense. All Im sure of now, is that I hate me for killing all of you, slowly from the inside out…Im sorry.
I don’t know, I just think he’s so fucking cute ..but I can like him, he’s Kelly’s. and I cant like Tom, he’s Vicky’s, and I cant like Wayne, he’s Gopika’s, I cant like Peter, he’s hurt me too much as it is, I cant like kunaal because…hmm, why cant I like kunaal? Well, we’ve already had that discussion long ago. Lets see, who else I cant like, Keith, he’s Kelly’s, Luke also is Vicky’s, I cant like David, he hates me, I also cant have Joe munno, nope cant have Amani, nor can I have any other boy in the school… Why am I cursed to lead a completely loveless life? What the fuck did I ever do to deserve this empty missing-something feelings? Its because I’m not A) smart enough Be) pretty enough C) skinny enough D) not nice enough E) well…this can go on and on but The teesa shall stop here, because I’m sure you all have already pointed out what you don’t like about me.
Well, after the art thing I went to the blood drive. Where I was bored out of mind. I felt bored, alone, boring, stupid for going and then seeing Peter there, and I felt so ugly next to heddie and Nadia and Tasha and Crystal and I don’t know, every other chick there. It’s just not fair, why is it all sorts of people were blessed with all the things I can not possess? Good looks, intelligence, perfect…I don’t know everything?!?! I hate it, I hate being ugly, I hate being an idiot, and most of all I hate this empty fake feeling I always have. I push you all away, and if not, I poisoning your happy clean lives with my problems. Like Lauren and her dream, about me leading a cutting circle helping her kill and hurt herself; I am the worst thing for her, I’m putting these thoughts into peoples heads. It’s all my fault you are unhappy, It’s my fault you hate me, It’s my fault you all can’t be what I’m not. It’s always my fault. And I’m sorry, that’s all I can be al this point. I really cant say anything other then I’m sorry.
Well, now that I’ve said that, its time for me to be perfectly honest. I have shooting little twangs of pure jealously when ever peter or kunaal go over to some other place and there not with me. I don’t know, it’s like when Ryan got friends, or when Eric stopped liking me and moved on to liking Erin. I wasn’t looked at or hugged or treated like I was loved. I don’t know, do I have feeling for them left after all the pain they’ve both brought me? There must be something wrong with me for thinking these things. I’m not normal, I should be knocked out for being so stupid and immature. Like I’ve said now, and I will feel, Im sorry all of you, but I really cant help it. I don’t know why I do what I do, or why I even think the way I do, and know im not making any sense. All Im sure of now, is that I hate me for killing all of you, slowly from the inside out…Im sorry.