Polyamory: not the easy way out
Polyamory is great for many reasons. You can be yourself, straight, gay or bi. You can be loved and love as many people as you can fit into your life. It can be very validating. It's hard to think "I'm not sexy" when you have multiple people telling you how hot you are and and how lovable you are.
But it's not for the weak or lazy either. Polyamory means juggling schedules, juggling feelings, juggling relationships, and hoping you don't drop a ball and make it all into a big mess. The hardest part of this is making sure that everyone gets what they need. One would assume (and many do) that this means if A is dating B and C, then A needs to give enough to both of them. While this is very true, problems arise when B and C are fine with what they get from A, but not with what they get from each other. You have B wanting to date C and C not interested, or even just wanting a closer friendship than C is capable of right then. This can drive A crazy, since all A wants to do is love B and C, not mediate or be a counselor. Add in long distances or other obstacles to resolving the conflict, and the whole alphabet goes off the deep end.
I had a friend who once posted that she didn't mind others seeking out her husband, just don't be her friend to get to him. The reverse is true as well. Someone seeking out your partner does not mean "Squee, I get a new friend". It means that your partner has someone, and both you and s/he need to be amicable and respectful. Any issues of friendship should develop at their own pace, without the involvement of A, who quite frankly needs to pack up and mail the damn house. (BTW, if all you are moving are books and DVDs, media mail is your friend, because the movers won't touch you if you have less than 1500 pounds, plus it's cheaper).
To those of you on my friends list who had no clue, I guess this means I am out. I'm polyamorous and a bisexual. ph33r me.
But it's not for the weak or lazy either. Polyamory means juggling schedules, juggling feelings, juggling relationships, and hoping you don't drop a ball and make it all into a big mess. The hardest part of this is making sure that everyone gets what they need. One would assume (and many do) that this means if A is dating B and C, then A needs to give enough to both of them. While this is very true, problems arise when B and C are fine with what they get from A, but not with what they get from each other. You have B wanting to date C and C not interested, or even just wanting a closer friendship than C is capable of right then. This can drive A crazy, since all A wants to do is love B and C, not mediate or be a counselor. Add in long distances or other obstacles to resolving the conflict, and the whole alphabet goes off the deep end.
I had a friend who once posted that she didn't mind others seeking out her husband, just don't be her friend to get to him. The reverse is true as well. Someone seeking out your partner does not mean "Squee, I get a new friend". It means that your partner has someone, and both you and s/he need to be amicable and respectful. Any issues of friendship should develop at their own pace, without the involvement of A, who quite frankly needs to pack up and mail the damn house. (BTW, if all you are moving are books and DVDs, media mail is your friend, because the movers won't touch you if you have less than 1500 pounds, plus it's cheaper).
To those of you on my friends list who had no clue, I guess this means I am out. I'm polyamorous and a bisexual. ph33r me.