You think you know, but you have no idea.
So Coen and I go to the park today, and you know, Coen is in his usual get up of a superhero cape of some sort, a mask, and today, a shirt that says "i <3 BOOBIES". The whole time we were there, I felt a sour feeling in my stomach. The way people would look at us. I could hear them talking. So what if my kid was the only kid at the park in a costume? That's how he rolls. But I hate it because I feel so uncomfortable because I know everyone is judging us.
Fast forward. This afternoon we go home and take a nap, and yet again, I fall asleep and my blood sugar plummets and I wake up to a half dozen EMTs hovering around me. It already happened last Friday. Ambulance, emergency room, the whole thing. And the thing is, I get SO frustrated, because it feels like things like this happen when I am genuinely trying to work hard and make sure I'm healthy.
When I first got pregnant, and I was trying to take my insulin and everything, this sort of thing happened to me a few times. I bottomed out, and it just sorta freaked me out. I was scared I wasn't going to wake up. So yeah, I stopped taking as much insulin. I figured, hey, being a little high was better than not waking up one day because I went too low. So when the doctors figured out what I was doing, they made a big deal about how I don't care about my baby, and that I needed to just follow their orders. So I have been. For about a month or so. I've been trying really hard to eat right and take my insulin and check my sugars. Everything. And it's been hard for me. I don't like feeling low, or sick all the time. And it makes me so frustrated that all of this has started happening again, but at the same time, it hurts most of all that people assume that it's because I'm not doing what I'm supposed to.
No. When that was the case, I didn't have to go into the hospital, and I didn't almost die, and I didn't feel sick all the time. Nobody knew, because I didn't have any symptoms. Now that this is all happening, everyone is looking at me like "what is she doing wrong? or not doing?" Like I must not be taking care of myself.
Look, I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't judge me. You have NO idea what is going on in my world. I don't like being sick. It's not like I'm doing this because I purposefully don't want to live or something. I would never intentionally put my little baby in danger. It kills me that it keeps happening. And I have two boys that I live and breathe for every day. You don't know the inner demons I've been facing ever since I've been sick. Honestly, I'm so scared to death that I'm going to fall asleep and not be able to wake up. I don't like being this way, and I'm still trying and learning and falling and picking myself back up.
But until you have to live one day like this, please don't pass judgement on me. Because you really have no idea what I have to go through everyday just to live a normal life like the rest of you.
Fast forward. This afternoon we go home and take a nap, and yet again, I fall asleep and my blood sugar plummets and I wake up to a half dozen EMTs hovering around me. It already happened last Friday. Ambulance, emergency room, the whole thing. And the thing is, I get SO frustrated, because it feels like things like this happen when I am genuinely trying to work hard and make sure I'm healthy.
When I first got pregnant, and I was trying to take my insulin and everything, this sort of thing happened to me a few times. I bottomed out, and it just sorta freaked me out. I was scared I wasn't going to wake up. So yeah, I stopped taking as much insulin. I figured, hey, being a little high was better than not waking up one day because I went too low. So when the doctors figured out what I was doing, they made a big deal about how I don't care about my baby, and that I needed to just follow their orders. So I have been. For about a month or so. I've been trying really hard to eat right and take my insulin and check my sugars. Everything. And it's been hard for me. I don't like feeling low, or sick all the time. And it makes me so frustrated that all of this has started happening again, but at the same time, it hurts most of all that people assume that it's because I'm not doing what I'm supposed to.
No. When that was the case, I didn't have to go into the hospital, and I didn't almost die, and I didn't feel sick all the time. Nobody knew, because I didn't have any symptoms. Now that this is all happening, everyone is looking at me like "what is she doing wrong? or not doing?" Like I must not be taking care of myself.
Look, I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't judge me. You have NO idea what is going on in my world. I don't like being sick. It's not like I'm doing this because I purposefully don't want to live or something. I would never intentionally put my little baby in danger. It kills me that it keeps happening. And I have two boys that I live and breathe for every day. You don't know the inner demons I've been facing ever since I've been sick. Honestly, I'm so scared to death that I'm going to fall asleep and not be able to wake up. I don't like being this way, and I'm still trying and learning and falling and picking myself back up.
But until you have to live one day like this, please don't pass judgement on me. Because you really have no idea what I have to go through everyday just to live a normal life like the rest of you.