(no subject)
K so emo time...
so this is actually it.
I'm leaving in a week and 3 days.
my stupid and having zero responcability days have come to an end.I am going to actually have an edgucation. I'm doing things that none of my family or friends ever thought I could do. I have had zero help or motavation with my future and I'm so excited to be able to say I did it all on my own with no one elses help. I can finally say i did somthing usefull in my life and turned every dark cloud in the sky away. No one can even believe I'm doing this and I made it this far. theres only one obsticle left, one more horrible turn I must make to come out alright, and be able to shame my parents and prove them wrong and that I'm usefull and will make something better for my self and my future family then they ever could...
My one last horrible turn in moving to Camden for 6 months to attend a community school to get my high school deploma.
I want it so bad just to rub it in people faces. but what if everyones right? what If im not ment to be anyone special and im just gonna turn out like my parents. whats the point of wasteing 6 months of my prime years which may not even work. I could fail or get kicked out. and I dont think I can leave my friends and home behind. I have some great people in my life that i just dont think i can up and leave like this. and to make everything a billion times worse I just got a new boyfriend named Mike who I really like alot, even my friends all love him and claim hes the only "normal" person I've been with. and going away for 6 months really scares me about how our relationship will work. I'm hopeing that maybe 6 months isent that long and it will fly by and I will return to everyone I love just how it is now....
other then the small fact that I will finally have my shit together and no one can tell me other wise.
I dont think people even realize how hard this is for me to leave. I have my heart set in this area around all my friends. I have barely slept even less then I usually do because I'm afaid to lay down in my bed and star thinking about all the horrible things that could happen while I'm gone.
this last week is gonna be stressful and sad. I expect a lot of tears even from myself.
so this is actually it.
I'm leaving in a week and 3 days.
my stupid and having zero responcability days have come to an end.I am going to actually have an edgucation. I'm doing things that none of my family or friends ever thought I could do. I have had zero help or motavation with my future and I'm so excited to be able to say I did it all on my own with no one elses help. I can finally say i did somthing usefull in my life and turned every dark cloud in the sky away. No one can even believe I'm doing this and I made it this far. theres only one obsticle left, one more horrible turn I must make to come out alright, and be able to shame my parents and prove them wrong and that I'm usefull and will make something better for my self and my future family then they ever could...
My one last horrible turn in moving to Camden for 6 months to attend a community school to get my high school deploma.
I want it so bad just to rub it in people faces. but what if everyones right? what If im not ment to be anyone special and im just gonna turn out like my parents. whats the point of wasteing 6 months of my prime years which may not even work. I could fail or get kicked out. and I dont think I can leave my friends and home behind. I have some great people in my life that i just dont think i can up and leave like this. and to make everything a billion times worse I just got a new boyfriend named Mike who I really like alot, even my friends all love him and claim hes the only "normal" person I've been with. and going away for 6 months really scares me about how our relationship will work. I'm hopeing that maybe 6 months isent that long and it will fly by and I will return to everyone I love just how it is now....
other then the small fact that I will finally have my shit together and no one can tell me other wise.
I dont think people even realize how hard this is for me to leave. I have my heart set in this area around all my friends. I have barely slept even less then I usually do because I'm afaid to lay down in my bed and star thinking about all the horrible things that could happen while I'm gone.
this last week is gonna be stressful and sad. I expect a lot of tears even from myself.