and i wonder
nearly two months has passed since i last updated. and i was not even in the least bit "active" on livejournal when i posted my previous entry. many things happened in the meantime; i travelled, my com died on me and my years of data disappeared and has now return, both familiar and new to me. its interesting and unbelievable that just a couple of months ago, i once was an avid member of livejournal, of icon-ing, of designing, a lover of the name 'myscratchpost', and now i have no urge to do any of those.
maybe i grew out of them, maybe my tastes changed, maybe in the few months of absence i grew to be accustomed to a different life without them and maybe coz of the numerous computer problems that hindered me from creating designs when i want to, post when i want to, upload when i want to, subconsciously brought my mind to even stop thinking about them to prevent frustrations and disappointment.
when i made my new banner (this nagasawa masami one), i tried and failed to type a simple and concise introduction to my creation. i felt that there was no longer a need. and maybe there wasn't a need in the first place, considering that this supposed virtual world is mine and mine to decide what happens in it. i wonder why i picked myscratchpost in the first place. it is a cute name, but now i no longer feel that its a representation of any part of me, other than the feline characteristics in the name. its like, a part of me yet not a part of me. a decision i once made, and it signified and sort of labelled a part of my past. and probably thats all it is now, a piece of my past.
so is there a need to keep it now?
i guess so. i guess from time to time i need a place like this to keep my random rumblings that simply do not make sense. but is there a need to keep it as 'myscratchpost'? i guess so. coz when the thought of closing this comes to mind, i feel a surge of random sadness. i dun even know where it come from. this name that has followed me through so much and witnessed years of my life, i guess i still cannot let it disappear from my life so simply. maybe it can continue to watch over many more years ahead, witness the many changes in my life. and till the day when i can sense rejection to continue using it from the bottom of my heart, i guess my virtual space shall remain as 'myscratchpost'.
as for my digital creations. no doubt the blow of my data disappearing along with years of brush/fonts/textures/colorpalettes collection was tremendous, and honestly even till now i have no desire to open photoshop to start designing with nothing to begin with. but i know i still want to learn, i know i still feel moved when i see great creations and aspire to be able to do similar things. i look forward to the day when i will click on photoshop excitedly and really get down to brush up my skills.
and i wonder when i will feel like posting again....
mm
maybe tomorrow?
maybe i grew out of them, maybe my tastes changed, maybe in the few months of absence i grew to be accustomed to a different life without them and maybe coz of the numerous computer problems that hindered me from creating designs when i want to, post when i want to, upload when i want to, subconsciously brought my mind to even stop thinking about them to prevent frustrations and disappointment.
when i made my new banner (this nagasawa masami one), i tried and failed to type a simple and concise introduction to my creation. i felt that there was no longer a need. and maybe there wasn't a need in the first place, considering that this supposed virtual world is mine and mine to decide what happens in it. i wonder why i picked myscratchpost in the first place. it is a cute name, but now i no longer feel that its a representation of any part of me, other than the feline characteristics in the name. its like, a part of me yet not a part of me. a decision i once made, and it signified and sort of labelled a part of my past. and probably thats all it is now, a piece of my past.
so is there a need to keep it now?
i guess so. i guess from time to time i need a place like this to keep my random rumblings that simply do not make sense. but is there a need to keep it as 'myscratchpost'? i guess so. coz when the thought of closing this comes to mind, i feel a surge of random sadness. i dun even know where it come from. this name that has followed me through so much and witnessed years of my life, i guess i still cannot let it disappear from my life so simply. maybe it can continue to watch over many more years ahead, witness the many changes in my life. and till the day when i can sense rejection to continue using it from the bottom of my heart, i guess my virtual space shall remain as 'myscratchpost'.
as for my digital creations. no doubt the blow of my data disappearing along with years of brush/fonts/textures/colorpalettes collection was tremendous, and honestly even till now i have no desire to open photoshop to start designing with nothing to begin with. but i know i still want to learn, i know i still feel moved when i see great creations and aspire to be able to do similar things. i look forward to the day when i will click on photoshop excitedly and really get down to brush up my skills.
and i wonder when i will feel like posting again....
mm
maybe tomorrow?