He has overcome
Last night, I went to the hospital down the street and filled out a self-referral sheet for their Diabetes program.
As of today, it has been exactly six months since I've been diagnosed with diabetes. Six months ago, I knew nothing about diabetes. Yesterday, before 5:30, I knew nothing about diabetes. And within the past six months, I've only seen my endocrinologist twice, and gotten two blood tests. I've called them about six times (average once a month) and they've called me once.
So I got fed up.
I was voicing my frustrations to my friends, particularly to my Bible study group on Tuesday nights, and one of my good friends told me that his mom worked as an RN in the diabetes clinic at the hospital. He told her about me and said that she could get me connected with a nutritionist at MSH within a week. I e-mailed her, asking about it, and she told me about the Diabetes Education Program that MSH offered, and gave me the contact information of a lady who would sign me up. When I called her, she filled out a self-referral form for me over the phone and gave me the details for the workshop.
I walked into the clinic late for the workshop. They were waiting for everyone to get there to start, and I had been the last to arrive. It was a rainy, gloomy day, and I had rushed from school, then walked a good 20 minutes in the pouring rain to get to the Diabetes Clinic. As I walked in, the receptionist was friendly, and there was a nurse getting things ready at the front desk. I immediately felt like a burden lifted when the nurse smiled at me, and the receptionist began talking about the weather. I handed over my health card, answered some questions as the lady behind the desk typed my answers into her computer, and then the nurse took me to get some measurements done and have my blood taken.
As I finally entered the classroom, I looked around. There were four people sitting down (including this one very attractive guy at the back of the classroom, who was later introduced as Darren, a third year student at Ryerson studying nursing in endocrinology. Yum?), and a lady at the front, who was the dietitian/nutritionist. That left three other "students," myself being the fourth.
The three hours went by fairly quickly. The first half was the nurse talking about what exactly diabetes was. Now I know that the difference between Type I and Type II diabetes is that in Type I, the pancreas produces no insulin to break down sugars and is an autoimmune disease (meaning the body attacks itself), and in Type II, the pancreas only produces very little insulin and/or the insulin it does produce isn't functioning properly. Amongst other things, she drew a diagram of everything and explained how everything worked in relation to one another. It was so interesting and so enlightening. Every time I eat now, I picture little S's floating around in my stomach, and little I's (that come from my poor pancreas, twisting and writhing, trying to spurt out these I's...) grabbing onto them and trying to key-in to my cells. And then, depending on what I eat, I imagine the trans- or saturated fats coating my cells, preventing the I's, which are holding the S's, from being able to enter. Cause the locks have changed...
Seriously. I imagine this. And it's so wonderfully comforting.
I can calculate that for every 5 grams of carbohydrates, I'm in-taking the equivalent to 1 tsp of sugar, and that the more processed something is, the faster it's getting into my blood stream, which in turn increases the writhing and squeezing of my pancreas. I'm learning how to see everything in terms of sugar, carbs, protein (which helps with un-coating the cells, basically), fibre, and fats. I'm understanding that I need carbs and sugar, and cutting out either one is deadly to me. I'm also beginning to understand why my blood sugar is high, even if I don't eat anything (that's the liver's fault/job), so skipping meals or avoiding snacking is also extremely unhealthy for me.
I'm learning. The dietitian said that it will take about 6 months to a year for my body to balance itself out if I keep my diet regular, consistent, and healthy. Funny, it takes me that long to book an appointment with my specialist or anyone of any use to me at Sunnybrook...
I'm so relieved. It's so nerve-wracking, and it's absolutely terrifying, and my heart skipped a beat when the dietitian looked at me (us) and said, "diabetes is a progressive disease. You will have this for the rest of your life." But she didn't say it to scare us: she said it to give us courage, to empower us. Because though it's not curable or completely preventable, it's manageable. We have the power to slow down the deterioration of our pancreas, whether it be through medicine (which, thank God, I don't need for the moment), through diet and exercise, through monitoring, and through our daily, hourly lifestyle choices.
This was a ridiculously long entry. I'm not sorry. If you got through it - good for you! It tells me that you're just as excited for me as I am for myself. I've been scared about this for so long... and my fears are slowly and surely being relieved. It's still scary, for sure, but I'm learning how to take it a step at a time.
And this ties into what God's been teaching me over the past couple of years. Ever since I left high school, God has been teaching me about myself. Who I am, and who He has created me to be. Diabetes, where before was a thing outside of me, is now a part of me. This is another piece of myself that God is showing me. And within that, I have to learn how to love it. Because if I don't, if I can't, then I'm not truly understanding who I am, or loving myself completely. This disease is a part of me.
Maybe that's how my grandma had so much courage on her deathbed. She accepted a cancer as a part of herself. It was a part of her that she learned how to love, because in the end, it brought her closer to her family, and closer to God. She didn't curse God because of the struggle or the suffering - she praised Him because He created her to be strong enough to handle it.
I'm calling on that strength now. I'm going to be making so many sacrifices, so many decisions that I've never had to think about before that affect the very essence of who I am. I need the strength to praise God through this, and not curse Him because He is Good. And He loves me. Diabetes and all.
As of today, it has been exactly six months since I've been diagnosed with diabetes. Six months ago, I knew nothing about diabetes. Yesterday, before 5:30, I knew nothing about diabetes. And within the past six months, I've only seen my endocrinologist twice, and gotten two blood tests. I've called them about six times (average once a month) and they've called me once.
So I got fed up.
I was voicing my frustrations to my friends, particularly to my Bible study group on Tuesday nights, and one of my good friends told me that his mom worked as an RN in the diabetes clinic at the hospital. He told her about me and said that she could get me connected with a nutritionist at MSH within a week. I e-mailed her, asking about it, and she told me about the Diabetes Education Program that MSH offered, and gave me the contact information of a lady who would sign me up. When I called her, she filled out a self-referral form for me over the phone and gave me the details for the workshop.
I walked into the clinic late for the workshop. They were waiting for everyone to get there to start, and I had been the last to arrive. It was a rainy, gloomy day, and I had rushed from school, then walked a good 20 minutes in the pouring rain to get to the Diabetes Clinic. As I walked in, the receptionist was friendly, and there was a nurse getting things ready at the front desk. I immediately felt like a burden lifted when the nurse smiled at me, and the receptionist began talking about the weather. I handed over my health card, answered some questions as the lady behind the desk typed my answers into her computer, and then the nurse took me to get some measurements done and have my blood taken.
As I finally entered the classroom, I looked around. There were four people sitting down (including this one very attractive guy at the back of the classroom, who was later introduced as Darren, a third year student at Ryerson studying nursing in endocrinology. Yum?), and a lady at the front, who was the dietitian/nutritionist. That left three other "students," myself being the fourth.
The three hours went by fairly quickly. The first half was the nurse talking about what exactly diabetes was. Now I know that the difference between Type I and Type II diabetes is that in Type I, the pancreas produces no insulin to break down sugars and is an autoimmune disease (meaning the body attacks itself), and in Type II, the pancreas only produces very little insulin and/or the insulin it does produce isn't functioning properly. Amongst other things, she drew a diagram of everything and explained how everything worked in relation to one another. It was so interesting and so enlightening. Every time I eat now, I picture little S's floating around in my stomach, and little I's (that come from my poor pancreas, twisting and writhing, trying to spurt out these I's...) grabbing onto them and trying to key-in to my cells. And then, depending on what I eat, I imagine the trans- or saturated fats coating my cells, preventing the I's, which are holding the S's, from being able to enter. Cause the locks have changed...
Seriously. I imagine this. And it's so wonderfully comforting.
I can calculate that for every 5 grams of carbohydrates, I'm in-taking the equivalent to 1 tsp of sugar, and that the more processed something is, the faster it's getting into my blood stream, which in turn increases the writhing and squeezing of my pancreas. I'm learning how to see everything in terms of sugar, carbs, protein (which helps with un-coating the cells, basically), fibre, and fats. I'm understanding that I need carbs and sugar, and cutting out either one is deadly to me. I'm also beginning to understand why my blood sugar is high, even if I don't eat anything (that's the liver's fault/job), so skipping meals or avoiding snacking is also extremely unhealthy for me.
I'm learning. The dietitian said that it will take about 6 months to a year for my body to balance itself out if I keep my diet regular, consistent, and healthy. Funny, it takes me that long to book an appointment with my specialist or anyone of any use to me at Sunnybrook...
I'm so relieved. It's so nerve-wracking, and it's absolutely terrifying, and my heart skipped a beat when the dietitian looked at me (us) and said, "diabetes is a progressive disease. You will have this for the rest of your life." But she didn't say it to scare us: she said it to give us courage, to empower us. Because though it's not curable or completely preventable, it's manageable. We have the power to slow down the deterioration of our pancreas, whether it be through medicine (which, thank God, I don't need for the moment), through diet and exercise, through monitoring, and through our daily, hourly lifestyle choices.
This was a ridiculously long entry. I'm not sorry. If you got through it - good for you! It tells me that you're just as excited for me as I am for myself. I've been scared about this for so long... and my fears are slowly and surely being relieved. It's still scary, for sure, but I'm learning how to take it a step at a time.
And this ties into what God's been teaching me over the past couple of years. Ever since I left high school, God has been teaching me about myself. Who I am, and who He has created me to be. Diabetes, where before was a thing outside of me, is now a part of me. This is another piece of myself that God is showing me. And within that, I have to learn how to love it. Because if I don't, if I can't, then I'm not truly understanding who I am, or loving myself completely. This disease is a part of me.
Maybe that's how my grandma had so much courage on her deathbed. She accepted a cancer as a part of herself. It was a part of her that she learned how to love, because in the end, it brought her closer to her family, and closer to God. She didn't curse God because of the struggle or the suffering - she praised Him because He created her to be strong enough to handle it.
I'm calling on that strength now. I'm going to be making so many sacrifices, so many decisions that I've never had to think about before that affect the very essence of who I am. I need the strength to praise God through this, and not curse Him because He is Good. And He loves me. Diabetes and all.