lost fanfic: the art of walking away
the art of walking away
lost
kate; kate/sawyer
pg-13
prompt:
un_love_you, #15 this is my desperation in action
author's note: i don't remember what really happened to joanna's passport? did kate keep it?
She can hear the waves.
Her eyes flutter open and she's momentarily surprised not to find herself where her brain automatically assumes she is. She's not in her tarp covered shelter and the waves she hears are coming from further awayy.
We are rescued now, she remembers.
It was chaos.
The rescue helicopters took them to Bali, the nearest island, where they were given rooms with full service at a five star hotel by the beach while the authorities tried to figure out who messed up and why and what was going on.
They weren't supposed to be alive.
She travelled with Joanna's burned passport and her fellow survivors weren't turning her in. Spending months together did wonders for solidarity.
The news were the same as ever, the radio played the same songs, people looked the same. It was the real world and it felt surreal.
She felt out of place and it was as if nothing had changed.
She almost missed back on the island.
The constant pounding in the back of her head had strangely released there.
At some point she had learned to stay still. She helped Claire with Aaron or Sun with the garden, or played backgammon with Hurley or sat next to Sawyer in the sun while he read his books. She didn't need to be on a constant run.
She forgot she was a fugitive, a criminal. She forgot that the all her life she'd been running away. She forgot her life was not supposed to be like this - easy.
So she wakes up in a hotel room covered in clean white sheets. Her hair smells of lotus flower shampoo and she knows it's not supposed to be like this. She knows she has lulled herself into a fantasy where everything is fine. A fantasy where she can sleep without worrying about getting caught.
How long did she think she could continue this?
She thinks of Joanna's family and friends who think she's alive. Suddenly she feels sick of her lies and she knows what she has to do so she packs her bag quickly, zips up her jeans and slips on her shoes.
She sneaks out of the terrace doors of her hotel room and proceeds to disappear in the shadows of palm trees and bushes without looking back. This is what she does best.
"Where you goin'?" She jumps at the sound of a familiar raspy voice.
She smells the faint scent of cigarette smoke in the breezy oceon air.
"Sawyer," her voice is breathy and nervous.
She can't see him but she recognizes the line of his shoulders and the shape of his head in the shadows of the terrace next to hers. She hears him inhale and the red glow at the end of the cigarette flickers in the darkness.
"You leaving somewhere, Freckles?"
"You're back to smoking again?" She ignores his question and keeps her voice down.
"Well, it looks like we're all getting back to our bad habits," she can hear the smirk in his voice.
She doesn't say anything.
"I'm coming with you," he says after a few quiet moments and stubs out his cigarette.
She raises her eyes, searching for his amidst the darkness and shakes her head. "No, Sawyer."
"Why the hell not?" He doesn't really sound frustrated or angry but he tries to.
"I don't want to go with you," she says pointedly.
"Trust me. It's for the best if I go alone. For you, and for me, too," she adds, her voice more gentle this time.
"And how you gonna get off this island? With poor Joanna's burned passport?"
"I'll figure out something. I made it to Australia the last time, remember?" she says and waits for him to say something but he doesn't.
"Goodbye, James", she turns to go.
The pouding in her head gets louder by the minute and she has no room for other thoughts than the one that says you need to get away.
"What about the baby?" She hears him shout when she's already out his sight.
He catches up to her and it's the first time she properly sees him since the rescue. He has showered and shaved and his hair is blonder than she remembered.
"What about the baby?" He asks her again. His eyes are worried and almost nervous.
"There's no baby." It's not really a lie because in her head she still keeps blaming stress and bad nutrition for missing her period.
"There's not?"
She shakes her head. "No. So don't worry."
"Well," he mutters. "I guess that's for the best. Right?"
"Yeah."
This time she leaves for good.
"Hey Freckles," he calls after her. "If you ever need my help or a place to crash for a few nights, find me, okay."
She keeps on walking and almost smiles.
"Thanks, James."
He doesn't hear her and then she's gone.