Just wanted to think aloud... (OOC)
Clearly, absence has shown that this is not a blog where I put all of my thoughts and concerns in addition to what character journals I used to post. With a lot of change having passed over, I guess I felt I wasn't really needing to say anything to anyone here. And yet, here I am, tempted to write, partly for boredom, partly for curiosity. So...let me pretend here, for a moment.
I've not been very content with how things have gone. In the LARPs, in my relationship with Brett, in my physical health... At this point, I don't feel like things are improving. But each situation has its own circumstance, so I'll take one at a time.
~ Health ~
When I returned from Atlanta, back in late September/early October, I felt like something had stuck with me throughout the trip and back. Coughing that became frequent, a shortage of air in my lungs, to where I felt like I couldn't speak or that I was barely breathing. I was reluctant to see a doctor, figuring it must be some bad bronchitis, that I just needed some *real* rest away from work. But it wasn't helping, since there were only so many days in a row I could take without needing a doctor's note. Near October's end, I caved in and went to a doctor, and they also thought that it was bronchitis, and prescribed me an antibiotic to take.
It wasn't quite working right, though. Whenever I was due to take a dose, I'd feel breathless again, having to use the Albuterol inhalers the doctor also provided. As we reached November's end, having finished up the anitbiotic over a week prior, I again caved in to see a doctor.
This time around, they gave me a corticosteroid, Prednisone, to take for 10 days, and referred me for a Pulmonary Function exam. The Prednisone worked well in the sense that it not only restored my breathing far better than the antibiotic, but I felt like my usual nasal allergy problems had been calmed as well. I was completely clear! But with that gift came a price. The Prednisone had my stomach turned all the way to 11. It would grumble more often, and I felt incredibly hungry all day long. And I often succumbed to its cries. -.-
Eventually, the Prednisone wore off, and the cravings along with it. I didn't hear from my doctor about the results of the exam, and pondered if it was because there was nothing wrong. I thought this right up until February...when the breathing problem started to come back.
I went to see my doctor for a third time. They confirmed the new idea that had been forming in my mind, that I had asthma, based on the results of the exam. So, I got another 10 day dose of Prednisone, along with some prescription medicine to tackle my nasal allergies. At the end of this month, they're going to follow up and see if that helps keep the asthma down. But...I can't help wondering if my weight gain has brought on even more issues. It's something I plan to bring up when I see her again.
~ Brett ~
If you don't know by now, Brett ended up losing his job the day after Thanksgiving. Which means that since then, I've been supporting him financially. Given the absences I was taking due to my illness, and the lack of paid sick time, my pay was being worn very thin, let alone my sanity and patience. While I've been able to go to work better now, I've had to take on the full burden of rent, now that my sister has moved out with her own boyfriend. I was only recently able to afford restoring the cable, which had been shut down in October. Our cellphones were deactivated then too, since Brett had run up the bill by calling so many people while he was driving for his job. I've had them sitting on hold, since the bill is over $1000...and there's still a court fine I've got to pay by May.
So, you can imagine that I've been frustrated with Brett's inability to find a job. He tells me that he has nowhere to go if I were to kick him out, that even his mother won't help him. And I'm caught between wanting to be free of the burden, and not wanting to abandon him, as I wouldn't want to be abandoned if I were in his position. Lately I've tried an agreement of having him in essence working for me, helping to clean up the apartment while I'm at work. I don't feel like he does much while I'm gone though. I end up hounding him through the weekend to do more, helping a bit to get him going. I know that once the major tasks are done, I'll be pressed to make a decision again.
In all honesty, I know that what holds me back is myself. I don't want to be a bitch in anyone's eyes. I don't want to be the one in the wrong in anyone's eyes. I shouldn't give a crap about that, but I do... I feel like "Do unto others" has been drilled into my brain, and that if I kick him out, then a person would have as much right to do the same to me. And I don't want that either. It's stupid logic, but it's what I feel.
It's time to head home, I'll add the LARP bits later.
I've not been very content with how things have gone. In the LARPs, in my relationship with Brett, in my physical health... At this point, I don't feel like things are improving. But each situation has its own circumstance, so I'll take one at a time.
~ Health ~
When I returned from Atlanta, back in late September/early October, I felt like something had stuck with me throughout the trip and back. Coughing that became frequent, a shortage of air in my lungs, to where I felt like I couldn't speak or that I was barely breathing. I was reluctant to see a doctor, figuring it must be some bad bronchitis, that I just needed some *real* rest away from work. But it wasn't helping, since there were only so many days in a row I could take without needing a doctor's note. Near October's end, I caved in and went to a doctor, and they also thought that it was bronchitis, and prescribed me an antibiotic to take.
It wasn't quite working right, though. Whenever I was due to take a dose, I'd feel breathless again, having to use the Albuterol inhalers the doctor also provided. As we reached November's end, having finished up the anitbiotic over a week prior, I again caved in to see a doctor.
This time around, they gave me a corticosteroid, Prednisone, to take for 10 days, and referred me for a Pulmonary Function exam. The Prednisone worked well in the sense that it not only restored my breathing far better than the antibiotic, but I felt like my usual nasal allergy problems had been calmed as well. I was completely clear! But with that gift came a price. The Prednisone had my stomach turned all the way to 11. It would grumble more often, and I felt incredibly hungry all day long. And I often succumbed to its cries. -.-
Eventually, the Prednisone wore off, and the cravings along with it. I didn't hear from my doctor about the results of the exam, and pondered if it was because there was nothing wrong. I thought this right up until February...when the breathing problem started to come back.
I went to see my doctor for a third time. They confirmed the new idea that had been forming in my mind, that I had asthma, based on the results of the exam. So, I got another 10 day dose of Prednisone, along with some prescription medicine to tackle my nasal allergies. At the end of this month, they're going to follow up and see if that helps keep the asthma down. But...I can't help wondering if my weight gain has brought on even more issues. It's something I plan to bring up when I see her again.
~ Brett ~
If you don't know by now, Brett ended up losing his job the day after Thanksgiving. Which means that since then, I've been supporting him financially. Given the absences I was taking due to my illness, and the lack of paid sick time, my pay was being worn very thin, let alone my sanity and patience. While I've been able to go to work better now, I've had to take on the full burden of rent, now that my sister has moved out with her own boyfriend. I was only recently able to afford restoring the cable, which had been shut down in October. Our cellphones were deactivated then too, since Brett had run up the bill by calling so many people while he was driving for his job. I've had them sitting on hold, since the bill is over $1000...and there's still a court fine I've got to pay by May.
So, you can imagine that I've been frustrated with Brett's inability to find a job. He tells me that he has nowhere to go if I were to kick him out, that even his mother won't help him. And I'm caught between wanting to be free of the burden, and not wanting to abandon him, as I wouldn't want to be abandoned if I were in his position. Lately I've tried an agreement of having him in essence working for me, helping to clean up the apartment while I'm at work. I don't feel like he does much while I'm gone though. I end up hounding him through the weekend to do more, helping a bit to get him going. I know that once the major tasks are done, I'll be pressed to make a decision again.
In all honesty, I know that what holds me back is myself. I don't want to be a bitch in anyone's eyes. I don't want to be the one in the wrong in anyone's eyes. I shouldn't give a crap about that, but I do... I feel like "Do unto others" has been drilled into my brain, and that if I kick him out, then a person would have as much right to do the same to me. And I don't want that either. It's stupid logic, but it's what I feel.
It's time to head home, I'll add the LARP bits later.